[I wrote this poem four years ago today, on 12/27/2009. I just dug it up….and liked it.]
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Most people stay in relationships because they are frightened of being alone…
…yet never acknowledge this to their partners.
Most people have children because they don’t know what else to do with their lives…
…yet are terrified to conceive of what this “what else” might be. Continue reading
[I wrote this essay on June 25, 2013 — and probably didn’t publish it until now, six months later, because of the intensity of the ideas. I guess I wanted to make sure I agreed, over a decent period of time, with what I wrote. And I do.]
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1) You’ll traumatize them one way or another
That is, you’re not ready to have kids because you will screw up their lives. Chances are you are not healthy enough to avoid somehow depriving them of their emotional needs, and to deprive children of any of their emotional needs is to traumatize them. Continue reading
I was recently going through some old essays of mine and found this one from 2002, written two years before I had a website. I forgot that I even wrote it. I didn’t expect to like it much, but instead found the opposite: I really liked it. It expresses some concepts that I didn’t even realize I was thinking about at that time, and in some ways I find that they may even be more advanced than that which I think about now. Also, at the end of the essay I will discuss a couple of points this essay brought up for me. But for now I’ll leave the essay to you…
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I grew up in Upstate New York on what was once Cayuga Indian land. To me it is the most beautiful country in the world: rolling hills, crisp, cold streams, cascading waterfalls, Continue reading
I’ve known for a while that I’m rather lost. Not totally lost — but still, kind of lost. I’m not sure exactly where I’m going or what path I’m on. I would say that I have been kind of lost for about three-and-a-half years. It’s a stage of my life.
Recently I have come to think of my conscious life as having been in four stages so far.
The first stage of my conscious life was from about age three or four to age twenty. In a nutshell I guess you could call that stage my conscious childhood. Continue reading
[Written in June, 2011.]
Over the years I have received emails from people (and had face-to-face conversations with many) who feel I present no evidence for the radical sides of my point of view.
These words provide a good challenge for me, and have inspired this essay. What evidence do I have? How have I arrived at my conclusions? Why am I so confident, for instance, when I say that all parents, to varying degrees, are traumatizers? Continue reading
[Written in 2009. Of note, as of 4/1/13: I wrote this essay while I was still a therapist; I ended my therapy practice in March, 2010. Also, when I wrote this essay I didn’t have a paypal “donations” button on my website. I just put that up a few days ago — so hopefully I can invest more time and energy into this website.]
I have been accused several times over the years of running a cult through this website, or at least of being cultish. So I decided to put this cult question to the test—according to the Cult Information Centre’s “5 Characteristics of a Cult” and “26 Mind Control Techniques.”
Of course, this is me “subjectively” putting my own website and point of view to the test, but at least it’s a try!
[Originally posted 12/26/09.]
Lie #1: Romantic Relationships Help People Grow.
Ninety-nine percent of the time, romantic relationships help people become comfortable, and over the long haul comfort is contrary to growth. Most people get into relationships in an attempt to create the safe, womblike childhood they never had. In so doing, they never learn how to love themselves fully—from within. That is the real relationship.
Lie #2: We All Have Sexual Needs.
Sexuality is a misplaced lens through which we express of our desperate, anachronistic desire to have been loved fully as children. Continue reading
[Written in 2008.]
NOTE: THIS IS A TONGUE-IN-CHEEK ESSAY…
“The schizophrenogenic mother” – a mother who creates schizophrenia in her child – is presently a hated, taboo topic in psychology because it blames mothers. The only modern articles that refer to the concept anymore label it as incorrect and disproven. But they invariably fail to say WHY it is incorrect. So I have taken the liberty of doing it for them.
[Note, with humor aside: I actually strongly dislike the term “schizophrenogenic mother” because it lets fathers, who bear half the responsibility for child-rearing, off the hook. Please keep this in mind as you’re reading this list!! Continue reading
[Written in June, 2011. Note added, 12/27/13: This essay, although serious in some ways, is written with a tongue-in-cheek quality, and I have it categorized under “humorous essays.” Sorry for having not noted that earlier.]
Christianity: Although we say we accept all religions, we believe that if you don’t accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior, and don’t accept that He died for your sins, you’re on the fast track to hell…for all of eternity. But we love you anyway, because our Holy Book teaches us to love our enemies. But, as the actions of our followers quickly attest, we’ll love you a whole lot more if you see things our way. Continue reading
[Written around 2008.]
Despite being dramatically over-prescribed, children have long been the most popular antidepressant on the market. As a natural-born skeptic, I have undertaken a thorough study of the pros and cons of their antidepressant qualities, as follows, though I will leave the final analysis to you:
1. Children are easy to procure, long-lasting, and you don’t need a prescription to get one
2. If you’re willing to raise them generically, they can be relatively inexpensive
3. They often work well in (sibling) combinations of two, three, four or more (though be careful of toxic interactions) Continue reading
[Written in 2008.]
(Note: Although I am aware that this does not apply to all psychoanalysts, it sure does apply to a lot!)
Patient asks: What’s the difference between a psychoanalyst and an average therapist?
Psychoanalyst replies: I have studied the most modern, sophisticated theories of human dynamics, and thus have the tools to understand and unravel the motivating roots of human endeavor…
Translation: Don’t you know that I spent seventy thousand dollars going to psychoanalytic training after I got my Ph.D.? Do you deign to suggest that I wasted the money I struggled to earn spending thousands of hours not listening to mere mortals like you?! Continue reading
[Written in 2007. Note added, 12/27/13: This is a humorous, ironic essay. It was written tongue-in-cheek. Sorry I didn’t note that earlier.]
Hypocrites use entirely specialized definitions of words to obscure the truth – and to destroy those who champion it. Since part of their hypocrisy is that they never fess up – even to themselves – about what their definitions really are, I have taken the liberty of doing it for them.
- Addiction: The problem a person is considered to have when his addiction is not acceptable to the norm.
- Arrogance: Suggesting to an insane person that you are less insane than he.
- Blame: Having the nerve to hold your traumatizers accountable for their actions.
- Boundaries: The invisible line surrounding a person’s insanity which you are somehow supposed to respect. Continue reading
[Written in early 2007. Note added, 12/27/13: This is a humorous, ironic essay. It was written tongue-in-cheek. Sorry I didn’t note that earlier.]
- You give your son a gift by hardening him early on to life’s inevitable pain
- Circumcised boys never have to face teasing for having a filthy foreskin – and your bleeding, stunned, little infant will thank you for this later
- Moses and Jesus lived productive lives without foreskins – what, you think your kid is special? Continue reading
[Written in 2008.]
“Primitive” people throughout history have had a tendency to blame themselves when things go wrong in their world. They struggled to appease angry gods for times of drought and disease and accident and famine, thinking their own moral imperfections and behavioral errors to be the cause. Yet all too often they, with their “self-centered” worldview, were blaming themselves for things which had nothing do with them. The irony is, our modern world, with its global warming, melting polar ice caps, radical loss of species, and massive pollution, is falling apart directly BECAUSE of humanity’s sick actions – and yet now we deny it! Continue reading
[Written around 2005.]
Signs of human overpopulation are everywhere, yet few talk about it. There are over six billions humans and their numbers are only expanding. Humans are destroying the balance of the planet at an alarming rate. Other species are going extinct faster than ever before – because of the insanity of Homo sapiens. Forests are being decimated, oceans polluted, ice caps melted, and the air and soil is growing toxic. None of this is a mystery, yet few do the math. Continue reading
[Written in 2004.]
Rudolf Höss, the commandant of Auschwitz, wrote at some length about his psychic turmoil over having been a key player in the murder of so many Jews. Shortly after sharing this, in 1947, he was hanged in Poland by a war crimes tribunal. His death was a loss to the world, and tells volumes about the troubling dynamics that led society to murder him. Continue reading
[Written in 2004.]
Americans experienced the trauma of the 9/11 attacks the same way all adults experience trauma: through the lens of unresolved childhood trauma. In a country packed with immature people parading as mature adults, we reacted to 9/11 in a far less mature way than we might have had we been more enlightened. Continue reading
[Written around 2006.]
In biologically evolutionary terms the fittest organisms are those that bear the most offspring surviving to reproductive age. Many humans still believe this to be a worthy life goal, even an obligation, and feel they are letting down their species, their culture, their families, and their race if they don’t have children. But how sickening this tribal attitude is! What about the good of our world? Continue reading