Two Categories of Crying

When people cry for emotional reasons, I have observed that it generally falls into one of two categories. The first is grief-crying, and here are my observations about it:

  1. Although often painful, it brings a sense of relief and hopefulness afterward.
  2. It makes people’s faces look younger, healthier, and more free—and sometimes unrecognizably different from their regular faces.
  3. It brings out inner beauty, and has lasting effects.
  4. Its intensity can wreak temporary havoc on the immune system, though ultimately it is good for the health. Continue reading

An Open Letter to Humans of the Year 2100

Dear humans of the year 2100,

By the time you read this I will be long dead, probably forty or fifty years already.  The things about which I write are obvious to you.  To you it is obvious that we, your progenitors, failed.  We failed to make the changes necessary to allow our species to live sustainably on this planet.  We failed to use the technology at our disposal to live cleanly on Earth.  We failed to use farming and waste disposal methods that did not poison the land and water and air.  In our quest for lives of comfort we used our planet, and psychologically our children, as a sewer. Continue reading

Why don’t traumatized people take good care of themselves?

(written on May 1, 2013, Zagreb, Croatia, finally published almost 8 months later!)

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Why don’t traumatized people take good care of themselves?

Although this may seem like a huge and complicated topic, the crux of the answer to this question is simple.  I will break it down into a few parts.

But before jumping in, there are two preliminary things to know:

1) No one is created traumatized.  We begin life perfectly unscathed.  Continue reading

Grief Opens the Door to Healing

[Written in late 2009.]

Grief is painful, but opens the door to healing and growth.  If there were no grieving, we would stay stagnant—the numb, seemingly comfortable stagnancy that is the goal of the norm.  When we are in the midst of grieving we might wish to have it all go away, because in a sense the pain of grief is terrifying, but this is only the terror of facing ourselves—a deeper, more vulnerable, more hidden side of ourselves that we are usually able to plug up in our daily lives. Continue reading

Grieving the Ultimate Loss: Your Imperfect Parents

[Written around 2004.]

Grieving is an intrinsic part of the healing process. Grieving is long, painful, and confusing, but richly rewarding. Life is not complete unless all traumas are unearthed, grieved, and thus resolved. Those who fail to complete this process live forever in a limbo of partial misery, stuck unconsciously in the past and unable to escape. Continue reading

Everyone is His Own Hated Minority

[Written in 2004.]

Everyone is a hated minority in his family of origin. Parents who are not deeply healthy cannot tolerate a child being his own full, true self, which is how every child is born, and thus they must crush his most honest and radical parts. Parents were themselves crushed by their own parents, and in accordance with their own lack of healing must similarly crush each child they produce. For this reason each successive child rightly feels like a hated alien minority, despised by all until he gives up his truth and joins the ranks of the numb. Then he feels loved – though this is not a nurturing love at all. Continue reading