[Originally posted 12/26/09.]
Lie #1: Romantic Relationships Help People Grow.
Ninety-nine percent of the time, romantic relationships help people become comfortable, and over the long haul comfort is contrary to growth. Most people get into relationships in an attempt to create the safe, womblike childhood they never had. In so doing, they never learn how to love themselves fully—from within. That is the real relationship.
Lie #2: We All Have Sexual Needs.
Sexuality is a misplaced lens through which we express of our desperate, anachronistic desire to have been loved fully as children. The childhood need to be nurtured is the real need. When we learn to heal our ancient traumas and love ourselves fully from within, our sexual “needs” evaporate.
Lie #3: Having Children Is a Sign of Maturity.
Having children is a sign of giving up. When people have children they abandon the deeper growth process, for two reasons: 1) That’s exactly why they had children: to divert their energy onto an easier path, and, 2) Doing a truly good job of raising kids makes it impossible to devote one’s life to self-healing—and thus becoming truly mature.
Lie #4: Stopping People From Having Children Deprives Them of Their Human Rights.
The basic human right is the right of the child to be born to parents who will love him fully, attend to all his needs, and not torture him with the neglect that is our modern world’s standard—and the standard of our modern world to deny. Stopping people from torturing their future offspring trumps the inappropriate parental desire—that is, “right”—to procreate.
Lie #5: The “Terrible Twos” Are Natural.
Two-year olds who are “terrible” are only terrible because they have woken up to the ugly reality that their parents are as selfish as they are. The problem is, it’s age-appropriate for a two-year old to be selfish: that’s his job. Selfish parents are really the terrible ones—because of the unnatural, torment-inducing situation into which they place their toddler.
Lie #6: Teenagers Are Inherently Difficult.
Teenagers are only difficult when their parents have: 1) failed them miserably, and, 2) now blame them for being the cause of the problem. Teenagers are still expected to be good little boys and girls, despite their correct, rebellion-inducing realization that living up to this expectation does nothing to prepare them for the painful transition into adulthood.
Lie #7: Resolving All of Our Traumas Is Impossible.
Healing ancient traumas is extremely difficult—so much so that most people who attempt it give up quickly. They label it as absolutely “impossible”—to let themselves off the hook—and then they disappear into life’s myriad diversions, like addictions and romance and having children. Note: Right up until we sent men to the moon many also labeled this as impossible. Wrong they were.
Lie #8: All Truth is Relative.
People who say this are hypocrites, because their argument is absolute. If there is no absolute truth, how can they know for certain? But more important, lack of belief in absolute truth is a cop-out, propagated by those afraid to look at their unresolved childhood pain and desperate for illogical arguments that allow them to lean on the lies upon which they’ve based their life.
Lie #9: You Cannot Blame Parents, Because “They Did The Best They Could.”
My observation is that all parents, even the worst parents, “did the best they could.” Yet this doesn’t let any parent off the hook. A child has the right to blame his parents for their inadequacies—because their inadequacies damaged him. Laying blame at the feet of perpetrators is a huge step in breaking the intergenerational cycle of trauma—and sets the stage for healing.
Lie #10: Psychiatric Medications Help Many People.
Passively taking a pill, even if that pill helps you function better, sends your spirit the message that life’s answer do not come from within. This is an evil message, because it is untrue. People need to change their lives deeply, both inside and out, in order to heal. Real change is difficult—often hellishly so—but it is the only way.
Lie #11: Addictions and “Mental Illnesses” Are Diseases.
Addictions and so-called “mental illnesses” are symptoms of a deeper problem: unresolved trauma. Labeling symptoms as disease is convenient for people who are terrified to look below the surface. Delving below the surface entails taking deeper personal responsibility, grieving, and feeling rage at traumatizers—often your own parents. How much easier to believe in “inherent” disease and let your parents off the hook.
Lie #12: Your Mother Loved You.
Your mother loved who she wanted you to be. The healthier she was, the more the real you overlapped with who she wanted you to be. But more than likely she wasn’t very healthy. More than likely she was an extremely disturbed person masquerading as healthy. And if you confronted her with this reality you’d discover just how little she actually loved the real you.
Lie #13: To Be Imperfect Is to Be Human.
Our broken sides are not the inherent part of ourselves. We were not born to harm our fellows, traumatize our children, or rape our planet. Instead, we were born with an inherent capacity for beauty, wonder, love, altruism, and perfection. But when we are detached from that perfection—and from the emotional tools to reclaim it—it’s often easier to deny it outright.
Lie #14: The World Is Doomed.
The world is only doomed if we humans: 1) continue to deny the reality of our traumas, 2) fail to make healing our traumas an absolute priority, and, thus, 3) continue to act out our traumas through mass overprocreation and mass exploitation of the world’s resources. If we change our ways, we still have a capacity for perfection—both as individuals and as a species.
Lie #15: Technology Can Save Us.
Technology will not save us. Only we, through healing our ancient traumas, can save ourselves. Until we do that part of us will always be compelled to use our technology for our own destruction—and the destruction of our planet. The answer is not outside us. The answer is within. The answer is not to build up—but to tear down the façade…and grieve.