[Written around 2004.]
People who are not fully enlightened use romantic relationships to hide from the truth. They want to bypass the painful healing process and disappear into false pleasure and false security. They desire either to find the perfect parent they never had or the perfect object onto whom they can project their unconscious rage at their parents – or both. They want someone to finally love them fully, understand them, take them under their wing, protect them, guide them, and be selfless with them. But this is impossible.
Only a fully enlightened person can love another completely. He can do this because he has learned to love himself completely. He would never tolerate being in an intimate relationship with someone not also fully enlightened, because it would be destructive to him. And no fully enlightened equal would ever ask that he meet their unresolved parental needs – firstly because they would no longer have any, and secondly, even if they did, it would not be appropriate to use an intimate for this purpose.
Truly harmonious and deeply satisfying relationships are only available for people who have resolved their deepest childhood conflicts. And until you have resolved your deepest childhood conflicts, your job is to learn how to be in an ideal relationship with yourself.