Welcome!

My name is Daniel Mackler and I am a musician, filmmaker, Youtuber, and writer based in New York.  I also worked for ten years as a psychotherapist in New York, though I ended my therapy practice in 2010.  My creative work focuses on the destruction of our natural environment and the causes, consequences, and significance of childhood trauma.  I see childhood trauma as ranging from the extreme, which is common, to the mild, which is so much more common that few even notice it at all, much less call it by its proper name.  I view the norm in our culture as being highly traumatized and I view the average, and even above-average, childhood as being extremely traumatic – and the average parent as lacking both awareness of this and deep empathy for the child.

I see our world growing more pathological, confused, polluted, overpopulated, and disturbed by the day – and I feel that to stand by and say nothing while we destroy our planet is, at the least, irresponsible.  Yet I write with great hope – both for individual healing and for the collective healing of our world.  I seek to offer a new perspective – on relationships, on manifesting the best of ourselves, on the potential value of celibacy, on parenting, on the pathology of the family system, and on the future of our species.

Of note:  I recently made a page for older comments from this welcome page to my website, because the hundreds or perhaps thousands of comments were making this page terribly slow to open!!  Also, if you do leave a comment, please consider this:  1) If you type in your full name, it will show up on search engines, so if that concerns you, please only use your first name or use a pseudonym.  2) I don’t always have the time or energy to reply to comments, especially if they are very long.  I love your comments, I read them all, and I wish I had more time and energy than I do!!  And I wish you all the best!!!  Thank you, everyone!!! –Daniel

134 thoughts on “Welcome!”

  2. Hi Daniel,

    I am really hoping you get this.

    But what should I do if life feels meaningless, the world is terrible and suicide feels like a rational solution?

    I know this sounds cliche, but I feel like the world is messed up and that life is generally bleak for everyone.

    I don’t think I am depressed or have something chemically wrong with my brain. I feel like I am perceptive and aware and this is just me responding to the world I am in.

    I have watched a lot of your videos, particularly the ones about helping suicidal people. You mention that it is important for the suicidal person to feel some kind of human connection. I think I want that. I think it is hard to describe what I am feeling to hotlines etc.

    I just can’t not think of life as some grind until I inevitably die so why not die now.

    Your videos have been a great comfort for me though and have gotten me through some difficult times

    Thanks

    Sam

    Reply ↓

    • Hi Sam,
      I wish I had a good answer for you. All I can say is that maybe you have some purpose inside of you that you have just not yet found…. And if you were to die by suicide then that purpose would never have a chance to manifest. And it might take some time to find that purpose… But going through A LOT of pain and confusion will make you much stronger and give your more insight and more empathy for others. So at the least if you survive and find a way through the hell that you’re in then someday you will be able to be very useful to others… I have been through many times of meaningless hell…and I am glad I survived them. About having something chemically wrong with you: unless you are using drugs or taking psychiatric medications or have thyroid problems it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY you have anything chemically wrong with you. Drugs and psych meds and thyroid problems can make things chemically wrong with a person, but people are not naturally chemically problemed. Instead they have UNRESOLVED TRAUMA and, like you noted, a lack of connection with others. Those are solvable problems. They just take time. And a lot of work. But they are solvable. I am wishing you GREAT STRENGTH. Daniel

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      • Hi Sam,
        I would like to help and add to Daniel’s comment, I have been closely to the same situation as yours, but I do have thyroid disorder and anxiety and I take pills. They have been disconnecting me from my true self and made a lot of mistakes by hurting people emotionally because I couldn’t understand what’s happening to me. What has been helping me in my darkest moments is praying, I know there are a lot of misconceptions and opinions, but for me it has made wonders. It’s not only about what is said, it’s about the way it makes you feel, you just become a stronger and better person day by day. While going through trauma, I used to read all 150 psalms in 1 day during an entire week, don’t judge what is said, just believe that you will get better. Find a little place there in your heart where you believe that life is worth living, find little things that make you happy, there must be something, a hobby, a pet, reading. You can also read by having suicidal thoughts, read other people stories and find how they overcome it. There is an YouTube channel, Soft white underbelly, a lot of interesting stories and comments that might help you. We all have a strength inside us to make us move on no matter the situation, trust in that strength, you will get better. Big hug!

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  3. Hello,

    How is it going? I have a bunch of interesting questions to you but I know you might be busy so I’ll be happy to listen to your answer to any of these:

    How many languages do you speak? Are your learning or interested in any foreign languages?

    This one is odd one . Thinking over traumas eats up our energy. Sometimes I feel the tools, that I used in the past to refill the energy tank, doesn’t work anymore. What about you and your energy level?

    What are your thoughts on eternity and life after death?

    Thank you

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  4. Hi Daniel

    I am back here after several years.

    I navigated the break up with my highly emotionally abusive mother in 2018 very well with the help of your Breaking from Your Parents book. She was a psychiatrist and began to scapegoat me in the family after her separation from my father and burdening me with the blame that my father had been sexuallly abusive towards myself and my two younger sisters.

    I devoloped serious psychiatric problems and got only worse in every trial of psychotherapy because neither I nor my therapists understood that I wasn’t doing as bad because of childhood sexual abuse but because of ongoing scapegoat abuse in my family.

    I eventually slowly got better and figured that all out in a long and diffcult process of understanding because of self-therapy with yoga, journaling, and self-help groups as my most important tools.

    Thus I was able in the end to understand that I needed to break away from my family and psychotherapy as well. It felt like leaving a cult whose victim I had been for almost three decades.

    I am back here because to my own surprise after a series of milestones in my recovery from a somatic illness and work rehabiliation I was very unwell during the last couple of weeks. I was barely able to cope let alone feel my feelings. I numbed myself with too much coffee, TV series, and internet binges that made me think that I haven’t even started with my psychological recovery. I felt ashamed.

    I am reemerging now and I realise that I went through some of the deepest pain that was inflicted on me by my mother’s, my sister’s, other extended family member’s, and my psychotherapists’ betrayal. And that I wasn’t functioning anymore because that pain was almost unbearable. I realise that I have come extremely far in my emotional recovery. And that being able to feel that pain means that I have never been so connected to myself and capable of accepting the truth of the decades of abuse.

    I realised again that all is well and that this is what progress looks like in recovery from abuse.

    I hope you are well too.

    Lina

    Reply ↓

    • Hi Lina,
      Welcome back! And I very much appreciated what you’ve shared. I find value in it and I hope that others do too — and will continue to.
      I am wishing you great strength — I know how difficult and complicated and often confusing this journey can be! But also…ultimately…how liberating.
      Daniel

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  5. Hello Daniel,

    Many Thanks for your wonderful videos.

    Perhaps you could consider this topic: is it appropriate/recommended for people who are long-term No Contact with their parents to ‘celebrate’ their ‘NC anniversary’? I have recently hit my 12 year ‘NC anniversary’ after having to cut contact with my mother and everybody who knows her who also knows me 12 years ago for my physical and mental safety.

    I have almost cracked a few times and gone back to her because the guilt is terrible, but I know I must stick it out until she realises she must apologise to me for betraying me so many times so we can move forward. I have felt for the last few years that if I can make it 12 years then I’ve effectively ‘made-it’ and that will be the milestone when I can feel satisfied, even proud of myself for standing my ground and not letting her bully me anymore; and that maybe the guilt will lessen at that point (it hasn’t).

    It was the 12 year anniversary this week and I have been attempting to celebrate but it’s leaving me with a hollowness and I’m wondering if I should have tried this at all. I’ve been ruminating on the good times and bothering Chatgpt a lot to discuss the bad times and get analysis. It’s not something to celebrate, it’s sad and I’ve been crying a lot wondering what am I doing – buying myself cake to celebrate 12 years of my mother not caring enough to recognise she traumatised me and try and make amends is kind of weird, maybe pathetic I don’t know…There’s no model for doing this because NC is a modern thing it seems.

    Perhaps you could cover this in a video? When or if it is appropriate to ‘celebrate’ a NC milestone and how should one go about this? I would appreciate whatever you can offer on this. Thank you.

    Best Wishes,

    Alice
    Wales, UK

    Reply ↓

    • Hi Alice,

      I’m not Daniel but I can relate to your story.

      Have you experienced the feeling of wanting to connect to your mother again in this 12 year-period?

      Kind regards,
      Maria

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  7. Hey Daniel,

    A friend of mine showed me one of your videos and the information from you that came to me was eyes opening. Thank you.

    I would have a lot of things to share about my life experience and how I became more self aware through studying and understanding my traumas but I will only leave one question here for you because I am a little bit confused on one subject and I am really curious about your opinion because I love the way you understand psychology.

    I have seen these days that a lot of attention was payed to the recently made Saint Carlo Acutis by the catholic church. From what I’ve read, he was doing only good deeds and loved Jesus very much, he died happy at 16 from an incurable ilness.

    My question is: Did Saint Carlo Acutis have childhood traumas? Is it possible to love everybody unconditionally even with traumas? I have understood that he was raised by a very pious nanny. Is it possible that he was raised with so much love that he was able to love himself purely and then love others unconditionally? I am really confused on the subject. He was a human too. I am wondering what’s the truth. I would love to see one video on this if possible.

    Thank you and sincere hugs:) you have helped more than you can imagine.

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  8. Hello Daniel,
    i hope you are doing well :). i have a question for you. Iam supposed to start working in a clinic focused on working with dysfunctional families with children (some forced to visit the clinic by the state). It is my first job and iam not sure how to properly prepare for this kind of work. Iam very motivated to learn but at the same time unsure what should i focus on. Can you please give me some advice/tips or some books that could be helpful? Also, i started reading Virginia Satir – what are your thoughts on her? Thank you for your answer Dan! Take care of yourself 🙂

    Alex

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    • Hmmm……I don’t know if I have a good answer to your questions right now……
      Sorry about that!! I’ll think on it.
      Wishing you the best,
      Daniel

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    • Hi Lila,
      I used to do more publicly, but now I don’t. I became exhausted by it — and now enjoy a life of more anonymity and privacy…
      Daniel

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        • Hi Alice,
          Most I make my living by editing writing. I actually don’t make much off my Youtube channel, because I never monitized it, because I HATE advertisements. I do get some donations, but not enough to live from.
          Daniel

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  10. Hey Daniel,

    I made a post a while ago asking about whether or not I should leave home to hit the road and travel around.

    I decided to go through with it, but then all I could think about was guilt for hurting my parents and I didnt know if i could live with that. So eventually I went back because I thought it would be better to just endure my life the way it was even if it wasnt making me happy.

    Now it’s been over a year and I’m wondering if I made the right decision. I thought that if I just stayed where I was my life would be easier but I find myself growing myself growing more despondent day by day.

    So I guess what im asking is whether or not it’s necessary to make sacrifices like leaving behind old relations in order to create a new life for yourself.

    Thanks,
    S

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  11. Dear Daniel, I hope you will read this message.
    Your videos help me a lot. Tonight I was in the gym and stopped my training in the middle because I wannted to come back home and to watch your videos.
    I have a few questions for you and hoprefully I will get the answers.
    My 1st shock happened 7 years ago when I read the book ”Toxic parents” Susan Forward. I read it with open mouth and my palm over it. That’s how shocking and eyes-opening that book was for me. Later on, I was going through the real hell, not that I didn’t go through the hell before – this time it was with the knowlegde of betrayal and awful things that were happening in my family that made my hell even stronger. I wasn’t so flexible anymore to adjust myself to my parents needs. I hated them. But still loving them. It’s an awful mixture! I’m 34 now, single, still stuck in my parents’ house (eastern Europe, here we have a financial problem with moving out even though we desperately want to move out. I hope next year I will do it.) But, my question is – will this pain ever be gone? This exhaustion, this rage, anger, I even feel sour taste in my throat and in my stomach like I ate something sour even when I didn’t.
    5 years ago I got the same diagnosis and you did (UC). My doctor told me that it was 100% psychosomatic. My symptoms now are much easier, but it’s interesting that it gets worse when my parents provoke me, or when they do something that they used to do when I was a child – like even a simple word that reminds me of that period, and then I get angry and then BOOM, symptoms go worse. Then, they start blaming m for being ”too sensitive” or ”too much angry and disrespectful”. Even writing about this makes me angry. Seems like as soon as I touch my sadness and anger – my health goes worse. But while I’m hiding my anger – it’s without symptoms. It doesn’t follow the ”rule” of suppressing emotions, but when touching these emotions, they are too much. Why does this happen? I feel like I’m falling apart. Emotionally I already feel broken, exhausted, sleepless, without energy. I am afraid this will last forever. I’m afraid the next year won’t change anything. Sometimes I feel hope like a hit of ”fresh air” and it makes me a bit better, but it lasts very short. I cannot say that I am depressed ( I used to be), I am just like a robot. A robot that feels pain. Am I ever going to be happy, calm, satisfied, without physical and emotional overwhelming pain?

    Reply ↓

    • Hi —
      I do hear you!! And I’m wishing you the best. What struck me in your message was that when your feelings are more buried your symptoms are lower. I have experienced that too. When I was more dissociated I felt better. When I was in more pain things got WORSE.
      I talk about that in these two videos:
      1) https://youtu.be/KorhMAsE3nU
      2) https://youtu.be/pwCUzV3izAI

      Maybe this would be useful to you? I hope!
      All the best on your healing,
      Daniel

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      • Dear Daniel, thank you very much for your answer. My encounter with that diagnosis (UC) was terrifying. From a promising, ambitious, highly educated, attractive and young girl, to a girl lying in bed, sh*tting in her underwear, and who doctors, pharmacists, even lab technicians tell her that a life of horror awaits her. I wanted to kill myself. I hated myself, I hated myself for allowing my parents to destroy not only my childhood, but also my present and future. I hated myself so much, I felt guilty for allowing them to destroy me. I hated doctors, then I realized how incompetent and stupid they were, most of them. As time went by, my health condition began to improve, the wonderful doctor I see now is a homeopath, and she told me that as soon as my emotional state stabilizes – UC will disappear. I also listened to you about how your UC was cured, and I was very happy! I was happy for you and for myself! Yes, it is curable! Right now I only have mild symptoms sometimes, and that’s all. I started writing a diary, thanks to your recommendation (I never wrote before because my mother always liked to secretly read other people’s diaries and then make fun of what she read). I even invented my own alphabet to write in so that no one could know what I wrote! Now I see how much it means that I had an unsafe environment. I hate it when someone says “oh, my parents did the best they could”. That’s a lie. They were always better in front of guests and friends, but in private they behaved badly. It means that they knew better, but they didn’t want to behave better. Threats, blackmail, insults, mental violence, control with money, rejection, belittling, mockery. In some strange way I still love them, and I wish them all the best, but I want them far away from me. When I look at them from the side, from a distance, I think that they are just two wounded people, who carry their traumas that they have never healed. That’s where ambivalence hits me, and it’s a dangerous zone! I very easily fall into that trap of empathy towards them, and then they break me and hurt me again. That’s why I want to be far away. I want my life, my friends, my happiness. Ever since I heard your story about going to a Chinese restaurant, the year you were born, and it turned out that you didn’t belong to that Chinese sign – I think about that story every day. I really related to that story! You can’t imagine how happy I was when I heard that story. When I heard – I was overwhelmed with pleasure and the word – checkmate! I feel that story as if it were mine. Today, I put myself first. My parents cheat me sometimes, for a moment they start behaving nicely, and it’s like they regret the past, it breaks me, and then they go back to their old ways. I know that they would behave the same way again if they had a small child in front of them who couldn’t leave them, because I think that today they are afraid of that – being left behind. And that this is the reason for the change in behavior. (It’s interesting how while I am writing this – it feels right and healing. But as soon as I read what I wrote – I feel guilt, and shame, like I’m doing something wrong towards my parents, like they were the best and I am the one who is ungrateful….and I love your sentence ”Trust what you wrote”) I watched both videos that you recommended to me, I watched them several times. I walk from 1-2-3. Different parts of me are at different levels that you mentioned. Sometimes I even feel like a gentle breeze and level 4, but it quickly disappears. If you ever decide to write a book on the topic of these 4 steps, or to make a movie, I would really like to read/watch it, because I believe that I am not the only one who feels like she is in a fog and doesn’t know where she is going or where she is. These 4 steps have shown me that I am on the right path after all. Thank you. You are truly a diamond and my wish is to have a friend like you! People around you are lucky! Such a smart, honest and deep person. Thank you very much!

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  12. Hi Daniel,

    My question is: If I’m great at in-the-moment conversations, but terrible at boring, incremental homework-type tasks, will I hate being a therapist?

    I’m 23, have been drawn to therapy work for three years, and everyone says I’m really good at deep one-on-one talks. I love these conversations too. But I’ve always struggled with tedious, solitary work – if an essay is optional, I don’t hand it in, and if it’s required, it’s hours late and clearly last-minute.

    Someone recently told me therapy involves too much administrative drudgery for someone like me to succeed. Is this true, or is the work mostly what I imagine – meaningful conversations with people?

    Just got diagnosed with ADHD if that helps.

    Thank you, and I love your videos!

    Johan

    Reply ↓

    • Hi John,
      Yes, there’s some drudge work in therapy, but I think there are ways to minimize it. I found ways to do the “drudge” stuff fast and quick — billing, administrative tasks. Didn’t trouble me much. However, sometimes listening to people go through a very LONG SLOW process of healing is now always “alive and meaningful.” It requires a LOT of patience on the part of a therapist. It’s not easy!! And not every client is super-motivated to explore their depths and grow. Sometimes it takes YEARS before they’re really interested in that…
      Things to consider…
      All the best,
      Daniel

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  13. Hi, Daniel. Your videos were a great help for me when I was going through a rough time. I had found out that my father was a diagnosed schizophrenic, which is probably my biggest source of trauma.

    I went to therapy… it didn’t help that I live in a country where therapy is bad and inaccesible. I got diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder, a diagnosis which I went on to reject. Along with the notion of personality disorders in general.

    But a recent (negative) experience dating someone with BPD has made me reconsider. Would you be interested in making a video about AvPD? What should someone like me do to heal? I’m willing to donate on Patreon to see the video get made.

    Reply ↓

    • Hi Juan
      Your question resonates a lot with me because I also ticked the boxes for APD as a young woman. My suffering was tremendous.
      I was instead diagnosed with C-PTSD and pushed to do trauma therapy. But I was neither stable nor well enough for that approach. As a consequence I began experiencing depressive episodes on top.
      Here’s what I did for my recovery and which I found out later is recommended by the leading experts:
      1) a regular yoga practice (or similar mind-body practice) to bring stress levels down
      2) anxiety desensitivisation (it’s possible to do it alone. Just take small steps in order not to extremely dissociate)
      3) therapy in a group setting with a facilitator who is experienced with folks with APD (I went to an unfacilitated depression self-help group and that did the job just as well)
      4) no individual therapy – unless your condition is so extreme that you can’t manage to join a group.

      Reply ↓

  14. Dear Daniel,

    Hopefully I can address the following sensitive issue on your community board.

    My issue: I am a 36 year old man that has trouble with finding his way in life, although it is getting better, when I was younger I was diagnosed with autism and placed in special education. This made me really enraged, and still makes me enraged till this day.

    The problem is is that I become really mad at my parents, especially when I am under stress, too many times about the same issues. Although I have spoken with them about these specific issues many many times, the answers and reasons they gave about the how and what don’t provide me with sufficient enough closure to end the chapter. I feel that they are withholding information and are not honest, or are even flat-out lying to me.

    What to do? I don’t have conclusive evidence about this, although I have strong indications and multiple angles of approach to highlight things, but the same thoughts, trust issues and patterns keep re-emerging which I can’t ignore. To put things more succinctly: I let go of people in the past that showed disrespect I could not resolve while still in their presence and I am thinking to let go of my parents because of this.

    Reply ↓

    • I like what you’ve said. As someone who has felt impelled to disengage with parents, I’d hope that you’d take caution about such a defining step. It may be totally necessary, however, I believe it should be the last resort. Some people take a hiatus, say a year away from them, which can be a great time of reflection for perhaps all involved. I realize you want to hear from Daniel, but I have experience and really like the way in which you communicate.

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  15. Hi Daniel,

    I’ve done some good hard reflecting and I just wanted to send a message to say thank you for all the videos over the years – they were made with so much detail, precision, and structure in ways that were a gold mine to me when I was unmoored, drowning, and without a map at all. I wanted to say I realised I was irresponsible with my previous messages – it was a regression of mine, and I am sorry about that. I realised the way you think has been more integrated into my life with so much value. I have occasionally taken that for granted, despite the time studying it.

    To explain myself – there is a certain joy to trying out these less familiar (for me) ways of thinking, and then of making fun of something I had previously been mystified by, given my own lack of it before. A regressive victory lap of having achieved it just enough to be relieved to take it for granted rather than wanting it from others, in hindsight. I suspect that we all have a stunted child within us still, and I do agree now that the “baby” parts of us may still be there in many ways and persist in quite different areas that we may be less mutually aware of – it would be wiser for me to find out more about what is actually going on in the world. I need to grow enough to have independent, mature exchanges about this, and I am sorry about the way I acted before. I hope that we can meet at a place where any less developed domains of thought, feeling, unresolved history, blind spots, patience, rationality and order aren’t all thrown to the wayside. I say this with the personal underlying skew towards a feelings-forward rather than thinking-forward default mode, so our specialisations at this time could aid in integrating various parts or imbalances we may have overlooked. For me, right now, I am interested in reason, thinking, and therefore eventual full independence. I’ll invest in these areas with the goal of also being able to sustain and develop my life with more balance.
    Life can get complex and difficult. I don’t actually have that much and writing in this style is more difficult for me, but I’m just leaving some support in thanks with a donation.
Would you still be interested in Patreon?

    – Mary

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  16. Hi Daniel,

    I find your content interesting, thank you for sharing. My initial thought when reading your content is you are not a proponent of drugs.

    “Passively taking a pill, even if that pill helps you function better, sends your spirit the message that life’s answer do not come from within.” This is a quote from one of your essays. Would you say this applies to Caffeine? What are your thoughts on Caffeine? I have serious issues with addiction and can’t help but think that the Caffeine dependence cycle is a real problem.

    Thanks

    Reply ↓

    • Hi Luc,
      Fair question. I’ve found myself drinking a cup of coffee every morning for the last few months (first time in my life this regularly). I recognize that it’s probably not the best idea — and I bet I’ll go into withdrawal if I quit. (I’ve never experienced caffeine withdrawal before.) But from what I’ve seen so far, caffeine is not the worst drug…but it is a drug…
      Warm regards,
      Daniel

      Reply ↓

  17. Daniel,

    Thanks for putting yourself out there, I know how hard it is to do that and we all benefit greatly from your bravery. I was wondering if you happen to know of any good psychotherapists, listeners, coaches, ect. in the Pacific Northwest?

    Reply ↓

    • Hi Jim,
      Unfortunately I haven’t been recommending any therapists in quite a while…
      I’m sorry about that.
      Meanwhile, thank you for your words.
      Daniel

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  18. Hi Daniel! I hope you’re doing well 😀

    I was thinking about sleep paralysis recently. I experienced it a number of times in a very concentrated period of my life about 5 years ago when I had just moved back home to live with my parents after finishing university, I suppose as a result of being back in such close proximity to my traumatisers. When I started my healing path and moved away from my parents my sleep paralysis went away, in fact I have only had one episode since 2023.

    I know you stress the importance of good sleep in our lives. I was wondering if you could make a video discussing the phenomenon if you have any insights to share or opinions about it yourself?

    Best Wishes
    Isaac

    Reply ↓

  19. Hey Daniel,

    I love your videos and your authenticity. Today’s healing scene is full of ”instagramable”, flashy, and soulless spiritual or self-help teachers, which makes you stand out in your simple and minimalistic approach of sharing your message, which to me, seems raw, upfront, and ”as it is” – exactly the way it should be. Although I don’t agree with your philosophy entirely, I find it very realistic.

    I would love to see you make a video on numbness. Emotional, bodily, and mental – why it happens and how to overcome it.

    Wish you all the best, and keep up with your work, it matters a lot.

    Zan

    Reply ↓

  20. Hello Daniel,
    I’ve been watching your videos since high school, and your ideas had a strong influence on my decision to study psychology. So thank you for that! I really appreciate your work; your perspectives are rare and thought-provoking.
    I wanted to ask if you ever plan to visit Slovakia, either soon or in the future. If you do, I’d love to invite you for a hike and a conversation. It would be a great opportunity to connect in person.

    Wishing you all the best in your work and life!

    Alex

    Reply ↓

    • Hi Andrei,
      It’s not my favorite form of therapy, but in general I’m not a big fan of any school of therapy. I imagine that Aaron Beck was probably a good therapist, but I just don’t like the idea of systematizing therapies into schools. I also don’t like the idea of people studying in a particular school of therapy. I prefer a more creative and open approach to therapy, where people follow and expand upon their own particular gifts, and don’t just “absorb” through reading and lessons someone else’s ideas… That’s not to say we can’t learn from others, because I have and still do, but I just never liked the idea of pigeon-holing therapy into particular schools… (And with CBT, so often they ignore childhood trauma.) -Daniel

      Reply ↓

  22. Dear sir Daniel.

    I appreciate your work and especially how you hit the nail every time. Although sometimes I don’t agree with some of your points, I can see your honesty and deep concern on topics especially regarding to family issues. Thank you so much.

    And with that, I just wanna open up here that I really wish I had broken away from my family back in 2018. Now, I’m regretting how I stayed and got stuck with no degree because I gave up on it, no job because I’m not qualified to high standards, and sadly no hope because of my degenerating sanity. Is it too late for me? Is “If you’re down on the bottom, the only way is up” true? I really hope that rock bottom points upwards. I wanna break away not only from my toxic family system and degenerate society system but also from my own darkness, my own nihilism, and my own self-destruction. I just don’t want to not only desire it anymore but also actualize it. I wanna unbecome “no longer human” and become fully human.

    P.S. No Longer Human is a Japanese novel by Osamu Dazai, it actually means being disqualified as a human being. I actually relate to it a lot so I referenced it.

    Reply ↓

  23. I wanted to reach out to you because I don’t think I can come off psychiatric medication and live my life as myself. I feel like my whole life is being set up or constructed for somebody else including my educational path and whether I work or not or have any hobbies or interests or not, and I don’t know what to do. I wish you were my friend and that I had friends like you to reach out and talk to. No one can help me work through this.

    Reply ↓

  24. Hi Daniel,

    I randomly thought of a question I have for you so I thought I might leave it here in case you want to answer.

    Here it is: If you could make the whole world watch one of your videos and truly understand it, which one would you choose?

    Reply ↓

  25. Hi Daniel, I just discovered your channel and I feel deeply seen and understood. I am 20 year old girl from a third world country and I am very much like you. I often feel’ and to be honest with myself, I KNOW, there is no hope for me and that I should take my own life. Do you ever feel that way? How do you deal with it? As a public figure I doubt you can answer this with complete honesty and I completely understand but do you think there is any value in living?

    It is really hard having to constantly guide myself through life without any external support whatsoever and I am completely exhausted. Gen Z particularly has such unique and unfortunate challenges. Coming across your channel has provided a lot of much needed hope and comfort. Thank you so much for what you do.

    Reply ↓

    • Hi Rexx,
      Greetings. Well, I certainly hope you don’t kill yourself!!!!!!
      Me, I have been suicidal a couple times, but nothing that serious because for me it passed after a few days.
      I do think there is great value in living — it is the basic value we have, our basic opportunity. Of course, life is awful and horrible sometimes, and sometimes for a long time, but I think then it is our job to find a way OUT of the horribleness, to figure out how to create something better. I know this can seem impossible, but I know in my case it has been possible. I was miserable for so long…… It is not an easy journey. I’ve seen this with so many people.
      Also, in case you missed my videos on suicide, here are some links:
      1) https://youtu.be/wxv47PhcKLQ
      2) https://youtu.be/w3CV9GGcE3s
      3) https://youtu.be/wkf7n0Wdy7k
      Maybe these will be of use to you??
      Meanwhile, I’m really wishing you the best!!! I believe that even though hope can seem VERY VERY far away, it is always there, somehow…
      Daniel

      Reply ↓

    • I appreciate your honesty and HOPE that as you continue the journey within that you see that YOU are on the right path and “renounce the peoples of the earth” because one must trust in the Creator and not others.

      Reply ↓

    • Hi T,
      Thanks for your kind words. About that shirt… Well, my answer is more or less threefold:
      1) laziness 🙂
      2) it’s not really important to me (I’m not particularly promoting anything fashionable)
      3) it’s a sort of uniform — that is, not particularly my focus

      But one other thing (my more thought-out answer): I get into a real zone in the mornings when I start preparing to record my videos. It’s a mental zone of concentration on my ideas, so that I can make a cogent, focused, spontaneously expressed video that will require minimal or no editing. That’s my goal… And I don’t want anything that will distract me from that internal mission. So having a simple uniform-like wardrobe makes it easier for me to put my focus inward. Basically I’m removing an external variable.
      Also, I like the way my clip-on camera mic attaches to my shirt’s collar…
      Hopefully that answers your question. A little long-winded on my part, but it’s almost bedtime for me!!
      Daniel

      Reply ↓

  27. Hi Daniel,

    I am a 21 year old from Australia, I just wanted to let you know I have been watching your videos religiously since I have been 14, and they have helped me understand myself and accept myself and my life so much. They have truly inspired me to think I have so much potential and strength ahead of me. You have given me a puzzle piece of how I wish to be in the future with your bravery and truth.

    I just wanted to write and show you some support, please never be afraid to put out these videos, they are helping so many and healing the world one bit at a time.

    Reply ↓

  28. Hi Daniel.
    I just wanted to show you my deepest appreciation for your YouTube uploads. I will be exploring your website and having a look over all you’ve got on here, it looks awesome!

    There was one video that you uploaded where you spoke about your struggles with being open online, and I am incredibly grateful for you uploading and speaking on that, as I personally don’t feel safe enough to do that. Thank you for being so real and being a voice for me and so many others!

    My kindest regards,
    Josh 🙂

    Reply ↓

  29. Hi Daniel. Hope you’re doing well. Watch all your videos and love your insights. I was wondering if you could make a video about the mental health exam and what certain things mean on it so people can see what the dr is saying about them. I was also wondering if drs hide thjngs or conditions from people on the mental health exam in case clients get a copy of their health records. Also if you could do a video on schizod and schizotypical. I don’t believe in personality disorders. I think that everything is from trauma in mental health and some traumas affect people differently and the severity and I agree with you that if someone says they didn’t have trauma than they are denying they did. If you ever get a chance a video on the effects of what being locked up alone in a room can do to someone on a mental health floor alone for days and the trauma of the hospital and how to recover a and the shunning of society on people who don’t fit in with the norms and standards it’s a form of torture. Thank you for all
    Your videos I find them so helpful

    Reply ↓

  30. Hi Daniel,

    I’m currently listening to your videos “Sexual Abuse of Sons by Mothers.”

    I’m dating and living with a 30 year old man, and in the past year of our relationship, events with his mother have transpired (her verbally abusing and threatening me, being incredibly jealous of our relationship, and continuously trying to break us up) that have caused him to go no contact with her, and reevaluate his too-close-for-comfort relationship with her since childhood.

    He has realized that his mother was abusive, and their relationship was enmeshed. The majority of her abuse was of a sexual nature – physically/emotionally in his childhood, and verbally/emotionally in his adult life, and he is really struggling to accept that. His childhood is mostly repressed memories, but from what he has told me about what he can remember, there was overt physical and emotional sexual abuse over many years.

    He has started therapy, but he struggles with being honest with his therapist about what actually happened in his childhood. I’m the only person he really talks to about it, but he quickly shuts down. He is normally a very loving, fun, and caring boyfriend, but he’s been having almost constant meltdowns where he gets incredibly angry, defensive of his mother, and even suicidal. He takes a LOT of this out on me.

    How can I help him? I’ve been in therapy for 15 years and studied psychology, but I’m not even close to being equipped to deal with this. I want to help him find a path to healing, but he’s so deep in his trauma and I’m scared for him and myself.

    What do I do?

    Reply ↓

    • Hi Elise,
      Ah — this sounds very difficult. I’m not sure what to say — that is, I’m not sure what you can do…. (I’m also very hesitant to give advice.) I do know that it is basically impossible to get someone to grow and accept the realities of their childhood at a faster pace than they are ready…
      Meanwhile, I send you best wishes!
      Daniel

      Reply ↓

  31. Hi Daniel! I so deeply value your work—there is no one out there telling the truth like you do. I resonate with so much of your story, and I was in very serious denial about it for even longer. Unlike you, I let that denial cloud my academic judgment and I spent many years not just denying my trauma but that of others as well. I deeply regret it and I’m trying to do my best to correct that now. I would love to invite you for a conversation on my (very small but mighty) podcast to talk about whatever you like and potentially reach people who wouldn’t otherwise necessarily encounter this kind of message. I’ll put my email in the form if you would be at all interested in connecting. In any case, thank you so much for what you do for the world.

    Reply ↓

  32. Hi Daniel,

    I was recently turned down by a girl for whom I have immensely deep feelings. I have never felt so sad, frustrated, vulnerable, and unfulfilled in my life, and I am really struggling to cope with this situation.

    I have been in love with this person for months, and I can’t stop thinking about her. She and I were somewhat close to each other, and I am incredibly hurt about her not reciprocating my feelings and about her not showing any meaningful reaction to an intimate love letter I wrote to ask her to reconsider her first rejection. The eleven days I spent trying to convince her to give me a chance were a roller coaster of crippling anxiety and sorrow.

    My mind cannot process why I am not worthy of a chance, and a part of me does not want to accept the situation and is hanging onto the unrealizable hope that she change her mind, or that I, notwithstanding the need to respect her boundaries, could still make her change her mind. Also, I feel I cannot get rid of these feelings because doing so would feel like a negation of my true self, like Winston Smith after being brainwashed by the Ministry of Love.

    Since many of your videos have prompted me to start much needed introspective reflection on different aspects of my emotional sphere, I was wondering: is there a chance that you might make one about rejection and unrequited love? Or that you could maybe just give me advice on how to deal with this incredibly hard situation? Thank you, M.C.

    P.S. I tried to post this comment several times, I wonder why moderators were not approving it.

    Reply ↓

    • Hi M.C.,
      Greetings! I’m just moderating comments now, because I was traveling largely off-grid. I appreciate the idea for a video. I’ll think on it!
      Meanwhile, one things I’ve learned (from both sides of the coin) is that people can’t control who they have romantic feelings for — and no one can make anyone have romantic feelings for another…. It’s just one of those mysteries of life….
      Wishing you the best,
      Daniel

      Reply ↓

  33. Hi Mr. Mackler,

    I would like to thank you for “Why I Don’t Recommend Forgiveness” video it’s what drawn me into your channel. It’s such an inspirational video that I play occasionally to remind myself that I shouldn’t forgive. This video was a wakeup call for me because I was planning to forget and let go because all that anger was driving me insane, but I should hold on to that anger and embrace it, it’s the only thing I have.

    All and all, I’ll be seeing more of your videos and here’s a phrase from your video that I enjoy:
    “When you’re not allowed to feel your own feelings. You have no choice but to push it down, to split off from yourself.”

    Reply ↓

  34. Excellent analysis of the “sex positive” movement Daniel. I agree with your points about accurate sex ed as well as exploring the underlying reasons for certain sexual behaviors and wishes.
    There’s a rather cultish energy around the sex positive movement which in itself is disconcerting: zero tolerance for questions or nuance.
    Les Carter posted about healthy/unhealthy sexuality. https://youtu.be/FcNjo2mfgkU?si=Hmvxv0bAx3TzRAha He mentioned narcissists specifically but I believe most adults have never experienced safe loving sex with good boundaries from a kind loyal partner.
    Another problem I’ve noted is a current fixation on the legality of sexual behaviors. Yes, we should not engage in sexual crimes but men and women *also* need to ask is this the right thing to do…is this safe and healthy?
    A disturbing number of adults defend choking during sex including many in the Psych field: “no kink shaming!” I read that the prevalence of choking scenes in porn has led many teen boys to assume it is normal to choke their gfs during sex.
    Extreme notions seem to dominate the discussion. OnlyFans culture and religious dogma re: sex are equally harmful and deranged. There is a huge space between the two which appears largely ignored.
    Thanks again for addressing this topic Daniel!

    Reply ↓

  35. Hey Daniel, im fully aware that psychiatric medication is poison, but i was forced on it for a year and was afraid to leave the state and afraid to come off of the drug cold turkey.

    I’m not on the medication anymore, but i wonder what you might say to someone who’s had to suffer the consequences of this.

    What do i need to greive?

    And i still truly capable of love and happiness?

    Reply ↓

    • Hi Eleanor,
      I made a whole film called “Coming off psych drugs.” https://youtu.be/Q5EpnVdLvkU
      I’m not sure if you saw it, but it touches on the things you bring up.
      Basically, in my opinion a lot about being on psych drugs and coming off them is actually chemical, not so much emotional, though emotional is a component of some of it at times, for sure!!
      I think healing from psych drugs can take a LONG time — and everyone is different. There’s a lot of good info on the web about healing from psych drug harm. Angela Peacock is someone who’s work on coming off psych drugs I respect a lot: https://www.angiepeacock.com
      All the best,
      Daniel

      Reply ↓

  36. Dear Mr. Mackler,

    Happy New Year! I hope this message finds you well. I’m an avid admirer of your channel. I understand that you are not a practicing therapist. However, I have questions to ask you. How do you cultivate love for yourself from a therapist perspective? What advice would you give to someone on how to cultivate love for themselves? Thank you very much!

    Reply ↓

    • Hi Sebastian.
      I would work on healing my traumas — knowing my history and, as an adult, doing my best to resolve the problems that arose then.
      Happy New Year to you too!
      Daniel

      Reply ↓

  37. Hi Daniel,

    Do you think it’s possible to be 100% true self in our modern world in which 99.999% of people are not healing? Maybe we are social creatures, we want to follow others at some level..? And you said everyone is traumatized including you, even the healthiest person hasn’t resolved their deepest childhood trauma. So being 100% true self is only possible when majority of people start healing?

    Thanks!

    Reply ↓

    • Hi Young Woo —
      Well, I think it would be pretty hard to heal it all! But still maybe possible…
      But definitely easier if more people were doing it!
      I’m wishing you the best,
      Daniel

      Reply ↓

    • One cannot be truly 100% healed from my p.o.v. because trauma is always happening and therefore one is always in a process of healing i.e. growth

      Reply ↓

  38. Hi Daniel I’m interested in becoming a psychologist yet the journey seems hard and long and I don’t if I will work what jf I fail I keep hearing people saying how difficult it is and that I should rather settle for something else I’m lost confused and to be unfulfilled I’m 19 going to college next year possibly but yeah

    Reply ↓

    • Hi Maulana,
      I became a therapist myself through becoming a social worker. I chose not to be a psychologist. I wasn’t interested in that much psychological academics. I did end up reading a huge amount of psychology, and learned a lot that way, but so much of the academic psychology curriculum was not interesting to me — and didn’t seem that it would be useful. There are many different paths to becoming a therapist, if that is what interests you. Being a psychologist is just one.
      Wishing you the best,
      Daniel

      Reply ↓

  39. Hello Daniel,

    What do you think of creating a platform where traumatized people can gather and share their pains as well as listen to each other, sort of a pshychological session.? It can also help people make friends and connect with each other from different parts of the world.

    Reply ↓

    • Hi Veracious,
      I used to have such a platform, connected to my website… But it was so exhausting!!! I actually made a video about this some time back: https://youtu.be/ysEGj50JSEc
      But I definitely think it’s a great idea to have such a platform…but I’ve learned that at least at this point in my life, I’m not the person to create or manage it… I just don’t think I could handle it emotionally!!!
      But I’d love it if someone else did it…..
      Daniel

      Reply ↓

  40. Hey Daniel. What are your views on self forgiveness? I’ve seen previous videos about how you view the conventional concept of forgiveness and that it halts the healing progress. Self forgiveness refers to the releasing oneself of anger bitterness and other negative emotions in response to be traumatized, wrongly and profoundly transgressed, or poorly treated in some way or form and coming at a place of experiencing or feeling peace.
    I enjoy your videos as a lot of them resonate with me. Hope things have been treating you well as of lately. Thank you for taking the time in reading my question.

    Reply ↓

  41. Hey Daniel,
    gonna keep this short!
    Ive ibeen following your channel since a few years. Thank you for all your help. It gives me great strenght knowing that I am not alone in my beliefs.
    Much love and peace from Nepal

    Reply ↓

    • Hi Karsim,
      Thank you and greetings. And I hope to be coming to Nepal at some point in the next year or so…
      All the best!
      Daniel

      Reply ↓

  42. Hi , I am a 25 year old female I am having a lot of problems with understanding what my problem is from the past year. I went on a trip with my friend and her boyfriend , I was the third wheel she treated me badly and I felt every minute in that trip was torture. I called the friendship quits and I decided never to talk to her again.

    Then I went on another trip with other group of friends there one of friends said ” You know what , whatever happens in this life , you should not succeed more than us” Then one of my friends used my depression as a reason to take a trip. I pointed it out and they left me now in all this I was also insecure because I am the only one who does not earn .

    From the very start I felt like I did not deserve to go on the trip. That carried on and these comments aggravated my frustration . Who is to be blamed for a broken friendship here? I don’t want to play the victim. Also I my brain has convinced me that I am really old at 25 and that I should start earning. I want to study but this is causing lot of disorientation and indecisive. I feel like the comments , the way I compare my life and everything has affected me alot.

    Also in the panic that I would end up alone I took the friend from my First friendship back.

    Reply ↓

    • Just gonna say…it is Your life..but..if you want some advice from a person who has seen this happen to others before..i suggest..you take a break from those friends & life style. Do something completely Different. Unplug. Live a simple quiet life for a while until you are Healed. Then..see how you Feel. Instincts serve us well if we let them.

      Reply ↓

  43. Hey Daniel, hope you’re alright

    What are your thoughts on the Hikikomori phenomenon? People who withdraw from society, don’t work, don’t study, for years or decades. I saw your video on social anxiety and selective mutism, I struggled with both of those things as a kid which followed me into adulthood. Now, I shut myself away from the world, not leaving my house for months.

    I would appreciate if you made a video on this phenomenon affecting millions of people around the world.

    Reply ↓

    • Hi K,
      I started reading about Hikikomori when I was in Japan in 2023. I also had a long conversation with Professor Tamaki Saitō, who is one of Japan’s leading experts on hikikomori, when I was there. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tamaki_Saitō ) He also happens to have a keen interest in Finnish Open Dialogue, and he and I were both speaking at an Open Dialogue event in Tokyo. But I was more interested in hikikomori than Open Dialogue! I’m not sure I yet have any original thoughts on hikikomori, or maybe I do. I think it would probably be worth making a video on the subject. So I’ll need time to think about it and study it more… But I will say this: for a lot of people, the world — the social world, the work world, the educational world — is hellish and terrifying and ridden with pressure, so I can understand why some people would withdraw from it….
      I send you best wishes!
      Daniel

      Reply ↓

      • I didn’t know that it is a phenomenon and has a name. Thanks, K! I wonder if it has other names in other cultures. Now I’m really looking forward to Daniel’s video on it.

        Reply ↓

  44. Hi Daniel. Just want to thank you again for being one of the few voices of reason left amidst the pain and delusion. In more than one instances of despair, , your videos provided some hope. Many thanks.

    Reply ↓

  45. Hi Daniel, my heart just doesn’t know how to thank you enough, for sharing your knowledge so kindly, and in a very lucid way. Actually, I found your videos by “accident”. You seem such an elocuent soul, and it’s a real pleasure to hear you talk. I’ve been watching your content and I am really grateful it came across, so much that I wished you could know. Felt like someone heard me for the first time, like an old good friend. Today, I remembered my voice, because of you. Might seem odd from a stranger, but I haven’t seen a gem in a long long time, and without a doubt you are one of them. I hope life gives you back everything you’re sharing. Agustina

    Reply ↓

  46. Hi! Three people I know are interested in your book “breaking from your parents” but aren’t with English. Can I translate it for them?

    Reply ↓

  47. Hi Daniel.

    I love your videos and i willl make this quick, my brother has schizophrenia and I want to help him get off his medicine. What should I do? Thank you

    Reply ↓

  48. I have searched but cannot find anywhere you talk about repressed memories. I do believe I have some.

    My doctor believes I have PTSD and wants me to go back to therapy. I don’t necessarily think I need to dredge every memory out of myself, but I am not getting better on my own. I feel a huge amount of something being held back like a volcano.

    Can you provide links to any of your content in context of memory?

    Reply ↓

  49. Hey Daniel,

    I’d like to think I’m becoming conscious. I’m learning how to heal my traumas and really feel my feelings, and it’s great, I feel great, I feel more of my self. But there’s an issue: I’m pretty young, in my first few years of college, and it’s difficult to get away from “abusers”, however mild they may be. It is extremely overwhelming at times. In addition, when I attempt to drift away or set boundaries, I am met with a lot of push back, and eventually being violated becomes the norm again, and I have to try all over again to gain that mutual respect. (I almost wish I had woken up a few years later than I did)

    I wish to ask if you have any advice or wisdom in this subject. More specifically, how do I “surrender” to their game without breaking my own self respect? Or, do I just need to accept the suffering until I can become fully independent?

    Reply ↓

    • Hi Sean,
      I’m not sure if I have specific advice, but maybe one or more of my self-therapy videos will resonate with you?

      Wishing you the best,
      Daniel

      Reply ↓

  50. Hi Daniel,

    I’m a therapist early in my career and already questioning my career for many reasons. I have watched your “Why I Quit Being a Therapist” video many times, as I find your thoughts to be so validating.

    I’m wondering if you have any advice to young therapists? What therapeutic approaches would you recommend training in?

    I’m also wondering specifically what you think about Internal Family Systems and the whole idea of our minds being made of multiple parts.

    Any of your thoughts would be appreciated.

    Thank you.

    Reply ↓

    • Hi JV,
      I created a playlist on my YouTube channel about my videos on psychotherapy, and I think a number of them might be quite useful to newer psychotherapists…

      Here’s a link to it: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRHLaIzKomTiyUtDGwvzc9YjcM3K9sdMG

      About IFS specifically, I’m copying this from a reply I write elsewhere about IFS:

      I’ve been asked about IFS a lot and I just searched through comments on my Youtube channel and found three times I replied about it.

      Here’s what I wrote:

      1) IFS (from what I’ve seen) has a lot of overlap with my point of view, but I’m still not a fan of any school of therapy. But IFS certainly seems better than most!! Daniel

      2) I know some things about IFS and I’ve met Dick Schwartz. I think there’s a lot of overlap between the IFS point of view and my own. I just am not a big fan of giving a new therapy school a label and a name. I was never much into the labels of any therapy schools.

      3) From the bits and pieces I know I’d say IFS is pretty good. But I know some pretty bad (even disturbed) IFS therapists! In my experience, I focus less on the therapy school than the inner quality of the therapist.

      All the best!
      Daniel

      Reply ↓

  51. Hi,
    I was watching your video about the psychology of acting out, and you claimed that every form of acting out, such as bullying or any other behavior that can be traumatic, is a compensation for one’s past traumatic experiences.

    Therefore, my question is: do you have any theory about how it all started? If everyone acts out because they were traumatized before, who started it? Does it naturally stem from evolution and the animal family system and was then spread?

    Reply ↓

    • Hi Gosia,
      Well…I’d say it began with emotionally neglectful parenting, somewhere along the way…
      But this subject is definitely worth a lot of thinking.
      Maybe I’ll make a video about it.
      Thanks!
      Daniel

      Reply ↓

  52. I would like to see you make a video or write a blogpost where you flesh out and try to explain concepts such as the different defense mechanisms (projection, projective identification, reaction formation, etc.), the repetition compulsion, what it means to be violated or abused as a child, etc. from your own perspective.

    Alternatively, if you know of any other sources that explain these concepts to your satisfaction, I would like you to link them here.

    Thanks a lot for your work !

    Reply ↓

  53. Hello Daniel. Your videos really helping me. Make me awake about my past. Thank you so much for them.They are really life saving.Make me feel understood. But I have really big adult traumas.Big part of them are results of childhood traumas. Sometimes I get stuck with them and everything gets so messy. Everything gets so hard and complicated. Do you have any thoughts on this subject? Can you make an episode about traumas happened adultdhood result of the childhood traumas? Again thank you so much for your sharing and caring approach.Wish you the best.

    Reply ↓

  54. Hey Daniel. I was wondering if you could do a video in regards to Trauma healing with Lyrics creation / Poetry? I’ve talked with my psychologist and she said that writing lyrics can help with recovery. I have been writing lyrics for a while for myself to have a place to ”complain” but when I started to write about my issues in regards to porn addiction after repeatedly doing the same mistake I broke down. It seems like putting things on paper / words does something to you.

    Reply ↓

  55. Dear Daniel,

    Thank you for your generosity for making available your wonderful and extremely helpful website and youtube channel. There are few resources available of this high quality. Please keep going!!!

    There are more resources for beginning and continuing for a while in healing than there are for persevering for 20-40 years and, hopefully, even finishing. Would you please consider making some videos or writing some writings specifically about subjects relating to advancing as far as possible or even finishing the self-therapy process?

    You are now in the 25th year of your self-therapy process, is that correct? What are you doing now to heal more? Internally, is there anything you can share about what is happening in your self-therapy process during this year? Are you recovering more traumas? What are you feeling? What would a check-in be like for you? Is there anything different for you now than 5, 10, 15, or 20 years ago?

    Would it be useful to make videos about these any of these subjects:
    weekly, monthly, annual, decennial check-ins going forward
    decennial recaps retrospectively:
    1st decade
    2nd decade
    3rd decade so far
    independent of such arbitrary time periods as years and decades, were there disctint phases for you, eg, first discovering healing? How would you characterize your current phase?

    Do you know any people who are in their 4th decade of active self-therapy? This is possible now because the helpful resources began to be published in the 1980’s and 1990’s. Without revealing any confidential information, is there anything you can share about what they are doing to continue to heal? Are they (re-)discovering new old traumas [sic] still?

    What are your thoughts looking forward, persevering until you finish self-therapy? What do you now think the rest of your process will be like?

    Thank you,
    Ryan

    Reply ↓

    • Hi Ryan,
      Thanks for the ideas! I appreciate it and I’ll put it in my list of potential videos to make. Sending you warm greetings
      Daniel

      Reply ↓

      • 2 more occurred to me:

        Do you find it helpful, in your current stage of healing, to periodically re-read Alice Miller’s books or any other books, articles, videos, etc.?

        Do you know anybody whom you truly think has completed their self-therapy process? Is there anything that you could share about them that would be helpful to others?

        Looking forward to your future videos!

        Thank you, again.

        Reply ↓

    • Something about hearingof the self-therapy process as going for decades long spans of time makes me happy. Like life only getting better as we age. Thanks for bringing up the topic Ryan.

      Reply ↓

  56. Hi Daniel,

    In one of your videos from years ago, I remember you wanted to start a therapy school named “Institute for the Rare Soul”, but could not find people who really connected to their own healing process. As an intern clinician who shares many perspectives about healing and is critical about many aspects of psychiatry and psychotherapy with you, I wanted to know how you today relate to that name and the idea of such a school.

    With the recent paradigm shift from transpersonal psychology, psychedelic therapy, and modern perspectives on healing trauma, focused on assisting people through their own individual healing journeys rather than being an expert, do you think such developments fit in to your school of therapy? I rather think so, as I see things such as Holotropic Breathwork, art therapy, and carefully used psychedelic therapy have the ability to help individuals understand who they really are, what they’ve been through, and who they would like to be, and start/further engage them in their own healing journeys.

    BTW, your ahayausca video was immensly insightful. I have seen the parental rescue fantasy take the form of trying to take psychedelics as a cure. But, I think in a really healthy therapuetic relationship, when one is already engaging with their healing process, I see it as a powerful adjunct to one’s healing journey, as its really a representative of your psychological processes, experiences, and beliefs. What comes up can be faced without dissociation and processed, with some amazingly good results from research. Its in that context that I ask the above question.

    Warm Regards,
    Jonathan

    Reply ↓

  57. Hello Daniel,

    Thank you for being brave and giving others the power to be. I would like to bring the subject of domestic violence and why it is so common for women? It actually happened to me and is still happening. How do we forgive ourselves for letting someone treat us like that?

    I know you are getting a lot of questions but I would greatly appreciate your answer,

    Take care ❤️

    Reply ↓

    • I am not Daniel, but I thought to reply to you here as a person who knows what you are talking about (and a woman). I have also been in abusive relationships – and have recently been discharged / let go / discarded by my abuser. I think it is a repetition compulsion – trying to understand childhood trauma. I was not physically abused as a child, but I was raised by two fairly narcissistic parents, and I basically had no emotional connection to my father, who was emotionally shut down. So I think I am attracted to abusers because they mirror the dynamic from my childhood – I am trying to get close to a messed up person, a person who’s not really emotionally available. I keep on banging on his window but he’s so traumatised by his own childhood trauma that it’s like he’s not even there. And when my banging starts getting too much he starts becoming abusive to protect himself from my attempts to break down his defensive walls.

      Because that’s the emotional patterning I had for 20 years in my family of origin, I believe that’s the reason why I am attracted to abusers, and when they start abusing me, I don’t leave, I try and fix them through my love. Which doesn’t work. I think the only the that can work for us is healing ourselves so we are no longer attracted to this kind of relational dynamic.

      So, that’s my understanding.

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    • I don’t know if you’re familiar with the book “Why does he do that? In the minds of angry and controlling men” by Lundy Bancroft, but I think it answers those questions fairly well. Spoiler alert: it has to do with societal norms and lack of acknowledgment of abuse and the entitlement that stands behind it. (Instead, society largely excuses abuse, so do therapists.) Another great book is “The gift of fear” by Gavin de Becker. It is not about abuse but it illustrates how we, especially women, have been conditioned to not trust our gut and instead give people the benefit of the doubt, basically gaslight ourselves. But this book doesn’t even use the term “gaslight”, I believe, as it’s too old. (Meaning it has nothing to do with the current trend of labelling everyone narcissistic.)

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  58. Hi Daniel,

    I just wanted to quickly thank you for what you do. I stumbled upon your youtube channel in a moment when I really needed it.
    I have been in an uphill battle for as long as I remember and I’m still trying to figure out myself. But this is the first time anything could help me connect the dots that I have so far. Gave me new questions to ask myself to find answers I didn’t know were within me.
    Journaling always confused me before, but I might try my hand at it again with a different perspective.

    Anyway, thank you very much for sharing your points of view. Really helped me to figure out some things and pay attention to the real-me that had been buried for a very very long time.

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  59. Hi Daniel, I’ve been following your work over the pandemic and your channel is in alignment with my values. I wanted to let you know that my mother was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia a decade ago, which turned my life upside down for the ten years and led me to my passion for mental health and healing work. Today, she’s healed herself holistically with my support and not big pharma. It was her soul journey that I had to detach from, the co-dependency. I read somewhere that schizophrenia is just unresolved childhood memories and it feels as if her soul knew what it needed to do, without the help of the community mental health system which does not cure people. Thank you for all of your videos, your channel gave me hope in very dark times.

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  60. Hello Daniel.

    A year ago you made a video on politics and how it relates to unresolved childhood trauma. You analyzed this relation using two examples of actual politicians, and I couldn’t agree more with this analysis. But I think this goes beyond the people in position of some kind of political power, this also strongly relates to regular people, who are obsessed with politics, which to be honest – are a big chunk of population now.

    Politics is an amazing tool for immature people to not look within self and to delegate any problem or discomfort they have to external factors. They might say that their life is miserable due to the fact that the politician X is in power right now, instead of their preferred politician Y.

    This may be anecdotal, but each and every time I conversed with people that were deeply invested in following politics, they seemed reaaaally uncomfortable when I mentioned anything that may touch the subject of the importance of understanding own feelings, emotions and studying own family system. The path of the discussion pretty much always was quickly steered into a shallow political issue.

    This observation is interesting to me, since it almost checks out every time, and the fact that the world has been infested with a plague of politics, meaning pretty much every thing is forcefully attached to politics in some way, this is a good indicator of how screwed the whole society might be.

    Greetings from Poland,
    Bartosz

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  61. Hello Daniel,

    I was wondering if you have ever heard of the term “the identified patient”? It’s like a psychological scapegoat within a family system. It would be great to hear your insight on this.

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    • Hi Aris,
      I also think it is a good concept. I think I’ve mentioned it in some of my videos over the years, though I can’t remember. I definitely used that term and that concept in my work as a therapist. I think it is very relevant. Daniel

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