I have been both fortunate and unfortunate in my life — in my family of origin and my culture. I grew up in an educated, middle class, American family — full of books, family time, toys, healthy food, and a stable bedtime — to a mother who was often unhappy, often perverse, and alcoholic, and a father who was desperate for external approval, occasionally cruel, and often neglectful of me. Both my parents were quite wounded from their own childhoods — and acted out their unresolved issues on me abusively.
Yet at the same time both provided well for me in other ways — better than their own parents had for them. This contributed to my growth, which paradoxically provided me the strength to be able to break away from them. Although breaking away has come at great personal sacrifice, it has been vital for my development as a human being and my connection with my true self.
My inspiration
My basic inspiration comes from looking within. My true self, like the true self within all of us, is a powerhouse of purity and energy. Self-reflection has been my life’s devotion for thirty years, and experience has shown me that the answers are within each of us — if we can find them. My path of self-study and self-exploration presently involves journaling, analyzing my dreams, maintaining strong sexual boundaries, practicing creative expression, spending time with healthy friends — and engaging in hard work!
On the mud flats, Alaska, 2012
Yet I have also been influenced by others on my journey. In the field of psychology my greatest inspiration has been Alice Miller, despite her limits. But by the time I came across her writings I was already well on my way to having developed my own point of view. She did, however, give me validation for certain ideas, and helped me crystallize others.
I have also derived many of my ideas from conversations with friends and colleagues. Several of my closest friends are gifted and courageous therapists — some of whom I’ve met through this website. I myself worked for ten years in New York City as a psychotherapist — a job which is so much more than a job. Being a therapist was an unparalleled experience in my life — and an enormous privilege. I am eternally grateful that I could witness so many people’s deepest dilemmas and truest selves — and provide guidance to the best of my abilities.
I ended my private practice in March of 2010 for a variety of reasons. I was ready for new horizons, new challenges, and a new freedom, and so far that is exactly what I’ve found. I’ve done a lot of traveling and couch-surfing and hitchhiking since then, I’ve made three new films, I’ve been learning new languages, I’ve been studying myself and continuing to heal from my history of childhood trauma, and in many ways I’ve stayed intimately involved with the mental health world — by studying it, critiquing it, trying to make sense of what is good in it, and also trying to figure out how to make it better. Yet I no longer have a calling to be a paid therapist. In fact, many days I’m not even sure if I believe in this thing called psychotherapy anymore. I’m much more a proponent of self-therapy…
A bit more about my past
In a few words, I would say I’ve had a pretty rich life so far. I was born in 1972, I lived in both the city and the countryside as a kid, and I feel comfortable in both environments. I grew up spending a ton of time outdoors — hunting and fishing and camping and swimming and playing sports and having a relatively free and wild life with my friends from a very early age. But I was also extremely academic, and had the good fortune to get a good formal education, which, even though I grew to detest formal academics because of its shortsightedness and general high level of denial and stupidity, has served me well in the long-run. But I learned more from my non-academic life: being around animals, incubating duck eggs, catching butterflies and moths, having pet turtles and snakes, building snow forts, going sledding with my friends…
At eighteen, I went to Swarthmore College and graduated with a degree in biology, which steeped me in scientific thinking, something I respect to this day. I hold the scientific method in high regard, and have internalized it deeply. I love to evaluate and collect data and test for myself the world around me — and, perhaps more importantly, the world within me. I never worked professionally in biology though. Instead, after college, I waited tables, I tossed pizzas, I hitchhiked around the world, I was lost and depressed a fair amount, I did temp work in New York City, I worked as a kids’ folk musician and storyteller, I played a ton of guitar, and eventually I found my way into the mental health field as a professional. Meanwhile, I have also put a huge amount of effort into studying children, parents, and families. This subject, and especially the subject of the universal dilemmas of children, is one of my great passions.
I have also broken away from my own family of origin. I came to realize that my parents were unhealthy for me and that having a relationship with them was impeding my relationship with myself. The more I grew the more I realized I could not afford this. So I don’t talk with them anymore, and haven’t for years. And I have no plans to talk with them either. This has been a major relief for me — and a major liberation. I breathe better because of this, I love myself much more, and I find much more passion and honesty and health in my days. And it’s odd, because even though they harmed me a lot in my childhood, and really set my life’s path in some twisted directions, I’ve worked a lot of this out over the past fifteen or twenty years and don’t go through my days thinking about them much — or feeling angry at them. Mostly they’re not on my mind — though I spent many years when I thought and dreamed and journaled about them daily, which was necessary for me to process what they’d done to me.
But now I’m in a different place. Although I still have more inner work to do regarding my childhood, as I still have some unresolved issues, I feel I’m really over the hump of the worst of it and have come to a great deal of clarity and self-love. Had I stayed close with my parents I feel this would have been impossible. The gravity of the family system simply would have sucked me back in and crushed my expanding self. I have broken out of their orbit, and feel very grateful as the result.
My future
The more I’ve become free of my childhood traumas the more my future opens up for me. I find this immeasurably exciting. Although I am now in my fifties, I feel more youthful passion than ever, yet what I love now is that I don’t live under any oppressive or mixed-up parental regimes. Now I am my own parent and take pretty excellent care of myself. I’m not sure exactly where my future will take me, but my plans are as follows: 1) To continue to work hard to spread my messages. 2) To continue to become as emotionally healthy as possible. 3) To take more and more healthy risks, to step out of my comfort zone, to try new things, and to really do my best to manifest my deepest truth.
–Daniel Mackler
Daniel,
I need help breaking a deeply controlling trust an abusive family member set up for me. This is an older relative who sexually abused me when I was a toddler through about age 12. They and my sibling appear to have conspired to set up the trust, and have appointed their own people to manage it. The trust and trustees are in the abuser’s will; once they die, the trust becomes irrevocable.
I’m middle-aged and have had some serious medical problems most of my life due to a genetic condition, so I haven’t been able to save as much money as I need for retirement. This trust is incredibly restrictive, keeping me from using the funds to protect my family–I can’t put my husband’s name on anything I use it to buy. I’m not allowed to touch the funds until I’m 62, and after than can only withdraw funds with the permission of the trustees.
My abuser and sibling have denigrated me as unreliable and untrustworthy my entire life. I’m not unreliable. I have two masters degrees, a stable, long-term marriage, and when I’ve not been ill, I’ve worked successfully as an engineer for most of the last 15 years.
I need the funds, but I don’t want to be tied to my rapist’s minions for the rest of my life. How do I break this agreement before my abuser dies?
Anon Scared Person
Hello!
This does not sound pleasant at all! So…I don’t know anything about trusts or anything like that. I would suggest getting in touch with an estate lawyer and presenting your situation to him or her. Maybe that person will know how to navigate your situation so the trust can be more useful to you. You might also try speaking to more than one estate lawyers, to get more than one opinion. It’s also possible that in the state of Maryland there are victim advocacy groups that might give you some better-than-average suggestions about this, especially about good estate lawyers.
I’m wishing you the best!
Daniel
Hi Daniel-
I’ve bought your book From Trauma to Enlightenment. I actually bought it some time ago and have recently decided to start working with it.
I’m having trouble understanding exactly what you mean by ‘inner truth.’ Like in one of the questions before starting Step 1: Can I admit that I am split off from parts of my inner truth?”
I can certainly say that I’m split off from parts of myself, period. In that I don’t really know myself. I seem to be invisible in my own life. That kind of thing. But inner truth, I’m not quite grasping what that means. Maybe denial that certain things were traumatic? That I’m not living a life that follows my values? (Most of which I don’t even know what those are as I’m still living in survival to this point in my life.)
And then in one of the first questions: “Write down ways in which you are living in ways that contradict the truth within me.” Again, I’m reading this like ‘inner truth’ means values. Can you explain what you mean by “my inner truth”?
Hi Laura,
Greetings. I think you could interpret it to mean split-off parts of your self. However, you’re in survival mode at this point (“living in survival”) maybe there are other things that could be more helpful or useful to you than using this as a step workbook. Maybe writing out your thoughts on some of the slogans or self-therapy tools…
Wishing you the best on your journey!
Daniel
Hey daniel…do you still speak to hurt people ? Your videos are very interesting!
Hi Marcio,
Thanks! Unfortunately I don’t do therapy or counseling anymore. I wish I had the energy!
I send you greetings!
Daniel
Hey Daniel, not sure how to comment. Um pretty dead inside. Life in shambles. I saw in your posted documentaries there was a doctor that help a patient overcome schizophrenia without medicine. I don’t think I have schizophrenia but I have something and nothing makes sense. Anyway you could put me in touch with a similar physician? I checked that guy out and he’s retired.
Hi AnyHelp,
Alas — I don’t have any therapists/doctors to refer to now. Maybe you’ll find someone if you check out Madinamerica.com? Maybe someone through there? Wishing you the best! Daniel
Hello, my name is Jamie and I’d like to speak with you about “disliking children.” I watched your video on YouTube and it really helped me understand alot about why I feel that way. I really hate feeling that why but can’t really change it….. I still don’t understand why I don’t like children but I think it is very deep seeded. Just thought id reach out thinking maybe possibly I could get a better understanding. I HATE this feeling and want to correct it if possible. Thank you! – Jamie
Hi Jamie,
I think exploring one’s own childhood is the only way — I can’t think of another… Reviewing one’s memories and one’s history — and seeing what comes up.
I’m wishing you the best!
Daniel
Hi Daniel,
I just watched your video from 2020 about how you healed from ulcerative colitis. I was diagnosed last year and going through a flare right. Your video gave me hope. Thank you for posting it. Are you still healed, in 2026? Do you take any medication or had a colonoscopy again?
Thanks
Hi Kathrine,
Greetings!! I haven’t had a colonoscopy since 2022, but the results of that one came back perfectly normal — and the doctor was surprised that I’d ever had ulcerative colitis. I should go back and have another, but I’m lazy!! I haven’t taken any meds in more than 15 years, and I’m all well — eat everything, I poo just fine. I really think the colitis just came from massive stress in my life — work and family stress. When I removed the stress (or at least about 90% of it, I’d say) I healed.
I’m wishing you the best on your journey.
I know how hellish it can be!!
Daniel
Hi Daniel,
Thank you so much for your reply. I am happy to hear that! My doctor in 2026, who is young and I suppose up to date with medical research has the same opinion yours had. That UC cannot be cured etc. I am trying to look deeper, to find what caused mine. I was also under a lot of stress and emotional turmoil. I am searching for people like you, we really need these healing stories, they are so valuable.
You’re welcome!
Daniel
Hi Daniel,
My name’s Georgia, I’m from Melbourne. I wrote to you 6 years ago when I was 23. I’m now 29 and wanted to let you know that I’m still on this journey of self discovery and healing. Throughout it all, your videos have given me so much strength. Two years ago, I left my relationship and my job and started solo backpacking for a year and a half. I learnt so much, met so many wonderful people, and felt that it was a real catalyst for healing. I returned to Melbourne a few weeks ago as I had a strong feeling that the next step in my journey is to return home and truly face everything I left behind. This part of my journey feels particularly scary; I’m finally truly facing the dysfunction of my family head on and showing up in my life with honesty and resilience in ways I wasn’t capable of before I left. I feel I’m learning to consistently listen to my own voice and choose myself in an environment where that voice has been silenced more than anywhere else in the world. I feel that if I’m able to figure this out here, over and over again, it will set me free. Thank you for the videos you create, I am so grateful to return to them when things get particularly hard and it’s so nice to be reminded of why I do this 🙂
Wishing you all the best.
Hi Georgia — Yes, I remember you! VERY COOL. Thanks for the update — and your kind words. Sending you the warmest greetings — and I wish you great strength in your ongoing journey 🙂 🙂 🙂
Daniel
Hi Daniel,
would you recomend any therapist for mother sexual abuse of the “mild” form? Or any of the therapists you have made friends through this site, could they be aproached in any way?
I read you don´t believe much at this point in therapy, but I feel I cannot cope with it alone, and any hint in this direction would be very much apreciated!!
Best regards and hope to hear soon from you,
Hi Pablo,
Greetings. So…I don’t have any specific therapists to recommend. I haven’t recommended any specific therapists in quite a while. I do think that therapy can POTENTIALLY be very helpful, however, the key (as I imagine you have gathered from my work) if finding that good therapist. Not easy, in many cases. I never found a good therapist myself, and most of the ones I found were useless or downright negative. That’s why I turned to self-therapy. I wish I could be of more use to you. I know that this can be a very difficult and lonely journey! Daniel
I agree with you. I’ve only found one, maybe 2, good therapists in my life. The one that worked was the one that “birthed” me through the thick of my childhood trauma. Other than that, I find it mostly useless. I still just go off of the tools that she gave me, as well as videos like yours.
At this point, there’s nothing a therapist is going to do for me that I can’t do for myself.
Daniel. Out of everything I’ve encountered on YouTube your channel has helped me the most. I feel your experience is also more relatable as a man. I wanted to share with you that I want to read your books but am putting it off since there is no audiobook format yet. I have dyslexia so it takes time for me to read. Because of this I have to be more careful how much reading I take upon myself. Thanks again so much Daniel.
Thanks Joe.
Very kind of you!
I just looked it up, and apparently there are Text-to-Speech option on Kindle e-readers — and most of my books are available in Kindle.
I’m not expert about this Text-to-Speech stuff, but I think it might be an option, especially considering I’m not planning on making audiobook options anytime soon!
All the best to you,
Daniel
Hi Daniel,
Thanks so much for everything.
One question I had is if you have ever thought about how “Asperger’s syndrome” or “high functioning autism” relate to your concept of authenticity.
I am diagnosed with this “syndrome” and have met many others who have been as well. It seems to me like we are far more resistant to losing our sense of self than other people. In fact, I think the reason some people hate us so much is because we lack the ability to be fake like most other people in society.
Anyway, I could write an essay about this topic, but I was just wondering if it’s on your radar.
Thanks so much again! Your work helps far more people than you can imagine.
Hi Lesley,
This is an interesting idea. I can’t say I’ve thoughts so much about it, but what you write makes sense…… I’ll have to think about it more!
Greetings to you—–
Daniel
Hi Lesley,
I know this question was posed to Daniel, but l can relate so l felt like responding also.
I feel l have to temper myself and my responses to everything and everyone for fear of being too honest and direct which could appear abrasive.
I relate intensely to the profile of being an HSP, either that is the issue which hinders my easy acceptance by others. I wonder about the diagnostic tools used for these appraisals.
Close attributes between hsp, high functioning autism and bpd?
Anyway curious how you navigate this with others.
take care
Johanna
Hi, Daniel. I have recently been going through an existential crisis related to an unintentional adoption of a very mechanistic outlook on life that I developed while hardcore delving into science. Your videos have really helped me break out of that a little bit. I hope to escape it entirely. I hope your week is going well!
Thanks Beau!
Daniel
Hi Daniel, I am trying to heal from my childhood trauma but I feel stuck. I am in college, which gives me some distance from my parents, but I keep having to go back home each break and I feel like I emotionally dissociate whenever I am at home. It doesn’t help that there is nothing to do at home. I am trying to set things up so I have something to do during the summer and I can not be with them but being at home is really mind-numbing and I feel like I forget all about my growth.
I am also struggling with lots of dreams about sexual assault. I have never been sexually assaulted but several people in my family have, including my mother. I definitely feel like my mom has engaged in an emotionally incestuous relationship with me so I don’t know if the dreams are about the sexual assault in my family or the unfair closeness I feel like I have to my mother. At the same time, I am very distant from her and untruthful with her so maybe I am just totally misinterpreting the situation. My sister has her own problems with my mom, including boundary issues, so that may be at play. My mom is a narcissist.
Wishing you the best on your healing journey, Bobby!
Daniel
Hi Daniel,
Thank you so much for posting videos on YouTube. They are of weapon grade quality. Your language skills are supreme. I enjoy watching them a lot.
I broke free from my parents over two decades ago, and since then one by one I had to cut my contact with whoever tried to persuade me to reconcile with them. “Do it when they are still alive, or you will regret.” I have not. They both passed away. I feel I can breathe better now.
You are right, Daniel. It’s painful. But there’s no better way of doing it.
Take care of your good self.
Chen
Thanks Chen 🙂
Daniel
Hi,
I’ll get past the obvious fact that I’m a big fan and really like your thoughts on things.
I dont know who else to ask so here goes nothing.
I am the son of emotionally and physically abusive parents. And I’ve also recently become a father. Everything is going well, however I feel strong outbursts of impatience and anger towards my child, almost wanting to scare her into obedience. I recognise the same patterns I’ve seen in my mother, with shocking precision.
So firstly I’d like to ask: What precisely are the effects of a parent that is physically and emotionally abusive when the child misbehaves (or doesn’t act in accordance to their wants), but is otherwise emotionally supportive and patient when approached?
And then secondly, more importantly: How do I prevent this to negatively impact my child.
Thank you for all your work, and in advance if you read this. Have a good day.
Hi Eren,
Hmm, well, on the first question, about what traumatizes a child… I wonder if this video might answer it: https://youtu.be/qD3PGGvASrI (It’s about eight different types of psychological trauma. But definitely lack of consistent love from a parent is one…)
As to how to prevent this from negatively impacting one’s child, I think the only way is to heal one’s own buried trauma, the unresolved emotions one has from one’s own childhood… Here’s a video playlist I made about that subject: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRHLaIzKomTjZpFsYI0NPnHUteoRHLTiL
Maybe it could prove helpful to you??
Sending greetings!!!!
Daniel
Hi Daniel,
I recently discovered your YouTube channel and it’s such a blessing. You are yet another vlogger who is really helping me, along with a few others, as I’ve walked my own recovery journey in the past 5 years.
You recently did a video on speech impediments and trauma. Any thoughts of seizures and trauma? Especially seizures in children? What about Tourette’s?
Lila
Hi Lila,
Hmm…seizures. I’ve thought about this, but I really don’t have experience to know one way or another. But I’m curious!! Tourette’s also… I’d be curious to hear your point of view on this — and that of others too.
All the best,
Daniel
I grew up in a family that was kind of like yours–middle class, educated, but deeply dysfunctional on the inside. My parents were two very different people from different cultures and religions, who probably shouldn’t have been together. To make a long story short, it was an abusive marriage, and my dad died by suicide when I was 12. It was a devastating loss for me, also deeply traumatic, and left me with an incredible about of internal psychological stress. I began developing severe OCD–“Pure O” as its called– just ruminations on the inside of one’s mind that don’t go away. I stuffed and repressed my pain. I used to twitch in my sleep sometimes, and in college, I lay in bed, I convulsed. I think it was the repression, I couldn’t keep things inside anymore.
In college, I became a born again Christian. The tics stopped after that. It was a spiritual awakening, which, I believe, helped me begin to released the trauma, though it still took many years for that process to be complete. I believe that Jesus gets us in touch with our hearts and our spirits, and will reach our deepest wounds.
Years later, I worked on a pediatric unit of a big hospital. I flunked out of that job, but in the 6 weeks that I oriented there, I saw alot. I saw a 14 y.o. with a seizure disorder alongside other psych issues. I felt so bad for the poor kid, he was so sweet, inquisitive, intuitive, but clearly very wounded. Dad wasn’t in the picture. I wondered, then, if there was some underlying trauma.
Of course, some kids just have epilepsy.
At one point, I inquired about a program for women with BPD and love addiction. They mentioned something to me about women with severe trauma having seizures.
Trauma can become rooted deep in the core of our being, in our deep brain, and in our bodies. I wonder sometimes, if Seizures or tourettes, if it’s the result of some deeply rooted tic, or deeply rooted traumatic memory.
What are your thoughts on Britney Spears?
Hmm, Michelle — good question.
I’m not sure. I think she’s obviously gone through a lot, and I’m definitely against this whole idea of people being labeled incompetent and then stuck with conservators. Like she’s said, I believe, it’s infantilizing. However, she does seem pretty lost, though certainly all those years of being forced with conservators and who knows what else didn’t help her… And I imagine her parents were terrible when she was little…
Daniel
Dear Daniel,
I watched your videos on sexual abuse of mothers on sons and I found exactly what I realized by myself after reading Alice Miller’s book.
I am wondering if you can recommend other videos or books on this topic but more focused on Mothers/Daughters. My experience involves enmeshment, control, and a mother living through her daughter life, seeing her as an extension of herself.. no boundaries.. no emotional and physical privacy, requesting and giving body exposure, and objectification of the daughter as a mean to be gratified. It also involved psychological violence (not talking to her child for several days as a punishment), requiring full disclose of her daughter romantic life when teenager and threatening with violence if otherwise. I am also wondering what behavior could develop in the child due to this type of relationship, anorexia, self-harming, headaches, etc..?
Anything you can suggest to help understanding, it would be great. Thanks a lot!
Hi Luna,
Hmm…. I’m not sure I have any good books on this subject to recommend!!! There are probably some good books on the subject out there — and maybe some other followers of this website could recommend them. Wishing you the best — Daniel
There are quite a few books & video series on parental enmeshment .. there’s a book called ‘Emotional Incest’ which you may find helpful/validating, others you’d find if you search on the topic of parentified daughters and also engulfing/devouring mothers. A very insightful YouTube account with videos on enmeshment is by Deborah Lara (she’s a couples & family psychotherapist), also psychologist Dr Kim Sage. Both I really rate.
Hi Daniel, I too recently came across your videos on YouTube and I’ve gained much insight after processing what I’ve seen so far. What are you’re thoughts on homosexuality? Specifically, is it from psychological trauma from childhood or are people born that way?
Hi John Doe,
I’m not sure. I’m not sure exactly why I’m heterosexual, to be honest!
But I think that childhood trauma can affect all sorts of things regarding sexuality, including people’s expression of heterosexuality (and homosexuality and bisexuality and all of it).
Daniel
Dear Daniel,
I just watched your youtube video “The Two Things That Deeply Psychologically Change a Person” and you touched me deeply with it because I can relate to it. You were able to express into words what I was feeling and going through the past years. Afterwards it strenghtened and encouraged my feeling of hope, independence, connecting with my inner child and having the courage to live my true self and setting boundaries. I will turn 25 this year and even though I sometimes feel bitterness and think “Oh I will never be able to resolute this and heal” hearing your story lifts me up. I’m able to work through this. Thank you so much for your honesty, your work, your kindness. You inspired me! Selma
Oh!! Thanks Selma!!
Daniel
Hi Daniel, I’ve been listening to your videos a lot recently. You seem like the type of therapist I have wanted to have, but sadly never got matched up with. I know you don’t practice anymore, but do you have any therapists you could vouch for? I would like to work with someone that I can believe in, but have no connections in this world of therapy.
Hi Benny,
Alas, I don’t have any therapists to recommend. I having been making referrals in quite a while…
I’m sorry about that.
I’m sure there are some good ones out there, though!!
Wishing you the best,
Daniel
hello my friend i looked at your website your yt videos i feel the same but i am very touched by your story. i wrote to you in yt. i hope you can answer me.
ps are you still without an apartment ? on the road.
i am from germany. and yes my family is just as toxic . . all sad. daniel
the question how to write a diary correctly ? what to keep in mind ? do you have something like a guide ?
i just wanted to check in. dear friend. until then all the best.
Frank
ps your books gibst unfortunately only in english? or is what for German also planned.
? I can a little english but not fluently to understand everything.
in love in gratitude.
may god protect you. daniel
Translated with http://www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)
Thank you Frank! Yes, I still do not have my own home, but I travel a lot and often rent short-term places to live — and for now this works for me and I am happy. Someday maybe I will settle down and try to get a proper home of my own! I don’t know if there is a proper way to write a journal. I think it is best sometimes just to try, to explore, and to see what happens. I do have a self-therapy book for sale on this website, “From trauma to enlightenment,” and maybe that is something of a guide for journaling. I wish you the best!
Daniel
Daniel, I have just received a detailed psychological assessment by a psychologist. The assessment was done in order to keep my social security benefits. I expected your standard psychiatric language and basic focus on symptoms, but was crushed by the very personal and detailed breaking down of my character, life, and behavior. I felt like an animal reading it, being studied in a clinical, cold manner. Though I recognized some truth in there, it was very painful to read.
This assessment took place in the span of 2 and a half hours, over the phone, and she read a bunch of questions. I felt like even in that short time she could see right through me, breaking down all my deepest faults. I feel so much shame.
I was wondering if you, people you know, or your former clients ever had this experience. How you or they dealt with it, or any thoughts you’d share with someone dealing with this experience.
Thank you for your work. I’ve been following it for about a decade now.
I am so sorry to hear this Brian. Some mental health professionals are so incredibly stupid and awful. They forget that their job is to be useful to people, not to harm them. Unfortunately, I have heard many stories like this. The only thing I can think of is to somehow figure out how to try to derive value from it. The closest in my personal experience, in my life, is that a few times when I was younger I overheard people saying terrible things about me, and it made me feel like I wanted to die. But, over the years, I found I was able to learn from some of these things and use them to grow. That was the only consolation I got from it! Wishing you only the best. Daniel
Thank you so much for your response. I have mixed feelings about it. Towards the end of the assessment the tone of the conversation shifted. She became very supportive instead of analytical and cold, and sort of minimized the absolute validity of the assessment. I didn’t have to read this assessment, though I got the impression she said this because she thought I may and might be disturbed by it.
In order to get my benefits (I would like to work in the future, but struggle at the moment), this kind of assessment is necessary, and an intense focus on the issues I’m struggling with is necessary as well for a successful case. She’s working on behalf of a non-profit that helps low income and homeless people…so I think she is simply trying to do her best with a flawed system.
I wanted to know more about myself. Most of these things I already knew, or were kind of subconscious, but to see it spelled out in such a blunt and intelligent way was overwhelming. I felt a lot of shame, anger, embarrassment, and hopelessness. Thank you for being so open about your suicidal ideation. I actually had that response after reading this assessment. I didn’t have a plan or anything but started looking up disturbing information online for a little bit.
I called my therapist after that. Luckily, he is very trauma focused and supports me first and foremost, not my family system. He said it is likely these are ancient wounds being opened up of feeling constantly scrutinized, criticized and judged as a child. I agree.
I’ve settled down a little. I just read it today. I talked about it with my therapist, a friend, and shared this with you. That’s been helpful to ground myself.
I do think there are things of value in this assessment. I’ll try to keep them in mind, but try not to get overwhelmed by a shame spiral.
Hi Daniel, I’m living with my narcissistic family and probably my father has NPD. I’m in the age 28 and struggling with surviving. Last year, I was diagnosed as bipolar, however it most probably was CPTSD. Anyways, even if the symptoms were bipolar symptoms, I decided to stop taking my meds. I started it gradually at first, like I was taking 2 lithium per day and then started to take only 1. Then, after a month, I stopped taking it completely. Now, these days, most probably because of stress, I can only sleep 4 hours a day. I wanna rule the possibility of getting manic and losing my opportunities for a healthy escape and independence from my heavily abusive family out. I saw you were saying the off-med transition takes a while, but I didn’t know what to do and stopped taking them, I had enough of their side effects. I would be glad if you can help me in this surviving journey of mine. Peace.
Hi Furkan,
I don’t know that I have good advice for you, except try to live a very healthy lifestyle! Also, it is quite possible that you came off your medication too quickly. That can cause real problems. Many people take 6 months to 1 year or longer to taper off their medications. That is often safer. I also know some people who go back on the medication for the while if they start becoming manic, because becoming manic can be a drug withdrawal reaction. And then, when they are stabilized, they start tapering again. I would google “Harm reduction guide to coming off psychiatric drugs.” It is a book that offers free downloads. Also, look at Inner Compass Initiative. And http://www.madinamerica.com — much good information in these places. Wishing you the best. Daniel
In regards to a harm reduction approach to safely coming off of psychiatric medication, survivingantidepressants is a brilliant and revolutionary peer support online forum. Their highly knowledgeable, experienced, dedicated volunteer staff of moderators do phenomenal work guiding thousands towards becoming and living drug-free, incl. how to design and manage successful tapers.
https://www.survivingantidepressants.org
Ariel — yes, a great resource. Thank you for sharing it.
Daniel
Hi, is the childhood trauma you refer to the same as complex ptsd?
Hi Phoenix,
Not exactly. Maybe these two videos of mine better explain what I mean…
Greetings, Daniel
https://youtu.be/qD3PGGvASrI [Eight Types of Psychological Trauma]
https://youtu.be/qRyWxmwqerc [Everyone Is Traumatized]
Dear Daniel. I have been inspired by you tube videos and have found them very helpful in understanding my own challenges. Do you have any thoughts on anti psychotic medication withdrawal as a result of reduction and/or discontinuation. I look forward to hearing from you .Helen
Hi Helen,
Thanks! I address this subject in my films Coming Off Psych Drugs and also Healing Homes. They’re both on YouTube for free: http://wildtruth.net/films-english/
Warm regards,
Daniel
Hi Daniel!
I’m realy intrested what are your thaughts on the subject of personality disorders. Could you consider making a video about it?
Hi Jakob,
Greetings! I’ve already made a few. Here’s one on borderline: https://youtu.be/Pk8PRAKBEaQ
And here’s a playlist of videos of mine on narcissism and sociopathy: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRHLaIzKomTgpfHjpZ0GD3xqcV_03thiL
is this what you were interested in?
all the best,
Daniel
Do You think it’s possible to heal from personality disorder without psychotherapy?
Yes, I do. I’ve seen quite a few people who were diagnosed with different personality disorders grow and change and no longer be diagnosed with them. Personally I never diagnosed anyone with a personality disorder, though. I just see those labels as insults. But people with lots of problems can definitely grow and change. Some people don’t, some some people (especially with a good healthy environment and a lot of inner motivation to change) can and do. Wishing you the best, Daniel
dear jakob, what is a personality disorder? [retoric] what is a damaged personality? at age 14 i became a member of christian religion, jw.org. many were depressed. until my 20th year i did not believe in depression. but when life became unbearable i speak out in 1999, at age 38. a year later a colleague said: you are so depressed!
anyway…i am still in my path of healing
jai
Hi, Daniel
I’ve posted once before to say hi and to ask a question, which you answered. Thank you for that. Now, I have another question about journaling. A long, long time ago, I took a class called “At A Journal Workshop”, which taught the methods developed by Dr. Ira Progoff and his use of the Intensive Journal Process. Do you know about this process? And, if so, what do you think of it? I found it to be very, very powerful, and more than a bit scary. I just think that I didn’t have the support system around me at the time to help me deal with all the emotions that came boiling up while journaling. So, I put the book and the journal away and haven’t touched them in 30 years. But now, in my 70’s, I want to try again. Never too late, I guess. Also, one last comment: I was reminded recently of a saying that I didn’t truly understand the first time I heard it in my youth, but I think I do now: “Every man is born twice: first from his mother’s womb and again when his father dies.” Have you ever heard this saying? It makes me take a deep breath every time I think of it. Yours on the journey, John
Hi John,
Greetings again and thanks for the comment. I haven’t heard of that writer, or his process nor had I heard of the quotation you mentioned. Interesting! Warm greetings to you and good to hear from you,
Daniel
Hi Daniel,
My name’s Georgia, I’m 23 from Australia. I recently came across your Youtube channel and have gone down a bit of a rabbit hole watching your content over the past few days. I find what you have to say so incredibly inspiring and brave. I have been so moved by your videos and you have given me so much hope and belief in my own healing process. I have a long way to go but seeing how authentic and passionate you are gives me hope that I can live my life in an equally authentic and passionate way.
– Georgia
Thanks Georgia!
Warm greetings to you. Meanwhile, I actually lived in Australia for almost a year in 1993, studied biology and zoology at Melbourne Uni. And I hitchhiked all around Australia. Had a wonderful time. Warm hello, Daniel
Thanks for your reply Daniel 🙂
Oh wow! Did you happen to go to Broken Hill? I would absolutely love to do a big trip around Australia sometime soon – I definitely haven’t seen enough! If you have any recommendations let me know! Also, I’m currently at Melbourne Uni studying psychology and english.
– Georgia
Hi Georgia,
Interesting, so you are at Melbourne unity. I did a film screening of my film “open dialogue“ at Melbourne Uni in 2013, and it was the first time I had been there in 20 years. It was odd to be back, but good! I don’t know Broken Hill. I guess I would say I really loved the northern part of Australia, and also the outback. So beautiful, but actually the north east is beautiful and so is Victoria and New South Wales. Your whole country is gorgeous! All the best to you, Daniel
Oh amazing – just had a look for your film – it’s on the Melbourne Uni recovery library. I’ll check it out!
Broken Hill is a small mining town on the border of NSW and Vic. It’s claim to fame is that it was where Mad Max was filmed and it’s very typical Australian bush lands. I was curious if you went because my family is from there 🙂 I love the north of Australia too – Northern Territory is beautiful.
And your country is gorgeous too! I love America and its wilderness.
All the best, Georgia
Hi Daniel,
I choose healing as my number one priority since fifteen years (I am 30 now). It has been a pretty lonely often scary but also rewarding path for me.
I just want to express my gratitude for the work you do. Your videos gave me a great deal of Validation and make me feel nurtured in a very healing way.
Thank you for being so brave to stand up for yourself and what you believe in! This makes me feel safer to do the same.
Much love from Germany,
Samira
Thanks Samira!
It’s a lonely path we in ‘the club’ did not freely choose. We only reach the destination when we are dead. But we have each other for company.
Andre.
Thanks for a very inspring video, Daniel. We watched it here while keeping the corona virus isolation.
Are there any similar set ups like the one in Sweden, in other countries? Specifically, we’re asking about Israel.
Many thanks.
Hi Gadi,
There is soteria in Jerusalem. There’s a link to a person involved with them at the bottom of my open dialogue page in Hebrew, and he would know more than I do! http://wildtruth.net/dvdsub/he
Just click on the first film and scroll to the bottom. His name is Itay kander.
Daniel
Bravo! You inspire me. I wish some day to buy you a non-alcoholic beverage and have a chat 🙂
🙂 Cheers!
Hello!
I haven’t gone through all your stuff, but I ran across the Sermon on the Mount insight and was immediately taken with your ideas. I then hopped on over to your about page and realize you are someone I am very interested in collaborating with. I don’t know where you are in your work but if this sounds like a direction you’re interested in going, please reach out to me so we can speak directly.
Best,
Dena
Please tell me where I can find/read information about the Sermon on the Mount that you wrote about?
It’s here: https://wildtruth.net/sermon-on-the-mount-radical-new/
Hi, Daniel
I really, really like your stuff on healing. I’m quite old now, but I understand at a visceral level that the damage is still there, working away on me. Sigh. Anyway, I would like to know, in addition to Alice’s work, what you think of Virginia Satir. I know she has a huge rep amongst family therapists but, for some reason, I feel ambiguous about her, especially her idea of “family reconstruction”. Have you done or could you do a bit on her work and ideas? Thanks, JT
Hi John — greetings! I read a Virginia Satir book about 15 years — I think it was “Peoplemaking” — but I honestly don’t remember it too well. My biggest impression of Virginia Satir actually comes from China. I lived there for three months last year and I got asked pretty much every day by psychologists what I thought of her. She’s heavily promoted there (she and her psychology model) and is one of the most popular western psychological theorists over there, which was a surprise to me. She’s being heavily market there… And I didn’t necessarily take that as a good thing… Past that I really don’t know much about her…. all the best to you, and thanks for commenting— Daniel
Hi, Daniel! I really like and share your views on therapy and psychiatric system! Do you by any chance know any good therapist in BC, Canada?
Much thanks for all your work!
hi alex — hmm, i don’t know any good therapists in B.C. i was up there hitchhiking seven years ago — hitchhiked up to the yukon and over to alaska, but didn’t meet any therapists along the way…. however, since there there’s a unitarian church in vancouver that has shown at least one of my movies (open dialogue) and done a lot of advocacy against the harm of psychiatry. i’m not religious and don’t know much about the church except that they’ve brought together some good people to talk about mental health stuff… http://vancouverunitarians.ca/ their head minister also writes at the progressive blog madinamerica.com, i believe….. daniel
Hi Daniel,
Proudly just became a patreon member.
I commented on one of your youtube videos, if I could re upload the video to my channel.
I am also on youtube talking about many similar topics such as you share. Nonprofit.
So this is just a follow up, as I would also like to upload your video on Anxiety.
Would this be at all possible ? I can surely understand if it may not be suitable.
Best Wishes
Aron
hi aron — greetings and thank you! yes, feel free to re-upload my video to your channel — i take it as a very respectful compliment! and hopefully it will reach more people. best wishes back! daniel
Hi Daniel,
I recently read your essay about why you left the field of therapy. I appreciated your honesty and genuine passion for helping others heal in more human terms, but I also became a little discouraged about going into the field after reading it, since I have been considering becoming a therapist. I, too, have a passion for helping others heal through developing a personal relationship, but I have not even formally entered the field (just started college) yet I feel like I will end up being as upset with the system as you have been once I become more involved… So I guess my question is: should I still consider becoming a therapist? Can I still help guide others in a healthier direction in life while dealing with the “messed up system”? Also, I, too, have (since childhood) wanted to break away from my toxic parents, as I know what good self-healing that will do for me and how much their oppressive regime has messed me up, but how did you do it? Did you just one day pack up and leave? I am dying to leave, but too scared of what they will do if I even attempt it.
Love & light,
M.
hi M.,
it’s been, or it was, a long process. lots of leaving and coming back to them — and ultimately leaving again. i write a fair amount about it in my book “breaking from your parents” — maybe you’d find it useful?
all the best
daniel
Hey Daniel – if you are ever in Toronto; hit me up…I want to take you out for dinner to discuss many topics. Take care.
thanks Shawn 🙂
Hi, feel free to read and comment on this blog ~ https://psychiatrysho.wordpress.com/
hi Anne,
i went to the site and read the open dialogue piece and thought it was weak. i skipped most of the last half or so because i found some of his early assertions to be so off-base and easily refutable that i lost interest. i wonder if this writer has read robert whitaker. i suspect he just dismisses him.
daniel
Hi Daniel,
Its me again and have read about your childhood trauma,the carreers you have undertaken and the plans you have fo the future.I am grateful for this inspiration that yuo have instilled in me.Following the outcome of my results which i had made known to yuo am planing to do medicine.I hope i will prosper the same way you have done.Thank you Daniel.
good to connect with you, Tyson!! glad we met in Mbita!!
Hi Daniel. I heard you speak for the first time on Amy Child’s Whatever Whatever podcast recently. I have a 6 and a 4 year old. About a year or so ago, without any input from anyone else, I came to the realization that I’m a shitty horrible parent. On the outside, I do so many things right…and I guess, to be fair, like all parents, fucked up or whatever, there ARE lots of things I do right…but since I have come from trauma, and have parents who suffered EXTREME trauma (as you know) I pass that on. I had no one to tell me that my decision to have kids was fucking insane. Also, I don’t think I could have comprehended it if anyone did. It would have made no sense. And when I came to the very dark place of realizing that I never should have had kids, I was in complete despair. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it because it just sounded insane…like I was self-punishing, too hard on myself, blah blah blah. It was one of the darkest places i’ve been in my life. I’ve never done anything awful to my children (as defined by society, such as physical/sexual abuse) but much of the other insane stuff that every parent I know does, which is largely sanctioned and applauded by society. My point is, when I heard Amy’s interviews with you, and checked out your website, it was incredibly VALIDATING…it’s like, no, I’m not just some depressed, mentally unstable person…but am actually aware of the truth of our modern life…children are treated awfully, and nobody cares! Thank you for giving that aspect of my inner world a voice that would otherwise have not had one.
My conundrum…what to do about it all. I can’t give back my kids…I’m too attached to even think of that. I love them soooo much. I really love them and want nothing more for them than to be self-actualized…even if it means that they one day they break my heart and divorce me permanently. I feel like I would be accepting of that, even though it might kill me. I guess reading your stuff has really given a voice to my own suffering…including the suffering that I have gone through grieving my parents and their, well, utter bullshit. But back to the conundrum…all I can do is try and make every moment better. I apologize a lot to my kids. We do a lot of “do-overs” where I go back to say the things I would have LIKED to have said instead of what I DID say. But obviously, I still find myself frustrated with myself. I look at my son (my oldest) and see the effects of my own trauma on his psyche…the way he carries himself, the way he hardens himself to the world when he is vulnerable, how volatile he is and how intolerable his own emotions are to himself, how much he lacks confidence, and it fucking breaks my heart. To see someone whom I love so profoundly, suffer at my own doing, it’s too much. I am not religious, but if I was, I would describe it as hell on earth. I largely live in this place of extreme psychological discomfort…some days are ok, and some days are more than I can handle. I do kinda wish you had a professional partner who believed what you do, but knew how to offer advice to parents who have come to their own dark realizations. Know of anyone?I do sense that you strongly dislike parents….but try not to take it personally. Because your message is too important…even though I’m sort of a lost cause as a criminal who brought children into the world when I really ought not to have…also, there is nothing you could think of me as a parent that I don’t already think about myself.
I realize this feedback probably sounds confusing, maybe? I don’t know. It was important to me to put it out there and have you read it. Thanks for putting yourself out there the way you do…I can’t think of anyone who’s willing to be so honest.
hi alex
greetings. i wouldn’t say i dislike parents — lots of my closest friends are parents. it’s just that i don’t like a lot of what parents do (and don’t do, and should have done, etc.). i also like myself but i’m not perfect. as for advice (whatever that is), i wrote an essay once that you might appreciate: http://wildtruth.net/better-late-than-never-twelve-suggestions-for-parents-seeking-enlightenment/
wishing you the best on this painful journey!!
daniel
Alex,, The fact that you have so much insight into your problems, tells me that there is a great deal of hope for you to change. Often it’s hard to do alone. It’s very hard not to follow the script (or to see the flaws in it) you’ve been handed in your own childhood because those of us who have grown up in dysfunction see the abnormal as normal.
I would suggest that you seek out a 12-step program like Adult Children of Alcoholics (alcoholism or addiction are not the only prerequisites, any kind of family-of-origin dysfunction works) or Codependents anonymous. These programs will offer support and a place to hear yourself address your issues in a non-judgmental environment in a way that can lead to positive change. After years of therapy, when I finally found these programs, I finally found peace.
No. You do not have to believe in God and it is not a cult. It is just people helping people who are willing to be real and talk about the real stuff that plagues us as humans. No one there will tell you what to do. You learn by hearing others’ stories and how they progressed. I no longer attend meetings because I no longer feel the need to – but I am ever grateful that they are there and I wouldn’t hesitate to go back when and if…
I wish you peace in your life and in the lives of your children…
Dear Daniel,
Maybe you remember me from your film projection in Split, Croatia – Renata. I just want to thank you, as your Open dialogue, Take these broken wings and Healing Homes caused a real revolution in my head – I really needed some other approach then what we’ve been told – “take your medications and you would function”. My response to my psychiatrist was – And when exactly I’m gonna live?
I hope to see the follow up movie some day about the long term results when people come off medications. Thank you so much for your work and dedication, you are a real inspiration to me! Feel free to contact me if you ever return to Split (as now it’s not like the first time you came here and had no one to talk to :)). I would be very happy to host you as my guest in my home. Renata
thank you Renata! it was a pleasure to meet you! hello from zagreb!
daniel
Dear Daniel,
I’m so inspired by your work that I’m trying to find a way to donate your films to some insitutions in Croatia. I’m waiting for the response from Ludruga if it’s possible to donate your films to a library – so that they become available to Croatians. I think it would be much harder to donate your films to HRT – Croatian Public TV House, but I’ll still give it a go. Hope that your films also find a way to be available through film festivals all over the world!
Thank you, thank you, thank you! Keep up your good work!
Renata
thank you Renata!
Hello! I am in the process of opening a Soteria-inspired (no medications; and also no diagnosis, no stigma, no shame…) home in Phoenix, Az. I am looking for allies, connections, support, anyone who might be interested in seeing something like this happen. Part of the business plan includes talking to “customers” to see if my idea is viable. I don’t know if this is an appropriate venue to solicit support, so I apologize if any boundaries have been violated. I am simply very motivated to see this happen. I want to create healing communities and change the conversation in society in regards to “mental illness.” I want to humanize the experience of altered states, crisis, depression… I hope to help change the language around these experiences – or at least the interpretation of such. Thank you!!!
very cool, Layne — i wish you the best! daniel
Interested. Love to know more. Would love to help if I might be able….))
Although I would have loved access to a Soteria-house kind of environment for my son at the outset of this journey with him; four years into the journey, I wish more that the Open Dialogue program had been available in our area, would now be available in our area. I am coming more and more to the conclusion that these ‘states’ (rather than place a diagnosis on it) occur for healing of the client and the systems within which he or she finds herself, normally families, communities, societies. Taking them out of their environments can help in acute phases but if the ‘whole’ requires healing then their ‘states’, ‘symptoms’, may re-emerge upon their return home. This is a traumatic journey for all involved, the clients and those who love and wish to support them but have neither the tools nor the knowledge to do so. In the greater isolation often imposed by these ‘states’, we were left trying to create the solution with the same tools and dynamics that caused/nurtured/manifested the ‘problem’ in the first place.
Of course, to be a voice that these ‘crises’ can be temporary, that there are alternatives to the horrific prognoses, life-long effects of the various psycho-pharmaceutical concoctions that I can only see as my son having been experimented upon with, would have been tremendously helpful. I found evidence in case studies, including prior incarnations of Soteria house, and other resources outside the United States, and could believe there were other, more effective, approaches, but without strong support and with such vehement opposition from ‘standard medical practice’, ‘standard psychiatric practice’, mine was a very small voice just trying to survive and do the best we could. That my husband did not survive these stressors, having never been in hospital his entire life to have died two weeks after his first ever admittance, strong support that there was hope could have made the world of a difference to him, as caught up as he was in ‘logic’; even four months ago, the documentary on ‘Open Dialogue’ may have provided enough proof for him that what the ‘experts’ had been saying was not the most effective approach and it may have given him space to allow hope into his life and provided enough relief to allow his body to heal.
So with your passion to open a Soteria House based environment, I would urge you to perhaps consider aligning with Jaakko Seikkula and work I understand he is attempting with others on the East Coast to make Open Dialogue approach available in the Southwest. The decades worth of research and proof would assist you more, I believe, in creating the difference you obviously are passionate about creating!
I wish you luck and thank you for your passion.
Karen
Hello Daniel,
Thanks for posting your films on Youtube ! I’ve been watching “Take these broken wings”, and it’s so hopeful ! I wish i could meet such a competent therapist (though i’m not schyzophrenic) ! I wondered what your opinion is about EMDR and primal therapy ?
Best regards,
Marie
hi melissa,
greetings and thank you. hmm…..EMDR — i think it helps some people, but i also think it doesn’t help some people. i think it’s kind of a gimmick — and that ultimately it’s about talking about this stuff with a safe person who can really hear….. primal therapy…..i trust that less — i think there’s value in accessing the deeper feelings, but i think primal therapy forces the issue in many cases. better to let this stuff come up when it’s ready — and it does!! all the best, daniel
Dear Daniel
To me you are a Shaman – a healer with an amazing gift – you have helped me immeasureably. I found you quite by chance two years ago – I’m so glad I did. I have been recommending you a whole lot. Thank-you (and Alice Miller) with all my heart for giving your wisdom so freely
thank you Kiara. 🙂 that makes me happy.
Hi Daniel.
I am so happy that you exist…I thought I was alone….i do share exactly the same values like you do….I am gay and although it does not define my entire assistance but it has been a powerful motivator to see myself as who I am and heal myself. The thing I found your website late but I am happy to find a person like you. Wished I knew in person…
Saddy 😀
thank you Saddy. wishing you all the best! daniel
how old are you? quit crying. stop complaining. stop criticizing and stop condemning your parents. without them you would not exist. if i was them i would be ashamed of you too.
yours is a scary and age-old argument, john, that gives parents free reign to do whatever they want and gives their (grown) children no chance to heal. and when parents themselves can’t heal and instead deny what they’ve done, they do project their own hidden feelings (like shame) outward — most easily onto their children. sad.
daniel
Dear Daniel:
I am so encouraged by reading your words – please keep writing! I too wish you were still a therapist. Could you by any chance recommend a therapist (preferably skype or phone access) who would be appropriate for helping with grief from childhood trauma?
Thank you very much.
Viv
hi Viv — thanks for the comment. i’ll reply backchannel — but, coincidentally, i did just put up a youtube video on the subject of psychotherapy.
it’s here: http://youtu.be/G2-p4A7Bl6s
all the best!
daniel
Hi Daniel. I wish you were still seeing clients. I would really like to talk someone with your views on psychology. It would be really helpful. Thanks for all that you’re doing though. Do you know of any good therapists that work over Skype/G+? All the best, A.
hi Anna,
hmm…..i might have some ideas. i’ll send a backchannel email.
daniel
hello daniel,
greetings from davao, philippines! hope you are fine. just want to write you for gratitude for your video on youtube (childhood trauma and the art of healing). I found it while searching for materials for our plan of a Mental Health study/support group for this year. It is very helpful. hope it will reach many people. keep up the wonderful work!
best,
metta
thanks Metta! all the best to you———Daniel
Hi Daniel
I got to your Youtube videos as part of an internet search for Alice Miller. Her book, Drama of the Gifted Child was cited in a book I’m reading as a counseling course I’m just finishing at SACAP (South African College of Applied Psychology).
I’m so glad in stumbled upon your clips and your website. I’m in my early forties and also past the major ‘hump’ of healing from my developmental problems caused by my parents’ narcissistic orientations. I like what you have to say about being a proponent of self therapy. Although my many years in traditional psychotherapy were foundational in my recovery, I feel I no longer have a need to rely on it for goals to be achieved? I think I pulled away at the right time as the challenge of standing on my own two psychological feet demanded exactly that – that I radically begin to do it for myself.
Also I see that you are interested in producing a podcast series at some point? I have been an avid fan of shrinkrapradio.com for many years and was thinking that you may be able to create something similar. This kind of thing has so much value for all kinds of people throughout the world – especially for single people and those facing the isolation and loneliness of being in a sort of no mans land, between identities and learning to take healthy risks. It’s truly a greatly stimulating source of easily accessible support and motivation.
I just wanted to share this with you as your website and approach resonated strongly with me.
Thank you
Kind regards
Darryl
dig it!!! thanks darryl! much appreciated! and greetings from san diego, california. i’m traveling down here, and in and out of mexico, now!!
yours,
daniel
Hi Daniel,
I came accross this web page because I was searching for info on Schizoaffective disorder, My husband has been diagnosed with this mental conditions and it has been hard for me. He has a very good doctor that has prescribed anti-psychotic medication. I will read your book on how to deal with family and mental ilness and I will give it to my husband so he can read it. I hope it helps him cope with his family rejecting him because he has a mental illness.
Take care and God bless…
Ana
greetings Ana,
I hope you and your husband find the book helpful. It takes a pro-choice attitude on the antipsychotic medications, so it’s possible his doctor won’t like it too much. Many times psychiatrists are threatened by the ideas in the book. Some….but not all. I wish you and your husband all the best,
Daniel
Thank you 🙂
Greetings from Montreal, Canada
You come across as very self-absorbed. You’re greatest challenge, Daniel, will be to slow down and learn how to empathize.
Dan,
Okay…..but how does one respond to this? I can’t say I agree with you. Am I self-absorbed or self-reflective in a healthy way? I guess I’ll leave that for others (and my future self) to decide upon. I guess I am curious, though, how you came to these conclusions about me.
all the best,
Daniel
Intuitively. I actually liked what you had to say but I felt there was something in the energy that alerted me to really deep unresolved stuff and a misunderstanding at how the brain works mechanically that as a minimum might give you a greater compassion for your own parents that until you internalise is is probably a good thing that you are no longer a therapist.
I spent two months recently with my severely alcoholic father as he died of cancer. I did not get even half of what you describe in a positive way with your parents and through deep deep empathy I could never have cut him out of my life.
There is a part of me that just does not get this cutting out of parents…
Alma,
hmm, what to say in reply to this? as i see it, you miss my some basic parts of my viewpoint pretty strongly. wishing you the best, daniel
Hi Daniel,
Im very touched by all of your words, your blogs and essays …. you are a gifted writer …..
I am a 34 year old ‘runner’ ….when I say runner I mean it in the sense that I have run from my past at every opportunity using pretty much any means I can find to escape. But now …. now I have been forced to stop and listen, I think my higher power is fed up of being patient with me and has forced me into it 😉 so, onwards I will go ….
I read that you were interested in interviewing people who had experienced childhood trauma and wondered if you were still looking?
I admire your courage and indeed your honesty. My website is also very honest, very raw and I have had some people criticise me for that but I feel very strongly that childhood trauma, indeed any trauma should not be kept a secret, after all thats what perpetrators want isnt it?
Take great care Daniel, you deserve it.
Namaste
Shelley
Hi Shelley—
greetings from Tasmania (where I am right now). I appreciate hearing what you say. THANKS. Also, I look forward to looking at your website.
About interviewing people — right now I’m not doing that, but I might start in the future. Thanks for popping the reminder back into my head!
all the best,
Daniel
No probs, look me up if you want to do it 🙂
Id love to know your thoughts on the site …. its not just about trauma etc, its about …..well me, I guess 🙂 Have fun in Tasmania! My children and I just left Perth after an 8 month stay and are now living in India which is awesome!
Namaste, Shelley
hi daniel,
i am 60 this month.
i grew up with abuse and neglect but also the pill and women’s lib.
i think women now don’t have time to mother their children…..because it is expected that they work.
what do you think?
i agree lee. if i had had children i would not want to work a full-time job. it’s a recipe for neglecting the kid. when i was working full-time as a therapist i saw young mothers who were trying to be full-time therapists and they had young kids at home. they were depressed about it — felt torn between being proper mothers and having a decent career. mostly they chose career. their kids suffered for it. i thought to myself, “if i had become a dad i would have quit being a therapist immediately. i wouldn’t want to devote so much emotional energy to helping people grow as a career when my own child deserves that energy of mine…”
all the best,
daniel
I too feel and understand your journey. The internet opened up the world of my secret sexual paraphilia, a spanking fetish. First came to lies, then while trying to physically partner with another so afflicted, but was rejected I sought and received via phone and Skype psychotherapy. Experienced latent PTSD flashbacks, saw the dissociation in me, and now have become an online outspoken advocate to ban all child corporal punishment. I believe I’ve read a posting somewhere else on the internet by you before Daniel, but don’t remember where. I continue my self work of healing body shame, and self loving. As I’ve discovered in awareness who I am and how abuse affected me, I’m conscious of how much deeper I can love someone than most. I thank you for your blogging, I hope I can follow you as you travel down the road of the rest of your life too!
very cool John!! thanks for sharing. i appreciate your honesty. greetings from england (where i presently am for a short time more). wishing you the best on your journey as well. thanks for posting. daniel
The greatest thing you have to offer is a deep truth that cuts through the immense layers of spiritual and cultural denial. The process of true healing seems to float on a river of tears. The realizations I am experiencing about my parents and family are bringing up a lot of grief and I now recognize this as a very beneficial thing. My depression is getting lighter, my truth deeper, and my true self brighter. Gratitude for your courage and honesty.
cool brad!! wishing you the best on your journey. my journey has been both very painful and very rewarding, and presently seems to be much more of the latter than the former… who knows exactly what’s ahead…. greetings from london (where i presently am, for a brief time) — daniel
You are being a great service to the world in seeking and connecting with the clarity and meaning of your experience, for yourself.
The current culmination of the path you have journeyed will/is awakening many, I am sure. It instills hope, on many levels, for me.
In gratitude,
CR.
thanks CR!!! all the best to you, Daniel
Hey i want to buy lithuanian subtitled dvd of take these broken wings. But i cant pay via paypal because they not accept my debit card for some reason. But i dont have problems when im buying things from ebay. So im wondering is there any other way to pay for this dvd. Thanks
hi Tomas!! sorry it wasn’t working. but then I saw that you did order it with paypal and that it worked!! i’m glad it worked, and it’s already mailed off!! all the best to you!!
daniel