1) Feel excitement over new creative inspiration
2) Feel passion as I dive in and create first draft
3) Feel shame that draft is not good enough
4) Feel nothing as I self-protectively dissociate and forget about draft
5) Feel delight after returning to draft and discovering its value
6) Feel passion again as I dig in, edit, and revise
7) Feel fear and insecurity at idea of sharing draft with world — due to assuredness that it will cause me to be rejected
8) Feel relief and pleasure after I share draft with trusted allies
9) Feel sympathy for myself over realization that I was lost in inner child’s fear of abandonment by rejecting parents
10) Feel anger and rage over allies’ mild suggestions for draft
11) Feel nothing as I self-protectively dissociate and again forget about project
12) Feel a bit silly after I look at draft objectively and realize that allies’ suggestions were in fact correct
13) Feel powerful after incorporating allies’ suggestions
14) Feel dread and numbness upon realization that work is ready to share with world
15) Feel both thrill and terror as I share work with world
16) Feel relief that I did not die or implode as result of sharing
17) Feel regret and anxiety over various things I might have edited differently
18) Feel despair that sharing didn’t rescue my inner child as I secretly hoped
19) Feel pride that I accomplished work — and pleasure that some people liked it
20) Feel resolved at having integrated project’s lesson into myself, which signals readiness for new creative inspiration
Have you since grieved the trauma at the root of this fear? I know you talk about some trauma you are still trying to grieve. That would actually be a good video idea too. The stuff you’re still working on/stuck on.
Yes, I’ve grieved a lot of it — but some still remains… Hopefully it won’t last forever, but slowly I heal and grow!
This sounds exactly like my process.
Made me laugh.
LOL those are fantastic insights into some real mental processes. From one of the allies. Bas si sladak.
This is fabulous! I have been longing to do some writing about my journey and identify with every single step on yours… except that I’ve never posted anything publically… Maybe one day 🙂
Excellent blog Daniel!! I used to paint a lot but then became a Clinical Psychologist and have been unable to produce anything for years… paradoxically, the world has become too concrete after studying and working in the mental health field…I wonder if you have any suggestions for creativity to be unplugged again? Keep writing and producing!!! I appreciate it!!
i think having fun is the best way to lubricate creativity………..whatever it is that allows someone to have fun, especially good healthy fun 🙂
where can I see these videos, please?
hi jack, they’re presently all on my youtube channel, which is a bit disorganized. soon i’m going to fix my “video” page on this website so that they’re organized there better.
here’s the channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/dmackler58
all the best,
This point 18 sometimes makes me so sad….but I truely recognize it…
I am SOO happy you are posting. Your open hearted sharing/flow chart gives tremendous insight into your humility and kindness. I wondered how you have been sustaining yourself since giving your videos to the general public. I have found boundless value in every media you have produced. These feelings are beacons of light to the inner children hiding out here in world wide webland.
awwww — that is very sweet Yocheved — thank you. Daniel
Right on the money!
Thank you for adding important insights to a process I have definitely experienced.
Thanks for this, Dan. I’m chuckling to myself as the pencil-sketched cover of the children’s book I’m writing is sitting on my desk and the very bad first draft is in revision. I’m at #7 on your flow chart. It’s good to know other writers do this.
Amen, brother. My stab at a piece about a man. Not just any man. Now, the fretting and tweaking begin.