Hi Daniel, I was a victim of child sexual, physical and emotional abuse, mostly by my mother, i.e. mother on daughter incest - violent rapes. My mother wasn't a victim of child sexual abuse herself, instead she started sexually assaulting younger children when she was 9 if not younger. She was a grandiose narcissist and according to several of my doctors who have met her, more of a psychopath than a sociopath. She was also very religious (she nearly became a nun) and 'respectable'. Being born into the upper class (French aristocrats) helped, even though her family were not that wealthy. The physical abuse started before I was born (attempts at inducing a miscarriage), she took drugs (benzos, opiates, tricyclic antidepressants - the level of opiates she takes is just as bad as if she was injecting heroin) throughout the time she was pregnant with me and as a result I was born by C section 3 weeks early and spent the first 2 weeks in an incubator, being weaned off the drugs, while she was demanding more opiates for heself and saying that I should be put down. When she saw me for the first time, she said 'It looks like a rat!' (I had lanugo) and turned towards the wall. I went home with her after 2 weeks, then the social services (who had been alerted by the hospital) found out that I wasn't being fed, my nappy wasn't being changed, and I'd lost weight since my release from hospital, so they forced my father to hire a nurse (they coulndn't get my mother to sign adoption papers to give me away and were too cash strapped to take her to court to put me into foster care), the nanny found me unconscious in my cot when she arrived and called an ambulance, I had brain trauma (probably from shaken baby syndrome) and had to have surgery to relieve the pressure on my brain. I then went back 'home' but the nanny protected me against my mother until I was 3... when, again, the nanny, the neighbours, the kindergarten teachers and the other kids' parents had to contact the social services to force my mother to let me see a doctor (I had lost the sight in one eye. Thankfully I only needed glasses). My mother then moved to a differnet part of France, I lost my nanny, and the sexual abuse started a couple of weeks later. I actually distinctly remember the first time she raped me. My mother also liked suffocating and strangling me, stabbing me, mostly with sewing needles, burning me etc. She gleefully told me numerous times how she tried to suffocate me when I was an infant. I am now in my late 40s, went no contact with my mother when I was 25, and moved to a differnet country in my 30s. My father was non existent (just a sperm donor) and the rest of the family were no help, and I've never dated, I am quite a loner. I have found Pete Wlaker's book extremely helpful, as well as Dr Judith Hermann's book, and Andrea Dworkin's books and talks (I attract pimps and narcissists and have been offered jobs in the prostitution/porn industry throughout my life, though mostly when I was in my 20s). Just now, in the UK, a nurse, Lucy Letby, has been convicted of torturing and killing babies on the nenoatal unit where she worked. Her victims were premature babies or twins, 2 of them were triplets (the third triplet survived because his parents demanded that he be transferred to amother hospital). Several of her victims, who survived, suffered permanent brain damage and will never be able to live a normal life, at least one of them requries 24/7 care,she is tetraplegic and has cerebral palsy. Some of the babies she targeted were only 1 or 2 days old, some of them had been on the unit for a while, and were about to go home. The nurse enjoyed trying to 'save' the babies after they had collapsed, a fairly typical case of Munchhausen by proxy (which my mother also had. She diagnosed me with brain tumour, leukaemia, brain tumour and rapidly progressing MS when I was only 8, etc.) The case has made me very jittery and has caused flashbacks. I could have fallen victim to someone like Lucy during any of my stays in hospital during the first 3 years of my life, and of course, my mother was very much like her: superficially charming, butter melts in her mouth, good Christian etc. If you could make a video around the subject, it would help me. I have already listened to Dr Todd Grande's, which helped a little. I guess that one of the ways I am going to manage this grief, fear and anger is by militating for an independent ombudsman/regulator to be creasted, so that patients and whistleblowers have someone to take their concerns to. Sorry for the long post and best wishes!