Hello Daniel and All, Daniel, in one of your videos you defined drinking alcohol as dissociation, and it lead to a breakthrough here. My drinking was an utter mystery to me: in the morning I'd swear off, but by evening, I was off to the corner store again. Mystery. If I reframe this mystery, and see it as my psyche's instinct to protect my abused self, I get it. It is a pause in my thinking, a time out, an ace up my sleeve, an advantage over others (for a short while). I had the 'switch' to my feelings. Alcohol gave me the super-power to access the appearance of happiness. But the intoxication of spontaneity soon would morph into drunk behavior and future embarrassment - Another mystery? My psyche does not think very far ahead or have a good memory.