I have a DEEP hate for myself. It stems from childhood and behaviors in my adult life. As a young boy of 5-6 years old I was molested by an older boy. I could not tell my parents of the actual sexual abuse for my father was very Macho and my more was a alcoholic. I went to school in the 60's. I now know I am dyslexic and have traits of being on the spectrum. Elementary school was very difficult to say the least. While in the 2nd Third grade I was given a large cardboard box and my desk and I were placed in the box in the back of the room. To say it was traumatizing was far beyond that. Having no friends and parents that I could not turn to left me lost in a dark world in my head. I was passed on to grade to grade without help for my development problems. I did not know why I was disliked and hated. I was teased continually. I think that when I was in my mid teens my brain decided to give the world a reason to hate me. I did two things, I abused a distant family member and was exposed and the hatred continued. Then I started abusing animals, part of me was this is payback to the world. The other was giving my brain a reason why I was disliked. This became a pathway in my brain, and I continued this for decades. I have have stopped with the help of a counselor and a 12-step program. My problem is how do I stop hating myself? I cant get past the actions I have done.