A wink from God Daniel, in this I'd like to discuss the program of acaoa. I've found it very helpful and ive never heard you mention it. For me its a good place that brings up those traumas to be worked on. By hearing others share and sitting with what is uncomfortable. Also im surprised by the results of healing not being what I expected. I wanted to be better with people and woman to be attracted to me. I found after healing that it maybe even did the opposite of people being less attracted to me because we didnt have as much in common and it triggered them. Yes I dont feel as lonely now but I was surprised that this journey has really taken me farther away from people or has separated me from them. Casual sex really lost its appeal which is a bummer because I feel like I didnt get that as a young man because of my shyness and I feel ive had to completely bypass that and go straight to very mature man via the healing process. Its a striking erieness to heal phycologicaly and there be a great silence within and then to go to the social gatherings and no one can see it and if anything feel more separate or less able to connect or have less to connect on. I was struck by how little I knew what was coming on the healing journey and the reasons I got into being nothing like what I got out of it. There was some beauty and a higher power in that of awe that the universe had revealed something to me and it was very much outside of me because I had no idea all the things that were below the surface when I got into this so it was healing but also revealing of I didnt even know that was what happened either. That's why I think its like waking up because we have no way to comprehend what is about to happen to us and I think this is the only journey that happens on to such an extent because our whole being changes very deeply and there is no part of us left that could have witnessed it so we are completely transformed and baffled and we most go to a place of complete loss of self which feels like complete defeat and dissociation and terror if we are to heal at that depth. Its funny to have the remnants of that bubble bursting, we succumb to the voice we've been fighting we've identified as our aggressor or unhealthy parent and when the bubble bursts we become overwhelmed by it and loose our protection (recovery) and its days of sheer despair and lack of control and then that boundary barely reappears again and then a little while later its like what happened its gone and theres a great silence and nothing there and its devastating because I didnt want to let go of that voice certainly not at that level of it completely leaving forever. It shows impermanence and gives you an eerie sense of death and a perspective on grief and life ending and you realize all of this is a process of grief that everything is gonna leave. And I didnt want to let go of may parents which were that voice. I started this process and knew what I was doing but when it got to that level I didnt mean it and I didnt know I was actually lossing them and I wasnt ready for it. And now I can bring love into my relationships and truly begin and live a life filled with intention and meaning and care and love. But its so shocking cause I had no idea I never had those things and then its even more shocking to go back into the world and realize they never had those things!! I also understand through this that healthy is a concept society is propagating out of unhealthiness and all along people who went through hardship as children and adults are the healthier ones even though they are the ones who need healing and have issues. Its such a bizarre feeling to have that healing its like laughing can arise and then sorrow all in several moments and somehow it doesn't get hooked to anything its like it comes up and goes and its errie because none of it means anything or lands on a sense of self. Thank you daniel thank you so much ive listened to these videos for years and my father was so abusive to me and I never knew my mom was emotionally using me. I look back now and realize i was always mad at them my whole life and somehow this process made me see that and acknowledge and process those feelings which is not what I thought was going on at all along this. I thought I was strengthening that disdain and anger and i didnt realize that voice was them and that I was actually gonna loose thst within me rather than grow stronger that it had been there all along and I just didnt realize it so it was eerie like the final reveal showed so much or the leaving of it made you go "take your breathe away" holy shit i didnt know thats what it was the whole time. It was like a little wink from God.