[Written in 2004.]
Honesty is the channel of truth between the soul and mind. Those who nurture it are imbued with enormous power: the power to see, the power to know, the power to differentiate, the power to reflect, the power to choose, the power to speak the truth, and ultimately the power to grow.
Most people are dishonest in an attempt to eschew their power. They live as victims, strapped into the childhood ruts their parents lovingly beat them into. They lie not only to their closest intimates but to themselves. Their inner truth is dangerous because it connects with all their years of buried pain and rage and sadness and hurt. If it were to explode it would crush their fragile external lives – and force them to realize just how unloved they are by themselves and their present intimates and how unloved they were in their childhoods by those entrusted to guide their existences.
But at the same time this explosion would free their real purpose for being. Suddenly their lives would find hope – and a path toward peace. This peace might kill them, as it has killed some, but at least they would die knowing for once who they really were.
I’ve always felt that my life is at stake while fighting for my freedom to be me. It’s becoming increasingly apparent that this is literally life or death. Breaking free means disrupting others illusions and the cult of society and especially ones family will not allow this to happen easily if at all. I am so exhausted and spent, peeling off layer and layer of bullshit that I’ve been hoisting around my entire life. I will most definitely die trying. If I die for anything it will be for myself and my freedom. I’ve already lived a life of lies and it isn’t worth anything.
P.S. Daniel, I read your book and essays regularly to feel less alone in all of this. Thank you
I’m in enormous pain and I really want to break free. I want to find the courage and the strength to find myself. But these words about eventually dying from finding the truth are scaring me even more.
I need time to mull it over to be sure about my feelings but the below line of your text doesn’t feel right to me somehow-the moment I read it I felt there was something wrong about it,though I can’t explain it. It worries me.
“This peace might kill them, as it has killed some, but at least they would die knowing for once who they really were.”
What makes me feel so uneasy when I read it are especially these two words “at least”. It seems to me as if you wish those people die/you don’t consider it such a big deal when thinking about possible benefits of healing -this is how I perceive at the emotional level.
I think the same. This sounds strange. It would be helful if you elaborate it Daniel. Dawid