Adoption Is Not the Enlightened Way to Have Children

[Written around 2006.]

People who are not fully enlightened have children to be rescued by them. This goes for parents who adopt as well as for those who procreate. Those who adopt at least are not responsible for the creation of a new perfect existence to be twisted, which is good, but this does not change the illness in the motive. And often it makes the illness more virulent, because many adoptive parents feel more justified acting out their unconscious needs in exchange for the service they’ve done.

An adopted child has suffered the primal loss. His biological parents failed him, and in his deepest soul he knows it. There may be a beauty in adoption, but underneath it there is a hell. People drawn to adopt have not dealt fully with the hell of their own abandonment, and think they can undo their own denied childhood truths by becoming saviors. They cannot. They may help the adopted child, and may enhance his chances in life, but they cannot inoculate him from receiving their own denied wounds.

Truth seekers must first take full responsibility for the inner child orphaned within their own breast. They must nurture him, guide him, and let him grieve the losses of his own tragedy. This is the only way to achieve enlightenment. Until then, whenever they are given full responsibility for a child’s life, be he their biological child or not, they will not be able to provide him with the full emotional nourishment he needs to become enlightened himself. Thus they will fail him at the parents’ greatest mission, and with full justification his soul will read this failure as yet another parental abandonment.

3 thoughts on “Adoption Is Not the Enlightened Way to Have Children

  1. I am an adopted child, now 26-years-old, and though I’ve always meant to track down my birth parents I still haven’t got round to it.

    How important do you feel it is for an adopted child to meet their biological parents? All I know is that, for me, it’s like a great unsolved mystery that won’t leave me until I find out the truth.

  2. Hey, I am actually an adopted child and I am wondering more so what your perspective on this is. While I’ve written what you wrote about adoption, I was still not entirely clear on this point. Should the adopted parents take full responsibility for the child as if they’d given birth and created the child themselves, even if they have not? For a while I have agreed with the argument that the parent has a responsibility to the child to do as the child wishes, for the child did not have control over their own existence, and since it was the parents which created the child, it is the parent which is responsible for the child’s suffering- whatever form this may be.
    This leaves me in a confused state personally though, since the humans who have assumed the role of my parents have not actually created my existence. Thus, it seems they are not responsible for my suffering in the truest sense of the word. But my actual parents have not and will never be the one’s which are going to take upon the responsibility, as they’ve already rid themselves of that (well my biological dad is dead, but my biological mom still is alive).
    How am I supposed to feel then? Am I supposed to assume that since these adopted parents have agreed to take upon the parental role for me, that they assume the responsibility of my suffering as if they themselves had created me? If they do not do this, then I feel I have no source which created my suffering, which is a very emotionally confusing position for me, and in particular it is deeply hurtful.
    In any case, I felt very appreciative of what you have written about adopted children. It is very true what you’ve said that adopted parents seem to expect the child to be grateful that they’ve been saved- and can take advantage of being in the position of saving a child (some adopted parents more than others, as I’ve already had two different sets adopted parents). But one of the most painful experiences for me is to be reminded by my parents that I should be thankful they’ve chosen to take care me (a statement no parent would make to children which they’ve created).
    Also, this is not related by I’ve already decided I will never have any children because I do not feel I am entitled to creating a life that can experience pain, and I do not feel like it is realistic that I can create conditions for the child that are such that they will never experience pain- because I cannot control the universe into which they are born

    • hi Tree,
      aaaah, what complex questions you ask!!!! i wish i had easy answers. i guess one of the main things that would help me answer would be: how old are you? the main reason is whether or not you are still a child. i think if a person is still a child his parents — biological and adopted — bear more responsibility for his/her existence and suffering, but if the person is an adult then he is responsible for his own life, even if they caused him terrible suffering. they ONCE bore responsibility — the responsibility to do something to make the child’s life better — and they still bear a responsibility to be better children, but their adult child is now fully responsible for his or her own life. my parents created me and raised me, but now they bear no responsibility for me, no matter what rotten things they might have done to me.

      personally i think that if someone adopts a child he or she bears a lot of responsibility to become a great parent. some parents do better than others!! but i think many adoptive parents have little clue of what they’re really getting into — on an emotional level. they think it’s like an upgraded version of adopting a pet. and i think most people don’t even have the maturity to adopt a pet!!! they can be so neglectful…

      well, just some ideas. probably not so helpful…….but some ideas anyway.

      all the best to you!

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