[Written around 2004.]
Grieving is an intrinsic part of the healing process. Grieving is long, painful, and confusing, but richly rewarding. Life is not complete unless all traumas are unearthed, grieved, and thus resolved. Those who fail to complete this process live forever in a limbo of partial misery, stuck unconsciously in the past and unable to escape.
Everybody suffers loss, right from the beginning. The primary loss is the fact that no parent, at least no parent who is not fully enlightened, is perfect. Everyone deserves perfect parents, but no one gets them – not unless their parents have healed all the traumas from their own childhood. This is the basic radical unfairness of life, and just because it’s all but universal doesn’t make it okay.
Every child needs to be loved in gigantic quantities and with unbelievable quality. If people could feel and know just how much children actually needed in order to attain enlightenment – which is every child’s capacity, and every child’s unconscious goal – they wouldn’t be so quick to have them. This is why more enlightened people have fewer children, if any at all.
Some argue that all you need to do well in life is to have had a “good-enough mother.” This is false. It is a lie that allows subtle neglect and abuse to slip under the radar of societally acceptable, and alienates people from their natural desire to grieve.
Most believe that a healthy life feels no pain. This is why the majority are insane. Avoiding all pain is not healthy. Grieving is horribly painful, and totally necessary. Grieving is beautiful.