Hello Everyone!
I am using this page to help me solve a problem I have had — that the number of comments on my website’s welcome page were making my website so slow to open! So I am moving all comments older than a few months old here. It’s probably not the best solution, but it’s better than avoiding the problem, which I have been for too long!
Warm greetings to everyone who’s reading this!!
Daniel
Hi Daniel, thank you so much for putting yourself out there, creating your videos and sharing your personal stories. That is so courageous of you.
I am so so aligned with you at all levels. Thank God that I found your channel because talking about parental abuse has so much stigma, everyone makes me feel guilty, forces me to forgive even the therapist and I am not able to.
So I can totally relate with your experiences and your thoughts on breaking up with your parents.
I am very much interested in learning counselling skills. Do you have any online course or any videos where you teach it? Would love to learn from you. I just want to learn as a life skills not to start any professional practice or anything but just for myself and whoever shares their traumatic stories I should be atleast able to listen and create a safe space for their emotions. After spending almost a decade of my life in finding answers to my suffering through all forms of spirituality, religion, meditations etc; it’s only now I found my answer in Psychology.
Hence, I want to learn these skills, is their anyway that you teach it?
Thank you once again from the deepest part of my heart. You have given me so much direction towards rest of my life and can see that I have found a role model in you. I resonate with your thoughts on being childless, intentionally single and celibate. They were going on my mind since many years but couldn’t share with anybody. Also it is received with much ridicule. I am in my early thirties and its only now I think I am becoming the adult grown up women.
Take care, kind regards
Kimaya, Dublin, Ireland.
Hi Kimaya,
Thank you! Alas, I don’t have any online counseling courses or anything like that. Just a lot of videos sharing my point of view… I’m also not sure how I would teach counseling, as mostly I learned how to do it through practice — and through listening to my clients and doing a lot of journaling and listening to my heart. I also did a lot of reading, though a lot of it was not very useful and just made me more insecure…
Well, I’m wishing you the best on your journey!!
Daniel
Hi Daniel, I have been watching your videos for years and i bought your book and i respect you a lot. I had to break away completely from my parents 10 yrs ago (both textbook narcissists) and this is the only way i feel mentally healthy but I have realised i am a bit of a loner – and i tend to attract low quality friends or none at all – i was looking for a therapist to help me change this but all i find are scammers or bad ones. I live in the UK – could you recommend me a good therapist? Can be located anywhere in the world – i am looking for online therapy. Many thanks, L
Hi L,
Hmm, unfortunately I don’t have any therapists to recommend! I used to years ago, but I no longer do.
I’m sorry about that, and I am wishing you only the best,
Daniel
Hi daniel, your videos are so great. i love your honesty. keep moving.!
Thank you!
Daniel
Hi! I’ m Sofia, I’ m 24 years old and I ‘ m from Italy. I suffer from extremely strong chronic anxiety (24h/7). 4 years ago, after a Trauma ( I lost control , I got in danger and I got super scared) I developed a very weird psychosomatic illness. I’ ve seen 30 doctors, neurologists , psychologists and psychiatrists. None helped me! I can’t “live” in this way anymore! I feel hopeless .. I can’t live anymore if there’s no cure for this!! I have also very strong anxious hunger.. I don’t sleep at night.. my psychosomatic issue affects mainly my brain.. and my head. It’ s a nightmare. What do you suggest me to do? Maybe Cognitive behavioural therapy?? Psychoanalysis was useless for me !! I don’t know what to do
Hi Sofia,
Hmm, I’m not sure what to suggest, but I can shared what worked and didn’t work for me. Therapy never worked in my case, though I have known quite a few others who were helped by therapists (and I was a therapist and did help some folks). The key is finding a therapist who is really good. Most are not. I think sometimes the school of therapy may be less important than the quality and personality of the therapist. What worked for me (as you may have gathered if you looked more at my website) is self-therapy — self-healing — studying my past, making sense of my history, and going LOTS of grieving (and taking distance from my traumatizes). It’s been a long process but has helped to liberate me significantly.
I am wishing you the best!
Daniel
Thank you very much for your reply Daniel!
I think I will meet a couple of people who treat their “patients” following the 5 biological laws of Dr. Hamer and following Quantic energy principles. The work on unsolved conflicts and traumas , in order to overcome psycho-physical issues. I think studying the past and our own history is very important. Thank you again!
Sofy
Hi again,
Many of your videos address the fact that we don’t live up to our full potential, that our potential is robbed from us by our parents and society at large. And I fully agree with you on that. Our world could be so much more interesting and colorful, so much more meaningful.
But I can’t help wonder: what would it actually LOOK like if someone lived up to their full potential? In a purely theoretical world where just one single child is allowed to fully blossom – intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually – how would that child spend its time? What would it do on a day to day basis? What would that child contribute to the world? Would it become an artist, a musician, a computer scientist?
And is there anyone who you look at and think, “this person is a lot more spontaneous and connected with their emotions, and just more real and honest than most of the population”? In other words, is there anyone alive today or in history who you believe is some kind of working template for how an authentic human being should be? Or do you believe we’re all way too imperfect? Of course, even such a model human being would be deeply flawed in reality.
My request, Daniel, is for you to start making videos addressing this hypothetical. And it really is a hypothetical – because I think there’s no way for us to really know. As you’ve talked about, we’re stuck in a world where children aren’t allowed to fully express their emotions, to fully act on their spontaneity. We’re trapped in a world where we’re disconnected from each other and from nature. So the best we can do is imagine. And I’m very interested to know what kind of world you imagine, what kind of evolved human being you imagine. Perhaps in your future videos, you could incorporate some more artwork and photos to give us an idea of your vision.
I ask the same of myself, by the way: If I were living at my full potential, what would l be doing right at this very moment? Should I live like a hedonist, drifting through life seeking pleasurable experiences? Or should I live like a romantic, seeking out adventure and art and music? Or alternatively, should I seek stability and practice discipline, by doing things like weightlifting? Should I strive for a rich social life involving many different people, or should I settle for solitude? The answer would depend on who I ask. It’s very confusing to be one person and have so many different ways of being to choose from. There are different parts of me that are drawn to each of those ideas – the hedonist, the romantic, the self-disciplined, the social butterfly, the solitary.
BP—
A good topic, thank you! I think I addressed this in my book Toward Truth, though I can’t fully remember!! Also, I sort of addressed it here as well in this video: https://studio.youtube.com/video/c2yUMkJKWWA/edit?o=U
But I will put this on my list for future videos! Thank you,
Daniel
Thanks for considering the idea for your future videos. Creating such videos would be akin to becoming a fantasy writer for a day – dreaming up a fantasy world. Anything goes, it’s totally up to the limits of your imagination, and I’m curious to see what you’d dream up, should you go down that route.
My criticism of the video you linked is that again, it has a heavy focus on the don’ts and wouldn’ts in our hypothetical enlightened world (drugs, alcohol, procreation), and while I do agree with many of those points, the video is a repetition of all the ideas already present on your channel. A bit of a change could be refreshing in my opinion.
Best wishes,
BP
Thanks!
Hi Daniel,
i really appreciate your work and piercing voice of truth, which since a friend sent me one of your videos a year and a half or so ago i truly feel different. i started piecing my troubled past and to grieve the pain and anguish, but there’s complication that i’d love you to give your advice or opinion:
Apparently, like some therapists you’ve mentioned in some of your videos, i went too hard and deep into my own traumas. it was and still is so exciting to actually see with my soul eye some authenticity, truth, creativity and so much growth potential. Alas, i haven’t done enough preparatory work of building self love, care and having a safe environment. i currently live in an almost perpetual anxiety and fight or flight and unfortunately a lot manifests for me physically in the body. mainly digestion problems and stomach poisoning like events.
i don’t regret anything but i am beginning to wonder if its okay to take an “emotional vacation” with prescription anxiety medication. my initial response to the idea was like yours that you mention a lot: psychiatric medication is just comfortable numbing dissociation. but lately it feels too much and it rips me apart. probably the “psychedelic self therapy” attempts a while ago were mostly disastrous in the short to mid term healing and lately i’ve hit a huge “trauma mine” that i know has to be dealt with, but again, i feel wholly unprepared. Also, i did think of taking a vacation abroad but currently it’s a bit hard given life circumstances and trying to save money so i’ll have some economic independence in a few months.
So what do you think? is it a decent temporary compromise? trading some inner progress to relax a bit and build some resiliency?
i hope you’ll respond and if you want to make a video about this topic \ question, i wouldn’t mind at all.
Thanks for being you,
with warm regards,
Roman.
Hi Roman,
Thanks for your message. The problem with prescription anxiety medication, that is, benzodiazepines in the modern world, is that often they’re FAR from a “emotional vacation.” They have an extremely high risk for tolerance and dependency. So many people get hooked on them quickly, with devastating results. There are thousands of accounts of this on the internet, and even the drug labels themselves say they’re not to be taken for more than 2 weeks, and in many cases even that is FAR too long. So I wouldn’t risk it. From what I’ve seen in myself and others, much better to slow down the intensity of the healing process, exercise more, try meditation, mindfulness — anything before anti-anxiety meds!
Warm greetings,
Daniel
Thank you Daniel for the reply.
i had an intuition similar to yours but wasn’t aware of HOW bad the Benzo class drugs can be. i have 2 small follow-up questions if that’s okay:
1. after talking with a friend whose also going through a similar healing process (though with somewhat of a competent therapist) and she suggested maybe looking at SSRI or general anti-depressants. With those i’m even less comfortable, both by the aspect of calmness by dissociation, potentially terrible adjustment & withdrawls and potentially not applicable for my “vacation period”. i know it might sound a bit of a silly question but i’d prefer to be more thorough with my knowledge and concerns.
2. i think this is the more important one for me is should i continue journaling? i know this is highly personal and everyone is different, while for me it is almost integral to the healing journey itself. The “problem” with it is that often times i found myself writing stuff that not too slowly lead me, sometimes new places and other same ones, to the marshes surrounding the trauma’s and the dales of wounds. And like every journey in to those, there are a lot of uneasy thorns to say the least. On the other hand, journaling became slowly closer and closer to a habit for me and it kinda bums me to “let go” temporarily of this connection with my inner self.
So should i stop journaling in the meantime? reduce the frequency? or just try to veer less into the “deep waters”?
Thanks again,
Roman.
Hi Roman,
I personally would not want to take SSRIs– they’re associated with all sorts of nasty risks of their own…both for those on them and those trying to come off (and sometimes long after withdrawing). You can read about all that online… And journaling — only you can decide if it’s working for you. It certainly works and has worked for me. But not for everyone…
Wishing you the best,
Daniel
It may seem like journaling is a pain and perhaps even a waste of time, but, I guarantee you that if you begin, you will feel the benefits over time.
Hallo Daniel,
Do you have any experiences with neurofeedback?
Maybe that would be something Roman could try?
I know, he has sent his question one year ago, but maybe he is still interested…
I am also interested in your answer, since I will try this anyway because of sleeping disorder.
But maybe there are some disadvantages with neurofeedback I didn’t hear about?
Thank you for your videos anyway and best wishes for your own journey!
Rosario
Hi Rosario,
I know very little about neurofeedback. But thanks for commenting!
Daniel
Hi Daniel and the wildtruth community,
Tonight I decided to do a little experiment: go on youtube and search “schizophrenia Nepal” (Nepal being my home country.) There are a handful of relevant videos that come up, and watching them is quite interesting. It shows these doctors/medical experts describing what to me sound like symptoms of a very frustrated, emotionally abused child.. The doctors will list symptoms of schizophrenia such as “loud verbal outbursts” and “child won’t listen to parents’ commands.” One video depicts a young man who hears voices of a fatherly figure, berating him in Nepalese that he’s too stupid, that his grades aren’t good enough.. I can relate to that very much, because IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED!! Schizophrenia my ass!!!
What’s fascinating is how all of these videos are from the past 3 years – I can’t find a single “Nepal schizophrenia” or “Nepal mental health” video on youtube before 3 years ago. It seems like the great lie and scam that is conventional “mental health” and psychiatric medication has finally crept into my country of Nepal. I feel like I am the only one who can see this perspective, having watched Daniel’s videos first. Very very bizarre. It seems like some crazy luck that I discovered Daniel’s channel last year. This really puts into perspective how utterly fringe our ideas are here in this community.
Hi Daniel,
could you please make a video on that, in how many ways you felt abandoned from your parents?
I am experience these feelings in so many ways cause of their denial, not being available for any type of guidance, questions about a life, questions about their parenting, their emotional rigidness. They are so disconnected from reality, from introspection, from future. I just don’t know why is that.
Thanks
Hi,
Daniel, I used to watch this popular YouTuber named Vsauce, and he has a video on why human beings are morbidly curious – why we’re so drawn to things that are awful, grotesque, and terrifying. He basically thinks we’re “hardwired” to be drawn to the morbid. I don’t even want to watch the entire video, because I can already tell what his argument is: that humans are these innately screwed up, nasty creatures who have this horrible, violent side to us, for absolutely no reason that science can discern. That same old argument we get from mainstream psychology. Nowhere does he mention childhood trauma or the possibility that we might all be traumatized – those aren’t very flashy subjects that would get lots of views. His video has 7 million views and 178,000 likes. Most people in this world are in complete agreement with the idea that human beings are innately screwed up creatures.
Watching this made me quite appreciative of your videos and your taboo belief that we’re all traumatized in various ways that we don’t even know about, from a very early age. I’m inclined to agree with you that human beings are, innately, creatures who are incredibly empathic. I agree with you that our fascination with horror movies and crime dramas is likely a way for us to relive our traumas, a way for us to observe what happened to us in our histories. I think your view actually offers an explanation for our morbid curiosity, whereas Vsauce and mainstream psychology can only conclude that we’re all born to be monsters. This makes me realize how unique your view is, and how most of the world isn’t ready to take what you say seriously at all.
Here is Vsauce’s video in case you’re curious: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbdMMI6ty0o&ab_channel=Vsauce
The guy strikes me as one of those creepy, obsessive psychologist/researcher types who would go to any lengths to study people. And I spend a lot of time in various places on the internet – it’s like an echo chamber for views that are already mainstream. My advice is to not spend too much time on the internet – you’d probably lose hope in humanity’s future pretty quickly. Nobody seems quite ready for an era of mass grieving, except in your little niche community online.
Thanks BP!
Daniel
i like your thinking and concur with your conclusions. In my experience, we are all traumatised and yet few people want to hold their parents accountable and start addressing the core of the problem facing humanity.
Maybe its no bad think when we eventually wipe out the majority of the population to have a hard reset, a little like Daniel talks about in his license to procreate article. It does sadden me though my children’s children ( if they choose to have them, one has said she’s not interested) will be impacted.
I don’t think you are ostracized by your peers; I think you are peerless. I think you are a pariah: You are a pariah because you are a radical. Not only that, your ideas are extremist. You are radical in that your ideas strike the root: They cut deeply to the heart of the matter. Extremism would be the application of methods which will shock, awe, deviate, and demolish as a means to an end. To my view, radicalism and extremism are incomplete without each other. Extremism without radicalism is disruption for disruption’s sake; radicalism without extremism is impotent idealism.
I agree with you enthusiastically. In fact, I’ve thought some very similar things even well before I discovered your material.
Consider the logistic implications of a world wherein there is a mass movement of breaking away from the family system. It would not just help the world. It would fuck the world. It would rape the world right in its operationality.
The family system (very) effectively functions as a conditioning mechanism in service of what is broadly considered to be “the world,” but is in reality simply society. As such, the family system is a microcosm. A lot of talk about narcissism in your comment section. Traditional, conventional parenthood is the consummation of narcissism as it operates as a unilateral, self-perpetuating function of the ever-creeping, ever-escalating power dynamics of the ultimately only two separate classes of the socially integrated: the controllers and the acquiescent. The moneyed shot-callers inhabit a culture of determined psychopathology. The masses inhabit a culture of enabling. In social climbing, envy is embodied. Becoming a parent is the epitome of socially “making it,” because it is the ultimate “playing out” of entitlement (a hallmark of narcissism!) In wicked perversion, parents categorically eschew the reality of agency. They deny the reality of ownership. They own not any behavior, neither their own nor their children’s. Any and all efforts to condition their children’s minds and behaviors are excused without regard for harmfulness or severity. They are merely (pathetically, meagerly) doing what parents do in order to ensure that their children do what children do. Needs are not considered because needs are grossly mistaken. To parents, to controllers, needs are no more than obligations to acquiescence to ongoing operations.
Consider a group of radicals who has developed a literacy of needs. Consider the power of numbers. Consider the notions produced by radicals in concert: They are extremist.
What would they do? They would become satisfied with nothing less than the targeting of children. They would target children with a message of and an opportunity for agency. That’s what your idea of deep healing does, isn’t it? It restores agency via the restoration of True Selfhood. To recruit allies solely from the 18+ demographic could only ever be a Sisyphean labor. Once such a faction is healed and cohesive enough to be proactive, to preclude children from the recruiting pool would amount to a circle-jerk. Your own words attest to this: It is children who Love as True Selves. I won’t spell out those particular indications any further. I’ll just say that the dereliction of such a movement would amount to the same abandonment of real responsibility that so does parenthood.
You or anyone might disagree that a mass healing movement would necessarily have to enact a mission of extricating children from their family systems in order to actually live up to its responsibilities. That said, consider such a scenario:
As historical neglect and abuse trauma perpetually produce the psychopathological ills of society, which themselves produce the operational aspects of the global society, there is nothing else which could so disrupt society. Nothing. Not a collapse of the power grid, or a collapse of the food supply, or a collapse of governments, or a nuclear holocaust or any other genocide, not anything. In fact, such cataclysms could never produce an actual armageddion. All they could ever do is, in desperation, further entrench the pathological dynamics of leverage-based narcissistic entitlement, for violence and deprivation are the linchpins of our traditional, conventional, societal order.
What this says is that the masses would rather produce mass war than live up to the actual responsibilities they inherit as parents, as rightful stewards of new life. What that means is that any movement which aspires to heal the broken bonds of the family system would be met with a broad, vitriolic, violent hatred the likes of which recorded history has not seen. They would be targeted with violence from both independent actors and states.
Therefore, such a movement would need (need!) to be equipped with a capacity for every type of violence: physical, emotional, and psychic. You have said it yourself that your healing process has been profoundly painful. It has required your sacrifice and your distress. In your Work, you transform the world, you radical.
That’s what makes you a Hero! Please, please, PLEASE do not deny that fact, Daniel. I’m a connoisseur of radical ideas. I know what I’m talking about. You are like something out ov a Myth! You are an inspiration!
A personal note:
I get that I’m too intense; I really do. I embrace that. It’s how I’ve extricated myself from my family system in the face of severe, chronic illness and resulting disability, the kind which can result in dependence. I was deprived of each and every conventional opportunity. I’m not going to tell you my story. I’m saying that I did not just have my mind and heart stolen. I had my body ravaged. I know from experience how ugly it gets. And so do I impart ugliness. Sometimes I impose it. Sometimes I reveal it. Always I live in it. Always have.
You have hope for the world. I have hope for you.. I hope that you will dive deeply into the esoteric sciences. I hope that you will study astrology, tarot, and whatever else with scientific pursuit in the vein of hermetic asceticism. You’re already an ascetic, as am I. Don’t stop. You’ve already identified the follies of new age ideology. You’d have no problem sussing out the scientific from the fantastical.
Jah Bless!
Love,
Paracephorus
Thank you!
Daniel
Thank you, Daniel, always, you Light in the dark, you. May you be well and blessed all your days.
Your legacy is unlike any other that I have ever seen. As you say, it will live.
Thanks Ian!
Daniel
Hello,
If I may chip in here with my 2 cents, on the subject of removing children from their family systems: Ultimately yes, I do agree with you. Removing children from their family systems is, in the end, the logical consequence of our view that all family systems are screwed up, selfish microcosms that are designed to prepare children to fit into a screwed up, selfish society.
However, if one day people like us decide to remove children from their family systems, we have to really, really understand our earliest childhood traumas, and be absolutely certain we’ve healed from them. I’m talking traumas that go back all the way to babyhood. We have to figure out how to compensate for the fact that we didn’t have gentle, nurturing parents when we so desperately needed them as babies. How do we even go about doing that? We in our community would have to become better parents than the kids’ biological parents. Would we really be ready/willing to do that? What if people in our little community simply want to live and enjoy life, and don’t want to child rear? If we don’t take up this responsibility of A) healing our deepest, earliest traumas, and B) providing amazing parenting for these children, and we simply take the children away, then we are no better than the screwed up, selfish parents that we are removing the children from. We’d be traumatizing the children even more.
So in a nutshell, I agree with you, on a purely hypothetical level.
Daniel,
Ever notice how the most “progressive” people can be some of the most judgmental? And nobody gives a damn about men – everyone thinks we deserve to be in homeless shelters and work in sewers.
Hi, Daniel –
I’m hoping you might be able to guide me in the right direction on a topic. I’ve had really bad luck in psychotherapy, both CBT and psychoanalysis-based stuff. I recently figured out why: Alexythymia.
I have issues putting words to emotions, which makes it tough to talk about them, and oftentimes leads to therapists pathologizing me and projecting their own sh!t onto me. I literally could write a book (maybe more than one) about my off-the-wall experiences with ‘competent’ therapists.
I often get into weird situations where I become the therapist and my therapist becomes the client, sometimes willingly and sometimes not. With my last therapist, she wanted to use me as her therapist. As such, I received her vulnerable narcissitic transference when I was neither qualified nor prepared to receive it. Things got out of hand, and I had to escalate the matter to her therapist, who happens to be none other than Otto Kernberg! You can’t make this stuff up, even if you tried! 🙂
Anyway, I’m stuck and lost currently. There is minimal data out there on how to treat alexythymia. As I’m very sensitive to ‘overly emotional’ thinking, which seems to affect the vast majority of therapists, I think I may need a therapist who is ‘normal’ like me. Is this even possible? 🙂
To be clear, although I feel I am normal in the sense that I by and large lack pathological thinking because I am so logical, I’m also ‘not all there’ in the sense that I lack the basic drives, desires, and goals that most people have.
Any guidance on next steps would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!
Mike
Hi Michael,
Well, since I’m not a big fan of most therapists, by and large, as therapy never really helped me, I’m more a proponent of self-therapy. I have quite a few videos on the subject on my YouTube channel, and also a self-therapy book that I wrote with a friend. Not to self-promote, but maybe these could help you?
Wishing you the best!
Daniel
Hey I dealt with something similar after my drug induced symptoms, i felt like my emotions were very limited. I did however, feel a lot of somatic sensations (tightness in chest, numbness around me, tight shoulders, localized areas of somatic pain of an emotional nature, I just couldn’t easily name them. I did psychotherapy for a long time and had some successes, but still I dealt with that. I decided about 3 years ago to focus on trauma therapy modalities that focus on the body to release trauma, have you heard of somatic experiencing? I would highly suggest you look that up, it takes away the need of understanding your emotions and rather, creating a level of tolerance to what it is your feeling as a sensation or emotion so I can be released. Hope it helps. It’s a very powerful and even recognized therapy by modern psychology. Hope this helps.
Hello Daniel,
i have searched for an specific answer of my question. That quetion is: Are so called ,,pedophiles/hebephiles” made this way, rather than born this way, and i have never even found an interresed of other people in founding out, if so called ,,pedophiles/hebephiles” are made this way, all i found was ignorance, extreme hate and extreme anger against so called ,,pedophiles/hebephiles”. I wonder if so called ,,pedophiles/hebephiles” can heal. And yes, i watched your video on this subject, but you showed little to no interressed to go against the status quo, in finding out if so called ,,pedophiles/hebephiles are made this way, and if yes, how can they heal?
Hi Marquis,
Sorry for my delay in replying, as I’m presently traveling and mostly off the grid. My personal opinion is that pedophiles are not born that way, rather are shaped to become that way by their own childhood experiences. I think many if not all have had their own sexual boundaries violated as children, physically or emotionally or both, though from what I have gathered many are deeply dissociated from many or most of their own childhood experiences and emotions (and their feelings of powerlessness and betrayal from childhood) and part of their unhealthy sexual urges are an expression of unconsciously acting out their own childhood violations. I think I wrote about this some in my book “Toward truth.” I can’t remember if I’ve spoken about this in videos. As far as healing, yes, I do believe that people can heal from this, but it would require massive excavation of one’s childhood history and massive grieving. From what I have observed, most people, whether they’re pedophiles or not, are not very interested in doing this, as it is so protracted and difficult and painful, and in the case of pedophiles that’s probably why so few heal. But definitely I do believe that healing as possible. All the best, Daniel
Thank you for your replay Daniel,
My thoughts exatly Daniel, but given how biased sociaty is against pedohiles/hebephiles , it’s gonna be extra difficult for them to heal from their sexual deviation, because, pedophiles/hebephiles are more likely to sexually harm a child/teen, if sociaty drill this misinformation in them, that they are born this way. They give pseudoscientific ,,reasons” like: ,,uglyness”, ,,low IQ”, ,,shortness” and so on, basically saying they have an lowlife gene and therefore schould be looked with a scorn, but they never go against this status quo, because they are afraid of losing their hate object and are afraid of being proved wrong.
The video i was mentioning was: Intergenerational Sexual Abuse and Living with Perpetrators on your Youtube channel with the release date : 02.22.2019
Yesterday i couldn’t find my comment, therefore, i thought it was deleted, i then wrote another comment in wich i complain about the ,,deletion” of my comment, but the comment wasn’t deleted, so never mind the comment where i complain about the ,,deletion of my comment.
Best regard
Marquis
Hello Daniel,
I’ve been watching your videos for a while now and for the most part I largely agree with the things you have to say, specifically on the topic of family systems and parental abuse cycles. I realize you probably get so many people asking you to make a video about such and such or asking for your thoughts on such and such but I am particularly curious about your take on this subject – teen pregnancy and how this affects everyone involved, so I thought I would ask here.
As the child to a teen mom who did not plan for me but decided to keep me, I struggle with how much accountability to place on my mother. I know logically that she’s failed me in a lot of ways and I know logically that she needs to be held responsible, by me, for what happened to me as a child and what that shaped me into now. But it’s hard for me to look back at a 16 year old girl in a relationship with a 20 something year old man who got swept into the life that she did, and feel resentment towards that version of her. She was a child raising a child. How could that have ever ended in anything but failure? Not to say all teen moms are bad or incapable of being good mothers, but fundamentally, they are children. In so many ways they’re not ready to become responsible for raising a human being. They aren’t even finished growing themselves.
So in my mind there’s a disconnect between the version of her at 16 -25 and the version of her nearing her 40s. I wondered if you had any thoughts on the subject because to me it feels more complicated than a situation where 2 fully grown adults conceive a child. Thank you for reading if you do!
Hi Spencer,
I like the topic a lot! I’ll put it on my list and the next time I start recording a batch of videos I’ll see if I can come up with something that has some value!
Thank you for sharing the idea, and I send you warm greetings,
Daniel
Dear Daniel,
I’ve been struggling my whole life with the impression of myself of being weak and weird. I never knew exactly why that was. So my narrative became: I’m a fraud, not good enough, useless. Well, having this ideas about myself I tried hard, really hard to generate some steadiness.
Okay, before I tell my whole life story, I’m gonna tell you where this is about to be going: Ultimately I want to comment about your book “breaking from your parents” and end with a small idea-apposition related to one of the last chapters, namely the chapter 20 and 21.
Alright, so I said already, how I felt experiencing my almost 29 year long life. I could go into more detail, but I guess I don’t need to, because to people it’s clear what that means. But it was hard and rough! There has not been any love I experienced and the romantic relationships I experienced in my youth and my marriage at the very beginning of my 20’s, which lasted 7 years, was more a sideshow of what happened at home, living with my single-parent mother, which was and is totally mad and sadistic (and I really do mean that just in an objective way).
After almost dying a few times per year from 15 y.o. to 26 y.o., cause of suicidal thoughts and actions and a hell of an alcohol use, besides cocaine later on in life, I somehow made it out. With 27 I moved to another city, I finally wanted to study – after working since I was 15 (besides school, then later full time in thousands jobs). I never understood how someone, who people described as smart, humorous, emphatic and open minded could not make any progress in life and struggle with drugs and alcohol, depression, anxiety and what not.
When everything fell apart two years ago and I realized, that something was not right with my wife and my whole family, I completely broke down. My wife, which also physically attacked me in our flat, she just left the key in the lock one evening I came back home after working. And she didn’t open anymore, besides that I found my clothes all over the hallway. So I collected it all and I had no other chance than going back to my mum, which lived back then about 30 miles away. I’ve had no friends anymore, because I believed my wife, that they were bad people and wanted just to use me. I was at a point, where really I could not tell anymore, if up was up and down was down. I had no sense of intuition anymore, I felt empty.
My mum led me in when I arrived there with garbage bags full of my clothes, but back then I already told my mum, that I believed, that something with her was wrong, because she acted sometimes – I can tell you – like a psychopath. But really. She mistrusted me and I did not talk to her just a few words.
The next 14 days was hell. I felt like I was falling apart. I felt like I was dying. I just lied there the whole days and nights at the couch at my mums flat and watched cartoons. When I felt, that I died inside, somewhat after 10 days of lying there, somehow I felt a force inside of me. Within 4 days I inscribed to a uni far off and talked with my mum about it, I knew how she was working to get her to pay me the flat. I had to make her the main hero in this act, so I did.
I moved, half a year later I filed for the divorce. Even though I had my own flat for the first time in my life, I was suffering extremely, because soon I started to try to change my mum and my sister. I tried to open their eyes, but they of course were in denial and blame-shifted me. I fought with them my e-mail-wars half a year. Then I decided to break from them, from everyone in my family, cause all of them are in this denial and in this almost psychotic condition of snow-white-queen-land.
Somehow my mum still pays for my rent and I’m happy for that. I figured out I’m an undiagnosed adult on the autism spectrum as well nowadays and got diagnosed. Well, nowadays my life is better.
But somehow I was never able to do something fun for me, to play a game, to read a good book, to paint or draw, but I was also unable to learn. It somehow didn’t work. Maybe for one day, then again it was impossible, I’ve had severe mood swings and emotional irritation. That was a mess, I felt still defective. So I started to work besides uni in a marketing company, with the money I bought myself food, but mainly I bought books. I’ve bought so many books, so many scientific and not scientific books about trauma, childhood trauma, narcissism, therapy models, addictions. Somehow I was not able to read a good novel like I used to read Victor Hugo, Fontane, Thomas Mann, Tolstoi and so on – but I was able to read books about trauma and psychological stuff. I spent a few salaries on books until now and my book-shelf looks like I’ve studied psychology. Recently I came across your book. I’ve been reading with time and at one point I made a two months break from it, because I felt I couldn’t handle it anymore.
Now im done with it and somehow this book really explained me the inner logic of this process very clear. I’ve read the same stuff in scientific books, with theories and what not, but I didn’t get the emotional response in myself. With your book I’ve got that.
It is a real treasure to have been reading it.
What I wanted to mention, just as a food for thought: In chapter 20 and 21 you deal with the possible change parents could go through and you discuss the question, if you’d go back to them, e.g. when they are dying. You concluded in, that you don’t know about that really, it felt like you were indecisive. After reading your book, I put it aside, and stared at my wall for a bit while I was processing it. And then I knew, that for me, I also had these thoughts, I asked myself the same question and I was not sure what to answer. So I went to my laptop and just started to answer this question by writing it down. I came to the conclusion, that I would not (of course you never know how stuff is going to be happening, but anyways you can have a rigid thinking about how you want to be) go back to them, well in my case it’s just one parent (and the rest of the family). When they die, then they die. They’ve had their chance to connect with me I guess 26 years, but because of my whole family I decided to believe what they’ve told me and that was, that I was useless, stupid and so forth. When I was 8 y.o. I wished in a period of time every morning on my way to school, that a car hopefully catches me when I cross the street, so I don’t have to come back home never again. Ther was violence and terror in my mum. I asked myself: What about the good things she did and does? She doesn’t do them for other people, she doesn’t pay me rent to support me, she is doing that, because she is in a quagmire. She has to do that, because otherwise she could not sustain her distorted view of herself and her world. She is not doing it for me, she is doing it, so she can continue living in snow white land. That means, that she doesn’t love me like the rest of my family. And the possibility that she wants to go out is zero. She doesn’t want to heal, she doesn’t want to live in reality (like all the rest of my family), because she lost it, she and everyone else in my family lost their identity and they don’t even know about it. I think there is no way at a point in life, that you can get it back, because in their eyes this is like walking into a sword, they just die then. They became what their parents forced them to be and created this fantasy world. There is no coming back.
I first thought, that it would be hard to really, in all honesty, until the deepest layer I’m possible to get down to in myself to admit that. But somehow it wasn’t. And all that happened just a day ago – all these thoughts, but I feel, that there is no inner voice anymore, which is not even a voice, but more of a voice, that is camouflaging in form of a feeling. There is no anger anymore. There is no thinking about all that. Of course right now, because I’m writing this comment, but it is not popping up on its own. I feel different. I’m still exploring this feeling slowly, because I don’t want it to go away again. What I know now, after reading your book, is that I really don’t think I need their love, not even on the deepest level inside of me. I don’t. And so they are irrelevant to me. All this topic is irrelevant, it feels. It feels like right now I’ve said enough, because otherwise it’s a waste of my time and outside I can see a beautiful sunny day and its Sunday, so I of course want to walk through the nature and enjoy this life. I don’t mind anymore. I do feel, that I really don’t. I feel like one of the dogs of the Pawlows experiment, which somehow walked over that line where they used to get shocked, but I don’t get a shock. I’m confused, but I think I realize, that that means, that I can go wherever I want to go and do whatever I want to do. Experiment is over. Dog walks out and enjoys running across the fields – towards my life.
That is what I wanted to add to these two chapters, that are my thoughts about it.
Thank you so much for writing your book. You gave a 28 year old guy from Germany the nudge to get it right! That is really something big!
I wish you the best and if you ever come across the very west of Germany, feel free to come around and have a conversation!
Thank you Julian!
Very intense — I appreciate what you’ve shared. Thank you for your kind words.
And I wish you only well.
Daniel
Hi Daniel,
I’ve been watching your heartfelt videos for years now -all through my rocky college years and young adulthood. Thank you for sharing so much!
I know you feel that there aren’t many useful therapists out there, but perhaps you might know of one in NYC? (I wanted to contact you privately but couldn’t find your email address 🙂
Kind regards!
Hello Daniel, I wonder if you have an opinion about complicated situations when the family kind of loving you from their twisted perspective about the real you, all while you have awareness and knowledge about the family sickness
Hello Daniel,
Your videos have been very helpful. Could you create a video about racism, sexism, homophobia, and other position-based forms of hate/oppression? Something I learned from your videos is that people don’t allow themselves to feel their own feelings or think their own thoughts when they depend on abusive people or systems for survival. I’d love to hear your thoughts on what this means in terms of interpersonal family dynamics as well as dismantling oppression on a societal level. What do you have to say about dealing with family members who have harmful ideas? What if those ideas are harming members of the family in practice, such as sexist marriages, gendered expectations for children, racism in transnational adoptions, etc?
Thank you
Hello I need to talk to someone who can really help an ill man. A father and a person above all.
Hola pudo disculpas por la consulta que nada tiene que ver. Pero me gustaría saber si hay algúna abogada/o que pudiera informarme sobre una persona con esquizofrenia desde niño. Al que no se le da tratamiento correcto. Que hoy día está en Chile y por múltiples problemas y mal tratamiento. Negación de el mismo sabemos como es la salud en Chile hoy fue encarcelado a 3 años de prisión. Estuvo con prisión domiciliaria por meses. No se le permite ver más a su único hijo. Intentó suicidarme en múltiples ocasiones desde adolescente. No recibe y le niegan tratamiento correcto. La justicia negó su enfermedad cuando hay toneladas de informes médicos uruguayos y de allá. No tienen posibilidad economica de conseguir abogado allá. Y no tiene absolutamente nadie. Su madre vive acá y está de agregada viviendo no puede y no consigue un abogado que pueda guiarle por lo menos apta que sea tratado correctamente no se debe encarcelar a un enfermo mental crónico de toda su vida. Y practimanetne ponerlo allí a que se muera. Porque es lo que va a suceder. Cuando estaba fuera de allí. Se apor amdre, padre hermanos lo sacaban de su estado con apoyo etc. Ahora está empujado directamente a morir.
Disculpen pero como justo ingrese al link donde veo documental sobre esquizofrenia y no puedo escribir
Quizá alguien de aquí. Conozca sepa o pueda darme un contacto para jn abogado. La madre vive en mdeo. Tiene graves problemas de. Salud y no le permitieron ayudarlo. En Chile fue básicamente negado su estado con todas la s pruebas la abogada que lo defendió. Ni siquiera expuso todos los ar hivos médicos de años
Tiene 33y sufre desde los 7.
Perdonen se que no es para esto. Pero tmbn se que no está bien y quizá alguien sepa o me pueda contactar. Por lo menos que sea si encerrado pero en jn lugar acorde a un enfermo mental
Hola Antonella,
Saludos desde Nueva York. No se que yo puedo hacer para ayudar, pero hay un grupo en Chile que tiene muchas personas muy inteligente, y probablemente ellos tienes ideas para Ud. En facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Locospornuestrosderechos
Yo los visité en Santiago hace 6 años y ellos estaban fantásticos…
Espero que les puedan ser útiles.
Daniel
Hi Daniel,
I suffered a nervous breakdown/collapse response and was hospitalized in 2013. The collapse was disorienting and was the result of being in a constant flight mode from childhood (constantly staying busy, “achieving” etc). The symptoms of depersonalization and disconnection was disturbing to say the least and still lingers to this day. I feel like I’m interacting with the world behind a pane of glass. This was my entry point into figuring out what the hell happened to me and it wasn’t until I met a very rare therapist when I was able to slowly begin putting the pieces together and breaking the denial of my childhood (unfortunately she moved away before we could get to any integrative work). My dreams and other experiences have led me to suspect I was abused before I had language, approximately 2 (I do have a ton of adolescent and adult traumas, but I was well dissociated before they occurred so the impact wasn’t as intense). This is extremely frustrating in terms of finding a competent therapist, because most say “well the past is the past.” I’m aware the dissociative symptoms I experience are the result of unintegrated trauma, but trying to connect to those split off parts of myself is mind numbingly frustrating.
One day I had done some grounding work and was focusing on the sensations in my feet and legs. I did this for a few days straight and one morning after I woke up I felt this energy begin to travel up my left leg and I was terrified of it. It moved upwards and it wasn’t an ideal place to let it flow so I had to tense my body and curl up to shut it down and went unconscious. This made me aware that the trauma I’d experienced was split off in my body into my left leg/lower half.
My question to you is, do you have any knowledge of trauma getting split off into the body? There’s a part of me that’s scared to allow that energy to flow again, but I’m realizing it’s probably the only route in towards healing. A part of me would prefer to be with another person, but it’s not something I can make come up on command. Most therapists I’ve worked with focus on talking, but I sense it’s limited in this situation.
I look forward to hearing from you!
Alex
Hi Alex,
It sounds like your healing is right on track. Yes, trauma surely can get trapped in parts of the body, and I think it happens or has happened very commonly to lots of people (myself included), and most are quite unaware of it. Most therapists too, I believe… I’m not sure exactly what to say, though. I am definitely wishing you the best on your healing journey!! I hope you treat yourself very gently. Gentleness goes a long way!!
All the best,
Daniel
Hi, Daniel! I’m commenting for the second time here, and overall I still think that your videos and the essays on this website are very helpful and they immensely helped me grow and process my trauma (I will be forever grateful for that help). But I want to be a bit critical here and say that I am disappointed by the direction you are taking in some of your videos. For example, your video on joy left me mostly depressed and disappointed. I think emotional growth should be about appreciating little things even in ordinary life and not necessarily extraordinary things like travelling to remote locations which would be a joyful experience for most people (my very unhealthy father is very joyful during his trips to other countries). The video on joy felt like you are bragging about your travels – and I understand that that wasn’t your aim, but if you put yourself in the shoes of people who can’t really afford to travel than I think it’s easy to understand why it might have come across this way. The point is not that I think you should hide your love for travelling, not at all! But the fact that you focus so much on extraordinary experiences from your travels is deeply alienating to me, because like most people, I lead an ordinary life and try to find enjoyment in simple things, not fighting cangaroos in Australia (that’s a joke :)). I hope my criticism is fair – I’m scratching my head thinking about whether it is, and I think it at least partly is. I think it’s in a way connected to a broader criticism of your views I have developed, namely that on your channel you almost completely ignore the topics of capitalism and privilege, including your own privilege. It’s really weird that you talk about the ecological destruction of our planet without ever talking about capitalism which is the direct cause of the problem. It’s like talking about the invasion of Ukraine without ever mentioning the Russian army and Vladimir Putin.
Despite my criticisms I wish you all the best!
Mateusz
Hi Mateusz,
Thanks for your comments. I would say that I most definitely appreciate the little things in life too, and often find joy in them. But for the sake of making the point about joy in that video I just chose a particularly “high intensity” joy experience. And I don’t think I was bragging, just sharing.
Wishing you the best,
Daniel
P.S. I think capitalism is a rotten system of human economic interchange, and is a reflection of our species’ overall lack of healing from trauma. Exploitation of self and others is normal and expectable for traumatized people, and until we heal our traumas more as a collective whole we’ll almost certainly continue to have economic systems that continue to reflect this… Sad…
While Mateusz makes a great point about enjoying the small things, I don’t blame you for wanting to take regular vacations away from the toxic, materialistic, capitalistic cesspit that America can be, in order to experience other cultures. Plus, unlike most tourists, you are courteous and frugal, and also impart your wisdom onto the people you meet. I say take as many vacations as you need to, whatever you gotta do for your mental health.
Hi,
I just wanted to say thank you for being such a keen observer, and speaking such profound yet simple truths, Daniel – truths that I wish were obvious to the rest of the world. This post is basically about how I agree with you on pretty much everything – from how we distract ourselves, to how we use politics as a way to vote for better parents. I do apologize for posting here again so soon, but I felt compelled to say thank you. I discovered your channel maybe 6 months ago, but I’ve been re-watching your videos and it really struck me just how much I’ve needed them to cope in this world which has very nearly driven me to insanity. Like you, a lot of what my parents do is considered normal, since we live in a world where people only recognize the most extreme forms of abuse and turn a blind eye to anything else. If you don’t have a diagnosis, then society expects you to just get a job and move along.
I’m amazed by how right you are on so many fronts – how your thoughts so closely match everything I’ve ever observed about people and their reluctance to examine their own childhoods and the way their parents treated them. As others have said before, it takes a lot of bravery to go on camera and talk about all these nasty, toxic family dynamics. I can only imagine how many haters you have, all of whom are caught up in or perpetrating these awful family dynamics themselves. I’m so grateful that you’re brave enough to not let them silence you, because I don’t think there’s anyone else talking about these things. If it wasn’t for your videos, I’d still feel alone and crazy.
It’s disturbing just how early the abuse can begin, from the moment the baby is in the womb. You mentioned this in your video on Mr. Peterson. A father can for example feel jealous of the baby, viewing it as competition for the mother’s attention. I’m absolutely certain my own father was like this, and sabotaged me even before I was born. I don’t even want to think about how common this must be in our world, across all cultures. And that’s just one example of the kind of abuse that’s overlooked by society. Quite frankly, most people in our world are too stupid to recognize the abuse for what it truly is. And what about parents who abandon their kids to go to work, and let technology (tablets, TV) raise their kids? I’m sure most parents do that in this day and age. Why does nobody see how awful that is? Why is that completely normal and acceptable?
It’s disturbing to me how eager people are to distract themselves. We’re supposed to go to work, we’re not supposed to mull on our feelings for too long. It’s considered normal to spend a whole weekend obsessively cleaning your car, power washing your driveway, trimming your front lawn, absentmindedly humming away the whole time. And it’s exactly these lawn-trimming, car-washing suburbanites that call people like us lazy. We do literally anything we can to distract ourselves, and it’s considered completely normal. I used to pour hours into this mind-numbing video game where you just click on a virtual tree all day to chop it down to level up your character. That game has millions of players who also pour hours into it. I’m talking thousands of hours that each person puts in, probably completely zoned out. I also used to distract myself by doing math competitions in high school – a huge distraction that everyone saw as productive. This phenomenon of people distracting themselves is by far the true epidemic that absolutely no one will talk about. From re-watching your videos, I realize just how often you hit the nail on the head.
And what about people’s fascination with politics and politicians? I think your views on politics are bang-on. People who go out there and vote for politicians do so without realizing they’re trying to vote for the mummies and daddies they never had. They talk about politicians like they’re trying to pick and choose traits they wish their parents had. Is that politician a good communicator? Is that politician open-minded? Because daddy sure wasn’t a good communicator. People are so quick to talk about tariffs and trade deals, but how come we don’t start from the bottom-up and take a good, hard look at how parents and society so often destroy the creativity and awesome potential of young human beings? And I do share your view on how wonderful our potential is – our empathy, thought processes, intelligence, creativity. If we had healthy family dynamics to begin with, maybe we’d be a sovereign species – maybe we wouldn’t even NEED to elect leaders to make decisions for us. Why the heck does nobody see this? Why are we in a state of such deep denial? I lose hope every time I think about how much people are in denial.
So thank you once again Daniel. It’s just uncanny how much we see eye-to-eye. I’ve gone my whole life without anybody who “sees” any of this. I wonder if those of us who watch your videos all share a similar personality type. It’s a miracle that I have access to your channel now, after an endless amount of distracting myself in countless ways. And you do such an excellent job at articulating everything, I can’t express that enough. Your channel is truly a gift. I saw the video where you address young human beings of the future, if we ever manage to get our act together. I truly can imagine people of the future looking back on that video in reverence. I really do wish we’d get our act together, because I see our denial-plagued species as being so incredibly irresponsible. I’m sick of humanity’s BS.
Thank you Pat!
Daniel
Is there a specific type of therapist who would specialize in treating sociopathy
Hi Eric,
I am really not sure, mostly because I didn’t even have a name for the “type” of therapy I was doing. I often think that the mental health field gets very focused on the “type” of therapy, and would probably do a lot better to focus instead on the quality of the specific therapist. In every type of therapy that I’ve seen, there are a some good therapists (usually very few) and some bad ones (usually quite a lot).
Wishing you the best!
Daniel
Hi Daniel,
I am living a life I don’t want to live. I’ve had childhood trauma plus I faced sexual harassment twice by fellow mates and experienced parental favoritism too. Friends took advantage of my low self-esteem and all that lead to major depression. Sometimes, I question myself that maybe I am a bad person that’s why I’m suffering, Come on how can so many people be that bad. it’s maybe me who is the evil. I never found a single person who said me that it was not my fault. Last year I had my first psychotic episode.
I want to ask you one question, What if all the mental illnesses on the planet are just symptoms of one illness? Bipolar, schizophrenia, ADHD, or any illness are just symptoms of one disorder that all the human race is suffering from? The war, killing each other or fighting for boundaries, etc are just symptoms of the same one disorder?
I’d love to hear your opinion.
Hi Pranami,
Sorry to hear this… My opinion is that the root of most mental and emotional problems (the ones that get labeled as mental diagnoses) lies in people’s childhood — the unresolved traumas, sometimes considered even normal and mild, that people suffered long ago…
I am wishing you only the best on your journey!
Daniel
BiPolar, Schizophrenia et c et c is not a MENTAL ILLNESS: it is a human mechanisme in order to heal PAST TRAUMA…
The Western Society a.k.a. The Pharmaceutical Industry and the SCIENCE has made IT a “mental illness” in order to enslave them further in more mental slavery, situation, stifling et c et c…
…
Thnx for sharing your trauma. Please do not kill yourself…even hoe hard you suffer…Please find the “KEY OF LIFE”, which is hidden somewhere INSIDE YOU
Hello again (commented here a few times in the past).
Daniel, I have lived an extremely chaotic and trauma filled life, to the point where it feels impossible to recover. I won’t go into details here, since it would take a whole novel anyway.
I would love to have a therapist who could grasp the full extent of how bad my situation is. I live in Canada, and the mental health system up here seems really basic and utterly clueless. They only care about things like addictions and would never take childhood trauma seriously. Nobody here talks as openly as you do – Canada has a culture of keeping up appearances of normality. I want to be able to go to a secluded forest and just scream my lungs out, as you once said. I want to be surrounded by people who want the same. Canada is the last place on Earth I need to be. I really think it’d be cool if you visited Canada and looked at some of the family dynamics here.
My dream would be to move to the US someday to find a great therapist. If not a therapist, then a community, or at least one person who gets it. I don’t know how that’s ever gonna happen, but I need to find SOMEBODY who can at least relate to the hell I’ve been going through my whole life. I know the US is mostly full of people who aren’t trying to heal, but paradoxically it seems to me that Americans are doing the most healing in online trauma-centered communities. It seems to me like it’s mostly Americans who are opening up online. Right now I have no money and probably no way of getting into the US.
Hi Pat — thanks for sharing this. I appreciate your perspective — I didn’t exactly think of America this way but you may be right! Wishing you only the best– Daniel
Thank you,
To be honest, maybe the reason America has a relatively high number of people trying to heal is that America is unfortunately the most screwed up, violent place to begin with. But then again, there are so many messed up family dynamics all over the world..
I would say that America is a 90-10 split. 90% of people are oblivious to their own traumas, 90% are trying to run from their traumas by making a lot of money for instance.. And some of that 90% are wandering around sensing something is wrong – the conspiracy types – but they never once examine their own childhoods.
That 10% however, seems to be far more than what any other country has. So in a world where everyone is clueless, America’s 10% comes out on top in my books. I feel like there wouldn’t be anyone noticing and saying the things that you say if they weren’t American.
Cheers 🙂
well said — your insights sound spot on to me — very good ananlysis
I think your figure of 90-10 when it comes to people healing definitely varies based on where you live. I live in Omaha, Nebraska and I’ve been fervently searching for allies in my healing for almost 3 years to absolutely no avail. So if are ever able to make the move to the States, areas with higher populations may give you a higher chance at finding allies.
This is true! Rural areas are appealing to me due to the calmness and greenery, but the payoff would be that no one’s interested in healing or having these sorts of conversations. My priority would be finding healing allies above all else – wherever they are is where I wanna be.
I highly recommend the following online forum:
https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD
It’s an online community for anyone with childhood trauma. I think anyone who watches Daniel’s stuff would benefit from that forum. It’s how I’ve been coping due to not having anyone like me here in Canada.
Hi, Daniel!!!
Do You have any thoughts on Herrman Hesse’s book “Steppenwolf”.
Whish You all the best,
JM
Hi JM — hmm, I read Steppenwolf about thirty years ago and maybe should try again. I read most of Hermann Hesse’s books, but the only two that I really loved were Siddartha and Narcissus and Goldmund, and I’m no longer sure I would like Narcissus and Goldmund too much anymore. But when I was twenty I really loved it. Wishing you all the best too!
Daniel
Hi Daniel, after about a year I came back again to a documentary called “A Beautiful Madness (2002)” about John Nash, an American mathematician, a Nobel Prize winner, who also suffered from schizophrenia.
I’ve searched your website on this documentary (or a movie “Beautiful Mind (2001)”) in hope of finding your thoughts on it, but without luck.
If you find some time for a few words, it would be great!
The thought that John Nash in one point decided to stop listening the voices inside of his head is for me questionable.
Personally, my interest on this topic is provoked by personal events on my workplace 8 years ago, after which followed a few weeks of paranoia.
Also, I’m also fan of a movie “I Never Promised You a Rose Garden (1977)”.
Thanks a lot for your work, I’m not missing one YT video of yours, but here I’m not very often.
Please keep your good work and please stay around.
Greetings from Germany
Oh sorry, the name of documentary is “American Experience” A Brilliant Madness (2002)
Hello Daniel, I only just discovered your Youtube channel in the past week, but I am enjoying them immensely. Listening to you and reading your blog and information, we share some common interests and similar upbringing. I was intrigued by your opinions on psychotherapy and found your views very refreshing. I am currently raising a 14 yr old troubled teenager, and have been searching for answers on how to raise her better. My oldest daughter is 18, with autism and other developmental difficulties, but for the most part, she has recovered from autism and is on her way to a happy, creative life. She is a lot like Temple Grandin. My focus now is on the 14 yr old. She suffers from extreme depression, cuts herself when upset, likes to look goth, and portrays herself as tough, but she is actually very fragile emotionally. My opinion of her, in order to help clarify my difficulties with her, is she acts very narcissistic at times, and she reacts in a narcissistic way to any parental discipline, no matter how gentle, she is easily offended and always seeks revenge or justice in some way. I know this is partly due to her age, but she has been difficult to raise since she was school age. She is my biological niece, and we adopted her at age 2 and have had custody of her since age 2. The past few months have been difficult with her. She basically has learned she can “tattle” on us whenever she is angry at us for any perceived ‘offense.’ She has gotten CPS called on us 3 times because she tells her angry stories to new, young teachers and her (in-training) therapist over how mistreated she thinks she is. Its very hard for us to cope with and embarrassing when we have to explain ourselves and defend our innocence since there isn’t any truth to her stories, but she makes us sound horrible when she goes to school and complains and then she complains to her ‘new’ therapist who doesn’t even know us at all. Our solution was to stop allowing her to be alone with these adults and now we go to family therapy where we can all talk and be heard. Now she is angry and says she won’t talk in family therapy and she wants to be able to ‘go one on one,’ with her own personal therapist. We cannot trust her at this point and we are just trying to listen, and show empathy towards her. She always has negative viewpoints and complaints about everything. Anger seems to be her default emotion, or else she’s crying over how depressed she is. She’s been hospitalized briefly last fall and it helped somewhat, but her mental issues are hard to treat and she is very resistant to a lot of my ideas and suggestions. She often acts happy around other people, like her school friends, teachers, guidance counselor etc. and she acts very sweet and polite to the world, but at home, she treats us badly, including her sister. Anyway, your videos have been helpful and I can relate to a good bit of it. I once wanted to be an ‘Art Therapist,” but there are no college programs in the south that teach it. I used to live in New York and there were art therapy clinics in various places. But I mainly stay home and help my kids, take care of pets, and do painting. Both my kids are into art. I live in Florida and mental health services here are very poor. I also live in a small town in a poor county, so the people that live here are generally uneducated types of blue collar workers. This area is known for cattle ranching and the beef industry. Any Dr. or therapist here is not the best quality in my opinion. You have to seek help in a big city in order to find better. This place is very redneck. My daughter calls it, “Yee-haw Florida.” We are ‘misfits’ in this part of the US. (educated, better income etc) My background was I grew up in a home with a lot of trauma. I have 3 sisters who had various mental issues and 2 were diagnosed with schizophrenia, bi-polar, etc. I noticed you have a documentary about that as well. My sisters today would be diagnosed differently, probably with autism, cognitive disabilities, etc. Anyway, glad to have run across your videos and web site. I needed something like that because few people have lived with mentally ill family members, (or at least fess up to it) so your story is one that is familiar to me.
Wishing you the best, Carol!
Daniel
Hi Daniel,
Havent been to your pg in a bit, so glad youre still sharing in YT w/ us! Thank you so much for the work that you do, and all the support you offer, being so brave, and helping us process!
I have a question, but its hard for me to formulate it, or be concise..I feel like there are altered states, spaced out states etc, and there are drug withdrawal induced states that appear very similar, not sure if they are or not, but…Do you have any comments about how they may or may not be different (helpful hints +). Do you have any advice in how to be supportive in the latter, especially if someone does not tend to taper off? Am i out of bounds here?
Forgive me if my question is rude pls. Thank you again.
PS: i love Mr Pig! OmG))) …Thank You! Thanks for making him adorable, being that hes so terrifying!
Sincerely grateful
Hi Veronica,
Hmm, I’ll have to think about it. While I have in the past helped some folks get through drug withdrawal (I’m assuming you mean psych drug withdrawal), I’m not sure if I have a good answer to your question…. Have you seen, meanwhile, the website The Withdrawal Project — I think they’re pretty good! But I think the altered states with psych drug withdrawal just sometimes last, for some people, a lot longer than more regular altered states… Meanwhile, I’m glad you like Dr. Pig. It was fun for me to make those videos — though he did make a lot of folks angry and uncomfortable!!
Warm greetings-
Daniel
Thank you Daniel, for taking the time. Wonderful link! Whoa…Pricelesss. Thanks a million.
We all need and deserve the truth in palatable way))) And not filthy lies that perpetuate calamity. Thank You again. Wishing you the best always, V
Love how you don’t mince words and do speak truth without qualifiers!
-Chris B.
Hey Daniel!! Been a huge fan of your vids since 2013. You have such clear thinking and analytical perspective, not including your vast experience as a psychotherapist once upon a time. I actually had the chance to work with a therapist from your documentary ‘take these broken wings’ for many years, and she helped me a ton until I reached the point where there was nothing more she could could do. In the past 3 years I’ve experimented with holotropic breathwork, emdr, somatic experiencing, and right now I do a form of generational trauma healing with eft and the institute for the study of peak states. I know a lot of this work is at the fringes of what’s evidence based and accepted, but I keep meeting more and more people who said enough to psychotherapy and began using trauma therapies and healed by leaps and bounds. I’m wondering if you’re ever going to document your thoughts through the new avenues beyond ‘chemical imbalance’ and the thesis that trauma is stuck in the body which eventually resonates in our behaviors, thoughts and feelings. I have been hoping for that since you have such a strong following. I highly recommend the textbook emdr for schizophrenia and other psychoses. I’m certain you would be glued to that book, a lot of the same things you documented are there, plus some incredible trauma healing techniques for proper in extreme states of consciousness. Be well man, and thanks for your voice and existence.
To clarify, I’m not sayin you follow the chemical imbalance theory, that would be dumb, I’m saying we’re finally seeing more accepted evidence based theories and models that say that’s a flawed model and the new trauma healing, theory and models through evidence based practices su as emdr and somatic experiencing are helping that become the norm
Great to hear, Sergio — thank you for sharing this!
Warm greetings,
Daniel
Hi Daniel,
Just wanted to stop by and express continued gratitude for the work you do and share with us all. Hope you are doing well and staying warm!
Best wishes,
— Nicholas
Thanks Nicholas!
Hi Daniel,
I became aware of your “Roll On, Big Pharma” song just a day ago and have listened to some others by now (good stuff). I’ve also found your YT channel and watched some of the vids (good stuff again).
Are you aware what your family name relates to? It’s obviously of German origin and the word “Macke” means quirk/mar in German (at least when it comes to behaviour/psychology). Not that I think you’ve one but I thought it’s a bit funny considering your relation to the topic and just wanted to let you know in case you don’t already.
Keep up the great work you’re doing, please!
Hi Marsch — thanks!! And I didn’t know that about the name Macke. Interesting!
Daniel
Hello,
i have a question related to something that you mentioned in one of your videos. I don`t know if i got it right, but as far as i understood you said somethink like 99% of children are beeing traumatized in some way by their parents.
I read some books of Arno Gruen and he wrote something differently, he was talking about a 1/3 rule, but it was related to obedience, which is for me a big symptom of trauma. From what i understood he said 1/3 of people are very bad off and very bad traumatized by their parents, another 1/3 of people is more mixed, so they have some traumas but they also have resources and 1/3 is usually quite good off, they get raised with a lot of love and empathy. I don`t know if thats true. But i wouldn`t agree thats its really 99% as you say, or even if thats true, i never worked as a therapist, sorry, i would say there is also a percenteage of people which only have smaler wounds, which don`t have such a huge impact on their life, like others and therefore i wouldn`t really count them.
I don`t know if you have time between all the questions you get to answer to this. I mean i see this, the more i heal, i see wounds or unresolved issues in other people, but i wouldn`t say its almost everyone.
Hi Jens,
I think certainly some people are raised better than others, and some a lot better, but from what I’ve observed no one escapes trauma, and certainly not a third of people. I think the issue I’ve seen is that a lot of people aren’t so sensitive to what actually constitutes trauma — literal trauma — in a child. From what I’ve observed a huge amount of trauma goes right under most adults’ radar… Daniel
For me its like the question is where you draw the line. I mean life is not only about healing traumas for many people. Sometimes things just have to be done no matter how horrible you feel. Do you know what i mean? Also it would be better if everyone would heal their traumas but i made the expierence that especially the people that are really bad of don`t even know they have some or they don`t want to know. Sometimes their ego doesn`t even allow it to look into these traumas. I don`t know. You also mentioned that in some religion there is also circumcision which will cause traumes in babys, i would totally agree with that. But its just the way everyone is raised, you know its so normal. Is there anything we can do about it?
I am sorry i didn`t wanted to bother you with this too much, i am just trying to make sense what happend to me in my childhood and what i have been going thru in the last 12 years of my life which was basicly a lot of griefing traumas but finding out that i still somehow had to make a living and it was horrible for me to have to do both at the same time. And now i can see many people arround me where i think they have serious issues going on, but they refuse to go seek a therapist probably because they don`t suffer enough.
Hey Daniel. I hope you read these comments you keep seeing how many people you are helping. I am 32 female a transracial international adoptee from the 70/80s craze of Americans adopting abroad. Because i am here we can all guess it did not go well lol. You are the first person i have encountered who has the same passion as me about speaking out about family dysfunction and critism of the family cult systems that exsist. You are brave and full of courage and those of us who appreciate that authenticity you talk about, are giving you a standing ovation. Thank you sooo much for using your life to try and educate us!!
Thanks Becca!
Hi Daniel,
Do you think chronic traumatic encephalopathy is a real disease ?? Or is it a new labeling to the sports person’s who too suffer from depression, anxiety etc … as the rest of the population ??
Is cte complete bullshit or do we need to stop playing contact sports ?? Most of the people has occasional head collisions or hits to head …….. does that mean they will develop cte in future ??
What do you think?? Please do reply …
Thanks daniel
Shanmukh,
Hmm, I always assumed it was real, but I’m no expert for sure! I generally think, though, they getting smashed in the head repeatedly for any reason is probably not a good idea! Daniel
amazing how they do this mindf*ckery, sometimes hard to decide online it is kinda AI or some psychopath horde droid, but obviously the “science” and the billionaires put a lot of effort and money in it….
really worth to laugh only these surveillance, manipulation, blocking, mess-around, stalker etc. maniac, king complex psychos….
Hi Daniel (and everyone else reading this).
First of all,I want to thank you for being who you are and for opening my eyes to what my family actually has done to me,especially since I started feeling that something was wrong about the way I perceived my parents even back when I was little and was never able to put my finger on it,so thank you for giving me new tools to improve myself.
Secondly,I have around 60 pages left of your book “Breaking from your parents” (which,to my shame,am reading illegaly for free,hope I’ll get it in physical form someday) and I’m considering presenting it in front of my class (since I’m first year in college,so I believe there may still be some hope here),although I’m not too sure if it will really help/interest someone and if I’m ready for possible consequnces.While I think I’ll probably go through with this regardless of your opinion(s),I’d still like some inputs or even anectodes from anyone willing to share or give their thoughts on this.
Wish you all the best!
Hi Daniel,
I’m in the midst of a breakup with my partner. Luckily, it doesn’t feel like a crisis. I feel that a normal grieving process lay ahead. However, there’s a thorn in it that has me very unsure about myself. A part of the breakup involves my partner feeling like they are a “caretaker” to what they’ve identified as their BPD boyfriend (me). In fact, her therapist (who uses CPT approach, worksheets, etc.), is the one who suggested BPD without having met me. My partner approached me about this since we’ve been having issues seeing eye to eye in the relationship. In an effort to be responsive I forwarded the topic to my own therapist who uses an IFS approach. My therapist strongly disagreed with that assessment and added that it was a little strange to have a diagnosis like that so leisurely plopped into my lap, especially without any one-on-one contact with my partners therapist. I told my partner my therapists opinion but my she seems to be at least somewhat still convinced anyways. She finshed a book on partners of BPD rapidly and showed up saying, “I have to move on.” Now, of course there are many other parts/reasons for calling it quits. Some of them have been present for a while. They make sense and the breakup certainly isn’t out of left field. But again, it’s this BPD thing that has me feeling confused.
I saw your video on “A Critique of Borderline Personality Disorder” and appreciated your perspective. I personally think diagnoses aren’t helpful for me. Especially in this day and age it feels less like a lense of validation and more like a weapon, “Oh you have this? Well I have that too! or I have this other disorder which is worse!” In my experience, most of the time, talk of diagnoses or disorders is a non-starter for any real discussion about childhood trauma. It feels like it quickly turns into some weird contest of who’s hurt more and who’s supposed to talk and who’s supposed to listen. I leave going thinking, “What the heck was that conversation???”
I guess my question would be, “What to make of all this?” I go online and look at the traits of BPD and think, “Well I can certainly relate to most of these.” Exceptions would be self-harm, suicial ideation of threats, and violent or aggressive behavior (including verbal) But if it’s such a “difficult” disorder to diagnose then how am I to know? Should I trust my inner voice that rejects labeling everything? Or should I squeeze more out of this? I suppose the most unsettling part of all of this is the recurring detail I’ve read that BPD is apparently “incurable.”
Anyways, thank you for your time. I appreciate any thoughts you might have.
If anything, I continue looking forward to your next topics on YouTube!
Best,
Nicholas
Hi Nicholas,
I reject that label of borderline personality disorder also! And I think it’s terrible when a therapist tells someone that their partner might have this diagnosis. A really rotten thing to say, as far as I’m concerned. Very insensitive. I know it’s easy for me to say, but I hope you can just figure out how to disregard what that therapist said. I’ve had some similar things happen to me, and I admit that I found them very unsettling and painful. Wishing you only the best, Daniel
I to have been diagnosed with BPD and reject that personality disorder. Because of trauma from family members who are dramatic it makes sense that people would diagnose me with BPD. Have you looked into your family history?
I’ve been reading an Allen Carr book on internet addiction, trying to make sense of how Allen’s ideas fit into the broader pitcure of healing from childhood trauma. I had the idea to make it into a little speech, like the ones that you have been uploading on YouTube! Here’s the script so far:
~~~
If you’ve ever read an Allen Carr book, you’ll have heard that an empty feeling, a void inside can be what tips a person into addiction.
Another author who talks about voids and addictions is Daniel Mackler, although with different vocabulary. Here the void is called childhood trauma, and the addiction is called dissociating.
It is Mackler’s view that the first step to healing from childhood trauma, is to let go of the denial that you had a good childhood, and to stop all forms of dissociation. This is a very broad view of addiction that includes things like work, romance, and having children, just anything that will stop you from thinking about your inner sense of loss.
Allen Carr’s method to curing an addiction asks clients to “start with a feeling of elation.” This feeling of elation that is so crucial in Allen Carr’s method, could it be just another veil of dissociation?
After quitting smoking, Allen Carr worked nonstop to rid the world of smoking. Even after being diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, the final few months were spent working nonstop to finish a new book, leaving no time for loved ones. [There is an interview clip by Allen’s widow talking about the dissapointment that they didn’t get any time to spend together, somewhere on YouTube.]
Where did Allen’s void go? Is it enough to be a happy non-smoker if you live your life running away from your inner void?
Yes, it is much better to no longer have the addiction, but it would be even better to direct the extra energy towards looking into the void (or, working to heal the trauma), which will become very difficult to access in a state of elated dissociation.
After all, the void does not fill itself. If it did, nobody would fall into addiction in the first place.
~~~
This was pretty fun to think about. Thank you for all the wisdom that you spread!
Cool! Thanks Yasmi!
Daniel
Hi Daniel,
This is just an appreciation post. I’m in my mid-30s and have only recently come to understand that I’m not who my parents (and family) have always told me I am, at all- and to start to pick apart years of trauma. I’ve been working with young women trying to help them overcome trauma specific to (or aka) female socialisation for years, but somehow never really turned the lens inward until now. I’ve found your videos and writing extremely helpful, moving and quietly radical. It takes courage to critique the sacred institutions of parents, family, therapy practice- and even if I disagree with some conclusions, I think you’re doing something really valuable.
Thanks Marianne! Wishing you only the best!
Daniel
Watch some of your videos and bought your book Toward Truth. Love your stuff. Thank you for the effort. Keep it up and stay safe!
Cool! Thanks Kingston!
Daniel
Dear Daniel, Thank you for all that you so generously share. You are my number one favourite Youtuber. And I have tons of faves. Your number one fan.
Awww thanks Rachel!
Daniel
Keep up the great job, Daniel Mackler. The need for us all to break out and away to heal together, as a society, from parental abuse and neglect to restart with proper families, is there. It is clear for us who have been through the suffering of the crazyness and carelessness of those who were supposed to love us the most. I am unsure about to what extent is us, the ones who have and are suffering this kind of situation, or everyone because the sickness is widespread and systemic. But you are right, if only we were listened, if the shame were on the abusers and unloving, sick ones, everyone, including them, would benefit. Be all right, you are not alone in this. I am through the process too, with kids of my own, so with even more responsibility to do it as perfect as humanly possible.
Thanks Hank!
Daniel
Please sorry, my main interest is to share knowledge about meaning of life in order to prevent suffering and self-destruction of people. Author is a biologist from Saints Petersburg: Vladimir Antonov. He is researching Spirituality for decades and discovered amazing stuff, also psychical self regulation which is healthy to do for everyone. We, as he says, have not only physical heart but spiritual. If you’re skeptical, google hearthmath institute. My task is to inform you, after that do as you feel right.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NLCaKttTrk&t=0s
https://www.facebook.com/Mikera11/
https://consciousnesscalibrations.com/tag/people/
Hey,
I’ve written about how dreadful and parent-oriented Canada is. I’ve found a video where they use modern MRI equipment to effectively lobotomize this woman to “treat depression”. Notice how the comments are turned off. They just casually assert that they know the exact area of the brain that causes depression, as if it’s that simple – and that it can just simply be nuked with an MRI. So yeah, a modern day lobotomy. I only see the insanity of this because I grew up in the US. I’m getting more and more terrified of Canada.
Whoops, I forgot to link the video. Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaZTnlFJGMY&ab_channel=CBCNews%3ATheNational
Hey, Daniel.
I’ve been watching your videos for a couple of weeks now, and it’s been fascinating and scary, to say the least. I struggle with anger a lot, like I can lose my temper in an instant, and by the time I realize I’m angry I’ve already hurt myself and others. Since I started journaling, I’ve realized that it’s mainly because of the abuse I endured from my father when I was a kid. He wasn’t physically abusive, since my mom didn’t allow that, but the emotional abuse I was subjected to was, to me, very traumatic. So much so, that I really hate myself, and feel like I’m worthless. And since I didn’t have the space to actually feel and express my anger appropriately, I forced myself to repress it in order to avoid rejection. As a result, I have a really hard time recognizing healthy, appropriate anger.
I wanted to know if you could perhaps give me some advice on how to deal with and embrace anger. I feel like I’m stuck.
Greetings!
PD: English isn’t my mother tongue, so hopefully I was able to convey my thoughts in an understandable manner.
Hi Paola, I did make a video on anger, but now exactly on how to deal with it… I think your question might be a good topic for a future video, though at the moment I’m swamped in my life. I do have a self therapy book available for a lot price (hopefully!!) through this website. Maybe that would help some??? Sorry to be so brief now!! Daniel
Thank you, Daniel! It’d be great if you made a video on how to deal with anger. And I’ll check what you’ve shared on your website. Once again, thank you for taking the time to reply to my message.
Best wishes,
Paola
hi Daniel,
I have also broken from my parents/ they have broken from me, and watch your videos on the subject. I have a wife and baby boy of 6 months and don’t believe they have a right to see my child.
Can you do a video on this topic. It seems to me that grandparents think they have an automatic right to see grandkids. At this point they are not going to see my son unless they change and make things right
with me. Is this a fair attitude. I feel that my father stole cheated lied and manipulated me over and over and im just sick of it and don’t think that is a good influence on me or my Childs life. My mother also partakes in his
lies and takes his side so she is out also. I think that if one of your parents is out they both should be in general if of course they agree on it. My dad is 80 my mom 76. My sister has also had enough and I believe is not communicating with
them any longer. she has two kids and has just recently cut them off from the grandparents also. They are 13 and 10yoa and have had been exposed to the abuse from grand parents in the past. No sexual or physical abuse. Just emotional and controlling with money mostly. They have a significant amount of money of think they can control us all with their promises of money.
thanks in advance
Scott
HI Daniel,
I’m a huge fan of your work and philosophy. Thank you for making those YouTube videos, books and blog entries, they’ve all really helped me.
Anyways, I’m currently experiencing transference with my current psychologist, who i’m being forced by my parents to go to. I’m just wondering if you have any advice on dealing with transference as it is really intense, and my dissociated and insecure psychologist refuses to honestly talk about these things with me, leaving me alone in the dark.
I’ve started meditating, journaling, reading, stopping porn, improving my diet, and getting some exercise in but as a 18 year old NEET with social anxiety, jealousy, confusion, anger and depression, breaking away from my unhelpful parents and having true financial freedom isn’t that easy to have, and is even harder when my psychologist is in my head 24/7.
Thanks for any suggestions and taking the time out of your day to read this.
NSP— Sorry for my long delay— life! I don’t have the best advice specifically for you, except maybe talk about it with the therapist and if they are not helpful perhaps take some distance from them? Or Journal more about it? Engage in more self therapy? I don’t know if any of this will help. But maybe. Maybe this is a good topic for a future video for me to do! Warm greetings,
Daniel
Hi Daniel,
I first encountered your name long long time ago, just when I was researching stuff on Alice Miller. As I have never found a therapist that could help me, I was wondering if there are any that you could recommend as I know you do not practise psychotheraphy anymore yourself.
Hi Paulina,
Greetings! I’m sorry to say that I don’t have any therapists to recommend right now. I just don’t feel comfortable doing that. But I am wishing you the best on your healing journey. Daniel
Hey Daniel, I agree with much of what you say in your new video “A pre-recorded message to the children of 2100”. I like how you mention that technology won’t help heal our traumas, even though we are constantly sold the idea that technology is the cure-all, by people like Elon Musk for example. In my opinion, Elon is the type of fake, corporate person who represents the modern era.
But my question for you is this: what gives you so much hope that the people of 2100 will wake up and suddenly be kind to nature, suddenly have the awareness to try healing their traumas, when people before them have failed to do so for thousands of years? I’ll use our current era as an example: As a young-ish person myself, in my early 20s, I personally feel that people who grow up in 2021 are just as likely, if not more likely than their parents, to not care about the destruction we’re doing to nature.
(In what I’m about to write, I don’t mean to invalidate your negative experiences with your own generation, or your parents’ generation. Your lived experiences are valid and I won’t write them off just because I haven’t experienced them.)
I worry that the future will be the opposite from what you predict. From my perception, kids today don’t have many honest figures in their lives who communicate the things that you do. Instead, we live in a world filled with people who only care about money. As you mentioned, technology is so pervasive, and it has in my opinion jeopardized our ability to connect with nature, and it’s even dulled down our language – our ability to communicate the nuances of our traumas using sentences and paragraphs. Nowadays, it’s all about writing short, snappy twitter posts, and that’s not a good system for communicating traumas in my opinion. I feel as though people are getting more judgmental. For instance, I would be much more comfortable opening up to someone from an older generation, because of my feelings that younger people today are more judgmental.
So yeah, I am curious to know why you feel as though the future generations, who will inevitably be more technological, will be the point where humanity finally wakes up and finally cares about nature. I want to hope the same as well, but from my experiences around people my age and even younger, I just don’t see it.
Actually I’m starting to see it.. Just getting a glimpse at my own lost potential as a young person, and how terrifying that glimpse was. Being blind to others displaying their brilliance as a way to defend myself from the awful sadness of me not getting to live up to my own potential.
Maybe you’re right Daniel, we may have a future of geniuses like one couldn’t even imagine coming from our mere, silly 3 dimensions. I just hope that when that day comes, empathy won’t be a thing of the past – that I won’t be left in the dirt anymore like I have been for my entire life.
This is in German Sorry
Leider mußte in Schweden das Healing Home Konzept geändert werden
Nun sind Einige hier in Planung eines Healing Homes ähnlichen Lebens
Omg…I believe this is me. (See video “treatment of attachment-based parental alienation”) I am the targeted parent. I can honestly say “I really don’t understand why this is happening to me” please watch this video. I know for a fact my ex used at least some of these tactics: https://youtu.be/ezBJ3954mKw. I’m not saying that I didn’t make mistakes, i did. But I was never abusive and have been accused of abuse, without any specific examples showing abuse.
Hi Daniel.
I have been a longtime viewer of your youtube channel, and I have spent the past 6 months abstaining from smoking marijuana, where I often found your videos to be a place of solace and comfort. When I was having a really rough time, I would worry that I was going crazy and that I was all alone in the world and nobody understood me. Then I would watch one of your videos, and be instantly calmed down. Probably because in my sober state, I totally agree with your perspective on the state of the world, healing, and the issues that come with medications (dulling the grief and healing process).
Although I did manage to abstain from smoking weed for 6 months, for the most part I had a terrible quality of life. I was often being knocked around by extreme emotional highs and extreme lows. As time went on, these states grew stronger and stronger, leading me to become quite dangerously close to committing suicide. I went off the rails – jeopardised the security of my job, lost a lot of money by being painfully indecisive, didn’t want to socialise with anyone, felt distrustful towards many, and generally saw the world as a dark and gloomy place. I recall you mentioned this phenomenon in one of your videos: the healing process leading someone to a state where they can’t function in society anymore – that is exactly what happened. And hearing you talk about that saved my life at one point also.
As this state of dysfunction grew more erratic over time, I simply had to smoke weed for my survival. It was either that, or commit suicide. And alas, the weed worked, all of my emotions dulled down, and the voice of reason sprung forth into my consciousness to save my life. I have decided to occupy this ‘dissociated state’ by smoking a small amount every 2-3 days at night. It is true that my healing process has been paused for now, but having this distance from my state of being enveloped in my traumas, I can think a little more objectively without my own biases.
Which leads me to want to you ask you questions, ones I have wanted to ask for awhile, but my sober emotional state would not dare to ask:
‘Do you think there is more merit to a healed person than somebody who voluntarily chooses to bypass the healing process?’
I held onto dear life that going through with the healing process would amount to a greater quality of life, but it was a living hell for me that almost led to my self-destruction. I tried many things to make the process smoother: daily self-journaling, clean diet, exercise, early wake ups, plenty of sunshine, no distractions. These things made it all a bit easier, but I can’t help but wonder if it’s also okay just to say: screw it! nobody cares about what we do anyway.. so why not just live a non-courageous/ un-healed/ easy/ dissociated life.
‘Are there any examples of people who have adopted the process of healing and come out ‘better’ than everybody else? ‘
I know the word ‘better’ is vague, but you know what I mean. I would assume that you would think of others differently who choose to avoid the process of healing. In my current dissociated state, I am guarded by the horrors of the world and my history, living a fiction perhaps, but I am also not harming anybody either. I don’t take advantage of others, or live in a way that poses any harm onto myself or others. If anything, the sober shackles of my trauma would put me in a position of being more harmful to others: I would literally drive a car more poorly, and would be awfully forgetful about important things.. because I was way too.. present? present in how I was feeling all the time, it really did make my behaviours more physically dangerous to myself and others.
‘Do you think you are really healed or more healed than when you were a child?’
I am sorry if this question is triggering, but I have to ask. I have noticed that in almost all of your videos, you talk about how your parents betrayed you. Or how the healing process has made you become someone who is much more emotionally volatile to events that happen in the external world. Are these the behaviours of somebody who is at least 90% healed? Again, I am sorry if this question is thorny to answer. While I recognise my questions are quite personal and maybe aggressive in nature, I really am more curious than anything. I want to believe that healing is the right way to go.
Take care Daniel, you have been a great source of support for me and many others. I commend you for sitting through all those uncomfortable feelings to make your videos be published for the world to see. Cheers mate
Hi Nath,
Thank you for sharing all this, and your questions are good. The problem for me is that I’m almost entirely off the grid right now and simply don’t have the time to give your questions in the proper time to reply. The main thing that jumped out to me though, in my moment to reply, is that the first most important thing is to survive and not die! Also, when we take away something that might be a bit of a crutch, like weed or something like that, if we don’t replace it with something better and healthier then life can get really awful, and often life can get really awful even in spite of this. In my case I have spent a lot of time in my journal and also on working and also on having friends. I’m really wishing you the best! Daniel
Hi Daniel
Wow, I just found out about your You Tube channel and I am totally hooked. I appreciate you candid and sincere expression of your thoughts. I think you are a gift to so many people. You’re one of those “who would you wanna sit down and have a beer with” and hope (honestly) I could meet you in person. I am partly NY based too. I have been through therapy. as well. I had no complaints about any one of them but I do sense the “heaviness” in their demeanor. Half of the time, I sense they were not really “with me”. I did not take it against them and in fact I was secretly empathizing with them in real time during my sessions. I do that by trying to be an “easy patient” whatever that means. I can completely relate because I’m also in the medical field (I treat cancer) so I am always in front of people who needs help. I know how difficult it is to be in a position of strength when deep inside, you have demons hounding you. Thankfully, I handle my emotions pretty well in front of patients and it has not compromised the care I give. Looking forward to more videos.
Hi Daniel,
I’m sad to say I was assaulted about two weeks ago by a homeless man, maybe 50 years old who appeared to be in some kind of psychosis. When I had walked past him 20 seconds prior he claimed I “shot him with a gun”, and in retaliation had followed behind and blindsided me with a blunt object. In reality I hadn’t acknowledged him at all; he was shouting in a disorganised way and I blanked him as to not invite further interaction (which I remember felt callous at the time!).
I was very lucky to be in a public place; a witness immediately called the police, and in amidst the chaos I managed to get a clear picture of the guy. The police were quick to arrive but the man had fled the scene. My interaction with them was mostly positive; I gave them my details/ statement + the photo and they gave me a lift to the hospital which I’m grateful for, though as with your story I found it quite surreal to overhear being referred to as ‘the victim’.
While waiting in A&E I found myself thinking about your mugging story and deeply empathising with it. In particular I was profoundly struck by how much empathy you showed the men who robbed you; I’m not sure I could have been so charitable given their apparent agency in the matter. In my case though, it was clear to me within the first 10 seconds or so of being assaulted that this guy needed more help than I did.
I’m at a crossroads right now; the police have gotten back to me asking if I want to proceed with a prosecution and I genuinely don’t know. I’ve since recovered emotionally (I think (: ) and physically minus a scar in my eyebrow that required a bit of glue. I don’t think someone who is prone to random violent outbursts should be out on the streets, but I’m uncomfortable with the idea of setting off a chain of events if it leads to him getting lost in a system without the help he needs. This happened in the UK so I appreciate that the protocols might be different, but any insight you might have, moral or otherwise would be greatly appreciated.
Kind regards, Michael
Michael, I’m so sorry to hear this! But I thank you very much for sharing it. Yes, unfortunately, I relate to it very much. At least I am grateful that I was not physically assaulted in my case. I am not sure what insights I have right now, as I am thinking about these things all the time and have not come up with a good conclusion. Someday I hope to make some more videos on the subject, when my case is resolved at least. Sending you the warmest greetings. Daniel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7wpoDvFsXY&t=248s&ab_channel=DanielMackler
“Everyone has the right to work.” Really, united nations? As beings here on Earth, one of the things we fundamentally deserve is to do labor? These people who call themselves world leaders, and the ordinary people who support them are the most uncool, boring things the world has ever churned out. This proves how backwards the world is, that we don’t even question “the right to work”. We are told we should be grateful for the opportunity to work 9-5 jobs, because people in poorer countries don’t have this fundamental “human right”.
I love your ideas for what our rights should really be, and how you believe children should be the main recipients of these rights. If society actually cared about us as human beings, the fundamental rights for children that you’ve named would be our commandments. Those children would go on to create an awesome world where we not only appreciate and enjoy nature, but also where we don’t hinder our own creativity and potential to be kind, loving beings. This could be an amazing world to live in.. But clearly, adults and institutions like the UN have always had other plans, since the beginning of time. They are not our guardians, but rather our rulers.
Hello Pat,
I have a slightly different interpretation of the “right to work”, but maybe I am wrong. The way I see it is that in order to live, we all have to make a living, we all need money in order to survive, unless of course you are born to a family of means and everything is taken care of. I would assume that even those who absolutely love and enjoy their jobs still would want and need to be paid. Unfortunately, there are instances when someone who needs a job in order to live are “prevented” (not sure if that is the right word) by others who have something against that individual. For example, you got fired for something you did, you’ve already been punished by losing the job, and yet someone wants to punish you more by ruining your reputation so no one will hire you. I believe that’s where that right comes in. The person who is doing that to you is therefore violating your right to have a job. If that person doesn’t get a job, there will be consequences…he may be evicted or lose his home and become homeless, he loses health insurance and a family member may suffer and even die because there is no money to buy medicines. I can go on and on…but you get the idea. Perhaps you put yourself in that situation…. someone violating your right to have a job and you become jobless and your savings run out and there is no one to help you, not a friend, not a relative. What would happen to you? Anyone of us can be in that situation.
Hey again Daniel!
Just saw your video “A Critique of Jordan Peterson”. I’m not super familiar with him (I have a tendency to gloss over the antics of the really famous folk, and prefer to let everyone else obsess over them).
I live in Canada myself, but I grew up in the US. I had the following thought after watching your video: if the world sees Donald Trump as the face of the US (and therefore holds the US up to all the same scrutiny), then maybe we should look at Jordan Peterson as the face of Canada.
I’ve noticed that parents here in Canada love putting their own kids last. I see parents who drag their bored, exasperated kids around on the bus to complete their own agendas; parents who dump their kid in daycares run by nannies who are completely aloof and see it as just any other job; parents who scold their kids for showing any sign of a facial expression that would indicate disagreement. I see parents who are kinder to strangers than they are to their own children, right in front of their own children. You’re probably thinking that none of these examples are all that different from what you’ve no doubt seen countless times in the US, but to me it really does feel like Canada has a nation-wide culture of lame, pathetic, lousy parenting.
And I find that this is reflected in the adults I’ve interacted with in my 11 years here in Canada. When I think back to my childhood in the US, and when I observe Americans on youtube and even people from other countries like the UK, I notice that you people on the outside have this bizarre ability to smile genuine smiles and laugh genuine laughs. You guys tend to be more spontaneous, less afraid of expressing yourselves, less dull, more creative. You guys seem to be more connected to your own playfulness; more empathic. But I suppose things have been changing for many years, even in other countries – cellphones are taking over the world and turning everyone into Canadians- I mean drones. Nevertheless, I find myself dreaming every day of visiting the US again, and perhaps a new country as well. I’d better do it before it’s too late, and all the things and people I love in this world get replaced by walmarts and cellphones and condos and fancy cars.
So that sums up why I think JP should be the “face” of Canada. Intelligent, professional, calculating, sure. Just like Canada prides itself as being, especially in contrast to its slightly rambunctious neighbor. But as for me, I would rather hang out with a country who’s kind, genuine, capable of being fun and playful.
Pat—
Thank you for sharing this!
Daniel
Pat,
Thank you for sharing this. Very interesting thoughts.
Daniel
Hi Daniel,
I was wondering if you had any thoughts on how music is, or can be, integrated into a traumatized musicians journey.
I entered college as a piano performance major in 2010. Just before that I won a competition playing a movement of a Rachmaninoff piano concerto. To this day, it has remained my crowning achievement. But everything started to drift after that. I became unfocused on my studies and craft, not to mention important responsibilities by the end. I was instead fixed on finding that “one true love.” None of them worked out. Also, since school is usually only a 4 year go people would graduate and move on. I somehow took this personally. “They left me. I’m not valuable enough, etc.” Then I began coping using marijuana and alcohol. I eventually saw that I had totally lost track of my life. This is when some self examination unearthed the realization that I started playing the piano when my parents stopped paying attention to me. They drifted into their room with their own substances. I would play that they would come out. And when they did and I had some legitimate complaint about what was going on they would contest, “You’re wrong. You’re so ungrateful. Just be productive.” Family and others only listened if my mouth was shut but my hands were on the keys. “He’s so smart. He’s so talented.” they would say. Then later in college I spent many a night “practicing” and waiting for a familiar face to show in the practice room window. If it was a friend I’d be happily distracted for a while. If it was blonde hair I felt I was saved.
Now, I’ve worked through some 12-step material. I’ve been doing therapy consistently. I journal on occasion. I play on occasion but I listen endlessly. Rachmaninoff continues to be my favorite composer. And sometimes I feel when I play that things are in harmony, that I’m grounded, that I can cultivate this relationship with my instrument again. But it only lasts so long. I get tripped up with these questions: Do I have to heal all of my trauma before I can move forward with my music? Can they be done simultaneously? How can I untangle the part of music that is wrapped up to that lonely child who needed it to cope, to get at least some form of attention? How can I take the part that was genuinely in awe at the sounds and the feelings I was hearing coming through the music of Beethoven, Chopin, Mozart, John Williams, Pink Floyd, etc, etc.?
I watch your videos all the time. I’m deeply appreciative of what you have to say as it often seems to tap into what I’ve always known yet suppressed. You mentioned “action” in your last video. I hear ya.
Sincerely,
Nicholas
Hi Nicholas,
I’m not sure I have a clear answer for you. My own experience of playing music (folk music, guitar, singing), while not remotely at the level you did it, has been healing for me, in that it is a chance for me to explore my feelings and thoughts and also just to relax and have fun. I considered having fun to be a key tool of the self-healing process. I wrote about that in my book on my self-therapy. That has been something that has been important for me with music: to enjoy it. To just work to find the joy in it, and not to use it for any other great purpose, except perhaps as a way to express myself more. I see music, at least for me, as an adjust to my healing process. But nothing, not even music, is more important to me than just figuring out my history, retrieving my buried feelings, grieving, getting away from the toxic people in my past… But what I have found is that the more I have healed the more I feel more inspired, especially in a healthy way, to create music. To just play for the joy of it, and for no other reason. Sending you greetings on your journey! Daniel
Hi Nicholas,
If you are able or willing, I would love to talk to you. I come from a family of performance artists in classical music, my grandparents especially, had large careers which is part of my family dysfunction. Please let me know.
Hi Natasha. That sounds good. How do we connect?
Nicholas
Hello Natasha and Nicholas,
If you want I can connect you both backchannel via email.
Daniel
Thanks Daniel!
Count me in! 😀
—Nicholas
Hi Nicholas,
I’ll wait for Natasha’s approval and then proceed…
Daniel
Hey Daniel I have a question I enjoy your videos from 6 years ago about not having children you make very valid points I feel the same way honestly can you go deeper into that subject in terms of growing as an individual because I know a lot of people are having children in there early 20s and beyond .
Thanks Alex!
Reddit’s Antinatalist sub would be a good page to check out. Here’s the link:
https://www.reddit.com/r/antinatalism/
Hello again. I’ve commented here before, and this time I want to thank you for making the video titled “Why I don’t recommend ayahuasca for healing psychological trauma”. I think it was quite responsible of you to make that video, considering there are some youtubers out there who are really pushing drugs like ayahuasca and DMT, such as a certain podcast host whose name I won’t mention. In that podcast, the host mentions all sorts of psychedelics, but especially ayahuasca and DMT quite frequently in a highly glorifying way, and maybe a few times I’ve heard him add in a couple words of caution as an afterthought. He’s probably talked in detail about those substances hundreds of times in his videos, but I don’t recall him ever recommending that anyone should try building a foundation of safety and good mental health in your life first.
I know I have a lot of trauma, much of which was recent trauma mixed in with all my childhood trauma. I would love to deal with all that trauma in as healthy a way as possible, if only I had the right people in my life and a good therapist. I have suspected that drugs like ayahuasca can really put you through a very awful hell, like you mentioned that guy you had to comfort was going through. That’s exactly what I picture would happen to me, perhaps a thousand times scarier. I can’t even imagine what it was like in his mind.
I can’t help but be curious about these drugs – I’m mainly interested in the visuals, but I sure hope I never use them with the state my mental wellbeing is in. Thanks again Daniel for showing a lot of compassion and responsibility and making that video.
You’re welcome Pat — and thank you for sharing this. I am wishing you only the best! Daniel
P.S. For those who might read this, here is a link to my video about ayahuasca: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuJ7562OyRY
Daniel, hi. I first saw your work when my daughter was experiencing psychosis and I was researching OD. I have watched that video multiple times and forwarded it to countless people. Thank you for that. Today I saw your video on bipolar disorder. It was uploaded to the lithium withdrawal group on Facebook, which I participate in while stopping lithium, 21 years after being given a bipolar diagnosis. I found it excellent, and have forwarded it to my daughter who has also been given that diagnosis.
I am writing now because I have recently finished a draft of a book on how I recovered from so called bipolar disorder. It is based on my conversations with a psychiatrist (who also works as a psychotherapist) over the last 10 years, and is drawn from his comprehensive notes of our sessions. I was startled at how many of the issues that you raised chimed with my own experience, and would like to invite you to read my book and to provide a testimony. Is that something you would consider doing? My email is below. If that is something you would be happy to do please drop me a note.
With gratitude for what you create.
Jim
Hi Jim/Daniel:
My attention span is somehow “damaged” and my eyesight is less. After watching some videos about C-PTSD Daniel’s first video popped up: “my 6 reasons why I quit bei g a therapist”…
After watching a few of Daniel’s other videos I chose to click on his site and here I am. I only want to cry and at the other side I am also happy.
That first video of Daniel told me for the first time that there are people who cares and understands APA is BeeAs and the Pharmaceutical Industry is multi dollar Company “killing” people by keeping them in a “Zombie Pose” even Kaye Jamison in the Hopkins Hospital being BP diagnosed (Kaye no offense please).
My mom became catatonic in the rice field in Spring 1968. I am 7 years old then! When the ambulance came my mom punched my father in his face. My mom was then tie wrapped in the ambulance and I did not see her for 9 months. When she was released she was mute (year 1969).
During my childhood until my 12th years there different kind of sexual abuse.
At age 14 I become a Jehovah’s Witness (year 1975) and a year later I was in Europe.
In 1999 I am 38 and “dying”, if I do not speak out now I will be dead man. I have 3 children (14f, 12m, 8f). On Saturday 5th I spoke for the 1st about the sexual abuse. Two male elder JEHOVAH’S Witnesses and the mother of the children.
During this there is “button switch on sound” between my 2 ears and started crying and laughing simultaneously (is that possible?)
instantly I became Bipolar…other would say not my words…
Other things happened too. During this time I become a man of 105: I couldn’t stand up straight and my body was aching.
I requested for a follow up, but elders refused. Jehovah’s Witnesses are encouraged not to seek help through therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists. All is of Satan and from the world.
My view point was in 1999: God will heal me. He is the only One who know my past life.
There is was no help at all. My past had overhauled me and could not concentrate at my job anymore.
The 4 things what was ruling me were: GUILT, FEAR SHAME, AND DOUBT…
On Sunday 6th June i could joke about “x” Jehovah’s witness would frown upon.
After a clash on Sunday 12 September 1999 in the conference room with the fellow elders I burst out crying, ran out the room fetched a younger fellow chinese brother and dived in the library a nd closed the door and started singing song number 13, while crying through…It is about the jews, Egypt, river Jordan life and death.
After arriving home that day Sunday afternoon I packed some little stuff and went off. I sat in the car and a bunch of good bye notes for the 3 children and their mother. With lots of instructions, such as never look for me. I am happy where I am going. The instructions were in different envelopes which they had to open at certain time. All put in one envelope I dropped it in the mail box.
…
Preaching and crying and singing (Composed my own lyrics Satan is an oppressor who causes depression).
Some hours later I was still singing and singing at the door of an CIRCUIT OVERSEER. After singing half an hour the door went open and they invited…they did not ask why I behaved like this, but returned me home the same night.
September 15th 1999 I was forced to swallow HALDOL. Within 24 hours me being BiPolar was gone.
My manic disappeared. And my Depression was -100.
The HALDOL was crippling my mind, my thinking, et c et c….
Is this what doctors and psychiatrists have studied for? Is this what Pharmaceutical Industry is developing and making chemical pills?
The only place where I was happy, was work place. And was also now “stolen” from me as I stopped working from September 13th.
Happily there was a man which I trusted and I had appointed with him in his office room on Friday the 17th September at 15.00pm.
He was a psychologist and a social worker. His name is Theos. I was not afraid of this man. This is the only man that cannot harm me.
Theos had scheduled 1,30 hours for me: 15.00pm-17.00pm: I cried 1 1/2 hours while talking about the sexual abuse. Only with this man I could talk that my legal wedded wife was not my wife, but a kind of stepmom, an older sister who had a mother role with whom I was married.It was an incestuous relationship in a religious context where divorce was prohibited…
The next week September 24, i had my 2nd appointment with Theos. I asked Theos how his next appointment was on the 17th of September as he had a get to gather with colleagues after my appointment. Theos told me the following, I quote: ” I was so tired of listening to you, that did not go to my next appointment, but went straight home to have a rest.
Jim/Daniel…for the first I heard someone can get tired from listening. But Theos listened. Woow.
will be continued
Jai
My Ludditism will be the end of me. Thank you for your book on separating from family, and your online lectures. Besides you, the process of suffering, to some extent even with the few good therapists I’ve seen, has not really been understood or wisely advised. It’s been a final step in the grieving process–and discovering I’d just naturally been spirited enough so as to weather the entire storm, which included psychosis. I only wish I could share family photos on here, as well other images. Thank you.
I’m hoping to soon launch a Youtube channel, with my spouse, a Registered Nurse, The Professional Patient. I’ll be doing psych. coercion etc. he’ll be advising on patient rights and medical stuff, where relevant. I hope to include your material some way.
The parallels of our lives and reasons for separating with family, are profound, to me. I’m also a no-circ. activist trying to get circumcision of boys declared pathological, by the system (I’ve appealed to people like Sam Vaknin, high tenure in abuse dynamics) . I know you like childhood photos–so here’s one of mine . https://www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailV2&ccid=u4phrv8G&id=99B8693C41FEA1F19459E5DB7C3B5CA3B2055827&thid=OIP.u4phrv8G0bfK7FZmAeZqXwHaLX&mediaurl=https%3a%2f%2fth.bing.com%2fth%2fid%2fRbb8a61aeff06d1b7caec566601e66a5f%3frik%3dJ1gFsqNcO3zb5Q%26riu%3dhttp%253a%252f%252fwww.circumcisionquotes.com%252fimages%252fcirchidtrauma.jpg%26ehk%3dNi%252fLShW0qwFXitCqcrNfWGxQmJdYn35YGObWaSdgsPI%253d%26risl%3d%26pid%3dImgRaw&exph=767&expw=500&q=book%3a+circumcision%2c+the+trauma+within&simid=607988565446123222&ck=1D26F0DF3A8887F35435ABD415E661A4&selectedIndex=1&FORM=IRPRST&ajaxhist=0&ajaxserp=0
Daniel, is there a guide out there, book or video, that helps people like me who have lived in cities for over a decade, finally just escape and start being closer to nature, in a world that doesn’t seem to really care about nature anymore? I have no money, no survival skills; all I have to my name is a fear of not fitting in with people who HAVE been fortunate enough to grow up around nature. I’ve never had the exposure to nature I’ve always craved ever since I was a kid. I didn’t have parents who cared about nature, but only cared about money (I’m sure you can relate to this). How the heck do I get out of the city, after years of letting the city life corrupt my passion for the outdoors?
Good question… Hmm, I don’t know of such a guide book. If you find one could you share it her??
Greetings–Daniel
Hi,
Maybe it’s uncharted territory and I’ll have to end up writing one myself.
It seems that having a good chunk of money saved up is essential, to purchase land in the woods to build a cabin on. For someone like me who has no experience constructing anything, I’d need even more money to buy the cabin itself, already built.
It seems a little ironic to me that to escape society, which is centered around money, you need money.
Maybe one possibility is to try meeting other people who also want to abandon the urban life and we can all pitch in towards building something. But I dunno, I value my solitude and that’s part of the reason why I’d do it anyway – to be alone.
Another roadblock is the comfort I’m used to, of course. I need to convince myself really deep down that I really do want to live out in the woods, and probably have no internet access or very limited internet access. It’s hard for me to do that when much of my life is centered around using the internet. I don’t like to admit it, but I can barely go walk in the small bit of woods in the park for 1 hour without having my mind on going back home and being on the internet.
There are many who have volunteered at animal sanctuaries and such….many near woodland. Organic farms take people on who are willing to learn and work part-time… It’s a start..
Thank you, yes those farm stays seem to be very trendy. I’ve thought of giving that a try. I suppose a good way to get experience, but hopefully one day I could have a peaceful little home of my own. I have to be honest, I see myself more as a tree and plant lover than someone who could constantly be helping animals. Each to their own right?
Hi Daniel!
Thank you for the documentary (Open Dialogue). It’s was fun watching it.
This is where I found the video:
https://offenerdialog-ev.de/krisenbegleitung/
(The website (link) belongs to a NGO here based in Leipzig, Germany, which offers Open Dialogue for people (like me) to survive psycho.-social crisis .)
Wishing you the best. Good luck.
Daniel. Hi. I know you arent big on labels but i have one im ok with. It describes my experience that many therapists havent been able to realate to. Dissociation. Outside of self. As if im watching a two dimensional movie. Detached from feelings and cognitive abilities throttled to zero. Result of a trauma and a subsequent issue with a therapist for which she lost license. So im looking for a new therapist. What modality would be best? Somatic experiencing?? Idk. Any direction appreciated.
Hi Wa Jaur,
I never recommended therapy much based on modality. I think what’s more important (this is just my personal opinion) is the quality of the therapist. I wish I had good referrals but I don’t. But I think the quality of the therapist, the humanity of the therapist, is much more important than the modality. A bad therapist with a “great” modality is still a bad therapist! Daniel
Hi Daniel,
I have been labeled with schizophrenia and I would like to know what my options are in getting weened off meds.
Who can I trust?
I would try here: http://withdrawal.theinnercompass.org
-Daniel
hello daniel
maybe you can make a video of school traumas? what i have heard from people there is a lot of traumas caused by the times in schools, and a lot of people carried unresolved traumas from there, for entire life
Many thanks
Hi Adi,
Good subject, for sure. I did mention school at least twice in videos, once here specifically related to a specific school trauma I experienced: https://youtu.be/xVjLbyMYLfE
And once here more in general, though I can’t remember if I talked about traumas here: https://youtu.be/5o-dPKDIJNk
But I am thinking of making more videos about this…
Thanks for the idea.
Wishing you the best, Daniel
Thank you very much! Will watch it
Perhaps you could write a blog post about school trauma as well? I’m more of a reader than a video watcher.
Hi Daniel,
Just to say a big THANK YOU for The great film about open dialogue in Finland, which I’ve just watched, excellent work, beautifully put together, great contribution, keep it up!
Gratefully, Gordon Barclay (exUK NHS consultant psychiatrist, now private trauma therapist)
Thanks!
Hello, I’m not sure where to start but my son needs help. He is 20 and was diagnosed with drug-induced psychosis four years ago after three very traumatic experiences within the month or so before he did acid and didn’t come out of his “trip”. When he didn’t improve from that, they diagnosed him with schizophrenia. There was some trauma as a baby at the hospital, he had a couple of experiences in elementary with his peers, and his dad was verbally abusive which translates in to mental, emotional, and psychological abuse. I’ve begged him for these four years to seek help for all of this trauma but I have also been wrong and sent him to hospitals and forced him to comply with meds. After seeing one of your videos I’m left feeling absolutely terrible for him and how I’ve handled things. He is convinced he’s just fine but he isn’t and he is in desperate need of help; the right help. Please guide me in finding him the help he needs.
Hi Melisa,
I’m very sorry to hear this. Hmm, it sounds like he and you may have very different ideas on what he thinks he needs, even now. It’s always different for me when a parent reaches out to help their child. Of course I feel for you and for him, but at the same time I’ve seen repeatedly and learned repeatedly that unless someone wants help for himself or herself, someone else’s idea of the “best” help (including my idea too) doesn’t really mean all that much. It’s always much better if someone does the reaching out himself or herself — in this case, if your son reaches out. That makes things a lot easier — and yet, still, in this modern mental health climate, it’s still very hard to find good, respectful help. However, he might be interested in such websites as http://www.madinamerica.com and https://mindfreedom.org, or perhaps even he’d like my antipsychiatry video playlist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tiC-8suDDaI&list=PLRHLaIzKomTgmKD0F9TZOaDuqxzBpItuN But if he’s not interested in it, then I really don’t know what to say, because at that point things coming from a parent, or from anyone, when he’s not specifically asking for it or for help, might well just come across as another violation… I am really wishing you both the best, though!! Daniel
Thank you for your reply. That’s definitely the situation and so the cycle continues. I will share the info you shared with me with him. I’m trying to give him info in hopes that he figures it out; that said, he does not want my help at all so in turn it is a violation. It’s never ending it seems but hopefully he comes around to getting help. I will do my best to not push it or even speak of it too much.. I just miss him terribly and want him to be ok. Thank you again for your reply. Take care.
Cool — again, wishing you both the best!!
Daniel
Melissa!
I went through the same thing at age 21.
I’m 28 and I’ve healed quite significantly. Psychotherapy and trauma therapy were crucial. Send me an email at s.leal@utexas.edu. I’d love to be a resource to help
Thank you. I’ll email you.
Hello, Daniel:
I find your videos to be enlightening, your discourse very intelligent, clever, deep, authentic, unique. Listen, I want your feedback, please, if you don;t mind. I graduated from college with a master degree in counseling psychology in 2007. I never used my degree to get employment. My experiences in college with hypocrites, backstabbing professors, and also my horrific experiences with evil, psycho “therapists” I met seeking help for my clinical depression, made me hate that profession. I was told the most horrible things by those people. I was great at providing therapy during my short-term internship, but I was so traumatized with the stuff I was told by wicked counselors and psychology professors that I never ever wanted to be a counselor. What do you think, Daniel: was I right when I refused to work as a counselor? I’d appreciate your opinion. Wish you peace. Thank you !
Hi Melissa, It sounds like you probably made a good decision. I think it’s possible for someone to be a good therapist in the mental health profession, but it requires a lot of different factors to help. I think it’s probably easier in some places than others. I myself much preferred working in private practice, also, but it took a lot of years of working in some stressful and awful places to build up to that. I feel lucky I didn’t lose myself along the way. I think it’s easy for many therapists to lose themselves — often, I think, the kindest people can lose themselves the quickest. Sending you warm greetings–Daniel
Hello, Daniel:
Thank you for your kind response. I found many counselors sold their souls to the Devil, figuratively speaking, they lack compassion, empathy, treat people who desperately need help as second-class citizens. I endured a lot of emotional abuse by those “healers”, and that fact made hate the profession. It’s true I could have been different kind of therapist in private practice, but at what price? First I had to work for the system for 3 years and see all the corruption, hypocrisy, experience the burnout. I think that subconsciously I wanted to become a mental health counselor to “empower” myself, lol: I didn’t need it. I believe I made the right decision.
Many blessings to you.
I saw your “take” on Jordan Peterson and personally I think he’s a psychological fraud who ONLY wants to confirm the supposed virtuousness of his own psychological repressions. Some people can’t clean their rooms because they are so effed up with dependency needs or existential emptiness (hoarding). Ordering them around won’t help but its sooo easy to pontificte and get people to love u through mass hypnosis and never ever get any true feedback. I ACCUSE this Peterson guy of being like that. And the idea of obeying your parents without comment is medieval and horrifying. But its no wonder people eat this stuff up, they are the newest generation of ABUSIVE PARENTS. This creep should be locked up. Ever notice he can’t seem to CHILL or even smile??
https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/frontline/film/policing-the-police/
this is a great documentary I think you could enjoy!
Hello Daniel,
I’ve been following your material since mid-February when my father fell victim to a violent crime himself. It put him in critical condition for a week. Thankfully he has been recovering well. Now, we’ll see how he moves through the psychological trauma of the event. That said, I’m deeply sorry to hear about your recent experience. As I’ve felt increasingly validated and connected absorbing your material it made my chest clench to hear your story. I wish you the very best moving forward. Your vulnerability is inspirational.
Thank you Nicholas. I very much appreciate your message. And I wish you and your father only the best!
Daniel
I noticed while watching your latest video on the mugging how anxious you were. I have a friend who suffered from depersonalization after smoking fake marijuana. I wonder if there is anything you know about depersonalization, its intensity, similarity or connection to anxiety and depression, if it is real. Any thoughts?
Also, you posted the first video the same night I got broken up with by my girlfriend, and the things you feel (confusion, anxiety, anger, depression) are like what I have been feeling. Though our situations are very different, I feel comfort in going through this with you. Thank you for your transparency throughout this process and for facing your insecurity/fear.
Thanks for sharing Alexander. Hmm, I think there probably a connection between depersonalization and dissociation and shock. I’ll have to think about it more. I definitely felt somewhat depersonalized after my mugging — almost like I was floating outside my body. I was in shock… I think I am still partially in shock now… Greetings to you, Daniel
Hi Daniel. Im curious. We have tons of mental health people come in store. Mft phd psyd etc. They all claim they are forgoing traditional methods in practice to treat people with tarot astrology and crystals yet touting mft phd or lcsw. Somehow crystals bypass the work. Have you noticed? Isnt that disturbing??…as a psychologist
hi Warren,
ah — very strange! I don’t know very much about this…
Warm greetings-
Daniel
Dear Daniel,
My interests, channeled through the algorithm(s) of YouTube, recently revealed your videos to me.
I grew up Catholic, the religion of my parents, but now live my life on terms that make more sense to me than Catholicism does. As a result, I can sometimes see more clearly not only the bad but also some good aspects of the religion now that I am no longer bound by it, at least not bound in the way that I was as a child, teenager, and young adult.
One good aspect can be found, I think, in the Prayer of St. Francis (who to some extent broke with his parents to become a friar), particularly as sung by Sinead O’Connor (who like me has “broken away” from Catholicism). That is, the idea of being “a channel of … peace,” I think is a good one, notwithstanding the song’s imperfect way of communicating this idea (i.e., in the patriarchal language of Catholic theology).
I mention all of this because I just listened to your very peaceful song “I Wanna Find a House” wherein you sing of being a “channel of sincerity to all.”
Do you feel, as I do, sincerity in O’Connors’ rendition (link posted below)? Or do you find its insincere of her to sing the prayer of a religion that she has on some level left (which I think is a risk that she has taken)?
With the above in mind, is there a place in the house that you want to find for imperfect language/belief, if it can fuel a critical but friendly form (such as a prayer fueling a singer’s performance as its content)? Or would the house only function with a certain quality of input?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJVeXC2JmDU
Peace and sincerity, H.
Hey Daniel,
I watched your video on going to prison, the video where you drank from the cup.
At the start you said prison can be a complex place for some people, well I was one of those and after being falsely imprisoned with the intention of defamation by the ‘victim’ and police.
Do you know of a resource library I can see to filter in some of my experience in the right terms as right now it’s just a jumbled mess of thoughts and experiences.
Sincerely,
Cameron.
Hi Cameron,
Sorry to hear this. Hmm, unfortunately I don’t know of any resources like this — it’s not really my area of expertise. I just looked at a few websites and they didn’t seem quite right to me… Either very religious or very technical, or rather harsh… I wish you good fortune on your search — I wish I had more to offer. And I hope my video was of some value. Daniel
Hey Daniel,
I’m wondering if you have any thoughts on Soteria houses? I know you did that documentary in Finland, right? Was that a Soteria house? Any thoughts on the one in Vermont or others in the U.S.?
Thank you!!
Sarah
I wrote an article about this some years back:
https://www.madinamerica.com/2012/09/some-observations-of-soteria-alaska/
Also, Soteria-Vermont was forming right around them and some of the folks building that organization consulted with me on it.
all the best,
Daniel
Wow! Many thoughts I see!
You mentioned that at Soteria-San Jose there might be “disruptions”/disruptive behavior from the residents, but usually would last days or weeks, as opposed to Alaska where it would might last much longer. I wonder if you noticed any pattern there with the amount of sunlight, if the darker months seemed more difficult or the opposite or whatever.
I hope that Soteria-Vermont were able to apply some of what you’d learned in Alaska. I think I’d like to work for them or another Soteria house or somewhere like that someday. Maybe even try to start something new, who knows!
Thank you, I now have many ideas in response to your writing!
I don’t know if it was light-related. I think more likely it was because so many people were going through heavy psych drug withdrawal at Soteria-Alaska.
Yesyes, that makes sense, and your work in Scandinavia would probably give you some idea as to whether that seemed to be “a thing” or not. It’s probably just my bias as someone born and raised a little closer to the equator!
Hi Sarah,
Rethinking Psychiatry recently invited Voyce Hendrix of the original Soteria House to talk, and the recording of this excellent presentation is at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDLCAeReWEKv8zMaKwACUtQ. Our next talk with be with the Soteria Vermont folks (a Sunday in April, I believe–sign up for our occasional newsletter at RethinkingPsychiatry.org to be notified about our talks), and we plan to have Susan Musante (of the now no-longer Soteria Alaska, and where Daniel and I met) and folks from Soteria Israel talk at some point after.
What’s your interest in Soteria Houses?
Grace
Grace,
Thanks so much for your reply!
I’m about to graduate a masters in counseling program, and I am looking for work!! I think my dream has been for a few years to work at something like a Soteria house. I’m acquainted with some of the GIFRIC folks and had a fantasy of moving to Quebec City and working at the 388. I thought I should probably know French for that though, and I do not know French..hah. I stumbled upon Soteria-Vermont in my googling fantasy of living in Vermont and just searching for jobs in the field there. It looked perfect! I only found out about a month ago from my mentor that Soteria is a whole international network. I am in Chicago and will probably have to stay here for a couple of years, but I will watch the video you’ve shared, sign up for the newsletter, and attend the next talk you all are giving. Thank you again so much for sharing it all!!!
Sarah
Hi Daniel,
Thanks for your website and videos.
There’s one mystery I can’t quite figure out and that’s how to experience my true self. I have experienced it a few times over the last couple years. As for grieving, I find it near impossible to grieve. Is there any other way you can help us understand how to shed our false self and experience our true self on a more permanent basis?
Many thanks for any suggestions.
Hi Richard,
Greetings and thank you. I actually recently recorded a video on this very subject. It’ll probably take me a while to edit and feel comfortable enough to put up in public, and maybe I’ll have to re-record it, but I very much like your question!! Sending warm greetings — Daniel. P.S. in the meantime all I can suggest, potentially, is more journaling…more self-investigation…
Hi Daniel,
I have known your essays and videos for a long time and there is a question I’ve been wanting to ask you. If I understand you correctly, a key part of your philosophy is remembering childhood traumas and grieving them, and yet you hardly ever talk about how it – the remembering – is to be done. I don’t remember almost anything of my life before around the age 12. I have tried journaling but so far it hasn’t been very effective. I have brought back a few (very few!) memories, but I still don’t know all that much about my relationship with my parents, aside from the very general stuff. I could ask them, but they are dishonest and I wouldn’t count on getting to know the truth from what they tell me. I think my lack of knowledge about my childhood is preventing me from grieving properly, and yet I have no idea how to go about remembering more. Is there any advice you could give me?
PS Thank you for your videos and essays, they have been very helpful to me despite my lack of memory.
Hi Mateusz,
Hmm, I’m not sure what to say. A few thoughts: perhaps continuing to journal might help. Sometimes it just takes a lot of time, years even… Also, if stuff is blocked from memory, often, from what I’ve seen, that suggests that there are a lot of painful feelings attached to it. Sometimes forgetting keeps the pain away. So that’s another reason that it can take a lot of time — time to build up inner resources, a stronger, more stable inner world. I think I’ve talked about this in various videos over the past few months, and I recently made a couple that addressed it more, but it might take me a while to edit them!! But I’ll keep thinking about it. Warm greetings! Daniel
Hi Daniel, I want to you to hear my story. I know that you are not a therapist anymore. But as you were therapist 10 years ago and had some knowledge on the field of therapy and other areas, I want you to hear my story and tell me if my condition is treatable. (Also sorry for my bad english).
My story is when I was young one day, I was playing with my friends and at that time I suddenly slipped and fell on the floor which led one of my finger in my right arm to break. And that pain was very severe. After somedays it healed. But after that incident I started Fearing ‘physical pain’ upto now. I start feeling fear that something painful like this or something more painful than this will happen to me in future. Whenever I go outside I starts feeling anxious that some painful accident may happen to me. Whenever I remember about my that bone broken incident I suddenly gets scared and I cry a lot and even feel depressed. I sleep with fear at night. Because I always gets anxious that something physically painful may happen to me.
As iam going through this kind of situation and when I watch any brutal murdering scenes at news my condition gets even worse and I suddenly gets sad and scared I get anxious that that same thing may happen to me in future.
So what are treatments available for this? I don’t wanna take any Medication. Are there any other effective treatments options available for this?
Hi Ena,
Hmm, I’m not sure exactly what to recommend. But I would guess — and this is just speculation — that your injury might be connected to earlier things in your life, earlier painful things that happened, probably emotional. That is the way I view situations like yours. Earlier things get re-experienced through a more recent experience like the breaking of your finger. All the emotions come out and get put on the experience of the broken finger. It’s possible therapy could help — though often therapists are not very good and don’t offer much help. Self-therapy might help as well. I have some info on this on this website and also in my videos. I really do wish you the best! And I also agree that avoiding medications is probably VERY wise. Of course, many mental health professionals would be quick to give them to you, and give you alls sorts of reasons and diagnoses and other things “proving” why the meds will help. I do not think they would, and could also cause terrible side effects. Daniel
Daniel, it is just so refreshing to “know” someone who just flat out rejects the treat symptoms with meds paradigm.
Hi Daniel,
I am currently studying psychoanalysis (it is a part of the college degree in my country with clinical psychology) and I was wondering if there was a time in your life where theories stripped the “life” out of you. When studying a concept, like the Imaginary, Symbolic and Real from Lacan or some defense mechanisms like projection, I start noticing patterns in my daily life that make me very uncomfortable. I used to be extremely emphatic, but now I seem to see things from a “mathematical and rational” perspective, taking the “humanity” away from daily life. It is not a black and white thing, but a good part of it is being blocked.
Hi Daniel,
Well, I have no problem studying theories if I feel they are connected to reality and are useful to me, but so often what I’ve seen with psychoanalytic theories is that they don’t qualify as that!! Sometimes they just strike me as downright wrong. And I have found Lacan undecipherable, and I felt stripped of life after reading about five minutes of him, so I can hardly imagine being forced to take him seriously in an academic program where I’m being graded!! Wishing you the best!! Daniel
Hi Daniel, thank you for your work. I wonder if you have produced anything regarding professional oppression (or workplace bullying) in mental healthcare, be it video or article?
Also, I wonder what is your thoughts on advocacy on non-diagnostic approach. How do we go about this as professional in a biomedically-oriented workplace?
Would you please create video/article on these? Thank you for considering!
Jan,
Hmm, I can’t think that I created anything specifically on that subject, though I did make a video on dealing with jerks…which sort of encompasses the issue…
Wishing you the best, and thanks for the ideas!
Daniel
Hello, can you express your opinion about free will discussion?
I did sort of address it here: https://youtu.be/bXDycq_QBtE
all the best, Daniel.
Hola Daniel, hace tiempo te escribí porque vi el documental “Curando en casa”…leí que tenías información sobre enfoque parecido en Argentina o información al respecto…mi hijo ahora está en Argentina, en una clínica psiquiátrica y te agradecería si me pudieras mandar información de ese otro enfoque…Mi hijo ha pasado un año en Argentina intentando dejar la medicación y ha recaído, por eso ahora está en la clínica, muy medicado y yo en España desesperada…agradecería qualquier ayuda…gracias!
Hello Daniel,
Johnny Frem Dixon here.
I’m a 65-year-old writer who dropped out of college 48 years ago because, away from home and the identity I’d thought was my own, I was suddenly aware of how little I wanted to become the person my parents thought would be “nice.” At the same time I had some enlightening insights into so much of the bullshit that we think is real. These insights were so shocking. An analogy would be to compare it to realizing that there is no Santa Claus. Unfortunately the rest of the world insisted and want to keep insisting that Santa Claus was real. I spent four years thinking I was crazy. After suicide attempts, a year of hospitalization, and three more years of short-order cooking while continuing to have delusions of grandeur, paranoia, and hallucinations, I stumbled upon a retreat on an island in the Pacific Northwest. The approach there reminds me a lot of what the Finns in Western Lapland call open dialogue. I’ve been working and productive ever since. I’ve had my own cooking business, worked as a carpenter, contracted painting and drywall, and spent twenty years as a roofing contractor.
Now I’ve returned to college and am now in my third year of a B.F.A. in Creative Writing. I’m nearly finished a long memoir of those four years of finding my way back to “sanity.” I would very much like to communicate with you–by email, phone, Zoom video or whatever else might occur to you.
P.S. I’m a musician and playwright and a rooftop circus clown as well.
HI Johnny from Chris B. Good to hear your story. Humanity is insane and pretending it is sane
Hi Christine B.,
I am pleased to have any response, but it is Daniel Mackler, with whom I’m interested in talking. Any possibility of showing him my previous email.
Thanks,
Johnny Frem Dixon
Thank you and I hope you hear from Daniel—he’s the best
Hello Johnny Frem Dixon.
Can you tell me the name of the Pacific Northwest island retreat you attended. I have a 28 year-old son diagnosed bipolar 1 approximately 5 years ago. We have been searching and trying alternative methods other than medication for him, but he can’t seem to get stable enough to deal with life and participate in some type of recovery. Won’t stay on meds, which we get, and goes off cold turkey. Then of course he is right back in mania/psychosis and in the hospital. We have tried helping him taper off, but he has no patience. We found Will Halls website where I found, bought and read Daniel Mackler’s book-A Way Out of Madness. My son refuses or (maybe can’t) read anything on bipolar to help himself recover. He chooses to self medicate with marijuana, which never helps in the long run.
My husband I feel like our son needs to go to rehab or retreat that specifically deals with mental health, as we have tried to keep him safe at home but he walks away on foot When in mania and gets himself picked up by the police and eventually is in the hospital. So, if you could please tell me the name of the retreat, I would appreciate it, and I would love to research it.
Thank you,
Gabriella Paschall{
Please call me on my cell. 604-254-0355
Also check out http://www.theconnectionproject.ca
regarding an upcoming livestream event of several supposedly crazy people telling stories onstage here on Vancouver Island of their experiences.
The name of the retreat WAS Cold Mountain Institute on Cortez Island, that retreat is now called Hollyhock. However the program that helped me has moved and it is now held regularly at a place called “Haven-by-the-sea” on Gabriola Island, BC
Johnny Frem
Hello Gabriella, I am not sure you received notice of my reply to you. Yes, I would love to talk to you (and to your son, if you’d like.) The retreat I went to was called Cold Mountain Institute for Learning. It was located on Cortez Island and was not specifically dedicated to healing of mental health issues. That, in fact, had a lot to do with its success. It was simply a place where a 3-month gathering of humans go together to take workshops on a number of subjects, ranging from yoga to anger management to massage to dream therapy to self-hypnosis to psychic healing to gestalt therapy to tarot reading to re-birthing — a whole range of explorations into what was then known as the human potential movement. Cold Mountain Institute had begun operations about four years before I arrived there. It continued to operate for about another seven (?) years. Then as the founder had died and his wife no longer wanted to continue (that’s an over-simplified explanation) she sold the property and it continues as a retreat, but with not nearly the same types of workshops. It is known as Hollyhock Farm now. The people who operated the 3-month residency program in which I was involved in moved their program to Gabriola Island. That retreat is called Haven-by-the-Sea. My daughter recently received her Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology. For a graduation present I bought her the one-week introductory course there called “Come Alive.” I suggest your son would benefit tremendously from that too.
I believe that many different principles working together are the reasons Cold Mountain worked so well for me (and my brother as well, who was having his own problems of a different nature at that time in 1976.) Cold Mountain was, and always had been, drug-and-alcohol-free. Haven-by-the-Sea is that way as well. Both are on Gulf Islands far from any large city. People go there to look at themselves. They are there to explore new ways of seeing their lives. They are curious, loving, nurturing, and caring. That spirit is encouraged. We were encouraged not to be judgmental and to accept people honesty and openness as an effort to be helped by each other, rather than as a way to cure or label or look down on each other from any place of superiority.
We just wanted to grow and help each other grow. I had some pretty wild ideas about what was going on in my life. I was paranoid and thought the TV was talking to me. Or perhaps aliens had taken over the world. Or that my thoughts were broadcast by radio-waves into my brain through the fillings in my teeth. Most of my theories were pretty far-fetched. They were just the frantic effects of a kid lost and trying to find some way of explaining the sudden changes in identity I’d experienced on leaving the safe world of my home town to go off to first-year college. I hadn’t spoken to many people. At least not people who weren’t just judging me and analyzing me and trying to cure me or put me on medications that kept me tranquilized. I had eventually managed to cope and fake normal. I held steady jobs as a short-order cook and even as a sous-chef in a hotel. Meanwhile my interior thoughts were always all over the map.
Cold Mountain allowed me a place to open up. And you know what. Craziness actually has some merits. Some of my thoughts were not that unusual. No, nobody can really read my mind — not my word-by-word, thought-by-thought, image-by-image private thoughts, but sometimes people do inexplicably “know” in a general sense what’s on my mind. And perhaps we are all connected to a collective unconscious. I learned at Cold Mountain that perhaps some aspects of my wild theorizing were perhaps a little bit possible, though probably not verifiable.
My point is this: I’d never felt able to talk about it without being judged. I had seldom been listened to as simply another human being with a valid opinion. About a month and a half into the 3-month residency program, we had an event called Fantasy Day. Each of the 26 residents had an opportunity to act out a fantasy. We helped each other to realize those fantasies. One woman, who was working on a degree toward becoming a counselor, had a fantasy of handing out psychiatric advice, much like Lucy in the “Peanuts” comic strip. She set up a booth along one of the wood-side trails: “Psychiatric Help, 5 cents!”
My fantasy was to be a guru. I set up a throne of pillows in the dining room and put up posters around the retreat: “Guru Om Dixon gives a speech in the main lodge, The Seven Myths of Life.” To a crowd of twenty or more listeners I gave a long lecture explaining many of my wild theories. By that point in the program I had already had discussions well into the late hours of many evenings after our day-long workshops. I had sifted through all of these ideas and come up with seven nuggets of truth. After my speech I got feed back from one of the workshop leaders, someone who I looked up to almost like a guru. “You know,” he said, “I have to agree with almost everything you said. Six of your seven myths, are probably myths, that people like to hold onto. The only one I’d disagree with is your seventh myth, the myth of free will. I don’t think it’s myth. You do have free will.
Well I’ve had to accept that I do have agency in my life. I’ve had forty years of great health since then.
Before I left Cold Mountain a month and a half later, Bennett Wong, one of the co-leaders of our program, sat peacefully in the center of the Raven, one our group workshop spaces before all of us, with an individual goodbye for each of us. Ben was near tears as he explained that he was so happy to have been able to witness my recovery and return to a state of critical thinking. He said he had seen many other troubled youth find their way back, but it would not be simple to hold onto my health. He worried that I might relapse. So many others had. Then Ben cried. “Please, take care of yourself, John. Get 8 hours sleep every night. Eat a healthy diet. Get plenty of exercise. Keep mentally active. Exercise your spirit too. I love you.”
I’ve never missed a night’s sleep since then. I seldom drink and when I do it’s only one drink as a social convention, a toast perhaps as a celebration. I don’t smoke. I did smoke pot for quite a while, but I honestly don’t think it is much good at all for much of anything and I don’t smoke it at all anymore. I’m much more creative and ambitious without it.
I don’t take any medication and haven’t taken any since Cold Mountain. I could never say what is good for someone else. Perhaps mood and anxiety disorders can be helped. But not delusions. Delusions are self-delusions. They often stem from stress, lack of sleep and unhealthy living habits. They are faulty reasoning, leaps of logic. It seems obvious to me that a drug cannot make me think differently. But I have free will. I can will myself to think critically.
Okay, Gabriella, I hope some of what I’ve written here can be of some help to your son. He can email me. Or you can. My email is: johnny4em@gmail
Hello Gabriella,
Did you receive either of my two replies above?
Johnny Frem
Hi Johnny Frem,
I’m hoping you heard from Daniel directly already, but I just wanted to thank you for sharing your powerful story, and being so encouraging of others. You’ve put out a lot. I know I’m not Daniel, but wanted to join in with Christine to give some back.
Peace and gratitude,
Grace
Hey Daniel,
My name is Daniel as well and I stumbled upon your video relating to sociopath on YouTube. The way I ended up here is from a long toad of counseling and after my ex and I had a mast split where I ended up going to court. I don’t feel that comfortable sharing here because I’m not proud of my past and it bugs me for what I did and capable of. Anyway. My ex called me a narcissist and my counselor told me that o have sociopathic tendencies. Ive been in counseling for about two years and also attending church and AA. I don’t feel like I’m getting to the root of my problem. More of just a mask to wear. I do struggle with discipline but I am learning and watching my mouth and thoughts and no I don’t get the thoughts of hurting people like people believe. I’m stuck living with my parents at almost 30 and have a daughter. I only read things about staying away from sociopaths and nothing towards helping sociopaths heal. Any input or direction that you can help me with? I don’t want to wear the mask of religion and not get to the root of all my issues.
First step in addressing issues is acknowledging them 🙂 others can help you see and outsider perspective but in the end you gotta look within and deal with the things only you can.
While it is important in taking responsibility in anyone you hurt the best thing is to improve your actions for today.
Maybe the best thing is not to over think the sociopath issue rather look at the things that make you act how you do trauma, patterns of behaviour etc
Hi Daniel – I really enjoy your content and your perspectives. I was wondering if you could answer a general question here, or via video. This could apply to many people. I am considering being a therapist and I have even been accepted into graduate schools. It is hard to make a decision as I am concerned about the “vicarious traumatization” that may occur, as you have described. If I already have these concerns, is it worth it to pursue this route?
i don’t have an answer but i am having the same thoughts, having just started a counselling skills course. at my age, do i really want to get into this line of helping? And yet I’ve not be extending myself for some years so this maybe where the growth is for me.
Come on Rich, Mark.
I believe that you can both be helpful as counsellors to others, simply by being curious to hear what others have to say about their lives and by being fellow humans on life’s journey. If you have similar experiences to tell your fellow humans, then they might not feel so all alone, and thereby be inspired to open up, sort things out, and enjoy this journey.
Sincerely,
Johnny Frem Dixon
If that’s how you feel guys, why not focus on a trauma centered route to counseling. Focus on EMDR, EFT, TAT. There’s a lot of work being doing on trauma and regression techniques not just for what we view as PTsD but also childhood trauma!
Hello Daniel,
I want to say a big thank you for sharing your healing process with the world. I struggle with depression as a result of psychological abuse, and three things have helped me in my process of self-therapy: psychotherapy, journaling, and your videos. (Psychiatric drugs only made me worse! Ha.) Without your content, I honestly wouldn’t have made it this far.
I aspire to become a psychotherapist, but am concerned that I might not be able to sufficiently heal my traumas before helping others. Do you have any advice for wounded healers? Thank you once again, and may you have a great day.
Hello Daniel,
I want to say a big thank you for sharing your healing process with the world. I struggle with depression as a result of psychological abuse, and three things have helped me in my process of self-therapy: psychotherapy, journalling, and your videos. (Psychiatric drugs only made me worse! Ha.) Without your content, I honestly wouldn’t have made it this far.
I aspire to become a psychotherapist, but am concerned that I might not be able to sufficiently heal my traumas before helping others. Do you have any advice for wounded healers? Thank you once again, and may you have a great day.
Hey Daniel,
I really appreciate all the time and energy you put into your videos. I find them very useful! I’m planning to become a therapist and I found your videos on the mental health field quite enlightening. I’ve been really feeling a hesitance to journal for quite some time, but I have finally committed to it due to your discussions about it.
One thing that I keep stumbling upon over and over again is the concept of “playful” insults. It’s something that’s been weighing on my mind for quite some time. I partially understand the appeal of it, but ultimately I don’t really get it. These “playful” insults often (at least at some point) hurt other people. And I would guess that oftentimes it’s unknown when it does. What’re your thoughts on the matter? I keep questioning myself because of the number of people that think this “playful” banter is both fun and fine.
Thanks again for being so open on your channel. I wish you well during this time of quarantine.
Hi Eli,
Thanks for your message., Playful insults, I’ll have to think about that. Maybe I can make a video about it in the future too. I actually have a video about humor that I already filmed and edited, and I’m planning to release it in a couple of months. Perhaps it actually already addresses the subject you’re talking about, at least to a degree! Meanwhile, warm greetings, Daniel
I saw this in the Marine Corps, and then my first boss in the civilian sector did this blatantly. I thought it was funny and amusing at first. The more I matured, the more I found it to be passive aggressive.
Dear Daniel, can you please talk on your youtube channel about the topic of ambivalence?
-How important (if at all) is ambivalence?
-Is it possible to develop this trait later in life?
-any other thoughts you have on the topic
Hi Jessie, that sounds like a good topic! I’ll keep it in mind when I make my next round of videos. Warm greetings, Daniel
Hi Daniel-
I came across your YouTube channel and was immediately drawn to your videos. All I can say is WOW! Watching them has been extremely eye-opening for me and quite relieving to hear honestly. The first video I came across was: 8 reasons I quit being a therapist. (I originally was looking at MFT program reviews). I can 100% see why you made the decision to stop. I have always worked in the helping profession and it for sure can be draining. This led me to your channel and right away I was hooked. Something that really caught my eye was your video: Breaking from your parents. I also am about to order the book!
I am a 27 year old female and have suffered from anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. I feel the root of this is from childhood psychological trauma and being raised in a very controlling, religious household. Aka colt. Not only were my four siblings and I forced to follow a strict Mormon lifestyle, but my mother can be a very manipulative, controlling, and I believe mentally unstable parent. My father just sits quiet by her side. I am not sure if you are familiar with the Mormon religion but there is quite a bit of pressure from your family, the church, and Mormon community that my parents raised me around to live up to their standards in order to be accepted, trusted, apart of the family, etc. If not, you are pretty much forgotten, shamed, and shunned. My dear younger sister recently came out to my parents and she did not get the reaction she was hoping for. Well..we kind of knew where my mom stood on this but of course my sister was just looking for acceptance as most children do. Side note- The Mormon church is not supportive of LGBTQ and my sister has had the most horrifying experience dealing with this at a BYU college. After my sister came out to my mother, my mother wrote a letter to her stating “How could you do this to our family! This will be so embarrassing to tell your Grandma, other relatives, etc.” After hearing this I immediately was sick to my stomach and felt an incredible amount of anger towards my mother. Like really?! How could you turn people away like that (your own daughter!) and be so prejudice, judgmental, and just hurtful towards someone. And she claims to be a true follower of Christ. My siblings and I have wasted enough energy trying to get her to accept my sister but she continues to be close-minded and tell her how it’s Satan trying to control her. It is exhausting looking for my mom’s acceptance and I’m finally realizing that my siblings and I will never be good enough for her unless we live the Mormon way. Conditional love, not unconditional. My sister has been in counseling for some time now and is still suffering. I feel really sad for people in the world who don’t realize what they are doing to others, even after you try to explain it to them. I understand that my mother may have had an abusive childhood herself but that does not give any one parent the right to take it out on your children, especially after 16 years. How is it not obvious to people by now that life is about love, service, friendship, acceptance, individuality, respecting one another, and so much more! People would actually be able to grow and live life to the fullest, love and be loved, live in a community free of fear and just be who you really are.
It started about middle school for me when my relationship with my mother really went down hill, when I started to become my own person and make my own decisions. I have also always been a very free spirited, independent, curious, driven individual and this was the opposite of the molds my mother was trying to make of her children. I have gone in waves of trying to forgive my mother and look for acceptance for over 10 years now but then I question myself why? Every time I visit her and talk with her over the phone to this day, it’s nothing but tears, extreme anxiety (even panic attacks), hurt, and resentment. She will constantly bring up that Anxiety / Depression runs in my dad and her family and I need to see a doctor and get on medication (She is a full-time nurse by the way). She also will say things like, “you’re having a hard time because you strayed away from the church.” My mother has never approved of my not Mormon lifestyle, therefore I am living my life in sin. My mother pretty much shunning me since middle school for not wanting to be apart of her colt has led me to put up a huge brick wall between me and her.
So yes this is where I stand with my mother right now. I’m exhausted looking for acceptance in her. I am not sure if I can forgive her. Obviously there was a lot more psychological trauma than what I am writing you..but I have never related to something so much until I came across: Breaking away from your parents.
I am so relieved to have found your YouTube channel. Thank you for helping me heal.
Dear Jacie,
Thank you for sharing this! Painful to read, but important for people to see. I actually have had quite a lot of experiences with Mormons in my life, for starters growing up in western New York state somewhat near Palmyra. But also in my travels I did a few film screenings of a couple of my films and I spent a good amount of time with quite a few Mormon folks, some of whom actually were “Jack Mormons,” I guess they are called. I myself am not religious, but certainly when I hear about some of the exclusionary practices of Mormons and other religious folks I am deeply troubled. I am wishing you all the best! Daniel
Hi Daniel,
Your videos have helped me so much, I can’t begin to describe. I’ve been sober for 3 years and have learned so much in that time. I came from an alcoholic and codependent family. I am the only one that looks honestly at this truth. I have 3 younger brothers and they are all in denial. They actually identify as white-nationalists.
My question to you is, will you ever have a relationship with your parents? I realize you may not get what you want out of them, total honesty and understanding. But can’t they have some sympathy for you or at least some regret for how they treated you?
I am very conflicted in how to deal with my parents. My father was a vile racist and so arrogant, never expressed love. But deep down extremely insecure – he’s an uneducated railroad worker from Beaumont, Texas. He’ll never apologize and see how much pain he’s caused or take any responsibility. But his frailty and weakness is so obvious – he plays the ‘nice guy’ like he’s perfectly innocent. But he has taken a more gentle tone as he gets older and i have some sympathy for him because he’s so pathetic. He’s also very supportive of me in a distant kind of way. I went to court to legally change my name. A part of me is disgusted by him and feels liberated by cutting him out of my life like a cancerous tumor. On the other hand, I see that he is basically at an adolescent stage of development and he looks up to me. I am very educated and worldly. My parents weren’t monsters, they were just deeply troubled authoritarians in a toxic relationship. It would hurt my father for me to cut him out completely – I don’t know if i can do that. Is there a mathematical equation that can help me figure this out?
Hi Daniel, do you think it is still possible to heal from schizophrenia, when the initial episode coincided with (i.e. appears to be catalyzed by) drug abuse? Thank you for your message of hope, and take care.
Yes, Val, it is possible, for sure. I have known people in the situation you describe who have healed. Daniel
Hi Val! Someone with personal experience in this – yes it’s very much possible. Unfortunately there’s not much on the mainstream trauma literature in terms of a solid connection, however there are many many many cases of people with the same story as yours, from dissociation to bipolar disorder and a schziophrenia being the more severe crises. The few trauma specialists who have seen the connections say the same thing I’ve always thought – these drugs serve as a ego barrier dropper and/ or activate very early traumas and serve as a catalyst from triggering these old wounds and awakening these traumas very quickly. It’s very painful. There’s a book called rethinking madness that talks a bit about these ideas, same with the two trigger delayed ptsd mechanism that dr Clancy McKenzie that’s about in his model. When you say schizophrenia what is the symptomatology you talk about specifically in your case if you don’t mind me asking?
Thank you Daniel and Sergio for your encouraging responses. Sergio, I am not sure I understand the question, but mostly I had delusional thinking about my family, believing I could heal my family members, and also beliefs about synchronicities that I experienced which still scare me. I was prescribed amphetamine salts beginning in November, and towards the end of January I began to experience a “spiritual awakening” that culminated in a car crash in early March. Now I am on the Invega shot (Paliperidone) and I am experiencing a lot of difficult with focus and concentration, and spiraling thoughts. I have difficulty reading and worry I cannot learn much. I don’t know what is the drug and what is me. Thank you again for your interest and for sharing your research and knowledge.
thank you for sharing. I don’t know much about spiritual awakenings, however I do know of people who know about this stuff. Send me an email to s.leal@utexas.edu and I can help a bit more. Until then take care!!
i would not be surprised if your problems were caused by drugs given to you. you can get more info and help here https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/
Hi Daniel, I just wanted to thank you for your posts over the years! …. they have been eye opening, both brave and bold, but also l comforting as I could relate to your story with my own painful journey of looking at the devastation of my past and leaving my parents behind. X
Hey Daniel,
I’ve been watching your videos for a couple of years now and have been incredibly inspired by your work. I’m currently enrolled in a counseling program at the Institute for Clinical Social Work in Chicago. I’m interning at a CMHC called the Kedzie Center which is a clinic funded through property taxes and is able to provide mental health services for free for folks in the neighborhood. At the clinic, one of our psychiatrists is Dr. Charles Turk. He works closely with GIFRIC and the 388, a psychoanalytic treatment center for psychotic youth in Quebec City. I have some experience in making videos and proposed to Dr. Turk that we make a documentary about the practices at the 388, citing your work for reference. He was familiar with your work and said that you had even met once. So, I want to ask… What are your thoughts on the 388, if you are aware of it? And, would you ever consider making a documentary about it?
Thanks so much, hope all is well,
Sarah
Hi Sarah,
Greetings! I actually wanted to film Le 388 ten years ago but they said it was a bad time for them — I think financial and maybe political problems. I was in touch with Danielle Bergeron and I believe Willy appalon. From all I gather their work is excellent. Meanwhile, please pass on a hello to Charles Turk from me- I admire him! Yes, I remember well when we met! Meanwhile, I’m not sure about making any more films for me. Maybe someday! My life is off on its own odd trajectory. All the best to you! Daniel
Hi Daniel
I’ve been wondering what your thoughts are on childhood trauma as a factor in addiction. I’m especially interested in alcoholism though I guess the pattern might be quite universal as far as most addictions go. How about a video on that? 🙂 I’d be greatly interested and appreciative.
Have a look into some of Dr Gabor Mate’s work on addiction. 🙂
I was gonna say the same thing!
I think a good one is the interview on YouTube with russell brand on his podcast
I also viewed some of the interview on Brand’s podcast. Mate’s penetrating insights are so refreshing, if brutal at times
Russall Brand is a ‘Stepper’ who promotes the insidious and disempowering ‘disease’ dogma of addiction. This has led millions to a form of learn helplessness (‘powerlessness’ in 12 cult speak) and a reliance on outside ‘miracle’ mubbo jumbo (‘Higher Power’).
For scientific, evidence based alternatives look to;
The Freedom Model
or
SMART Recovery (REBT based).
Addiction is a form of compulsion not a disease. It is learnt behaviour (see Marc Lewis).
Compulsions are symptoms of underlying issues that need to be addresses – often (childhood) Trauma (CPTSD). Gabor Mate is excellent on the link between trauma and compulsive behaviour (addiction).
Agreed! Most of Mate’s insights are stellar
If you want an amazing example of Gabor and his adult son Daniel trying to work through family dynamics, watch:
Dr. Gabor Maté & Daniel Maté: “Hello Again: A Fresh Start for Parents and Their Adult Children” on youtube.
I am not suggesting this in opposition to Daniel Mackler’s work, but to show that if family members do the work individually then collaboratively in the family (often with help and I don’t advocate any one modality but foundational respect and trust) there is the possibility of meeting each other where they are at which in turn holds the potential for functional and well relationships. It is not easy and takes dedication and effort but with willing, grounded and loving family members the possibility exists.
That being said, in many families such fruitful, mutually validating relationships simply cannot take place because of one or many incapable members. And really that means that grieving is necessary, but that doesn’t mean that one cannot find healthful validation among others (and we should nonetheless).
The video is an eye opener and cuts tot he heart of family dysfunction and toxic patterns, even among members who claim to be ‘enlightened’. It is simply amazing to see in real time how, whatever our degree of awareness and presence, that wellness truly demands our vigilance and utmost dedication.
Yes Mark! I viewed “Hello Again” and then later “again” So refreshing to observe the prestigious “enlightened” author-lecturer, Gabor Mate, being put in his place by his insightful, “vigilant” son . . . and taking it!
The institute of Peak states works on addiction through trauma and uses trauma techniques – what people call power therapies (Emdr, etc) to help people heal from the underlying causes for the need of symptomology. I urge you to look at the it’d if you want deeper insight
UNHEALED “Early Childhood Trauma” (neurosis) is the main cause of most socalled “disorders” / “diseases”.
“Neurose ist heilbar” (neurosis is healable) wrote Prof. H. J. Eysenck.
The problem is, that most people affected by neurosis don’t know / realize it.
(Collective) Neurosis is the “Disease of Society” and will cause doom of civilized society in case of (further) inactivity for basical healing.
Agreed Wolfgang—however, as I observe, reflect, and have written about “mental illness”, sadly, I have come to the conclusion that it is not so much that individuals “don’t know” but it is actually that they don’t WANT to know.
T.S. Eliot’s insight comes to mind: “Human kind cannot bear very much reality.”
Daniel,
Will you not respond to my previous post?
I thought you were not afraid to butt heads with the system. Will you too, let it of the hook so easily? If so, then maybe you are not so progressive as you’d like to think yourself to be. Capitalist system that no one dares to question produces anxiety and depression on a mass scale and it leaves people deeply traumatized, it’s inherently exploitative and demeaning, it’s dehumanizing and alienating. Everything is commodified, and has no value other than the market value, is this the world you want to live in, how does that fit into your mental health ideas for the future? What’s good for capitalism isn’t synonymous with what’s ethical or right.
Can we really be healthy living in this sick system?
Has capitalism nothing to do with poor mental health worldwide?
I ask you kindly,
It is up to you to show if you truly have heart and integrity.
SPEAK UP – make a vid
Denis H.
Croatia
P.S.
I found a video of you being a guest at Kresimir Misak’s – “At the Edge of Science”, you said a lot of good things there. My mom likes you too.
“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
-J.krisnamurti
Beautiful!
His was a fascinating life. Chosen and groomed to be the spiritual leader, he revealed (both consciously and unconsciously) how spurious the notion of guru and contemporary, classists, bourgeois materialism are.
Noam Chomsky, Arundhati Roy, Chris Hedges, Naomi Klein, Gabor Mate, there are those integrated teachers who are truly working for equity (poverty and competition are the sources of toxic patterns) and wellness.
Agreed . . . and I love Mate. He is in touch with the “new era in human existence” t
Hi there Daniel,
Is psychotherapy nonsense ?
What evidence is it that it even heals trauma ?
What evidence does it increase self awareness?
I’ve read something about its positive effects on depression (a paper by schelling). I’m jobless at the moment, without many friends or a girlfriend. Kind of confused with life, hoping psychotherapy will be the answer.
I’ve started psychotherapy with a counselling psychologist and I like her to be honest. However I feel she charges a bit much, and I’ve got some slight romantic attraction to her already (second session in).
Hi Megasuperman —
well, I think if the therapist is really good and the client feels a good connection with the therapist then there can be real healing value in it. if not…then…probably the therapy won’t be so helpful…maybe even harmful. that’s been my experience at least!!
wishing you the best,
Daniel
Hi Daniel! I love your content and would love to have a conversation with you. My channel on YouTube is out there for those struggling with invisible chronic illnesses, one of them being fibromyalgia now, although there isn’t cause set in stone, many doctors believe that childhood trauma brings it on and honestly, it makes a lot of sense to me, as so many have had childhood trauma in one way or another, so with that being said I would be honored to connect with you. I believe it could help SO many. I would be absolutely thrilled if we could set something up, thanks for your time. -Ev
Hi Evie and Daniel , it is well known that childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime.
Just watch the TED Talķ of nadine-burk- harris and you will be convinced .
Hi Megasuperman,
Wish you all the best in your journey of healing.
Developing feelings towards ones therapist is common it even has a term “erotic transference”
Perhaps you should tell your therapist about this, supposedly therapists know how to address it in a healthy manner.
Hi All,
Since I have been thinking about what my my own “transference” was REALLY about while in analysis some years back, I will say this: it has become crystal clear that the deep feelings of deep love are rooted in the intoxicating feeling of being seen and aren’t really about loving the “other” at all.
-Chris
detailed PROOF in few mins – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvZFEjUkaJM
i heared about your health problems. look into carnivore diet. functioning on optimal parameters gives you a ton of resources and leeway to work with.
Dear Daniel Mackler,
Thanks for your videos, please could you still make available this your video link on youtube that says call 911 or 112 in case you want to lose your freedom? That is the best video ever. I had a whole full laughter of the truth with some other people from it. I want to save that video permanently as it is very revolutionary.
Hannah
Hi Hannah–
here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEdNMILac2c&feature=youtu.be
I guess it’s buried somewhere in my Youtube channel!
Daniel
Hey Daniel, I’m from Upstate NY and a huge fan of your Youtube videos and your insights into the current state of therapy. I’ve been admitted to psychiatric hospitals on and off since the early two-thousands with symptoms related to bi-polar disorder but never diagnosed. Yesterday I attempted to admit an elderly Bosnian neighbor in trouble to some local hospitals but was promptly turned away and treated with much hostility. At this point I’ve decided I need to do something to pursue some sort of mental health reform in my city/region but am concerned as to what if any impact a person with a high school education could have. My first thought is to tap some of my local documentary/filmmaker friends to work on a project, but I was wondering if you had any thoughts. Any tips or advice would be much appreciated. Thanks for everything, take care.
Hi Daniel,
I wish to thank you for your insightful videos, I think talking to a people like you would be much more helpful than drugging everybody with dangerous mind altering poisons. I have a thing that has been bothering me for quite a while now, and I absolutely have to share it with you, because I think you might help shedding some light on this. This is extremely important and very rarely discussed in any sort of mental health themed conversation, and that is: painting the mental problems entirely as an individual’s self induced problem. What psychiatry does is it takes the individual out of the context of society and then it observes the individual with a looking glass, completely ignoring societal and cultural influences on a person’s well-being. What I’m getting at is that psychiatry will try to protect (by design) any socioeconomic and political system that happens to be in power. For example, the global system in which we live in now is mostly neoliberal capitalism which is nested in this fake democracy which in reality is a plutocracy. If you come to a psychiatrist, or even to a psychologist and say that the world in which 60 people own half of the world’s wealth depresses you, if you tell them that selling your labor to another man for profit feels dehumanizing to you, if you tell them that it makes you lose all hope in humanity to see this commodification of human beings and consistent trashing of things that make us human (empathy, compassion, kindness) and celebration of our lowest impulses as if they were virtues (materialism, narcissism ), if you tell them all that – they will tell you that the problem is You. YOU have to adapt, YOU are too negative, YOU need to change your view, it is always YOU who is the single cause of your own misery. Should we perhaps change the socioeconomic system that causes depression and anxiety on a global scale and create a system which wouldn’t make people so neurotic and traumatized?? Oh, No. No,no,no – We can’t do that – we cant politicize mental health. The System is always right. The maladapted individulal is the problem. Drapetomania, anyone?
Please, Daniel, make a video on this. Please.
Being “Mad” (insert any DSM disorder) simply means that you are not getting along with what’s been prescribed to you by the rulers of this sad little planet. Let me be blunt, if an Indonesian woman who works in a Nike or Adidas factory in Jakarta gets paid a couple of dollars per day, if that woman comes to a psychiatrist and says she’s depressed because she’s being brutally exploited, no psychiatrist will tell her that it is normal for her to feel this way in her kind of circumstance, and that the unjust system need to be changed as an only way to truly relieve her of depression. What the shrink will tell her instead is: “Here take this, it will help.” if they say anything at all, you bet your a* they won’t dare to touch the oppressive system.
Individualization of mental problems removes any sort of political responsibility for the mental state of global population, population ruled by a small percentage of the super-rich, who make all the relevant calls, who decide everything (everything that counts, anyway).
Your comment makes sense, but ultimately in any political system that has ever existed on this earth people have struggled with mental difficulties in some way or another. I don’t think it will ever be possible to create a society that gives every last person mental peace and therefore to some degree it is up to the individual to take some responsibility in coping with their circumstances. The issue is that none of us exist in a vacuum. There will always be other humans whose prime motivations are creating new shit to sell, gaining power, competing, deceiving, etc…. and I don’t see how we can ever change that. Every large society ever created leads to the same authoritarian nonsense. As a result it seems like an important aspect of psychiatry should be about helping those who are more emotionally in-tune exist in a world where a large portion of the population are not. I personally wish I could run around hunting and gathering in a world devoid of people, but I know that will never be an option for me. I’d definitely be much happier in such a world — nobody telling me what to do or how to act, but my ideal world will never come to fruition and so the best I can do is learn how to cope with being around 7 billion other people who all have their own desires and agendas. I totally agree with you that most mental problems are a result of modern society, but the societies we were intended to live in (hunter gatherer societies) are a thing of the past. Any existence we can etch out on our crowded planet will be so far removed from how humans are intended to live that it’s just laughable at this point.
In my opinion why Daniel is so helpful in this regard is that he really pushes everyone to break free of that competitive and lying mindset that is bestowed upon all of us. It has allowed me to be much happier and get satisfaction out of life, even while in less than ideal situations. All I can realistically do as one person is be nice to those around me and be truthful and open. In my opinion, one of the biggest problems in the modern world is the proliferation of the “ego”. Everything now is about how am “I” supposed to become important in this world, how am “I” going to get this or that — I feel as though this mindset is extremely toxic and yet this is the new norm that pretty much all humans have accepted. Even science has shown us that this mindset is ridiculous — nothing any of us do has any meaning or value whatsoever in the grand scheme of things, yet we are all so attached to our own self-importance.
Another thing — with 10 billion people packed onto this planet, is it even possible to not feel like a cog in a machine? Any person with even a moderate amount of intelligence would develop mental trauma from this alone, yet there is nothing any of us can do about it.
Watch this video on youtube (not mine):
1. Capitalist Realism, Mental Illness and Societies of Control
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPeBEcsmWTY
Absolving the inherently corrupt system and those who perpetuate it of any responsibility for our mental health is dishonest. Every facet of our lives is influenced negatively by this dehumanizing system. When you privatize mental health, you sweep all the problems under the rug, and prescribe a pill. You don’t have to change the corrupt socioeconomic system that directly causes mental ills, instead a healthy individual has to adapt to the system that makes him sick.
Anyone who turns a blind eye to this is a charlatan, not a psychotherapist.
Amen brother, you hit the nail on the head with this one! Would be great to hear Daniel’s thoughts…
Dear Daniel,
thank you very much for your work. I am very interested in the three films concerning (anti)psychiatry in German. I would like to buy them because I will show parts of them in informal meetings about this subject.
I am member of the Parlament of hessian state parliament. So I can use this for our efforts for a human psychiatry. Could you please tell me, where I can get your films? Thanks a lot.
Hi Christiane,
Greetings! Did you receive my reply I sent you? I didn’t hear back from you so I am replying here.
all the best,
Daniel
Dear Daniel Mackler,
first of all i want to apologize for my bad english because i am not a native english speaker, but i`ll try my best. I have been following your videos for a long time and in the beginning i could`t tell much about it, but after like 8 years of psychotherapy and griefing my lost childhood i would like 90 to 95 agree with you. You are very smart person and its a shame that so few people watch your videos because i think many peaple could learn so much from you. I have been labeled with all kinds of mental illnisses from personality disorder over sozial fear disturbtion to shizophrenia and made alsmost all the experiences you decribe in your videos. And its so commen, most people arround me have like no empathy for the child i was because they are in denial themselfs and haven`t gone through that process of griefing and instead they call me crazy and label me as mental ill, its horrbile. And if you are forced for some reason to go to the hospital usually the nurses try to make you “normal” and functioning again even though the things you say are so much more healthy then average. Its such a shame that empathy and compassion have so little room in western society. Its as Erik Fromm said in a sick society the ill person is the healthy one and the normal person, that has no symptons, is the sick one.
But i also wanted to tell you there is like one guy that was talking similar stuff like you called Peter Gerlach, he has an hompage http://www.sfhelp.org/ maybe you haven`t heard about him, but he told very interesing stuff, until he died.
so my best wishes from Germany please keep on going.
Hello German Friend,
It was good to read of your honest experience on Daniel’s page. I live in the east of England and also found Peter Gerlach on the internet several years ago. I watched his videos and downloaded pages from SF Help. Just like Daniel, Peter had his life experience to draw from, his good heart and his intelligence. Peter lived to a good age and attained wisdom. Wisdom he was called to share with us. Daniel sings from the same place and speaks about what many people like us never hear during our growing up time, in our education and working environments; global society brutalises every being and the Earth itself! Children, women, dark skinned people, nonconforming people, wild, pet and farm animals… we are expected to fit into a narrative that some materialist long ago, and far away decided on. Because it was profitable to him then and there. It’s not the 1880s. Where has it got us? More pollution, more noise, confusion, misunderstandings, black or white, an all or nothing approach to Life and this World. I have Hope too, I need to keep Hope alive in me. I am sickened every day to see how competitive, self-centered, petty and vindictive people are towards their own families, “friends”, work colleagues, co-religionists and political allies. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”? Truly there’s a lot of self hatred in this world. I say these things now, but when I go to the shops in this city, I ignore the able bodied (but probably alcoholic) beggars who sit close by the doors. I used to listen to their stories and give a little money sometimes, but now I’m sick of being manipulated out of my hard earned money by guys who stay down for years, being given and losing housing, who’ve become addicts because of this stupid, competitive material culture which engineers-in inequality, just to ramp up the tension. The message: work hard at school and in your jobs citizens, pay your taxes, borrow to keep up with your fooled neighbours. You don’t want to end up like the addict beggar who has little recourse but to get by, by asking the public to keep him or her exactly where he or she is: down and out. It is an offence to my soul to have to see and pass these poor beings on my way into and out of shops etc. But I do pass them by 95% of the time now. As a foreigner, and a woman, alone in this city, I need to be selfish to survive. Of course I’m not happy! I vote, I work, I pay my rent and expenses, I hardly drink, don’t smoke, don’t sleep around, don’t like loud places, don’t and can’t follow the crowd. Like Daniel I tried some of the “normal” (programmed) behaviours when I was younger so as to “fit it”. Even before I tried being a good, outgoing girl, I knew some of the hobbies and behaviours did not, could not, would not ever be for me. ( namely: Collecting pretty papers, talking about boys or bands I actually hated, just doing as the other girls did.) These pursuits gave me no joy, but the social pressure are immense. It was my birthday today, 40 something. I have a couple of friends, many useless acquaintances and family in another country. I do go on!!! Carl Jung, Peter Gerlach, Daniel Mackler… thank God for wise and courageous people like them to shine some light into our shadow places and who let us know that we can use this light for ourselves 🙂
I agree! I also am aware of ONE ‘psychiatrist’ who is Dr. Peter Breggin who speaks truth & writes & speaks about NOT taking psychotropic drugs & SSRI’s & helps people to learn how to get off of them the right way!
I agree with you, Donna. I found Peter Breggin’s wise words to be absolutely fantastic. At the risk of sounding reductive, I would suggest his uplifting and rather unique approach is characterized by loving validation, non-judgmental empathy and gentle encouragement.
Yes, I agree. I had Peter’s book on empathy…very beautiful & I hear his soul coming thru his voice as well!
Dear Dan I have had a lot of grief in life. I am glad I am not a therapist. My grief is a learning disability.
Daniel Mackler, it’s a double whammy when we’ve grown up in a dysfunctional/abusive childhood then further traumatized when seeking answers and/or help from the Mental Health field. I am a psychiatric drug survivor who was falsely diagnosed at 22, and psychiatrically drugged for 35 years, including ECT’s to treat the psychiatric drug induced depressions. But when my mental health licensed alcohol & drug counselor and therapist from my mental health office informed me it was ‘just fine’ to cold-turkey off Klonopin (after being prescribed it for 10 years) was when I truly experienced what it’s like to experience the worst terror filled psychosis (with seizures) and endless mental torture I’ve ever experienced in all my 63 years on this planet and then ‘not believed’ by every one of my mental health care workers that I experienced what I did. My Lithium, Trazone & Effexor cold-turkey withdrawals (again with OK from my therapist) drove me into such a homicidal rage for 5 excruciating months I had to admit myself into yet another God for saken Psychiatric Hospital. Another licensed Addictions Specialist told me it was just fine to abruptly stop Neurontin and became so suicidal I was back inside another hospital, but it would be my last after more than at least 15 hospitalizations through out my life due to side effects, adverse effects & constant withdrawal symptoms. After barely surviving my K-pin withdrawal and all the rest of them I am FREE from the Mental Healthcare system. How they have the audacity to even use the word ‘care’ is mindboggling to me. I’ve had to give up everything in life while they tried fixing my ‘chemically imbalanced’ brain they said I had. I’ve had to give up my entire life, my authentic self, loss of self, my children, my soul, and it eventually took my house leaving me homeless. But after 35 years I walked away owning my own thoughts, feelings & behaviors. And that is Freedom! I wrote a book describing what it’s like being drugged for a lifetime detailing my withdrawals knowing I’ll never have the money to publish, but it was therapeutic writing it. Thank you for your video’s. You’re quite an amazing man.
Hey, what an odysee you have gone through. Glad to her you speaking, that you are free now. It s because these psychiatric so called professionals are dissociated from their own feelings. So they can t empathize ….. they can only perpetuate their mental disability by abusing their patients.
I was very impressed by your story. I can not even imagine the horror you have been through and I am surprised because we, in Europe, look up to the US for progress and knowledge in all fields including mental health. I hope you are better now and I am sending my best wishes to you from Transilvania!
HI I’m Simone 🙂 I love your content! I think it’s very honest. I have a master’s in psychology, and I aspire to get my license to practice therapy in Texas. I’ve learned so much from what you’ve shared with us. Keep being awesome.
Take Care
Looking for an escape route. Currently in detention. Need to get away from drug administrators. Transfer possible if transferee same semi secure facility as present. Did you visit any inpatient mental clinics in Lithuania or elsewhere? Private rooms or dormitories? Will they allow OD treatment while in detention? Will they allow day visits? Any Placement Specialists for Lithuania?
Thank You!
Dear Mr. Mackler,
For nearly 40 years now, I have been mentoring troubled youth, the ones who have gotten in trouble with the law, and more recently, ones who have just been in trouble with life. As a volunteer mentor, I obviously don’t get paid-and I don’t want to. First of all, I would never take money for what I do. I believe this is a calling for me. Secondly, I love what I do so much that if I could afford it, I would pay to do it. And thirdly, most of these kids don’t have any money anyway!
I don’t have a non-profit organizationot a licensed therapist of any kind, but I am confident that some level of psychology seems to have been “bestowed”upon me as a gift. I have learned the value and effectiveC and I don’t want one. Even though my approach with each young man is mostly the same, I need the freedom to do what I think I need to do at that time, with that person. I was fascinated to hear your story, and much of it I can relate to. I am not a licensed therapist of any kind, but I am confident that some level of psychology seems to have been “bestowed”upon me as a gift. I have learned the value and effectiveness of being a good listener and in many cases being able to help people figure out why they do what they do, and how to get off that path. ( I have also learned that often it is perhaps more important to try and hear what they “don’t” say).
Because of the stories I hear, I can truly relate to the emotional burden that comes with listening to their trauma. And as you know, getting suicide calls at 3 in the morning is not fun.
I learned very quickly that the first order of business is to establish a relationship of trust with each young man. That leads to the next, and most important job, getting them to talk about and face the ugly, embarrassing, or shameful trauma they’ve endured. Since I’m not a licensed therapist, I obviously don’t prescribe any medicine, and probably wouldn’t if I could. It has been my experience that missing, or dysfunctional primary relationships, is the elephant in the living room. And, of course, that is usually played out in physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. Now, I would never discourage a person from seeking “professional” help if that’s what they want to do. However, I detest putting people on drugs in general. While I believe that some drugs have a useful and rightful place, my belief is that in most cases, the drugs only treat the symptom, and rarely get to the root of the problem. Though I don’t consider myself as anyone special, it seems that I have established quite a reputation as a mentor, and it is something I cherish deeply. I’ll end with this: there is no greater feeling than to believe that you have helped someone, to whatever degree you can, to live a better life. Maybe someday you’ll find a way to do that again, in a more fulfilling capacity. May God bless.
A caring, considered approach.
Mr. Hil,
Thank you for this incredible response, I would love to know more about how to build the trusting relationship you describe.
Thanks
Steve
FINALLY someone who is been thru really bad abuse and love your grieving the key of healing video because you finally nailed and explained your own to gives us a sense of empathy knowing what it is like being abuse. THANK YOU
Hi! I recently came across your YouTube on grieving trauma. I’ve recently gone no contact with my abusive family. I’ve left a toxic work environment at the same time of going no contact. I recently out of the blue just bawled for three days straight. On and off long spurts of grief. What do you recommend I do to get myself to where I heal from the trauma and stop the cycle of “loving” the way my parents programmed in me at a young age. I want to be a healthy loving spouse and parent one day.
Hello Daniel
I’ve been watching your videos since this spring and they’ve helped me lot understanting problems about family system. I’d like to ask, what do you think about depersonalization dissorder, what causes it and what it takes to cure it. It’s so hard when it seems that not many therapists understant what depersonalization is.
Teemu
Hi DANIEL,
Do you have any thoughts on Derealisation or Depersonalisation? Perhaps a video?
Struggling at this time.
Thank you
Hi Teemu, I have had dealt with depersonalisation and would like to compare notes with you.
River
I also have troubled with that, I think it’s that. Ibsonetimes lose mins or hours or maybe I just don’t Remeber. But I do know sometimes I can feel myself drifting away and into get to far I panic and literally feel myself pulling back in.
Hey Daniel!
I recently found your YouTube channel and your insight on therapy and the self-healing process is extremely engaging. I usually throw a lecture video on in the background while I work, but I always avoid your videos until I can sit down with them and give them my full attention. Absolutely fantastic work!
I’m a 25 year old cartoonist and writer. About a year ago, I started a little comic series about a 14 year old girl with an abusive mother. In writing this story, I quickly found myself looking introspectively into my childhood trauma and my relationship with my parents, and with that, I managed to identify the manipulative behavior my parents have been showing for years that I had accepted as normal. Your video about breaking from your parents nearly matched, beat-for-beat, my experience doing the same.
Over a year later, my story has become a full-on study into the effects of childhood trauma caused by one’s parents. Every character is, in some way, coping with trauma brought on by how they were raised. I remember you once said that writing an autobiography is extremely useful in self-therapy, and I believe writing this series has had a very similar affect on me. I feel like I’m more in-tuned with my own emotions and more aware of how to grieve for my own unresolved traumas having written this story. And I’ve heard from much of my audience that my story is helping them to do the same.
My story is called Problem Child, and I’ve included it as my website in this email. I don’t at all expect you to have the time or inclination to read 250+ pages of a comic, but in the off-chance that you do, I’d be honored if you would take a look at my story and give me your thoughts. I’m not asking for a public shout-out or anything like that, but I very much respect and admire your insight, and would be extremely honored to hear your opinion on my work, as a former therapist and as a teacher. If people are telling me that my story is teaching them, I’d love to have a better idea whether or not it’s teaching them the right stuff.
Keep up the great work, I’m eagerly looking forward to your next video.
-Brian
Hi Brian — greetings, and thank you. I looked at your comic and I think it’s excellent. I read several different episodes and I found it brave and honest. I hope you are reaching a lot of people — your work deserves it. I’m working on some new videos now. Stressful — but hopefully it’ll be worth it!! Warm hello from New York——Daniel
Hello
I’ve just finished binge-reading your story.
I think it’s very insightful and shows, in a very approachable way, the complexity of behaviors and relations influenced by traumas.
To my mind, the biggest advantage of the story is that through it you portray very well the simple (but not so readily obvious to all in everyday situations) fact that there’s always a reason (usually coming from the past) behind someone’s “misbehavior, acting out, recalcitrance, etc”. And that in crisis situations, more than anything else, an expression of love and understanding is needed.
I’m glad to have found out about your work and look forward to reading further episodes
Best
Maciek
The algorythms brought me your video of why you left therapy. I thought this was so great that I passed it on to my 18-year old child. The phenomena are similar in other professional spheres. I have not yet read or watched other things you do.
Hi Daniel,
I’m about your age, living in Sweden, and I have been watching like twenty of your youtube videos. I like them a lot and they really moved me. You are a brave man. Kind. And I have kind of the same story as you have. Been to therapists three rounds (three years totally), with three different approaches which has been really great for me. Read hundreds of self healing books and spent thousands of hours at youtube watching self helping videos. And of cause thinking a lot about my own life. I’m not enlightend. But I’m feeling okay with my life. So..
I got curious about your approach to life. I’m curious why you aren’t able to let go? Is it me that’s missing something here!? For fifteen years I have returned to Eckhart Tolle and his teaching. I truly belive that identification with the ego is the problem of nearly everything. I really do. The ego with it’s history. The ego and the dissociation. When I’m really conscious I don’t have these problems. No worry and no struggling or suffering. That strong ego is now gone. I’m not always in that place, but it’s getting better and better. So my question. How come your not talking about this simple and core truth. To me this is the core foundation to let it go. Not necessarily to forgive. But to let go. How many hours do we need spend to keep on investigating every little detail and corners of our childhood. What good will that do for us. Will it be enough for you some time, some day?
Love,
Anders
Hello Anders,
Just feel compelled to respond to your very pertinent inquiry about letting go. I am going to try be succinct: I believe that mostly what passes for “letting go” is actually dissociating. True detachment is extremely difficult to achieve and requires a transcendent agent, so to speak.
Sometimes I feel quite bummed that I cannot just be done with it and “forgive” my parents for their lack of emotional attunement over my life, but it is not static, it is an organic process. And ironically, I find the more I am honest about feeling angry with them for whatever, the more I CAN forgive them also—they also had it tough.
Dear Anders,
It appears that your reply is well intentioned and I hope it is.
A useful, proven approach to PTS is found in ‘meeting others where they are at,’ rather than pulling (or pushing) them to where we feel they should be. And indeed, if we are being honest, we would be better served by asking why we feel the need to impose our standards upon them.
For many survivors, the words “let it go’ are precisely those used by their abusers. It aids dissociation and triggers splitting off of past pain, neither of which can bring healing, a fact abusers are already familiar with and which is complicit in their own pattern of pain and in furthering that poisonous pedagogy.
What can bring healing, as Alice Miller wrote in “The Body Never Lies” is when, “ we need [and gain] one special experience: the experience of love for the child we once were.” This is why as adult survivors of abuse we require trusting, enlightened witnesses to provide nonjudgmental mirroring and in that the growing capaciousness for healthful processing strategies. More than that, do we offer wise counsel, let alone the validation of an enlightened witness, when we simply instruct others to ‘let go’ of their trauma, as if doing so was in any way healing? I do not believe so.
Similarly, reducing the effects of trauma to attachments of the ego is overly reductive and wholly ignores the reality of a very sick world filled with abusive systems. Since we do live in an old Earth filled with Ibsen’s ghosts from our past (and a rather toxic present), a world defined in so many corners by predation by humans of nature and of each other, it is virtually impossible for all but hermits and ascetics or perhaps those living in remote, naturally self-sustaining indigenous communities, to find safe, accepting, nonjudgmental environments conducive to self-actualization.
Safety is needed for healing and our world as organized presently is rather lacking in that critical necessity. While edenic communities were a myth, I doubt our social organization was always as marked by such incomprehensible inequity, such dysfunction and universal despair as it is today.
So instead of counseling ’letting go’ let us stand by one another on our journeys to healing. We can give ourselves and others the safety, patience, curiosity, self-care and deep validation necessary for a non-dissociated chance at authenticity and the recovery of each of our true selves. In a society such as this, safety can facilitate wellness individually and collectively.
Hi,
I watched your youtube videos and I have to agree what a childhood trauma can bring to relationships in real life. My husband was too emotionally abusive, passive agressive, cold, mean and he even had an affair. I am so emotionally drained and devalued by his actions. I asked him to move out but I am helping him now recover because he was a victim of childhood neglect and abuse by his parents.
Hello Anders,
Just feel compelled to respond to your very pertinent inquiry about letting go. I am going to try be succinct: I believe that mostly what passes for “letting go” is actually dissociating. True detachment is extremely difficult to achieve and requires a transcendent agent, so to speak.
Sometimes I feel quite bummed that I cannot just be done with it and “forgive” my parents for their lack of emotional attunement over my life, but it is not static, it is an organic process. And ironically, I find the more I am honest about feeling angry with them for whatever, the more I CAN forgive them also—they also had it tough.
I would like to offer another perspective on “letting it go / forgiveness/ dissociation.”
For the past year I have been working with a therapist who combines traditional talk therapy with energy psychology modalities: EFT, Logosynthesis, Ask and Receive, Zensight, bilateral brain stimulation, and Tapas Acupressure Technique.
Using these methods, I have released much of the trauma I have been holding on to for most of my 57 years. Not easy or quick, but definitely possible!
Dear Mr. Mackler,
I found your video about the reasons for quitting being a therapist quite convincing and agreeable.
I’m a German artist/designer, now 70 years old. At the age of 35 I had a heavy drinking & depression problem and underwent a psychotherapy with more than 400 (!) sessions which took 8 years before I felt self-secure enough to function without the therapist. At age 50 I opened a gallery but fell into an even more heavy depression which led almost to suicide because I couldn’t handle the business side of being a gallerist/artist. I had to take another therapy of 25 sessions to get back into balance. From what I experienced the therapies were helpful but the cost/outcome relation of Freudian based therapy is quite unappropriate. I have read many books from Freud to Alice Miller (you mentioned her in the video), Jeffrey Masson, Carl Rogers and so forth.
Via Bateson et al., Palazzoli & the Milano group, de Shazer, Watzlawick and Erickson I learned about the “systemic” or “hypnosystemic” approach which I now think makes a lot of, if not THE most sense.
The German therapist Gunther Schmidt has developped a post-Ericksonian Hypno-systemic approach. His position towards the (German) mental health system mirrors your experience. Return to common sense as well as the exchange on eye level between “therapist” and “patient” or client, finding solutions for the clients’ future instead of labelling them to “be” something (an alcoholic, bipolaror etc.) or to “have” something (paranoia, a disorder etc.). This is the official policy in his clinic). If you can read or understand German I recommend his books & audio seminars which also deal with many of the topics you are describing, such as responsibility and the overwhelming trauma input by clients. Here’s a video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxYeQR7VbaU&list=PL1cDruhm0yALi3Tg_GGO8FBtxgW5rf03t
Greetings from Germany
Berthold Bell
Hi Daniel, just a quick word on the “Why don’t you smile in your videos”-comment: Thank you so much for not doing that. Thank you for insisting on real communication rather than the opting for the shameful branding and fakeness and likability hunting that is taking place all over YouTube and elsewhere. Please keep doing what you do and keeping it real. Real is under attack. Let’s all do our part in warding it off in order to get back to the business of real life.
Also, thank you for the awesome videos that you have put out. They are of tremendous help.
All the best,
Michael
Hi Daniel,
I’ve been following your research and am so impressed by the work you have done to promote the medication free model of mental illness recovery. As I’m sure you’re aware, many people, including those in the field are still convinced that the only way to “treat” (more like control) people is by forcing toxic drugs into their systems without really even looking deeper into their core issues…so it’s really refreshing to see a professional support a natural approach. Please continue your documentaries, as they are fascinating and informative!
Best,
Rachel
Daniel, been listening to stuff for several years now. Thank you so much for all the content you produce and post; it really is insightful.
I think of you every time I hear this Macklemore song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71SSexoXRiA
I feel he captures the painful, human side effects of the prescription model most of the medical field follows. Check it out!
owoow!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0Fi32LbXHA
How amazing that you had the courage, to be honest!!!!!
Is an honor to listen to your youtube video!
I agree with your welcome statement Daniel! On a slightly different note, I am a therapist still in residency and I already started to observe, noticed, and sense things in the field and about myself that you confirmed in your videos. On top of that I have come across other information and/or research that has also changed my views in a similar fashion. I plan not to worry about getting my license and, instead, decided to switch careers when the time is right. Thanks for being you!
Warm Regards,
T
Hi T,
interesting comments! I am a therapist in training and trying to decide whether to continue. They are teaching us telemarketing skills and diversity rather than true psychology, the way it used to be for people like Carl Jung. I am considering to switching to be a life coach because there are less restrictions and programming. If you have any thoughts on this, I’d appreciate them.
Hello Daniel
After having watched most of your videos on YouTube and having read one third of one of your books, I started wondering what, if any, is your opinion on HSP (hihgly sensitive person) concept.
It’s just that your insights are so accurate and so unheard-of in the mainstream discourse that my almost immediate association was with HSP.
I’m not a great fan of labels but I’ve been delving into this one quite a bit recently and it’s shed light on many ‘whys’ as far as our reactions, behaviors are concerned.
Anyway, above all, thank you for pushing forward the idea of finding our true self as (the more I think about it) it seems to be more and more necessary in any form of relation with the world.
Sincerely
Maciek
thanks Maciek — hmm, i have heard of HSP but i haven’t read much about it. of the little bit i’ve read, it seems i probably qualify for some of the qualities, but probably not others…. warm greetings! daniel
Of course, there are different levels of sensitivity and everybody is unique in their nature. Also, even though there’s a sensitivity test designed by Elaine Aron, I’m pretty convinced she herself would be the first person to agree that it’s not like it’s hard science where you can easily classify people in either group.
To my mind, very good point about it is that she’s eager to stress it’s not a diagnosis in any way but a human trait. And rather than trying to treat it, we should all realize that it just requires a bit different lifestyle (both those who consider themselves HSPs and those who don’t).
Sadly, when I Googled it (I’m from Poland) there were quite a few results in my language which said something to the effect of “diagnose yourself”…
According to E. Aron, there are about 15-20% of HSPs in any society but the level of those who actually manifest themselves, that is, act openly in line with their nature, depends on whether sensitivity is treated as something good or not. If not, the majority of HSPs are likely to acquire a kind of veneer of ‘normality’, a certain facade of toughness that is a sort of survival mode.
If you are interested, here’s the test
http://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/
There’s also a movie on high sensitivity which I personally found a bit too idyllic and a little too recklessly encouraging those who consider themselves HSPs to inform everyone around about their sensitivity, without any mention of the importance of a support structure.
Anyway, I hope I haven’t bored you with the subject 🙂
Thanks for the response
Best
Maciek
PS. To be fair, Elaine Aron does talk a lot about seeking out other HSPs and keeping in touch with them on a regular basis, it’s just the movie that left me with the impression I mentioned at the end of the previous message. Her books and talks (which can be watched from that site as well) by no means give that impression and I find them very insightful, informative and serving a great purpose to people who consider themselves HSPs.
I’ve been thinking about the concept of HSP also in the context of your main focus, that is, dealing with childhood trauma.
The question I’ve been pondering is whether it’s not easier for HSPs to carry out such an analysis since their typical features are a very rich, complex inner world and a heightened perception of details, subtleties, moods. Analogously, could it be that for non-HSPs a self-inquiry of this sort might be more difficult or even seem outlandish as it does not (as it does for HSPs) constitute an integral part of their daily realities?
I know you ascribe not dealing with those past events to something that you call splitting off. What I’m asking is, is it possible that, since the majority of people are non-HSPs, only for the HS minority an analysis of that sort comes naturally and even if they live split off from the actual state of things for some time, all the time they’re actually drawn to the core by their constantly-processing-deeply brain? What follows, can it be possible that since non-HSPs are not, in a way, biologically predisposed to carrying out such a deep analysis, for most people it seems like needles overthinking and that’s why so many of us split off easily?
These are of course mere questions, by no means attempts at statement of facts.
Cheers
Hello to you both,
I read the conversation thread and I wanted to mentioned that there is also fascinating information about the differences between HSPs and empaths. I would say looking up information by Judith Orloff and from the youtube channel, Vital Mind Psychology, would be good starting places. I have more questions about the subject than I do affirmative opinions, but that is who I am as a person. I just wanted to pass on the information I encountered so far. It may or may not answer some the questions both of you have.
Warm Regards,
T
Hi there
After a cursory look, it seems to me like it is actually the same, only ‘an empath’ is supposed to mean a person high on sensitivity spectrum or it’s an HSP that is capable of empathizing even more than most other HSPs, also the vocabulary is different as there’s talk of spirit and energy in case of ’empaths’ . However, the stuff that Abdul Saad and Judith Orloff talk about can already be found in HSP research. Especially the part where HSPs ‘feel’ other people’s emotions, moods, states easily.
HSPs are different, just like A. Saad’s ’empath types’.
J. Orloff’s definition (‘An empath is an emotional sponge. They absorb emotions, physical symptoms, and energy of others into their own bodies.’) sounds like a large element of what an HSP definition says.
Personally, I’m not sure what the label is for since aspects like narcissist attraction or codependency have been researched in a similar way in the realm of HSP, but I guess it’s helpful for some people and also everybody who wants to improve their life follows the message that appeals to their particular sensibilities.
Although, I think it could be a little misleading as to the meaning of the verb ‘to empathize’. By that I mean that the ability to actively show empathy doesn’t most likely depend on the level of sensitivity (or being an ’empath’ or not for that matter) as many sensitive people are too overwhelmed by their sense of empathy to actually do something for the other person and non-HSPs may show high levels of empathy propelled by their strong inner sense of right and wrong, for example.
However, at the end of the day, they are both labels associated with a particular jargon and maybe approach as well, that describe more or less the same feature.
If you prefer to talk about sensing spirits, energy, soul, you are more drawn to one.
If you prefer to talk about heightened perception, fine-tuned nervous system, increased awareness of the surrounding and higher sensitivity to stimuli, you’re more drawn to the other.
You’ve pointed to some materials worth looking up in your opinion .
However, maybe you have your own views or comments on my thoughts from the previous messages (especially the latter part of the last one)?
Sincerely
Maciek
Hi Daniel. Your video today about smiling reminded me of this video which is mind blowing. Smiling is quite important to the little girl in the video. I did a little research into who this gal is and what was the circumstances around this video. Apparently she was talking to her mother who was in the midst of a divorce from the girl’s father. I’d love to know your take on the video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BrSCiFo5Wc
Just watched your video about why you stopped being a therapist. Fantastic stuff
Daniel I was wondering what role you think the modern education system plays in all of this childhood trauma
Hi David,
My main question is do you know of any health professionals I could turn to for help on beating psychosis without meds? I live in Ireland and the best case scenario would be to source professional help in Ireland. I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2 in 2011. I can explain my story further I just don’t know if I should put it all in a blog post. Thank you for your work. The questions you have raised about psychiatry are so underrepresented.
It does not matter which type of ‘Mental Disorder’ yours was Colm – BiPolar II (I understand) – the Treatment is ALWAYS THE SAME!! The problem sources from the SUB-conscious Mind and this is what’s needed to be addressed. I found Therapists to be troublesome and I just Journalled my Dreams, and tried to interpret them (mostly successfully) for about 5 years. The HypnoTherapist, my first Therapist, was conducting a FireWalk after quite a break from him and he asked three times over the cousrse of the night – “What have you been doing John?”, and I gave him the same answer every time – “DREAMS!” I think that he altered his Therapy due to my comment – I have only ever heard of similar once from a fprmer Mental Health Sufferer – a person who the Sufferer hadn’t met for years gave a similar comment.
The first thing I know about you Colm is that you’re gifted. You’ll have considerable achievements already and once you teme the SUB-conscious Mind you’ll be even more powerful!! That’s something to look forward to!! P.S. Meditation, SandPlay and Art Therapy are also good for raising issues from the SUM-conscious. http://letsassist.biz/benefits-of-mental-illness-html/
Hi! I saw your great video on why you quit being a therapist, I just wonder what you work with instead? I am very interested in psychology and thinking about getting a bachelor. But don’t know what I should do because I am a free spirit and dont want to work in their corrupt way? Do you have a private clinic instead?
Thank you
Hey, I am thinking of starting therapy, and I am wondering how to tell them that I am completely unwilling to take meds? Are there certain things/reasons that I should say or maybe even shouldnt say.
I’m seeing this kind of late but wanted to comment anyway. I have seen many therapists and simply made it clear that I am not willing to take meds.
Therapists can’t prescribe them anyway so usually they don’t say much.
I did have a psychiatrist get angry and frustrated with me because I wouldn’t take any meds though. That was a day program during a time I was in really bad shape from an ongoing traumatic event.
But I was way too aware of the side effects to stuck to my boundaries. They can’t force you, particularly if you are outpatient.
I’ll take this one. If this is a boundary issue, you can set limits within a psycho therepuetic framework and say, as an example, thanks but no thanks to say, melatonin used for jet lag or to reset the circadian rhythm.
I too am a former psychotherapist who practiced in Michigan for about 15 years. I totally agree with most of what Daniel had to say. I opted to only see patients who had commercial insurance (I know that Daniel knows what that means). My practice was strong until people lost their jobs around 2009-2010 due to economic crisis of our Country. Nobody bailed me out LOL. So I bailed instead. I am still a practicing Social Worker and I am very happy doing what I do. However, it is a struggle. I think I work in the most misunderstood profession on the planet. A BA degree in SW will not get you very far. You will need to agree to take on an enormous amount of student loan debt to get a Masters Degree to be a psychotherapist and pray that you can make enough money to pay it back. Just so you know, prayer will not pay your bills LOL
Hi Daniel,
I really love your videos about trauma recovery! My question to you is what are some signs that you may have preverbal trauma that you’ve dissociated from? What are some ways that you can see this out and recover from it?
Thanks!
hi diane — thanks for your words. well, the first thing that comes to my mind is that a person has relationship problems, attachment problems — any sort of problems being himself or herself in relationships, forming healthy attachments, unconsciously choosing unhealthy people to be close with (friends, romance), or perhaps being unable to form more healthy attachments…also deep feelings of insecurity…lack of love for self…. all stuff that can come from very early trauma…. of course it can come from later trauma too, so it may not be easy to sort out… i should make a video on this. a good subject. i’ll think about it more. greetings — daniel
I 2nd that. I feel that I just meant a fantastic person I would have most relationships in my life has been very tough the last one especially but this new one it’s almost been a year spend the greatest most honest and filling relationship I’ve had and just when everything is going right I think a lot of my past traumas have come out in the form of 3 Rage episodes for for Ray’s episodes and problematic thinking that lead to looking for setups and abandonment in the end. I’ve even noticed myself setting up my own abandonment making impossible tasks or missions for my partner and then punishing her for not falling through on what I thought was expecting from somebody that love me. I saw that this is destructive I was craving lots of stress and making poor decisions because of that not following through his goals or even seeing her making goals exist my only thankfulness out of this whole situation is it showing me how deep how strong and how the me that she saw and loved was good enough and strong enough to deserve her deep love she showed me steadfast and true through this terrible time which put her on the street twice. My hats off to the caretakers of us and please make a movie about how to deal with these traumas and melt them away and had to accept more so I guess how to accept good people into a life we’re only mostly bad people and takers were
Hello. I watched your video on exploring unconditional love. I have a similar situation but the parent is needy rather than distant. Have you reached a point of forgiveness with your father? I’m trying to get there but I don’t really know what that looks like.
David
I have a question. What do you think about pickup, I think there is some controversy behind it. I wonder what do you think about it?
hi victor — i’m not sure what “pickup” is…. could you let me know? daniel
As in ‘pick up seduction community’
Hi Daniel,
Thank you so much for all your videos! They are great help and encouragement to me. Especially videos on childhood trauma.
I wanted to share your videos with my friends who are struggling with similar problems, but they speak only limited English. Is there a way to add subs for your videos on YT? I could translate them into Polish.
hi Barbara — greetings. hmm….it’s a bit complex to add subtitles. the document first has to be time-coded and then the subtitles inserted in according to the time codes. it also helps if first there is a transcription of the document in English (also time-coded), and then that document is translated. it’s time consuming. is there a specific video you wanted to translate? meanwhile, one of my films is already translated into polish — http://wildtruth.net/dvdsub/pl/ hello from nyc—-daniel
Thanks for the link, gonna share this one!
I was thinking about translating, for example, the newest one about forgiveness.
What is your experience with built-in YT’s own subtitles system? It seems like the program is time-coding the video on its own and adds (not perfect but somewhat accurate) automatic generated English translation of the video.
Doing it manually would be, as you’ve mentioned, really time-consuming. But adding the translation over these generated time-coded frames would be easier.
At least this is what I gathered from the YT tutorials…
hi barbara — yes, i could definitely download youtube’s automatically generated time codes. they save a LOT of time but are inaccurate in many ways and often start and finish the subtitles in strange places and so have to be adjusted…so it still involves work, though much less than starting from nothing. if you want i can download the automatically generated subtitles from the “forgiveness” video and send them to you — and if you want to translate the subtitles into polish i can insert them into the video — and you can see how they look and see if they work or if they need adjustment… all the best! daniel
We could definitely try it!
I would feel bad taking too much of your time for this, so if this whole process ends up being too time-consuming, it seems there is one more way. I’ve read that it’s possible as a video creator to enable adding of subtitles directly by the viewers and then, if happy with the outcome, approve them.
I am open to both. Whatever is more convenient for you 🙂
Hi Daniel,
I would be more than happy to have someone from my team do the subtitles for you. I used to work in broadcast video and my new company is closer to therapy so we could definitely help. 🙂
Let me know if you want me to, we could just generate the time coded caption file and send it to you.
–Andrew
hi Andrew — that sounds great! is there anything i can do to help you, anything you need from me to make this possible? daniel
In the western world we have a far better health system but there are quite a few peoblems. Its easy for me to make a comment(s) because I’m nt at the coal-face – it must be really draining to see the same mistskes repeated.
Hi Daniel! i’m Lina, i’m colombian but i live in France. I’m physician but i quitted my job in 2012 because a lot of interesting reasons and now i live in a permaculture farm where we try to live in the simplest and beautiful way, contemplating autonomy in all levels, lookinf for harmonie with the planet.
Like you, there are two things i’m interested now, more and more: emotionnal development and pollution in our planet…
I had suffered depression for 15 years and i used antidepressants until they had not positives effets but negatives effets, so i looked for another treatments and i did a lot of differents therapy. Finally i found meditation (The processus of the presence and Vipassana) and it helped me a lot. I have a sister and a cousin with a diagnosis of schizophrenia…
Lately i started to feel a vocation for helping people in self-managing emotions and i was thinking in doing an specialization in psychiatry and i was wondering if there are psychiatrist who do not use medication…. i found your video about Open dialogue….
it’s quite amazing, and i want to go there. But for the moment i would like to thank you and i would like to do a traduction tto spanish of you video
thanks a lot!
hola lina — gracias!!! y merci 🙂 thank you for what you’ve shared. meanwhile, good news: my films are already subtitled in spanish and french: http://wildtruth.net/dvdsub/es/ and http://wildtruth.net/dvdsub/fr/ — tambien, yo estaba en colombia hace 2 años por casi 2 meses. un pais fantastico!! llegué de brasil en barco… wishing you the best. daniel
oh!!! 🙂 🙂 y qué hacias en Colombia?
Gracias de nuevo a ti, voy a compartir tus videos!
Cuando quieras venir a Francia, eres bienvenido, el sitio en el que vivo vale la pena conocerlo!
gracias lina — tengo amigos colombianos, y estaba viviendo con ellos. pero llegue a letecia — estaba viajando en sudamerica por 6 meses. una experienca fantastica. aprendí mucho!!! daniel
I am residency trained primary care physician who just quit practicing abruptly on August 2, 2012. I now consider this my ‘get out of jail’ anniversary. I quit for similar reasons as you find yourself in now. I was only 52 years old at the time! For 2 years it was very hard for me to adjust to not working as my career had been my whole life since I had graduated medical school at 26… The reason for this response: My life is far better than it ever has been now. I’ve invested in me: personal work, extensive reading, working through the traumas I experienced while working, journaling, etc., etc., etc….. I’m investing in me! I hope you find your way. I did. I have no regrets for quitting.
Hello David — yes, makes sense to me! Thanks for sharing this. warm greetings—Daniel
I just saw your vid. I was a front line worker in the inner city in Can. Vicarious T, understood. Working with people with the same background as I, opened the box of Pandora. You are so on the button, I wish I had you working with me. Keep going brother.
Do you know IFS from Doctor Richard Schwartz? I want to encourage you to investigate it at the Center of Self Leadership online. This very effective therapy form brings relief for therapists while it is the best way I know to help the clients…
I watched your video about leaving the mental health field and cried. I’ve only been licensed for a few years but started in the field in direct care when I was 19. I have experienced so much abuse at the hands of the system. At one point, my physical health deteriorated due to stress from an agency to the point of losing significant amounts of weight and nearly being hospitalized. I came away from that experience with an autoimmune disorder. I’ve been physically attacked by clients who were not in their right mind, requiring hospital care, and told by the agency “well, you get paid don’t you?” I made $11 an hour. Every experience seems to be worse than the last.
I’ve tried private practice and even though I’ve been successful in building up my caseload and financially being a little more sound, I’m burned out. Can’t talk to colleagues about it…they all just herald the boundaries comments. I tried taking time off for self care but returning from that, I’m just as burned out as before. I feel guilty leaving this quickly after being licensed but I’m not sure how to keep going. I’m curious how you transitioned out of being a therapist? I’m feeling a little lost on how to get out–all of my experience and skills are related to mental health. It doesn’t seem like there are any “natural” roles to transition to :/
I am a social worker who works at a place where a therapist hung herself in her office, committing suicide. I was also personal friends with her outside of work and was calling 911 when she was found. My co-worker who offices directly across the hall from me found her. This has triggered a lot of guilt for me and has made it harder to go to work. I feel traumatized and afraid. It’s only been three weeks, but I thought I would get better, but am finding things harder to do. Work is no longer a safe place. I am getting therapy but feel isolated. People think that I should be moving on emotionally. I am trying. Any suggestions are welcome. I feel a bit de-skilled right now in helping myself.
Tia and Ann, I’m so sorry for what both of you have been through.
I’m not a professional, but a client who at 57 years old and dozens of therapists, finally found one who is able to help me.
What has made the difference is that combined with traditional talk therapy, he uses nontraditional methods – energy psychology modalities: Emotional Freedom Technique, Logosynthesis, and a couple of others. This has helped to cut through alot of the crap without the unending cycle of abreaction that could never seem to be healed.
My therapist has shared with me that he uses the techniques himself to deal with his own issues.
I urge you both to check out ACEP, the national national membership organization for practitioners: energypsych.org
Gary Craig, the founder of EFT, has a comprehensive web site, emofree.com – I highly recommend his highly detailed Gold Standard tutorials.
Willem Lammers, the founder of Logosynthesis, has a wonderful facebook group, several outstanding self-help books for practitioners and laypeople, and his web site is https://www.logosynthesis.net/
I hope this is helpful. I send healing energy to both of you.
As a graduate counseling student, I have discovered that giving advice is not allowed in our profession. This mystified me. I thought that was the whole point of being a counselor especially when dealing with a severely depressed, panicked, etc. person who does not know where else to turn for empathy and … advice. Why is the counseling industry so adamantly against advice giving even in cases when a client explicitly asks for advice?
Meanwhile, every counselor I went to gave me advice–and very obviously and directly too. Does the whole profession consist of pretending like one follows the rules but whatever is done behind the closed doors is actually more real and human, its just that no one wants to speak against the “regulations”?
I think that empathy is the essential element—really does advice stick?Perhaps it is helpful when proferred judiciously—otherwise it just feels like projection.
Even when the “client” asks for advice I wonder what is it that is actually being asked?
I did not know that counsellors were not allowed to give advice, but it makes sense in that there is so much caution about imposing one’s personal views upon the vulnerable—still it sounds like the profession has taken a rather rigid stance.
I once studied clinical psychology, and hence counseling.
Well, as I understood it, some ‘schools’ are against giving advice (like the Rogerian school), others do promote giving advice (like in behaviorial modification etc.).
But there are over 300 forms of psychotherapy/counseling. I think the most important thing here is respect for the client and that the client feels respected. That alone might be very healing.
That said, I had my portion of bad therapists as well. The arrogance in the field is staggering and sometimes I wonder if the whole field isn”t filled with narcissist and even psychopaths?
just a thought, just a thought.
I am laughing out loud—psychopathic elements in all of us—right?
well, I don’t know exactly what you mean by this. Why this reaction?
I just mean there are, I think, a lot and I mean a lot of narcs and psychopaths attracted to this field. Is that so strange? Look at the power they can have! I am not saying they all are. BUT, the top of this field is certainly psychopathic. No question in my mind about that.
Namaste!
Galacar
well, I was laughing, of course, because of the irony—then my thought was (if you look up the definition of psychopath or narcissist) we all are have some of these traits, just at various points on the continuum—I apologize if I have offended
No, you haven’t offended me at all! don’t worry. And yes we all have some of the traits, but I was really talking about full blown narcs and psychopats. A psychopath is not someone with some trace of a psychopath of course.I have for sure spot them in the field. And at many posts you are recruited to be a psychopath! But how they do it I need a lot of time to explain. Suffice to say for now that I take it for granted that most key-posts in medical establishments are occupied by psychopaths.
I agree, there are a lot of narcs in the field of psychotherapy… and, I have had the unfortunate experience of meeting them. They seem to love the vulnerability of their patients, which puts them in the position of being able to traumatize them, while appearing to be a sympathetic ear. I am done with psychotherapist! They didn’t validate the reality of the situation that I was living in; the reality of the family that I was living in. They acted like it was my responsibility to ‘know’ what it was that I was describing and to ‘know’ what to do about it. If I had known what it was that I was experiencing, I wouldn’t have needed a therapist to define it for me. And, if I had known what to do about it, I wouldn’t have needed help… would I? It is a sick field of stupid predators as far as I am concerned. I hope that they burn in hell!
Hi Daniel,
I felt inspired watching some of your video’s and checking out you films. You’re doing what I really want to be doing!!! I’ve been a psychotherapist for 28 years and a reconnective healing practitioner for the last 5 years. But for the last few years I’ve feel bored with everything …except thoughts of doing a podcast, which I’ve started, and thoughts of doing something with film. My interests are somewhat different but somewhat the same as yours (but everything about healing and helping people and other therapists). Have you heard of a course in miracles?
Hi Trey. My name is David and I read your post. I am currently reading A Course In Miracles. It’s a real life shifter. It’s really redirected my focus of reality that feels right to me. How far along are you in it?
David
Galacar, I would love to chat with you. I’m in a grad program in Counseling and I agree with lots of what you said! My email is river261 at hotmail.
River
Sorry for my late reply!
Thanks for sharing. I will send you an e-mail tonight!
Looking forward to ‘talking to you. Thank you!
Namaste
Galacar
Hi Daniel! Could we use your plastic in the sea song for a compilation album about plastic pollution? All of the money will go to saving our oceans!
Dear Daniel .
Thanks for your very insightfull video’s! Love watching and listening to you.
For what’s it worth, I see you as a very beautifull being!!
I once studied clinical psychology and I had to
do a half year internship and it was jaw dropping. First, I walked along with a shrink, and he did see patients on a 10 minutes basis and that was all he needed to subscribe his, sorry but I say it how it is, SHIT!. Furthermore, I hadn’t made the internship. and if there is a good reason that was ok by me, but you know what the reason was? I knew too much!!! Really! It is true that I probably had read more books then anyone who worked there, and that was because I loved this profession! Even in my spare time I read hundreds of books!.
But I don’t regret that I haven’t made it, simply because I have discovered how many really powerfull alternative healing methods are out there!. I have seen with my own eyes how someone with severe trauma was cured in less then 10 minutes!! Never seen that by a psychiater or psychologist.
And I don’t want to even start with the horrible, horrible,horrible,horrible,horrible,horrible,horrible,horrible,horrible,horrible,horrible,horrible,horrible,horrible,horrible,horrible,horrible,horrible,horrible,horrible,horrible,horrible,horrible,horrible,horrible, things psychiatry has done to my S.O. (I am starting to cry now).
But, have you ever wondered about this.There is a lot of resistance against the psychiatry field and righty so, And by really scientific people ( I won’t start here but ‘science’ isn’t what you think it is.). But despite all this, nothing changes! Why? Because the whole filed is purposely designed NOT to cure people! It really is all by design. If you want to know where the ‘great”( ugh ugh) ‘psychiatrist and even psychologists really came from, you have to study the “Tavistock Institute” in London and it’s satellite organisations! Did you know that there is even a statue of Freud in front of the Tavistock Building. And what is Tavistock all about then? warfare! That’s right there is war going on against ‘ordinary’ people ( I really don’t think there are ‘ordinary’ people.)
It is, as you have said in your videos all about control! Also, if you understand that the top of the psychiatric field is psychopathic, that might give some insight in why psychiatry is the way it is. It was never ment to cure people. Au contraire.
So much more to say about this topic alone, but I will leave it for now.
But if you have any questions feel free to ask. Not that I have all the answers, of course I don’t but I have studied this sort of thing fro more then 16 years now.
Daniel/, thanks for your beautifull videos and let them coming in!
Namste!
Galacar
.
Dear Daniel, your videos are such a healing light in this crazy time and space we’re living in. I cannot thank you enough.
I teach yoga and have been a meditator for some years. I started law school last year to establish better tools to advocate for people in a meaningful way. Your video on anxiety (and being true to yourself) has been especially insightful and so very helpful. Thank you so much, beautiful soul. Thank you.
thanks Regina. greetings to you! daniel
hi, okay…so it sounds like you know what you are talking about….maybe you could give me a little advice then. My 16 yr old son is experienceing pshychosis or whatever you call it. His mom has really fkd him up over the years and I am constantly feeling like i am picking up the peices. I am a really strange person too, so I kinda add to the weirdness of it all…but I am good at heart and don’t mess with him at all…im trying to save him from his own mind. His mother is one of those munchousen bi-proxy people. She has faked leukemia 3 times….to my family…her next boyfriends family which my son considered his step father…and even lied about it to some doctors….She dosn’t seem content unless someone is in the hospital, or having at least 2 medical appointments per week. My son lived with her when young and she had him in psychiatric correction facilities. I took him at around 10 years old when she got interested in something else {marrage} and moved to nova scotia abandoning him for a year and a half. I got full custody at that time…He lived with me for five years and was pretty much normal, and we took him off the garbage the shrinks were giving him, and literally got them out of our lives for a while. She came back, and took me to court for custody, and only got visitation….cuz we totally proved she is an evil centered lunatic…but they wouldnt do anything about it….as he visited her more….she lured him at 15 saying she would buy him a 2 million dollar house {well, them all} because her mom just got a 2 mil settlement with her ex…and she did. She promised him cars, and a trade with his new step dad etc…and he decided to kinda move back with her…well, at least half the week. So i’m not sure if she is messing with his food or whatever….but we caught her messing with mine on a dinner visit…i have crohns disease…and she put hot hot peppers in my peice of the lasangna…and said there was zero spices…lol…anywya i didnt trust that peice, cuz its the peice i took last time we had it there…and she knew i would go fo the one right next to hers….anyway i took a different peice and she freaked out and yelled at me….then her husband came in and took the peice that was supposed to be mine and literally dropped his fork and yelled what the hell is in this…my toungue is on fire…and no…was not heat hot…the food had been out of the oven for 30 min at that point. So my son saw this and kicked her out of his life….for now….He is on 1mg respiridone….okay i forgot to tell you that he was hallucinating a year ago about demons and angels living in his stomach….and recently demons coming to take him away….Both times it seems to be drug induced psychosiss….but i’m thinking his mom was involved somehow…i just cant prove it…i’ve had him for a month now..and hes doing alot better….but i could use some advice….this whole situation is beyond complicated…theree is SOOO much more to tell…and ive got things prety well under control…but i could use some help. He is no longer hallucinating….but he faked taking his meds for a bit and was hearing voices…he’s not now…but the respiridone is covering it up….also he has heightened awaremenss like hearing and seeing…and to tell you the truh…alot of wierd shit happens around both of us…so we are very spiritual people….and both quite powerfull….although i know some of his thought power is delusional…and i dont want to oust spiriutality from his life…because i feel that without it he won’t get better….my name is chris by the way….so much more to tell…but maybe you could shed a bit of light on the situation….i do think im doing the right things so far though
Hi Chris from Chris—although I presume that you are looking for a response from Mr. Mackler, I just thought I’d make quick mention of my concern that it sounds like the deep problems (coping mechanisms) with which you son is beset is in response to the way in which he is being parented—honestly by both mom and dad
Hi Chris.
I read your piece but in all honesty I don’t know what you are asking me. I am no doctor or whatever (praise god! lol). But I do hope you find the help yo need.
The only thing I can say that if I was in the same situation I would look outside the mainstream.
(Maybe eft or tat, there is a lot, and i mean a lot of good stuff out there!)
Namaste!
Galacar
Galacar, I would love to chat with you. I’m in a grad program in Counseling and I agree with lots of what you said! My email is river261 at hotmail.
River
I just saw your YouTube video about the Mental Health Industry. You would do so many oppressed, discriminated people out here who are a product of this stigmatized Mental Health Industry’s control over our society a good deal of support.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0Fi32LbXHA
We need you to stand up and speak out. Call Marsha Linehan and go out on a speaking tour all over the country and stand up for the oppressed clients of this social ill control of that which is called: The Mental Health Field.
I was never able to really talk in therapy. I need someone that I feel equal to and a therapy session is not an equal ground. The therapist holds all the power and legal protection. I find it absolutely disgusting.
We need you to speak out all over the country about what is going on. When the creator of Dialetic Behavior Therapy (Marsha Linehan) is out on YouTube stating and warning the population if you are a Borderline Personality NEVER to tell anyone especially if you are in a hospital setting—-this is very alarming.
I had just written a scenario of how the world would look to a Cancer patient if they were treated like these MH patients are treated for having cancer. They are treated like dregs of the Earth.
As well, these therapists, psychotherapists, etc. should have to take the medication they prescribe their clients. Then they would understand how one is not able to function on a day to day basis.
Daniel
You honor your creator by holding to that which was created and live as yourself…no more…no less. Long live Daniel!
I couldn’t have said it any better. Daniel thank you for being you. You inspire me on my own personal journey of being who I was really created to be.
Hello Daniel, I, like many, just discovered your channel a few days ago. I have watched all of your videos and have become interested in all the topics you have talked about. I always thought that maybe all of our traumas are created during childhood, which tends to show in adulthood. You really helped me see things with a better perspective in those topics. I appreciate people that can analyze the way you do about one’s self. I am also a person who has “anxious reactions,” many of them, which had lead me to create my own self therapy to heal from my traumas (still in the process as well). Thank you for sharing your perspectives in many different ways, you are really helping people and making a difference.
I googled your name because someone on a Richard Grannon video recommended you. After reading your introduction I am chilled. I could have written it about myself. Once I “figured things out”, linking childhood trauma and my attachment issues, I created boundaries, removed NPD’s from my life, educated myself, attended a local support group (Reclaiming Your Identity), stayed single and celibate. I understand that I need to be alone, and only when I am complete within myself will I be ready for a partner. I don’t believe in casual dating because it always leads to casual sex. Sex is not casual for me. I have focused my energy on ecological restoration in combination with the restoration of my soul. Mindfulness, meditation, exercise, school, work: routines that fill my day. I am a botanist, a natural resource land manager, a forester, an ecologist, a GIS analyst, and a water quality specialist. I restore ecosystems for a living. I hike. I continuously recommend people reconnect with Nature, and am on the Board of Directors of a local, nationally accredited forest preschool. Life is finally good. I look forward to listening to your videos in the coming days.
“a water quality specialist. I restore ecosystems for a living.”
Beautifull! Are you aware of the works of Victor Schauberger?
Daniel,
I just discovered your Youtube channel. Thank you for posting your video on why you quit being a therapist. I went as far as to receive my Master’s Degree in Counseling and have been licensed as a therapist intern in California, but I haven’t pursued my internship hours and full licensure. There were things I experienced as a therapist during my practicum and internship that caused me to question the direction I was going. I too did not like the “rules” I had to live by as a therapist. There were things that were not quite right about them. To an extent I have felt like I wasted my time and money pursuing something that I didn’t want to finish, but your video made me feel so much better about my decision to stop. The points you brought out were spot-on. I have more peace just knowing that someone else understood and felt the same way I did regarding the therapy world.
Hi Daniel,
My name is Eddie and at age 69 I feel ready to journal about childhood trauma. Better late than never, i say. i have written things down sporadically over the years, including some dreams, but would like to make a more concentrated effort. One thing I’m wondering about: do you see an advantage to writing on paper with pen as opposed to using MS Word and writing on my PC? If you have any opinion at all about this, i’d like to hear it.
Thanks so much for your answer and I want you to know that i get a lot out of your videos and i appreciate the vulnerability i see in them, as well as the honesty.
Eddie
eddie—-i mostly write by computer now, but originally i wrote by hand in a journal. i still like both…. worth experimenting to see what feels more comfortable to you! greetings—-daniel
EDDIE,
If computers were around when I was Recovering from my Nervous Breakdown 35 years ago and I’d recorded my Dreams on computer I’D STILL BE MINING THESE DREAMS FOR INFORMATION!!
Daniel’s spot on in his recommendation!
Hi Daniel,
I Just found your youtube channel and glad I did. You remind me of me as far as wanting to be myself and then when I am I then worry what people think ughhhh. I too see those people who are the “ships” that break through the ice and don’t seem to care what anyone thinks (good for them). Just hearing you talk about it helps me feel a little more relaxed. Thank you for being honest.
Dear Daniel,
Firstly I originally wrote to you June 6, 2016 here and asked you about your influences, whereupon you generously cited some as well as noting the importance of writers. Could you illuminate which authors of fiction and even fimmakers inspired you?
Secondly, I would like to echo the support and validation of so many here who have found in your candid and illuminating self discovery inspiration for their own healing. You will surely have heard from many who are responding to your ground-breaking work, but I would suspect that there are a great many more from whom you will never hear from but who you’ve profoundly touched.
Finally, in a recent video you spoke of criticisms regarding your notion that parents need healing before having children. The criticism suggested that human beings would die off if they followed your suggestion. In my opinion that criticism is spurious nonsense. In fact responsible and sensible approaches to authentic parenting would perhaps point to adoption of parent-less children and building sustainable wellness-focused societies BEFORE narcissistically engaging in irresponsible reproduction, especially in light of the environmental impact that 8 billion people has for the earth.
I also your recent predictions found here to be relevatory:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoMH5mE9COQ
Keep up the great work.
Mark
Hello Mark,
I also find Daniel’s insight’s profoundly confirming. Still, I just wanted to mention that although some people should definitely not have children, birthing more people onto this illusory planet is really not going to hurt anything. Are you not glad that your parent’s birthed you, even if you were contaminated by their unresolved trauma?
We humans have been created with an innate ability to absorb trauma—not to say this is a “good” thing, but rather to say that our Creator knows that we will have to suffer while in this dimension of existence and has instilled in us the capacity to do so.
In terms of population growth, too many bodies is really not the underlying problem. It is, firstly, a lack of respect for the earth’s limited resources, which is merely a reflection of the lack of respect for our deepest self, and secondly, because the worldview has become ridiculously materially-oriented it has lost its spiritual compass, has become morally unbalanced, and has consequently become terrified of death. In my view (perhaps erroneous) this insidious fear of death prevents people from surrendering to whatever illness has come upon them and saying no thank you to the host of expensive and not very effective medical interventions that might prolong every second of one’s life for as long as possible when it just might be in the “world’s” best interest to get off, so to speak, and make room for the next person to get on
In many cases of cancer chemotherapy drugs kill the person much faster than if they did nothing but the patient can’t face their death and want any hope at all of Healing. Doctors prescribe even though they know there is no chance let’s say as in pancreatic or liver cancer. Patients don’t know better or can’t face the facts. They die sooner than if they had faced facts and decided to live as well as possible what they have left.
yes—I hope that if my demise is through cancer (I’ve always felt that melanoma would be the most likely disease to get me), that I have enough faith to just let nature take its course and forgo all of the mostly fear-placating “remedies”
—thank you, Harriet, for your reciprocal feelings
May the holy Spirit be with you, to comfort you and gift you with strength according to the empowerment you gave to others already.
Blessings
Ben
Yes! Ben! I pray fervently that the Holy Spirit assist and empower me as well–thank you for your lovely response
Dear Christine.
There’s a book about Pablo Neruda with the title: „with frevently endurance“. I always loved that expression….
Fervently!, sorry, my English is still in development
I totally agree—livng a truth-filled life requires fervent endurance!
So much to say here, but I won’t,
But are people aware that the 3rd cause of death in
hospitals is, wait for it,… medical treatment!
That;’s right. ‘medicine’ is a death machine.
sorry, but I say it how it is.
view the web-site – http://www.NaturalHumanDevelopment.com
DANIEL,
There is nothing so powerful as a person that cares about others! CONGRATULATIONS.
You might imagine that you are weak because you quit being a therapist – I SEE THE OPPOSITE AND I CONGRATULATE YOU FOR YOUR ATTAINMENT!!
Send me an E-mail and I’ll send you some info.
Hello
I am now a student in a Master program in europe for clinical psychology – on my way to be a therapist. My current dilemma is that on the one hand I feel a desire to create all kinds of stuff (recorded songs, drawings and even video skits) and put them out there (facebook, soundcloud etc), with their content not always being very agreeable or mainstream. On the other hand, I don’t feel I can be out there like that as I need to have a therapist persona, meaning that if clients see my stuff they will see me acting stupid, or expressing in ways which might seem not so soft, or accepting. Its a big issue and I find it hard to even verbalize what is the problem. But it is essential the feeling that i cannot simply put my art out there because I need to maintain a more sterile public persona, as to give my clients a feeling of safety.
I might have lots of false beliefs here about the world and about the field of therapy, and I am aware that it is changing and that therapists are not the aloof, mysterious figures they tried to present themselves as, like it was in the past. And yet, there IS some real dilemma here.
Any perspective will be appreciated – even one that only strengthens my concern.
Thank you
Iftah
i’m curious what others have to say about this. me, i started putting stuff out publicly (unconventional essays, then later videos) after i’d been a therapist for five years. it was freeing to be able to be my creative self, but very stressful many times. and sometimes i lost clients over it….. and sometimes colleagues were very critical. i didn’t like that. but mostly, many clients i had appreciated the fact that i was a real person — even some who strongly did not agree with what i was saying. at least they knew who they were dealing with, and it raised my credibility in their eyes, because they knew i was much less likely to lie to them and be a fake person….. daniel
Hi Daniel, I have been viewing some of your more recent YouTube videos – Why I quit Being a Therapist, Breaking from Your Parents, Healthy Versus Unhealthy Love, 20 Predictions, On Anxiety. It takes a lot of courage to speak out so forthrightly and truthfully about your experience, and I have to say I totally agree with “everything” you share on all of these topics. I have been on a healing journey for over 25 years, and have been in therapy for at least 15 years. I recently participated in a Trauma Program at a hospital that focuses on Women’s Needs, and I have to say, I almost got re-traumatized by the experience. They really do not know what they are doing, and lack any substantial understanding on how to heal trauma. I have cultivated a lot of awareness and understanding through my own research and self-education, and self-understanding of my own experience and feelings, and I have to say, what you share is completely true in all of these videos, and as a result feel validated and legitimized in mine, which makes me feel sane and that I can trust myself. As a result, I feel that I am becoming clearer of what has happened to me, and clearer about what I need to do to help myself. I experienced a lot of what you share about the therapeutic relationship, and I understand that what is needed is the kind of presence and support that you say you provided to your clients. I feel like you are a trailblazer, and that your speaking out and sharing what you have learned honestly without censoring really helps those of us who have had similar experiences and feel so unsupported, invalidated and pathological zed by the medical system, and many people in mainstream society who are still in denial of their own trauma. This has caused me to feel helpless, powerless and not in my right mind (insane). I turn to your videos often for ongoing support and validation. Please continue as you are. Of course, a lot of people who are still in denial in the psychological system are not going to like it. But you already know this. I hope to be such an advocate as I reclaim my own personal power, and ability to assert my truth, and become more of an activist for the Truth.
I can echo Francesca’s sentiments. Thanks Francesca for putting your thoughts on paper. And Daniel, keep up the good work. I frequently go back to your youtube videos. They have been, and continue being, extremely helpful.
thanks bas and francesca 🙂 –daniel
I only read the very last sentence of the above comment and I love it—but I must add Truth has a “razored-jaw.” I think we need to converse about this aspect more—Daniel Mackler has conveyed some quite incisive (no pun intended) ideas about the “discomfort” of truth on youtube—
Hi Daniel,
I’m in a similar predicament as Iftah. I got my master’s not too long ago in counseling and am currently looking for work. However, I do comedy on the side and am concerned about posting anything related to it on social media for fear of not having boundaries and for being seen as a fake. I would like to work on my license, but fear that it’ll be difficult for me to pull off comedy and counseling at once. I love doing it, but I don’t know. I’m concerned that I may eventually burnout. I give you credit for doing what you do. 🙂 Any advice would be appreciated.
hi M.
you know, i think the world needs just as many good comedians as it does good therapists. and maybe more of the former than the latter…hmm….. i have actually put up some humorous videos and essays — perhaps not exactly “comedy,” but in the realm of it — and i’m so glad i have. they leaven the bread, as it were. the thing is, i felt much more free to share other sides of myself publicly after i quit working in clinics with colleague and went into private practice..away from their judgmental and stuffy eyes. and in my early years of putting stuff on the web i did for a while use a pseudonym on my website so i could feel safer putting stuff up. it did help, though eventually i said “screw it” and i just used my name. meanwhile, i don’t know what kind of comedy you do — but maybe something of what i said applies…. sending greetings–daniel
It is so refreshing to hear these concerns! I am a therapist and my colleagues have discussed this a great deal. I usually say, come on-can’t our clients accept that we are humans and have personalities and lives (and other talents we really need to foster as part of self care?) to which they all replied – “no! They want us to be (insert who here…mom, dad, etc). I have decided to leave the field as well and have been returning to my creativity after taking a year to recover from intense and scary burnout. A quote that has helped me make my decision by Anne Wilson Schaef: “therapy helps people adjust to living in a sick system. It is destructive to humans and the planet.”
I’m grateful to be in all of your company and encourage you to keep exploring and trust yourselves to find your way.
Hi Daniel,
I am not sure how to start a new thread on the blog, so I reply to your latest entry.
I have watched your youtube videos about divorcing your family, choosing your therapist, why I am not a therapist anymore.
I agree with pretty much all of it.
I think therapy can be used initially as a way to resolve big psychological problems, then can became a way to help you grow, analyze and think.
Though paying for one way therapy can be expensive and can make clients egocentric, by getting accustomed to obtain attention and not give it back and it can drain the therapist after a while.
I had some free one way therapy when a was 20 (I am 52) at a LGBTQ center in London, but I did notice that the therapist had most of the knowledge and the client was vulnerable to damage from the therapist. I also did not like the fact that I was the only one really opening up and that I knew very little about the therapist, as a person.
So I enrolled on a counseling course, to learn at least the basic, so I could better judge the work of the therapist and more actively participate in the process.
The following year a decided to join another counseling class, as I love the subject and found it helpful in understanding myself, others and life.
The course tuned up to be a Co-Counseling course. (CCI, co-counseling international) http://www.co-counseling.org.uk. Run by a CCI teacher. The counseling was base on Carl Rogers ideas and Humanist philosophy, especially client centered, and run without leaders, and based on finding a consensus.
It was similar to the standard counseling, at the end you could join a co-co community of counselors, exchange free therapy sessions, by taking turn as client and counselor, join groups, and events.
I repeated the fundamental course the following year, but this time it was with a Re-evaluation Co-co teacher (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Re-evaluation_Counseling_(organization), this was a leadership run co-co community. I also joined this community. I preferred it cos having a leaderships, it was running more efficiently,
For the following 29 years I carried on doing co-co session with a variety of co-counselors.
The community though it is better suited to people with lighter issues. For deeper issues like psychosis ect, it is best finding a standard therapist, and then later when better do Co-co.
Most of the ideas and practices are ok, but as it happens with most institutions, it got eventually infiltrated by Cluster B personalities, so the community has problems of authoritarianism from leaders ect. I advise to avoid counseling with leaders, getting too involved with the leadership or community and take the theory and practices with a pinch of salt. Co cousel with regular co-counselors, not too enthusiastic about RC.
So Daniel if you are interested, or anyone else reading my message, we could exchange some sessions over phone, Skype, Hangout, Messanger, Snapchat, IMO, Whatsapp, Viber, ect and see how it goes.
I can send you a fundamental course literature, so you can get acquainted with it.
I find it a great way to make “a sort of co-co friends” too, mind you we have to respect the confidentiality rule, to keep it safe and not messy, and not socialize outside sessions.
Adrian
hi adrian — thanks for your comment. to start a new comment thread…unfortunately you have to scroll down to the bottom of the page…ah! meanwhile, good to hear what you share. i actually know a bit about co-counseling. i’ve had a few friends involved in it over the years. also, in one of my books (“a way out of madness”) one of the chapters is written by a longtime co-counseling person, janet foner. she actually co-founded the mental patient advocacy group MindFreedom International — and from what i understand from her co-counseling could be very useful for psychiatric survivors… i’ve actually never met her in person, though — she was closer with the book’s other editor, who was also more involved in Mindfreedom. meanwhile, thanks for the offer. i’m in a different headspace than that right now, but maybe others will be interested. sending greetings! daniel
Hallo Daniel,
Just reading Dr Irving Yalom’s book ‘The Gift of Therapy’, and he is squarely on your side regarding such output the way I understand him.
Do you have a reading list you recommend? I saw Irv was one of the others you recommended in your youtube video critiquing the psychotherapy profession.
Much thanks for your work, slowly going through everything, and finding it very insightful and fascinating.
Kind regards,
Philipp, Zurich/Switzerland
hi phillip — cool. i read the book about 15 years ago, and i liked it, though if my memory holds he said you needed medication or hospitalization for mania…and i don’t agree with that. is my memory right?! just curious. greetings! daniel
Yalom takes a pragmatic stance, with a leaning towards therapy over medicatiins. However I think he does not not prescribe medication, and may not even treat such patients.
Hi Daniel. I’m a trained psychotherapist and faced a similar dilemma of how public to be with my own struggles with life and limerence (addictive romantic infatuation) after setting up a self help forum and making some videos for suffers of this condition. The forum has grown in 3 years to 1500 members plus a lot of lurkers. I felt my initial resistance was partly due to the shame of my addictive behaviour. I had also been taught in my training to hide behind my credentials so I could be a blank screen for the projections. I then decided there was value in others seeing that even a trained therapist grapples with these very human dilemmas and no one has all their stuff sorted. I prefer a relationship with my clients that is more equal, although continually grapple with when is it appropriate to disclose something of my own struggle and ensuring its always in the client’s benefit whenever I do disclose something relevant and personal.
I admire and respect the courage you have shown with the openness around your own story. I regularly link to your videos and blogs on our site as I feel the origins of limerence lay in the early life attachment trauma and poor parenting.
Hi David, I suggest you check out Pia Mellody’s work. As I understand, addictions like yours are indeed the result of childhood trauma, which often leave people dependent on external resources rather than internal ones, for emotional balance. Maybe you’ll also be interested in my videos.
This is one of my major gripes with the training of psychotherapists, that so many, despite all the proper diplomas and licenses, do not even know about the basics, and thus end up continuing to suffer for years themselves, along with not having the tools to be able to effectively help the people they want to help.
All the best.
FYI Iftah I replied to your question in another thread. Best wishes.
Hey Iftah, Daniel, and all,
If you want to have a professional looking persona, yet show your creative works, then do both! It is clear you have thought carefully about the benefits/advantages and disadvantages/potential negatives of all options you feel open to you. What I do recommend is to have a professional persona with your registered/licensed name either in full or your initials and surname, for example A. N. Other (relevant qualifications, education levels, accreditations etc). This can be your smart, clean, professional, knowledgable, clinical, sterile, and ‘paper/document name’/birth name, ‘work’ self. You then can have a ‘creative works’ self. If you pick something that is special to you, or a nickname, or something you feel much better fits you, then have that as your expressive, eccentric, eclectic, contradictory, artistic, outspoken, bold, seemingly unafraid, controversial ‘creative’ self. Sadly, ‘Phoenix’ is not my paper name, but I feel much better and comfortable showing my authentic self when referred to by (or modified/similar versions) of that name. This is because to me it is a symbol of several things, and therefore helps me to resist some negative/maladaptive practices as well as at times being less avoidant and more outgoing. I am also less afraid of repercussions regarding providing an honest but moderate comment about something, or showing my creative ventures in the forum of public critiquing otherwise known as the internet! Those people I know in person, knows it’s me that has written/drawn/sung/made/felt etc what they’ve seen, and people seem to see a great difference between the two types of people. I have issues to work on with regarding my name and past trauma, but I would caution you to the potential of becoming compartmentalised in a way similar to disassociation, and thus starting your journey and/or self-therapy over again. I am unsure how to make sure that there is one persona but wearing different hats, as opposed to two personas who might or might not know each other. However, my option would give you two clear spaces and a response of either ‘that is [describe name of creative persona]. How can that be connected to me?’ or ‘Yes, that is something I indulge in when not in an appointment, supervision, training, doing personal research to keep my knowledge up. According to what research I have read, professionals and people in general are more productive, have less sick time, and make far less errors when they maintain their health in a holistic way’. As someone who has been both sides of the fence, I prefer having a therapist who I know is a human rather than this sterile science thing. I find that I can express more of value to them in a shorter time. I tend to use the term ‘teflon coated’ for that distance between therapist/doctor and patient. However, should you watch the movie ‘Patch Adams’, then you might understand why I prefer the relationship of human to human, without the teflon coating. Infact, they both are experts. The therapist has the knowledge of various options and methodologies to assist the patient but limited knowledge as to what is best and how to apply them to this individual. The patient has the knowledge of themselves and their conditions but they don’t know what options there are to help themselves heal, or what best one to use, and how to do the methodologies. Please note this applies in most cases, not all (with people, mental health, and the human brain being involved, there is a great big huge dollop of ‘it depends’ mixed with ‘hmmm’!!).
Hope that might assist you! I wish you luck, and to take care,
P.
REAL people are the most beautifull people to me.
If a therapist dances akwardly , but he does tt, I have the utmost respect.
And how you can learn people to ‘open up’ if you are ‘closed’ and hence ‘not seen’ yourself?
Being yourself is an invitation to another person to be his or her self.
well, my two cents. Hope it is worth something. 😉
Hi, Iftah,
I am of two minds about this. As a veteran of therapy, I am at middle-age now seeing someone who practices non-traditional (energy) psychology in combination with traditional talk therapy.
Although his boundaries are sometimes looser than I am comfortable with, I have come to feel that in the beginning of our therapy, I did not have sufficient ego strength to withstand what felt like an intrusive/traumatic experience.
However, now that I have healed somewhat, I feel that I have the ability to work through my feelings over these perceived boundary crossings/violations, and that this is a part of being in the world where people often don’t behave as I would prefer. 🙂
My initial reaction was, simply use a pseudonym. But as an artist, that would be antithetical to my purpose for making my art.
I’m sorry for your dilemma, and I hope my perspective has helped you in some way.
Dear Daniel,
I have seen your documentaries about open dialogue and “take these broken wings” and I am absolutely fascinated. It’s full of hope and good sense.
I have a brother who’s paranoid schizophrenic, he is 32. I would like to find someone sharing the kind of ideas Open Dialogue or Dr Breggin team does. He doesn’t want to take his drugs anymore, and I understand that, but it’s very hard for us to find therapists that are ok to follow him without the first condition of being medicated.
Thanks to your work and your sharing with the therapeutic community, would you have some places or people to advice in Belgium or France ?
I thank you for your work and your help,
All the best,
Stephanie
hi stephanie. i would suggest reaching out to luc de bry. he’s belgian (though flemish) and knows the local scene there much better than i do!! his contact info is public at the bottom of the following article. if you reach out to him feel free to give him a greetings from me — daniel https://emergingproud.com/2016/12/26/dr-luc-de-bry-from-belgium-talks-openly-about-his-personal-story-an-introduction-to-further-discussion-about-the-links-between-biology-nutrition-a-return-to-our-roots-and-open-dialogue/
You are wonderful ! It seems very promising
Thank you so much Daniel
Dear Daniel,
I just saw your critique of Alice Miller on YouTube and thought it was brilliant. There are a few questions I would like to ask you.
Which is the best book of Alice Miller’s to read regarding her criticism of psychoanalysis?
Why do you no longer practise psychotherapy?
How do you know if you are seeing the right/wrong therapist?
I would really appreciate your views on these queries. Thank you for your time. Keep up the great work.
All the best,
Kap
hi kap — thanks. i haven’t read any alice miller books in several years so i don’t remember where she mentions her critiques of psychoanalysis. maybe “drama of the gifted child”?
for question #2, i have this essay i wrote: https://www.madinamerica.com/2013/09/reflections-therapist/
and #3: https://www.madinamerica.com/2015/05/is-my-therapist-good-or-not/
all the best!
daniel
Thank you, those blogs look pretty spot on. Take care.
kap,la crìtica al psicoanàlisis-igualmente la considero psicoanalista porque comparte lo escencial del mismo,esto es,la idea de lo inconsciente,y la crucial importancia de la infancia para la determinaciòn de las marcas traumàticas que ejerceràn su efecto a lo largo de la vida y de las generaciones subsiguientes.lo que ella no compartìa-como muchos psicoanalistas hoy-era la visiòn freudiana del Edipo,y la idea de un niño cargado de impulsos incestuosos,egoìstas y agresivos.te recomiendo ” Thu shall not be aware “
Hey Danny,
Thanks for sharing the post. Keep up the great work. ” All The Best”.
cool! back at you! daniel
Beautiful mark and healing words for us, thank you.
Hi, Daniel! I need a book recommendation.
I’m currently doing self-therapy for my mental health problems and what I need to work through is my childhood. What I’m doing now is reading different books about trauma and abuse and trying to find what would resonate inside me so I could remember. However there are many books concentrated on spanking and sexual abuse. And I believe that my abuse were mostly emotional (with sparks of sexual and emotional) so I need to be pulled into right direction.
My context:
Dad – weak man, alcoholic, with split off anger concerning his wife, submissive, passive-agressive
Mom – major abuser and tyrant histrionic features, neediness, insecurity, severe anxiety, domination, manipulation, grandeur stuff.
So if anybody remember cases like that described somewhere – it would be a great help for me.
Just my two cents, you might want to read Transforming Yourself: Becoming who you want to be, by Steve Andreas. Focusing on the trauma only cements it, as we recently learned from neuroplasticity, start focusing on who you want to become, and build new paths.
“the BENEFITS of Mental illness” – a PHENOMENAL Transfotmation!
http://www.black-op.org/benefitsofmentalillness.html
I think the word “focus” should be explored. The trauma that one sustains in one’s life usually unfortunately, gets repressed and over time this can cause too much splitting! It is not about “focus” to me, it is about just letting it exist consciously so that we do not project it onto innocent “others.”
Does it not make perfect sense that if we feel like it is OK and even healthy to look back and cherish fond life experiences, that we should likewise honor and not dissociate from the traumatic experiences also? One cannot truly learn from the vicissitudes that one will face in life if one is dissociating from them.
I regard experiences I’ve had in my life as just training. I won’t say that I didn’t suffer during my Nervous Breakdown BUT GEES I FOUND OUT A LOT!!
I have heard other people talk about their childhood experiences and I get the impression that they regret their experience. I don’t – I realise that it was difficult but I also understand that I PASSED THIS TEST WITH FLYING COLOURS Humans are really good at solving problems and I understand that everyone has their own unique way of managing the situation. In my particular case I’ve learnt that I can withstand lots of PUNISHMENT with no need to defend myself and I actually do very little.
I still remember the incident which indicated that I should DO DREAMS. I was in Art Therapy Class and the Jungian psychologist interpreted a fellow-patient’s Dream. I understood the links between the fellow-Patient’s Dream , the Interpretation of that Dream by the Jungian psychologist AND how I took this fellow-Patient to be.
20 years later I was talking to this fellow-Patient and he told me that he’d been in a coma for 5 days. I WENT STRAIGHT HOME AND GOOGLED Near-Death Experiences!
OUR EXISTENCE IS FASCINATING!
right on! John Pink
Maybe it is too far out for you, but I certainly recommend EFT and TAT has healing modalities. I have personal witnessed trauma healing within 10 minutes. It doesn’t always work that fast, but a way faster then traditional psychotherapy.And about ‘cementing’. If you use these healing techniques the ‘edge’ or the ‘pain’ goes away from the trauma, hence you can see more clearly at the trauma and there won’t be any ‘cementing’. As an example look up EFT for VETS (war veterans). and see how fast their trauma’s healed! Good luck with everything.
Namaste!
Galacar
Before I proceed with my question, I would like to express my gratitude for all the great work you’ve done for the children of the world, and the child within myself. I would consider myself a childrens right’s activist and I’m also a big fan of Stefan Molyneux, and Steven Fransenn/Summerstone was my therapist for a time.
I seem to be stuck in a dilemna of whether to go hitchiking and explore more of the world whilst I’m still young, or get some consistency and qualification, achieve my musical/theatre/acivism career ambitions and maybe go hitchiking later once I’ve got some savings, mental stability and health. My parts are stuck in a heavy dilemna about this, and I am stuck in a state of indecision, unable to commit to ether extreme, moving from place to place with lots of stuff in my car. different parts are attached to different visions for my life…
I currently have very little money, but I have a car and music gear, which if I sold could get me close to 3000 AUD.
Then with just a bag of clothes, and an acoustic guitar. I could then hitchhike around australia wwoofing on organic farms in exchange for food and accomodation. or I could go out and busk and try and make some money with just an acoustic. Seeing more of australia could inspire my songwriting, help reduce my OCD over hygene and my attatchment to my music gear, health suppliments, essential oils, which at times can be a hassle since I tend to float around unable to commit to anything at the moment. I often lose things and it sucks living half out of my car.
I’m still pretty minimalist by conventional standard. I can fit all my possessions in a station wagon. I’ve already explored the countryside and done some wwoofing, I’ve even flown to melbourne twice, lived off busking etc. have I explored enough for now? I’ve always had my music gear with me, which is both my biggest love but also a massive hindrance to lug around… it may feel good to let go for a while, But I’m quite attached to my music gear and dreams. If I hitchike, I might feel like I’m floating around achieving nothing, even if it might be theraputic for a time…
I always end up coming back from my travel adventures running out of money, and have to rely back on my traumatic family or hippie drug using friends.
My main concern with hitching is that I have allergies, and I need a good night sleep.
Staying in hostels, dirty bugalows, and random peoples houses may not be good for my health. I’m also super traumatized, I have an ACE of 10. I tend to be very suggestible to the habits of others… So if I’m hitching with someone who smokes, I’ll probably smoke too.
I will be relying on potentially traumatized people who may bring me into their world, and due to lack of finances, I may have to stay and live with people who I may want to simply run away from…
My teeth are in need of fixing, and I have gut problems and I need to stay away from certain foods. I’ll just have acoustic,no music gear or band. so the songwriting will be limited by the lack of layers in the sound.
If get a consistent job, study for a few months to become a sleep technician (piss easy overnight job where I have plenty of free time to write, produce music, play videogames and do some yoga.
I can get my own super flat up in the hills away from traffic and noise. establish a home recording studio. have all my health supplements and dietary needs in place. get a good doctor and therapist. Get all my indigo velvet suits made (I will only wear my custom made suits), start an 80s night and get an awesome band together, play at jungle love. My Studio, The Perfect Zen healing space.
Then once I have decent savings, some recordings and have done a lot of self work. Then I can hitchike around the world. Only staying in clean, pristine hotel rooms alone. I can find a beautiful part of the world that I think is “perfect”. I can start my own self therapy/healing retreat and invite young soul searchers like myself to come stay and detox from all the trauma of the world.
What do you think? there’s so many more factors and possibilities, parts and considerations that I haven’t yet gone into, but I don’t want to write 100 pages.
Thanks again Daniel,
William Wyatt
Just like you I had fear of contamination, along with many other problems. And I also used to admire Molyneux. Have a look at my YouTube channel (click on my name), the videos from 2017 go into exactly what was causing my problems, along with what helped resolve them. Basically, the work of Peter Levine, Pia Mellody, Stephen Porges, and a few others, and then support from friends and family. I hope this helps you too!
hi william,
i resonate with some of what you write here. i am a 24 year old with musical/activist/art aspirations as well. i am also quite traumatized. i travelled/explored for the past few years since i graduated from college and from my experience i will tell you that for myself, it was something i was making myself do because i thought it was interesting, “the right thing” “good for me” etc… whereas i did not actually enjoy it at all. the only thing i got out of it was the knowledge that it was a bad idea which has now led me to therapy where i am trying to get in touch with the emotions and bodily self i’ve disconnected from my entire life due to my relationships with my parents.
i don’t know you, but i have the sense that you might be in a similar situation. the way you talk about your future plans in such exact detail tells me that you might be planning your life in a kind of ego-oriented way without considering what your body wants and needs.
i would recommend staying in one place and doing self-therapy work. however, i don’t know you and i could be wrong. also, no one can give you advice on these matters. you need to figure out which of your ideas and desires are yours and which came from outside sources and will not actually benefit who you are.
i hope this helps
-seth
Hi Daniel,
Found your youtube videos very insightful. My journey of truth seeking and maturity has been very similar to your own . I looked up your name and it did not surprise me to learn of it’s Hebrew Meaning: The meaning of the name Daniel is: God is my Judge.
I have no idea if you consider yourself “Christian” but it doesn’t really matter because you are a disciple of truth and therefore you *ARE* a disciple of Christ. One does not have to participate in modern Christian institutions to be a follower of Christ . The true body of Christ is found in people who are committed to living a life of growth and truth.
I reside in LI New York and it’s nice to make your acquaintance through YouTube. I appreciate your virtuous nature as a fellow human being so I just thought I’d say hello and send you a high five!
May God continue to guide and bless you.
Warm regards:-)
This sound really good to me. I also like the line ´Create your own religion´. Be free and open to new concepts of living with the Divine. And put them into practise and see how it works out…
Dear Daniel,
I am a mother of a Son diagnosed with substance induced psychosis…….was clean for a year and relapsed once again in MARCH, 2017… We live in Mumbai city in INDIA…….i happen to see your video and looking for therapy for my son in Mumbai…….Can you guide me… he is already under a psychiatrist who insists on conventional therapy…..in fact i had to institutionalize him…..where can i find help in mumbai…who do i go to…..is there someway you can help……..
Hi Daniel, long time fan here, particularly of your films to raise awareness of the far better treatment options than psych meds. I’ve been an occasional critic of some of your views as well.
Here is a mini-series detailing what I learned in healing my childhood trauma:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWbG8BmPWH0
I hope you’ll enjoy it, and I’m interested in any comments you have!
hello i keep been repercented with the same pattern. i suffer from abandant unloved and unwonted. now i am 24 and has happed so many times in y life., i need this childhood trauma healed or its going to keep replaying in my reality now. it has happed again n now in same situation> its bringing this up so i can b healed. now i hasve the conscious awarness what is going on,. but i feel like i dont no what to do next. i am so connfussed. what are my next steps in changing this so i can create a reality with is alined to my higher self ?
Hi Daniel,
What a fresh of air to find your videos by a complete happenstance.
You seem incredibly a gifted human being even with your extreme views of not having children until people healed.
I find you fascinating.
I also came out of one of the worst childhood trauma: spitting, biting, pinching, hair pulling, yelling, name calling, brute physical beating…you name it , I had it but yet with a long, honest, deep self-therapy of 20 plus years, I can honestly say I am grounded on planet earth. My spirit was not broken or as you said, I had extremely strong motivation to heal…so strong that being brutally honest with myself did not freak me out…if anything, I love knowing my dark side…and I revel of course on my light side.
You mentioned you live in NYC. I live in Toronto. I was born in Africa. I am visiting NYC with my husband the Easter weekend (Apr 14 to 16)….I am gonna throw it out there…but I would love to meet you…I am free the whole weekend except Sat (April 14, 2017) we have tickets for Sleep No More. I do not know why I need to meet you…but I think just talking to you will be amazing. I do not do this sort of thing. I am not into gurus or crazy retreats. I am a normal person who saw your message and thought wow! If I could just meet this man once …and I already planning of visiting NYC and was surprised you may live there…
I am considering of going to Psychotherapy school…midlife career change (I am 46). I found your videos while I was researching. I have not been to therapy much at all but I feel I like to reach out to people to teach (if I can) how to self-therapy…how to mirror and get out of the loop.
You touched my life…I watched a lot of your videos on YouTube and read a lot of your blogs over the years…I am such in awe of you. All the best to you Daniel. You are gifted and I am not saying that as compliment…just a plain statement.
wow! thanks! wishing you only the best! daniel
Hi Daniel,
I want to thank you for the work you have done with regards to your understanding of childhood trauma and what is required to heal it. I often listen to you video on Denial of the Family System when I need support and reassurance that what I am going through (i.e. pain and grieving) is necessary for me to go through in order to heal. It provides me with the courage I need to continue, and reminds of how to approach my healing process with greater understanding, kindness, patience and opportunities of goodness by practising good self care. Lately, I have been experiencing a lot of pain associated with the neglect that I experienced growing up. I am trying to refrain from medicating myself through the use of sugar and coffee (which seems to take the edge off my pain). I have been well for quite awhile but today the pain was unbearable. It’s incredible to know that this pain has been lying submerged in my unconsciousness for my whole life, and that there was no way I could have endured it as a child. So here I am surrendering tot he fact that I need to grieve my losses of not having my childhood needs met, and also needing for learn how to have these needs meet through myself and other healthy relationships. Would really love to be part of a network associated with your work so that we can support each other through this sometimes gruelling process. Kindest regards….
thank you Frencesca 🙂 wishing you the best. daniel
Hi Daniel, I saw you on a Youtube video and I was profoundly touched to see how caring and courageous you are. Persons like you give me hope that one day all of humanity will be awake and empowered. The conventional behavioral health system is broken by design. As long as Big Pharma and Big Agra (it’s really just one big industry) continue to be allowed by our governments to further their self-interest agenda, we shall have little hope for a free healthy world. But you are right, the change must come from the people, not the professionals. If more professionals provide testimonials, the balance scale will inevitably tip towards justice as the majority (We The People) will rise in true freedom. Keep up the great work and may God always keep you safe and happy!
Hi Daniel, I saw one of your videos in which you said that nobody who is ever truly healing commits suicide a while ago and I have found it helpful through my journey and I thought it was a brave statement to make and probably very accurate, I drew a diagram that I wanted to post but don’t seem to be able of a human trauma cycle and what I think creates suicide….ill see if I can explain it, it’s like a triangle and so bottom left being birth labelled happiness and truth > (going up) parental trauma and false lessons > sadness and depression > dissociation > (at the top) the appearance of ‘happiness’ (then back down) > getting real > sadness and depression > processing of trauma and unlearning of false lessons > happiness and truth. Then arrows diverting as the medical model from the second sadness and depression back to dissociation…Pretty simplistic I know and you may have already something similar in your book I shamefully have yet to read but it’s clear to me that the desperation and confusion of repeating that top section of the cycle is the cause of suicide…I doubt that anyone truly following through with the feelings of sadness and depression to their cause and conclusion ends up this way….anyway hope that made some sense, keep on being awesome, much respect and I hope our paths do cross some day 🙂
Hi Daniel,
I’m hoping you can confirm something for me.
After several years of essentially devoting my life to healing and growth, I’ve come to the realization that many people in the world (who haven’t committed to healing) are operating primarily as false selves/masks, while their authentic selves are completely buried in the unconscious (along with lots of emotional pain from childhood and possibly adolescence).
I’ve also come to realise that in order to reclaim our authentic selves and begin the lifelong journey of growing into who we really, the main thing required is finding ways to feel and process our unconscious pain.
Do you agree?
Jay
I’m doing something similar to what you describe Jay, in terms of devoting myself to healing fully from emotional trauma and growth. I have also come to the similar conclusion as you in that most people are still trapped in various degrees of unconsious emotional pain cycles/patterns. I say this as someone who was also one of those people for many years! I agree 100% with your post and it resonated deeply with me.
Hi Natasha. Thanks for your reply to my comment and for sharing your thoughts and experience. I actually find a lot of solidarity from reading your comment! Knowing that you have reached the same conclusion with regard to people is very affirming for me. So is knowing that you too are walking the path of healing and growth. It’s quite rare that I meet or interact with anyone who has this awareness. Nice to make your acquaintance! 🙂
Thanks for the reply Jay and good to meet you too! Yes it can be a lonely path to tread at times and I’m also glad to interact with someone else on a similar path. I would be interested to disuss in more detail with you what methods you are using etc. I will not put my email address on here due to the nature of it being completely public, but I am happy for it to be passed on to you, if possible, for future correspondence.
Sounds good Natasha. I’d be glad to connect by email. My email is jaysanchezforever@gmail.com I look forward to hearing from you! 🙂
Sounds good Natasha. I’d be glad to connect by email. My email is jaysanchezforever@gmail.com I look forward to hearing from you! 🙂
Hi Jay, I sent you an email a few weeks ago to this address. If you do not wish to reply that is absolutely fine. I wasn’t sure whether the email got through as I didn’t get a response. I simply wanted to know whether you got the email or not.
My best wishes.
Natasha
Natasha! Thanks for this message. I didn’t see an email from you in my inbox so I assumed you didn’t send one. I’ve just checked my spam and there’s your email!!! I’ll read it and reply asap. Thanks again for this follow-up. Talk soon! 🙂
Happy new year,
I am sharing with joy and hope a new law in France.
Finally, parental educative violence physical and psychological is forbidden by law.
Some scandinavian countries took the lead in 1979…
I am aware about the huge work requested now to apply this law especially for parents. In fact, I witness too often cruelty from parents toward their children.
The book 12 steps from trauma to enlightment is a good way to heal for me. I wonder how to share this with the most french parents as possible?
Cheers,
Arnaud
more details of french about the law link https://www.oveo.org/
good to hear, Arnaud. thank you for sharing this. hmm, i also wonder how to get the message out more — to french people…hmm….i’m not sure. greetings from new york! daniel
I guess Arnaud is a “colleague” of my husband at OVEO, Charles, who also helped on passing this law :-). But I must say, France is really bad among the developed countries in respecting the kids, at the same time, worse than under-developed countries where there are still some good traditions left. Most of the French kids experience severe abandonment at 3-4 months old in their child-care system, as a life starter. It’s quite a nutcase to work on as a population.
I am sharing the update about this law against educative violence, which triger sadness, anger and despair of the little child within me expecting to be rescued by laws and please the autority. In fact the article was censored because state lawyers in charge thought it was not relevant with the main goal of the law which very briefly was to reduce fanatism, terorism temptations of french youngs. Obviously, people in charge are unconscious of the origin of violence. From my experience, the roots of violence are deep in the family, all cruelties from parents to their children.
Anyway, deep change olny come from within…
more details see
https://www.oveo.org/censure-de-larticle-222-de-la-loi-egalite-et-citoyennete-par-le-conseil-constitutionnel/
Daniel,
I recently finished watching all four of your films. Marvelous and beautiful. Thank you so much for creating and sharing them! I have some questions, though.
1) How did you train the ducks to swim just so? ; )
2) How did you have my fluffy orange cat without me missing him? (I notice he wasn’t in Take These Broken Wings, so I imagine you miss him and I’m sorry for that.)
And, most importantly,
3) Where is MY healing home? I have been trying for years to find a residential place in the States that does good trauma healing work and found crap. Any ideas?
Thanks again so much, love!
–Eddy
greetings eddy—-ah, the ducks were wild…but i quacked nicely at them and hope they swim in a good way for the camera. the orange fluffy cat is franklin — and he went to cat heaven five years ago. he was a great cat!!! warm greetings — and i wish i knew where your healing home is…. i am searching for mine too!!! daniel
Thanks so much, dear! I’ll let you know if I do find something. ; )
–Eddy
Hi Daniel,
I just stumbled on your video about psychotherapy. Your insights were so on point, and you immediately struck me as a gifted observer of the human condition. As a survivor of multiple severe childhood traumas, I agree with your thesis that the world is awash in trauma and the echoes of it reverberate through people’s lives and is usually unnamed, unanalyzed, and misunderstood. I also see the pathologies in our culture that perpetuate this cycle of trauma.
Anyway I look forward to exploring your work, but I have one question for you:
What is your take on the rise of the SJW, safe-space, trigger-warning, victim olympics culture among Millennials? I am deeply troubled by the way the left is eating itself and simultaneously committing intellectual mass-suicide. My guess is that this phenomena is directly related to your thesis about trauma; it seems that a lot of middle-class Millennials were raised in such micro-managed environments that they never learned to cope with ego-blows or conflict, as there was always an authority figure nearby to come to their aid. The way they are trampling freedom of speech and thought with the PC speech codes and other more troubling behavior is mind-boggling. The Yale Halloween incident apparently was only a prelude of what was to come…. Anyway I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Best,
Mark
Richmond, Va
hi mark — glad to read your post. hmm, i am not sure what to make of the super politically-correct modern world. personally i am not so called by it, though in some circumstances i can be polite if i fear offending people. for example, i just came back from traveling pretty much off-the-grid for six months in south america, and made my share of faux pas — in ways i never expected. i tried to be careful, though — though sometimes it was just hard, especially in another language…… i think the sentiment behind political correctness can often be good, though i think sometimes it can get blown all out of proportion, especially if it’s mixed up with people’s unconscious hurts from childhood. i didn’t hear about the yale halloween incident, but having gone to a very politically correct college (swarthmore) i got very tired of having my thoughts and speech monitored by people whom i thought were pretty stupid much of the time!!! interestingly, i was in colombia for halloween and went to a halloween party where a light-skinned colombian woman (white? mestizo?) was dressed in blackface. it was the first time in my life i had seen someone go in blackface and i was horrified — even scared. people were taking group photos and i did NOT want my picture taken with her. (my background and history have influenced me…) however, i had friends who are very socially conscious who were with me there — people who fight for the rights of indigenous people, are part indigenous, etc. — and they said dressing in blackface for costume parties is pretty normal in colombia and not considered offensive. also, they said that there are parties and festivals where lots of light-skinned people dress in blackface and where black colombians dress in whiteface — and it’s fun for everyone. that was a surprise. big world we live in, lots of diversity and unique perspective. for me, i think it’s good to get out of the little box and see the world, live in it, learn new languages, make friends out there!! greetings—–daniel
Hi again Daniel,
Thanks for your interesting reply! That’s a fascinating story. I think it goes to show that the so-called regressive left’s constant hyper-sensitivity ought to expand its awareness beyond the confines of the narrow evil western colonialism and American slavery narrative that dominates the conversation.
I will be sure to share this interesting story as proof that blackface isn’t inherently racist. (Recently a law professor was censured for hosting a Halloween party in blackface (btw, that’s such an emotionally loaded term) as an esteemed black medical doctor that was a personal hero of hers. The outrage over this incident was so misdirected and confused as usual.
Anyway, I’d ask that you keep an eye out for this SJW phenomena as a form of collective Munchausen syndrome or M.S. by proxy. The virtue-signalling, the constant outrage, and victim-narratives seem to be an expression of a diseased mentality that’s got to be reflective of some deeper problem with the way we are raising our kids.
Another voice in the battle is Jordan Peterson, who is resisting University of Toronto’s forced use of trans pronouns. I think he stands on the side of free expression and freedom of thought. His assertion that the trans-rights movement is riddled with radical Marxists seems on point to me also.
Anyway, I find it interesting that psychopathology seems to be so prevalent that it creates entire political movements!
Hi Daniel,
I’m a producer for BBC World Service radio’s flagship news programme Newshour (website below)
We are talking to Susie Orbach on Monday, because she has just published the series of short radio plays she made for the BBC (which you can listen to here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b071c4cy) and I’m trying to find another person to come on with her in discussion. So I’m looking for someone with interestingly different, well-informed views on psychotherapy.
I would be very interested in hearing your point of view – but two things could rule this out immediately: 1. you’re not interested and/or 2. you’re in the western hemisphere on Monday, as the only time we can do this is 10:00 GMT.
Is there any chance?
Best wishes,
Lucy
Hello,
I came across a nice song that I think shows perfectly a relationship with a narcissistic mother. I thought I would give the link here, maybe you will enjoy it. It’s from the Disney’s Tangled movie.
Hi Daniel,
i,ve just recive your DVD with your handwriting wishes. I’m happy about it. Thank you very much 🙂
I would like to inform you that you are good known person in Poland. A lot of people watch your movi. I’m psychiatrist and i.ve got a link to your website from my patients and family of them. First i’ve seen was “Open Dialog”. My team (Community Mental Health Team) have gone through a course of it and then we use to practice.
Take those broken wings i bought in purpose to show it during our event concerning The World Mental Health Day. I hope that you will not be against this idea because I found note on your web that: UWAGA: Zdecydowałem się umieścić wszystkie moje filmy na Youtube bezpłatnie, ponieważ chcę się nimi podzielić z ludźmi na całym świecie. W dalszym ciągu można je kupić na DVD, nie chcę jednak, aby pieniądze przeszkodziły komukolwiek w odebraniu przesłania. Niech się upowszechnia rewolucja w sektorze zdrowia psychicznego!.
The show i would like to organize, I would imagine in way like a workshop: with emission and discussion to inspire to reflection. It would be obviously free, no for business.
Would you like to send a few words for participants? I could translate and read them as a letter from you.
😉
Ewa
hi ewa — sorry for my delayed reply!!! (i was just traveling in south america for a while!!) very happy to hear all that you write!! warm greetings from new york city. dziękuję, daniel
Hey i just found a little part of an interview you did 6 years ago with Joanne Greenberg on your Youtube channel. Right now im writing a seminar paper about her book “I never promised you a rosegarden” and wanted to ask if you have more video material of this interview.
I would be very grateful if you could reply.
hi lisa — alas, i just have that little snippet and my movie ´take these broken wings´—-joanne greenberg is a big part of that. if you go to youtube you can find it — it is free there! wishing you the best, and p.s. joanne greenberg is super-cool!! she also has a website http://www.mountaintopauthor.com i think you can send her a message there — though i dont know if she gets them, hmm….. greetings—daniel
Thank you for your answer. Your movie helped me a lot. By the way it was pretty awesome you did a great job producing it. -Lisa
Love your music. So f** true and I can relate so much to it. Thanks for it!
Hello Daniel!! thanks for all your works!!!
Do you think it is normal that I get soo angry when I hear someone talking about psychiatry, or calling the psychological problems as “medical conditions”, or when people label everyone who has a psychological problem as a “sick person” or when people talk about the relation between genetics and depression, even the idea of “diagnosis” make me all very angry when I hear about them. Do you think it is normal for a person who is in a journey inside himself, to feel angry about these stuff?? don’t you think these that these thoughts are totally wrong and totally unhumane and totally different from what the reality of the psyche is, and that it is normal to get angry towards them?? I feel like these thoughts want to make people crazy, take their feelings and humanity from them, they are just like convincing a monkey that they have to eat meat and that mopnkeys don’t have the natural urge to eat bananas, it makes the monkey crazy and lose himself, especially when all the other monkeys are against him!!! I always feel a loooots of peace when I come to your page or read your books, or read anything “real” and humane and not labeling the human psyche as a “scientific matter” and pretend that we understand it by understanding its chemistry!!
well I would like to hear your opinion, and thank you very much!!!
Hi Daniel,
Its really refreshing to see someone with such insight speaking out on these issues, it is an incredibly difficult thing to go deep inside and find truth and begin to flow against the current of family systems and society and an incredibly lonely and arduous process and I commend your bravery. I have personally broken free from my family system and been working inwardly for some years but have found on a larger scale the ‘cult’ of society and mass belief is something I equally need to break from though this is proving to be a little more difficult, I want to break from all these mass concepts that feel so terribly life limiting from money, ownership, religion, all the ideas of relationships, breeding and sex, a multitude of idealizations, mass dissociations and denial, and ultimately I would hope to practice a reversal of the minds desperate need to translate all sensory experience into verbal language, I feel that this desperate translation process stems back most probably to our deepest original trauma of being born to ‘foreigners’, people that do not understand our sensory and emotional native language through deep disconnection of their own child selves and who make no attempt to learn and so begins the process of translation, we forget our own natural language in favor of communication with those whom we are reliant for survival and this I think leaves us very out of touch with ourselves on some deeply profound levels and this perpetual translation driven by such deep sense of desperation is a state in which we live out entire lives. I find it amazing that even within my own mind I communicate in a made up language imposed on me at my earliest life stage rather than my native sensory, emotional language. In practicing letting go of thoughts formulated in this secondary language I feel I can touch the surface of some much more meaningful life experience. I’m studying bush-craft and foraging skills and hoping to locate someone with claim to some land who feels a sense of validity to this type of work. I would love to get enough distance between myself and society to really see the truth of it just as I had to with the family system. Have you on your travels met others distancing themselves from society for these purposes? I feel like there must be groups of people out there working inwardly, have you come across any communities of people dedicated to this kind of work? I would be very interested to hear any thoughts you had on these mass concepts, do you personally struggle with them or have you found a way to make some peace living in these systems and concepts? Do you feel a need to break from society as much as from family systems or do you view them differently? sorry quite a few questions.
Thanks again for your bravery Daniel, not only doing the incredible work you are in your personal life but for putting yourself out there and speaking the truth to a larger audience.
thank YOU gaz 🙂 hmm, breaking from society — well, to be honest society and its damages make me feel sick and sad so often… but…i live in it, and keep exploring it. a tough journey….sometimes i think my job is just to witness how it all unfolds….painfully… daniel
Hello Daniel,
Thanks for your work that gives us some hope.
I also have a son diagnosed wiyth psychosis and would need your support to contact in Bs As, Argentina, someone who knows or is appliyng this type of therapy.
I really appreciate your answer in this sense.
Best regards and thanks.
Hello Mariana, I am from Brazil, can you please tell me if in Argentina you know of a program like the one in Sweden? If not, let’s form one?
Hello Daniel
I am glad to have found your site. I must say that your perspectives are helping me a lot and I find them very useful, but of course I have too much work to do in order to recover from my childhood trauma and growing spiritually. Unfortunately, I am at this very moment stuck in a difficult situation, regarding the oppression of the family and society system, and I hope to come out of it someday. Of course I may be wrong, but sometimes I think that my country (specifically, Spain) is very conservative and family-oriented, and thus makes it harder for someone to identify children abuse and to make difficult decisions such as burning bridges. Never been to the US or Canada, so obviously I cannot speak empirically, but I assume that confronting “toxic” families (and even calling them by this name; could it even be a quasi-pleonasm?) is never an easy decision in any society of the world, whether it is, generally-speaking, more individualistic or collectivist.
Best regards and keep on the good work (by the way, excuse my English grammar mistakes).
After reading: Therapy Without Force: A Treatment Model for Severe Psychiatric Problems it is clear that you have no idea how inpatient psych really works and the risk involved. I see that article as a tremendous disservice to the people we treat.
I am glad to see that you are working on trauma issues, and I look forward to familiarizing myself with that work.
Just saying.
Brooke Cooper LICSW
hmm, cant say i agree, especially considering the people who published it originally—mindfreedom.org—have quite a little bit of experience inside of mental hospitals themselves…and know what theyre talking about. but thats an aside. i hope we can just agree to disagree. hope you find some value in the rest of my work—daniel
Hola Daniel,
Soy Alejandra, vivo en Buenos Aires, Argentina. Me gustaría saber si venís a nuestro país para dar tus charlas. Yo también deje las pastillas psiquiátricas porque me hacían sentir mucho peor, lo hice sola fue muy duro, ademas de sufrir abuso por parte de mi ex psiquiatra. Espero tu respuesta. Saludos.
Dear Dan,
I am a Social Worker from an Early Intervention in Psychosis Service based in Wandsworth, London (UK).
I have seen your documentary regarding Open Dialogue and I was very impressed. It really helps to shed light on this wonderful new approach!
As you may be aware we in the UK are trying to promote the Open Dialogue approach as much as possible. And many of my colleauges would love to see this approach implimented in our services. As part of trying to raise the profile of Open Dialogue and promote the approach amongst people in our area, we would like to have an Open Dialogue evening, part of this will include people speaking about Open Dialogue who are already attempting to impliment it here. We would also like to show the doucmentary that you made, but we wanted to get your permision before doing so. Would that be okay with you? And also do you think it would be best to use the film as it is on Youtube? Or for a larger screening would it be better to use a version with higher digital quality.
Thanks for any help your able to give.
Kind Regards,
Joe Jackson
Hi Daniel,
Some time ago I bought and read your book on separating from your parents, and found it really interesting.
I’ve become critical of psychotherapy over the years, and befuddled by the fact that so many people cling to the notion that therapy is effective, rarely, if ever admit that it can be damaging, and state that if it doesn’t work for someone, it must be because the client doesn’t have the right attitude. I’ve also been befuddled by how people can be stuck in therapy for decades and yet proclaim loudly how independent they are and how well therapy is serving them, when to me they seem to have been broken down to the status of children.
I returned to your book a little while ago, and that’s when the light bulb went on for me. Reverence for the psychotherapeutic profession is like a widespread case of transference occurring at the societal level. People identify with the ‘parent’ (therapist) and blame the ‘child’ (client) for failed therapy. People believe in the power of therapy much like they want to believe in their parents. This is how therapy persists in spite of a glaring evidence gap for it being of much use in so many cases.
It seems to me that almost any relationship which replicates a parental one, or, as in the case of therapy, fetishises and elevates it, will be met with support because it taps into that deep seated need in every human creature to find a safe mother or father figure.
Thanks for the writing and videos you’ve done. They’re awesome. I hope you do more.
Hello likeminded person. My mind is a little blown finding your works and your philosophies as I am a practicing clinical supervisor and licensed professional counselor who has recently ‘come out’ as a survivor of complex, compound trauma. I’ll be speaking at a conference this Fall on resilience-as myself.
Currently I’m writing anonymously due to agency policies-I’m still happy to be doing the work, despite all the faults in our service delivery, but there is so much opportunity for growth and change. I’ve been advocating for trauma-informed care within my organization while simultaneously writing my own big, bold truths-and then I found your work.
I loved reading all the comments of people who thank you for being a fresh and honest voice-it validates the need for transparency from mental health care providers. We are a nation in need of an emotional education. Maybe I’ll see you in the teacher’s lounge 🙂
greetings!! thanks for your comment ruth-anne—–daniel
Dear Daniel,
when I told my husband about your website today, his thrilling comment was: “And he is alive, man!” We’re so glad to know that we’re not the only ones sharing and living the exact same beliefs you unfold on your website. Your work is impressive. But most of all: It is important.
Last week, I went window-shopping. I headed for my favorite book store downtown and made an unbelievable discovery. Alice Miller’s works had appeared in the psychology section right at eye level! Highlighted even! It totally made my day. I wish I had come to know her sooner. It was not until September last year that I could find my deepest feelings printed in black and white. And it was not until today that I found you.
To me the whole desaster is not about blame at all. I do understand my parents and just because I do, I can’t be with them anymore. Actually, I never wanted to. I don’t love them. But I don’t hate them, either. I don’t even believe it’s their responsibility to make a change themselves because they can’t. They can’t process this and even if they could, they wouldn’t want to. And they wouldn’t want to because they couldn’t understand why they should. They are irreversibly shattered ever since they had been children. The happy childhood they were able to imagine for me included a “happy” that could never be enough for me in order to become a healthy adult.
They did the best they could which wasn’t best for me, but they will never understand. It’s just so sad and pisses me off at the same time. I’m sorry for them in a way, but most of all I’m sorry for myself. I was the one to suffer from a severe psychosis, I was the one to go through a personalized hell of painful feelings, I was the one to face and bear the thruth. I was the one to walk away. Even though they were the ones who abandoned me as a child in the first place. This is the sickest part of all.
Nevertheless, I am grateful. I can see. And I really want to make this world a better place. Just like you do.
KeppKeep up the great work!
Love from Germany
thank you!!! and greetings from patagonia in argentina!! i am down here hitchhiking in the winter. cold but lovely… daniel
Wow I really connected with what you wrote here, sounds like our stories are very similar. Just wanted to say thanks for sharing this and I know how it feels so hang in there!
Dear Daniel,
Your candid words balm the soul and your explanations of how you have learned to heal lift the spirit.
You have cited in your videos the importance of the singularly unique and eye- and heart-opening work of Alice Miller (with caveats) and perhaps Carl Rogers and D.W. Winnicott. (I know it’s not about the individual theorists but their contributions to wellness that is of the greatest import, as few clear-sighted folk would discount all the contributions of Freud though he was, in addition to other things, a startling misogynist and regrettable classist). However finding those shining humanist lights (like the pioneer Alice Miller and the more recent work of Gabor Mate) who have or are in the main embodying wellness does prove inspirational and accessible for those yearning for healing.
Could you provide other wellness writers who have both influenced you in the past (on your journey to healing from abuse/neglect/abandonment) or the present and who you see as perhaps moving into positive directions (i.e. nature therapy/narrative therapy)?
Deepest thanks for your contributions to wellness, wishes of sustained growth on your journey of self-exploration and in your recovery of the true self and kindest regards to you.
hi mark
greetings and thank you. hmm, i think fred timm has probably influenced me the most next to alice miller. he has a lot of good writings and is also a friend, so that helps!!! his website is http://www.visionaryman.net aside from that i have been helped along the way by a lot of novels. i have read a ton in my life…probably none are so direct as alice miller, but in there own little ways many and many have inspired me…to travel, seek, explore, get to know the world, strive…. sending you warm greetings from south america, where i presently am—daniel